THERE IS A MESSAGE IN HERE FOR ALL OF US! PLEASE POST WHAT YOU WOULD DO IF YOU HAD YOUR LIFE TO LIVE OVER, THIS COULD BE A REAL EYE OPENER.
IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER - by Erma Bombeck (written after she found out she was dying from cancer).
I would have gone to bed w hen I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.
I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.
I would have talked less and listened more.
I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.
I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.
I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.
I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.
I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed..
I would have sat on the lawn with my grass stains.
I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.
I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.
Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, 'Later. Now go get washed up for dinner.' There would have been more 'I love you's' More 'I'm sorry's.'
But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute. look at it and really see it. live it and never give it back. STOP SWEATING THE SMALL STUFF!!!
Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what. Instead, let's cherish the relationships we have with those who do love us..
I Would have divorced my wrong husband sooner and lived my life my way. I would have taken the money my parents gave me for a wedding and used it for college instead. I would have gone to my Grandmother's funeral in faraway Florida even though my now ex wouldn't "allow" me to. I would have stopped sweating the small stuff much sooner.
What a hard question. When I think of what I'd do differently, I think about the consequences of the things I've done that I'd miss out on (like TJ's two great kids). For the last 7 years my husband worked, we live in different places, because of jobs I took. We saw each other for a weekend once a month. I hate that we gave up that time together, but now we live in a much better place than we did. Here we have a lot more supportive and caring friends than we did where we lived before. So would I really change it? I don't know.
thats too tough a question to contemplate with such a weary mind dealing with AD-. i dont want to think of any regrets or changes i would have done or not done. -the here and now is all i am worried with- divvi
I don't think I would change anything. Even though there are times I would gladly give my husband away, we had almost 30 years of a good marriage with him being my best friend before FTD hit. We have two great kids. There were times of struggle but we came through them together.
I agree there certainly are no do-overs. But, there can be reflections on what we would have liked to do differently.
Due to the large age difference between us (35 years) I am often asked if I knew then what I know now, would I still have married Lynn. Yes, in a heartbeat!
Yet I do wish I had done somethings differently. Now that Lynn is in the nursing home and there is no more hitting and yelling.. I can't help but reflect on how I handled this disease. Or, I should say .. how this disease handled me!
I wish I had been kinder at times. I wish I had had more patience. I wish I had pushed the doctor for rage medications sooner. I wish I had placed him sooner. I wish his children would visit him.
Maybe those are more regrets than wishing. I don't ever want to do this again!! So I have no desire to go back and right any wrongs! EEEEEEK! I know I did the best I could at that time. It has to be enough.
I can only think of one thing I would do differently, and this has bothered me since it happened in 1969. My father was in the hospital for evaluation of peculiar symptoms. I had been visiting him each day after I got out of the office. On Friday I was very tired, so decided to skip visiting him that night, but go in the next morning. Before I could get there he died.
Other than that I wouldn't change a thing. I would marry the same girl (we just celebrated our 55th anniversary), have the same children, do the same work, move to Maine when we did, go on the mission trips we have done, and do the travelling we have enjoyed. I frequently said that we had such a perfect life, that at some point we would have to pay for it. I didn't count on AD as the payment.
Marsh, I also have had a very good life: married my sweetheart (47 years ago - 48 next month), had 4 wonderful children, travelled all over, had great friends, and I have been grateful for all that we have had and accomplished. Now a double whammy - my husband getting diagnosed with AD in Feb. 2007, and losing Diane two weeks ago.
I had read Erma's paper at the time she wrote it, and had already started using the good dishes, and making certain to enjoy each day, and to take time for the kisses and "I love yous" - I never had a rose candle, but I now burn the decorative ones at Christmas time that I used to just display for the holidays. I loved Erma's columns and her humor and her wisdom.
I don't think I would change anything from the past, because it might alter my present path....maybe because of the way I've lived my life has been a good influence on others...I hope so. This is not to say that I don't have some regrets. I'm grateful for my loving family and friends I have now though. They are holding me up.
If I had it to do over I would have left him after his affair - cause it has been a thorn between us. Mainly cause he only said he was sorry. I believe sorry he got caught, not that he violated our marriage vows. I didn't leave cause I didn't believe I deserved any other type of treatment, had two young kids and had no where to go (other than admit defeat and go home to mom). Then blaming myself all these years that his ED was due to me not be pretty, young, sexy, etc. when all along it was probably this disease.
Next regret is that we stayed to help my sister instead of pursuing our dreams - two years lost and by then he was having memory problems.
My whole life is full of hardships and pain but as long as I have my Lord, I will make it.
No big regrets. I made a big decision when I married a Dutchman and came to live here. What kind of a decision is that to make when you're 20? But we've had a good life and are still coping now that AD has hit. I'm sorry to be so far away from my mother now that it is getting more difficult to travel. Haven't seen her since Christmas but we talk every few days on the phone.
I would do everything differently. I would never have met John. I certainly wouldnt' have married a man like John. I would have become self-sufficient before I ever married if i DID marry. I wouldn't have had children, I don't beleive....at least would have given it more careful thought....as in, why am I wanting to have children with this man? I regret most every decision I've made in this adult life of mine. Right now, I just want to go outside and be alone until this is over. Hide from it all. I've made too many mistakes. If I had made the right choices, maybe I would be happily married (or have known what true love is), family nearby (because I would have refused to be moved so much), perhaps one or two LOVING children, one home with roots in the community and FRIENDS to call my own.
i wouldn`t change a thing, i wouldn`t have five wonderful children and eleven grandchildren, we always had good times even without money, we could always find things to do our extent of travel was riding a bus with 100 teens to attend parades, my little ones coming with us, it was gratifing knowing we were making so many kids happy, the only thing I wish could change is the AD. Gail
For many years - 55 - I've regretted leaving my mother in the hospital before she went into the operation from which she did not emerge, so that I could run pick up a library book. I could have spent that last few minutes with her.. This is obviously not rational, and I'm pretty much over it but every now and then..
