I need to head to St. Louis on business the 1st week in August. I have some family members that have offered to watch my dh. I am really concerned. My mom watches dh 3 days a week for me and I think a full week would be hard on her. In addition, my daughter has offered to help. She has a 4 year old and 2 year old. I think my dh would not do well with the kids all week. I have contacted an assisted living facility and filled out paperwork which I still need to drop off. I am waiting for 2 documents to be filled out by dh's doctor. Both his doctor and the assisted living place have said not to say anything to him before he goes.
I think my husband has just crossed the line between stage 5 and stage 6. He still knows me and depends on me heavily. I am really struggeling. I'm sure it is just me. Has anyone else used respite care for short periods. What has been your experience?
Hi, Diane - I used our place for a week back in January and it was WONDERFUL! I had some friends go check on my dh while I was away & they all reported back he was looking well cared for. I also checked in with the place OFTEN. My DH is probably around the same stage as yours. He does not speak much any more, but when I went to pick him up after I got back, it took a bit for him to actually LOOK at me, but once he did, he said "I haven't seen you in a long time"! It was amazing and a full sentence and he was RIGHT! It thrilled my soul! As for the paperwork & doctor stuff, we had to do that as well. I went for "Business" as well and it was just great, knowing he was being cared for & in an Alz facility with others just like him. Ours has daily activities, all meals, etc. Is your DH able to do things for himself? Thus the "assisted living facility"? My DH cannot do really anything for himself any longer, but he does walk just fine! And there was plenty of room for him to do just that. There were a few times @ night he kept getting up, but they handled it with meds he was already on so no issues there. Let me know if you have any questions after you read this post. And try NOT to worry! :)
I'm glad someone was on the boards. Thank you natsmom. My dh is 65 and just entered stage 6. He can do things with repeated instructions or reminders. He doesn't do them on his own or out of initiative anymore. His days and nights get mixed up and I have sleeping pills when that happens. They tend to effect him differently every time he takes one. Can you tell me how your dh handled it at check in? Did he know where he was going and why? I guess I'm fearful, doesn't that say something, of how he will react when dropping him off or after I pick him up.
It was much easier than I thought @ the drop off. I actually had ALL of his things in the car & I just took "him" in by himself. I had told him I was going to be going to my sister's for help with my new job (Truth) and he was okay with it. I told him that several of our friends would be dropping by to see him and he was okay with that. All that "chat" happened before, but also ON THE WAY to the place. When we got there, we went in & of course, they were waiting for him & greeted him warmly and he greeted them in return and off they went. He didn't even look back to tell me goodbye :( That part was sad to me, BUT, once I got all his stuff loaded in & his room set up, I was ready to leave & again, HARD for me, but the main thing was HE was doing just GREAT! Diane, I too was afraid that things wouldn't go well, but they did & I was very thankful for that! I am hopeful that your place will be equally "warm and friendly" for him and that he will be just fine ~ Our place started offering a "Day Program" @ the end of March & I've been taking him 3-days a week ever since. He does well there & I have peace of mind that if something ever happened to ME, or, if he ever needs to go "permanently", it will be okay. My DH will be 64 in August. I hope this is helpful info to you...let me know if you have more ?'s. :) Again, try not to worry...OH, when I took him, I took him a few days BEFORE I was to leave so I was "in town", but I did not "visit" because I wanted him to get used to the place and he did. I called, of course, but more importantly, if he HAD NOT done well, I would have been able to get him & cancel the trip, I guess...Would have hated that, but I guess I could have. But, all went well. I suspect it will for you too & I'll be praying for you about that! :)
I'm feeling better about it although I'm still nervous. I guess you just have to experience it to feel more comfortable. Last year, after my dh was diagnosed, we did a lot of future planning. Both his parents had AD, at the time they called it organic brian disease, so I wanted to do planning 'just in case'. We went to the assisted living facility and he really liked it. His words were it was very homey and friendly. He also liked the people. I don't know that he would remember that visit now but there is some comfort knowing he like the facility. It was built specifically for AD patients. They can't get lost in the facility which gives me piece of mind. the logistical questions you mentioned help. I will plan on packing his bags and pulling pictures, etc. together a day early and put it in our car. That way it doesn't look like I'm moving him out and I know they will greet him happily and welcome him. I had talked about a day program there as well. I think it is a good idea to bring him there for a day program first. I've contenplated this back and forth but I think we are getting to that point now. It sounds like your experience is what I may be repeating. Thanks again Natsmom. You have been a big help and comfort!
Well, I made the decision to place my DH next week while I am in St. Louis on business. I met with the assisted living facility and had all the paperwork completed. The facility manager and head nurse came to our home to do an assessment earlier this week. I told my DH that some nice people were coming over to ask him questions to see how far his Alzheimer's had progressed. He answered the questions to the best of his ability but I did have to fill in a lot of blanks. We are all set. I will drop him off Saturday late afternoon and pick him up the following Saturday morning. I still haven't figured out when to tell him and how to do it yet but I know it will come. Wish me luck! I hope it all goes well and it is a pleasant experience for him.
DianeT i do wish you and him all the very best of luck! make sure you take some of the things he likes best to the new place for the week so he feels like home. will be rooting for you both! divvi