I invite you to log onto the home page -www.thealzheimerspouse.com- and read today's blog about the forgotten ice cream cake. How sad that something seemingly so inconsequential could mean so much to me.
Have you had any simple experiences like mine that made you sad?
he may have forgotten the cake as right now it is a abstract concept to him . I bet when you make the cake and he tastesit, his taste will remember. you can then maybe make the connection to a memory that was good. I would like to kn ow if this is right .
I remember all too well the first time my husband forgot a simple 50 year old ritual. It wasn't anything important in the grand scheme of things but it shook me to my roots. He always had a special Saturday morning breakfast waiting for me when I returned from my 6 mile walk. I got home to find him eating breakfast alone when I got home. Nothing for me. Oh did that hurt. I didn't yet know what was to follow.
It is a sad revelation when the "us" is gone. its a gnaw right into the bottom of your stomach. mine happened when my DH booked a skitrip to spend with his buddies, without telling me, until the week he was leaving.i had never been away from him since we met except for business trips. all vacation times were spent as a twosome and/or with family- i always went skiing with him from the year we met.- being left behind was heartbreaking as i knew then the 'we' factor traditions were fading fast. sorry for all your painful memories everyone, its indeed an eyeopener and not a good one-divvi
Inconsequential, Joan, it is not. The cake is a symbol of your shared past, something you did for him out of love and to make him happy. Often I find that it is the loss of these "little" things that can hurt more emotionally than the big issues, because they are what made your relationship special.
We moved here to our town home four years ago. When I refer to our old house, where we lived 32 years, raised four kids, celebrated many birthdays, anniversaries, weddings for our four children, he looks blank He asks which house was that. It makes me very sad.
Joan, I agree with the above, we all know that they will forget things more and more, but it is the little things that were special to "us" that bothered me the most. To me, those were the biggest indicators of how things had changed.
((Joan)) It is so heartbreaking isn't it? *sigh. Lynn use to bring me home little gifties or flowers every Friday. He use to say it was his way of starting the weekend off letting me know how special I was to him.
The first Friday he came home without anything…..except that blank stare ….trying to figure out what I was crying for... Lord that hurt. Like you, it wasn't the cake, or in my case the gift... it was that we lost something that was so very special to us.
There were many more special things forgotten over the years. But, in truth thinking about that, still upsets me more than the some of the more significant losses. It was the beginning of the end. The first sharp rip to my heart. I think sometimes, those first can hurt worse.
Nikki - how sweet and thoughtful re the flowers to "start the weekend". I find that my husband's forgetting those special connections we have had over the years are the hardest. They come as such a surprise and I feel like I have been kicked in the stomach. I remember being sad when I gave the Scrabble game away realizing that part of our life was gone forever.
Joan - maybe in your spare time :-) you could share the receipe for the ice cream cake with us.
Every night forever, Jim would shut the light and say "sweet dreams". I would say "Always" and we would drift off to sleep. Now he doesn't even say I love you.
This morning, we were visiting before I left for work and I mentioned a couples first names. I don't remember the specifics, just two names that we were both very familiar with. i.e., Bob and Carol. He said, in a very short manner, "Bob and Carol, who?" I repeated their names with their last name. He said, "Oh, How was I supposed to know who you were talking about." We all really do take so much for granted in the early years.
this left me very sad. I know there is more to come.
Oh, there are so many sad times like this. It makes me sad for all of us. In the nearly 20 years that we had been married we never went to sleep without a kiss, an "I love you" and at least a little time holding hands or cuddling. I think the night that stopped is one of my saddest memories. Broke my heart.
We waved at a neighbor today on our way to the diner for lunch. It suddenly hit me that the day we invited that neighbor and her husband over to taste wine was the last social occasion at our home. They came over for wine and cheese, and we went to their house for supper that evening.
I wonder how I would have done things differently if I had realized that it was the last time we would socialize as a couple?
I am soo glad it worked! It fits my belief that we can get through to our loved ones in many senses other than the abstract one. i firmly believe that my husband knew far more about and was more aware of his surrroundings than he could communicate. That was apparent in the many miraculous interchanges between him and others while he lay dying and unconcious.