Otherwise, no real regrets, I think. Pretty good marriage, pretty good kids, pretty good job.. About an eight or nine out of ten on most scores. What more can one ask for!
To laugh often and love much, to win the respect of intelligent persons and the affection of childern; to earn the approbation of honest critics and to endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to give one's self; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exultation; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived, this is to have succeeded. RALPH WALDO EMERSON
No regrets here. I believe Earth is a school for souls to learn lessons.
No way would I change a thing...I was fortunate to have a wonderful childhood....parents were loving, supportive and the absolute best a girl could have. I married my high school sweetheart...only boy I ever dated and we were happily married over 40 years when he died in 2008. I have a son and daughter who helped with their dad, worried about me and make me a part of their lives with their families. I have been blessed with four darling grandsons who think that their "Grammy" is the best thing since sliced bread.
So, even though EOAD stole some wonderful years with my husband I can't complain. The good in my life has far outweighed any bad...I am a very lucky woman.
I would have found some way to finish college and get that piece of paper. I went back to college 5 times and we kept moving around. When we were in one place I just didn't think we could afford for me to go, and when I found a place I thought we could afford, I got moved.
I have a wall plaque that says "DECISIONS DETERMINE DESTINY" right above the "family picture gallery. I believe if I had not walked the path I walked I would not be the same person I am. I know I wouldn't have looked at life the way I do. I wouldn't have my three wonderful children, I wouldn't have my dear loving "AD striken" husband. I know that each and every decision I made throughout my life contributed to me being "me". Oh, I've made some pretty bad decisions in my life, like marrying my first husband, an alcoholic that died in prison, marrying my second husband who was a control freak (I could go on), but each decision helped mould me into who I am today, I took away lessons from each experience. But, no, looking back on it I wouldn't change a thing in my life, except maybe being a better, more attentive single mother....I make up for it by spoiling my grandkids :-)
((Mary)) You remain deep in my thoughts. So good to see you posting. ((hugs))
I have been thinking about this question throughout the day. I have two major regrets that if I could go back, I would change.
My Dad took his life last year. I will always regret that I did not see that he needed me. Until I draw my last breath I will be haunted by the pain he must have been in.
I also regret that I wasn't able to be a mommy. I miscarried several times and was just to the point of doing artificial insemination when Lynn was diagnosed. I put that dream aside to care for him. Now it is too late.
Nikki.....your post made me remember something I've been squashing to the back of my brain for many many years. It's about my son that took his life at 21 (12 years ago). Why he wouldn't have called me if he were in such pain and/or trouble, I'll never know. But, I remember his last visit to see me at Christmas the first year we moved back to VA from Florida. I knew he had drug addictions (heroin, and was in a treatment program and there were a lot of family issues on his biological father's side of the family). I will always remember when I took him to the bus station after his visit and he got on that bus....I'll always remember the forlorn look on his face as he looked at me out the window as the bus pulled away. I would not know that that was the very last time I'd see him alive. Anyhow, he was trying to go to school, working, etc., time went by.....the next Christmas, I told him I thought he needed to spend the time with his family (real dad, stepmom and a very large extended family of hers there...and his x-wife and daughter). He never complained about that, and as a matter of fact I later found out that THEY didn't want him there....they were aware, as I WAS NOT, of some legal trouble he was in and did NOT have him for the holidays. He spent Christmas alone. I never found that out until he died. I can't tell you how I still beat myself up over that. If I had things to do over again, no , I would never have married again. I should have stilled my own desires for a "partner", a "man" in my life and stopped looking for that "relationship" I realilze now, that I DID have a man in my life to take care of and to take care of me and that was my little boy. I should have remained a single mom with him as the star of my life. He'd still be alive, I am convinced of this.
Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Exercise caution in your business affaires, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. MAX EHRMANN
Hey, Kitty.....wasn't there a very popular version of this very thing on the radio during the 70's????? That's what I remember hearing it from! LOVE THIS. I'm putting it on one of my little "cards" I carry in my purse so I can read it at my will! Thanks for reminding me of this writing!! I think ANYone can take something from this! Thanks.
I regret marrying my husband, except for the two wonderful kids we have. I regret not having stood up more for my wants and needs. But I do feel that I have followed my journey in the last 15 years or so, listened to the deep flow of life.
I'm with marygail and sandi----wouldn't change a thing other than this horrible disease. And like marsh---I sometimes used to acknowledge to people that our lives were so wonderful and I felt so blessed that I just knew something bad was going to happen---and then EOAD. I hope and think that at the end of the day, the good will outweigh the bad, that is sometimes the only thing that keeps me going!
I'm a product of my time, came into the world with the Great Depression & altho I don't remember it, my older sisters did and my family, in general, reflected that and that's how I grew up. My Mom was serious, not easily happy, Dad was funny, the best, they were great parents, but DH was so serious & I went along--had no choice--it was in his blood--serious--serious. So I wish we'd been lighter, more easy going, laughed more, had more fun. I am grateful now that I do laugh more, am far more easy-going, but then, again, times are much different, so we do what we feel needs to be done at the time, and all in all, it worked out OK. Didn't know much of that serious nature of DH, I truly believe, was his latent AD, his fears that he never shared with me. I never knew & sometimes I wish I'd known so he would not have gone thru so much alone, I was there and could have offered more comfort--but I didn't know, and sometimes I think that's best, that I didn't know. Now I'm elderly, happy with children & g'children, we are all close, blessings, just got a good report this morn from the doctor, and as had been said, there are no 'do-overs' anyway. My heart is with you, Mary.