We all know that stress goes hand in hand with caregiving. We also know that our patience is related to how much stress we are exposed to.
Question is, how do you handle the situation when the stress level is up and the patience level is being reduced because of that stress level.
When do you find that your patience dwindles the most and how do you deal with it?.
My patience tends to run low mostly at night time, about the time that I get my loved one geared for bed and it's the last stop for the toilet and teeth brushing.
She is tired from the days activities and I am tired because of the daily stress of caregiving. Tends to be a bad situation for both the loved one and the caregiver.
What steps have you taken to overcome the additional stress and dwindling of patience when both the caregiver and the one with AD are both tired?
You have hit upon two of the biggest areas of difficulty for the caregiver. I have dealt with these issues in previous blogs ( # 17, 24, 43, 52 in "previous blogs" section). Check out those blogs - they may help you.
Most of us struggle with stress and loss of patience every single day- some days are worse than others. FINALLY, after my most recent anxiety attack a few weeks ago, I decided that in order to save my own sanity, I was just going to have to pull back, take deep breaths,and keep saying to myself - "It's the disease, not him that is making him behave in this manner that is stressing me to the breaking point." I really do take deep breaths to calm myself down.
The "stress blog - #24" discusses ways in which to relieve stress - it is different for everyone. When I have time alone, I try to engage myself in activities that give me peace - reading, writing, walking.
I, also, keep reminding myself it is the disease. I also remind myself that it does no good to try to explain why when he does certain things it is not helping. One example is that when he goes to bed (always a couple of hours before I do) he likes to close the bathroom door where there is a night light. During the last week if he wakes up first (and he doesn't always wake up first) he has begun closing that door in the morning too. I had to accept, and find a way around, the dark bedroom at night. I HATE sleeping in a totally dark room, and waking up in the dark instead in the soothing, calming, tiny light of the night light in the bathoom has been just miserable. I just remind myself that he thinks he is doing a good thing and that in a few weeks it will be daylight when I wake up and it won't matter.
I try to do something for myself every day. I count things like sending out email letters to friends, going on my forums, scrapbooking or crocheting and reading. I try to make some kind of contact with the outside world every day too. Both of those help to relieve stress.
You might want to learn some simple deep breathing techniques because those work too.
Starling ... can't you put a tiny night light in the bedroom, too? Maybe partially hidden behind a piece of furniture, if it's too bright by itself. I have several of them strategically placed around the house, so no room is totally dark. (So far, my DH prefers the lights, and isn't afraid of shadows. Hope it stays that way.)
The reason the night light is in the bathroom is that he has always insisted that if there is any light in the room at all he would be up all night. It isn't true. It never was. For years I came to bed using a flashlight because he couldn't have any light in the room.
The truth is that I am light sensitive and he is not, and probably never was once he became an adult. It might have been true when he was a child.
So no, a light in the bedroom is NOT an option. I've put night lights in a couple of rooms, both bathrooms and the kitchen, for myself so I don't break my neck. He puts up with it, but as you can tell, he doesn't like it.
Hmmm. I wonder ... could you maybe leave the curtains open a crack? Maybe he wouldn't realize that's a "light". That's what I use on travel when there isn't a night light anywhere.
Or what about something that's glow-in-the-dark, on the floor on your side of the bed?
Or a clock with numbers that glow, or the whole face, on your bedside stand. The numbers on my clock put out enough light to soothe me without being so much that it affects the whole room.
I would get very claustrophobic without some light somewhere at night. This is going to bother me.
Or ... what about a light behind the curtains, or outside the window? Maybe he'd think it was the sun coming up. You could put it on a timer, so it would be dark when he goes to bed.
Sorry, Watchman, didn't mean to get this thread going in a new direction.
Stress. I spend a lot of time on the computer for my work. My Mac has a screensaver function that lets you use .jpg files, kind of "floats" into the picture, very nice and soothing, and changes the files randomly every 30 seconds or so. But the files that came with the Mac aren't to my taste. So I spend a little time on Webshots now and then, looking for photos that I love -- nature scenes, some of my favorite places we've visited, etc. -- and put those into my screensaver.
And then when I'm getting all tensed up, I spend five minutes watching the lovely pictures drift by. Almost hypnotizing.
Yes, I put a Pond Aquarium on my computer (sound off - that was annoying), and it is so peaceful and calming to watch the different fish swim by. No feeding, cleaning the water, or dead fish. Just soothing water and fish. I'm for whatever can relieve stress.
Since we no longer have a dog - they're all in Dog Heaven now, I pet all of the neighborhood dogs when I'm out on my walks. It may sound stupid, but for me, just petting a happy dog with a wagging tail lowers my stress level.
Sound off, yes, that is one of the nicer things about the screensaver in my opinion ... the silence. You can get "into" the picture better that way, imagine whatever you want.
Just reading about you petting a happy dog lowered my stress level. BIG smile.
Here's another good one from last March. I don't like the radio on in the car. First thing when we get in the car, even before we get out of the garage, husband has the radio on - usually preaching. I just tune it out or it would drive me batty. He can't seem to stand "quiet".
I also have night lights in several places. I know of people who say they can't sleep with any light. I think they should get used to it because it is dangerous getting up in the dark and not being able to see. More than once I have tripped over a chair leg or stool in the dark before always having a night light. I hate the electric going off in the night. I keep a flashlight in my nightstand. If this is still a problem maybe you can tell him the electric company ordered everybody to keep a light on at night. My husband responds pretty good to orders like that.
Stress is "calling home and he doesn't answer the phone".