ok, Jen, I can feel your toothache--sorry! Here goes:
On Tuesday we had a luncheon with the members or our support group and our spouses. The spouses hadn't attended for maybe a year. We also had two new members attend for the first time. After we had been there for awhile, one of the new people whispered to me "Who are the patients?" It occurred to me that all the spouses are mid stage now, but they were really able to compensate so well, it wasn't noticeable that there was anything different going on until the food came. Then, each of the caregivers had to assist with adding condiments, cutting things up, etc. I guess my point is that it is a blessing that the social skills can remain so long into the disease, while impairments in so many other areas strike relatively early on. At least, up to a point, they can still interact socially and retain friends and relationships.
marilyninMD.....exactly what I see. It's amazing to me how John can "pull it together" sometimes when a neighbor comes for a visit for him. Usually on a Sunday afternoon and a sit on the porch. Usually I'm forwarned and I make a fuss over John and get him all gussied up, shaven, clean, and neat. Eventually, he slips into his "looking like he's asleep" mode and talking anyway. He is very slow and hard to get around....groans and moans a lot lately. If someone calls on the phone and he wants to speak to them, he can sound absolutely "regular and normal". Go figure.....I just dunno. No wonder I have to defend myself at times when the kids or his sisters have said nothing is wrong with him but depression!! Wish John were interested in developing friends or at least talking to people.....he wants nothing to do with going to the elder care center in town a couple of days a week.
We have always said no two people with AD are alike. When I visit my DW at the NF, I look around at the different personalities in the dining room or the community room and I am amazed to find there are a few who have retained their manners and gracious ways, of course others are absolutely uncontrollable.
My DW has retained some of her manners, last night she was gracious enough to talk to me privately about my affair with the lady in the admissions office at the nursing home. She commented about how she flipped around and was wearing a swishy skirt yesterday. When I saw the admissions lady in the hall yesterday afternoon she had on black slacks. I'm really getting quite confused trying to keep up with all of these women I'm having affairs with. I guess I'm going to have to start writing their names down in a little notebook.
Jimmy--good for you, dealing with the accusations of affairs with a sense of humor. I wonder if guys are able to handle this issue better than we women are?
My DH can also put on a good front with other people. His sisters and his kids have all, at one time or another, said to me that they don't see anything wrong with him.
Jimmy, your comment about the gracious people in the nursing home rang a bell: I'm a volunteer in an organization called "Sunflower" in which we visit (usually physically impaired) elderly people and organize outings for them. I've been taking DH along on the outings (because I can't leave him alone that long). I sign him up as a paying guest but he THINKS he's one of our treasured male volunteers to help with the wheelchairs, walkers, etc. (He's not very good at that). This week we went to a riverside pancake house for lunch and I sat DH next to a new participant, a lady that we have always known from afar, kind of a lady of the manor here in the village, with the biggest home in town right next door to our castle (yes, we have a genuine castle) and a lovely genteel garden that was opened to the public once a year (we always went, it would be the talk of the town for a week). Well, now she is a widow, has trouble walking and she has early stage Alzheimer's but she has remained as gracious and kind as ever. She and hubby got on like a house afire. She asked him at least 8 times where all those boats were going and he, proud to know the answer, told her every time that they were on their way to Germany or the North Sea (depending on the direction, he got that right.) He explained to her several times (each time she asked), how long we've lived in the village, where we live now, etc. etc., never noticing the repetition. My own special shut-in friend and I had a wonderful time at the other side of the table listening to them and delighting in the "genteel" conversation. Hubby had a really good time and will be more than willing to go along to the next function if I can get the lady of the manor to come too!