Half the time DH has me so stressed out that I really seriously think it's time to put him in a nursing home. The other half of the time, he acts fairly normal and then I think that he's not ready for it yet.
no your not alone thats for sure,my wife seems almost normal at times an then like sunday she put half a cheesburger in her purse an then wanted to know a couple hours later as she was picking out onions,pickles an such "Who put this in my purse?"
By the way, this is every single day. It's not a case of one day fine and another not. The afternoons are the only time he acts half way normal. We have to get up early as I have to take him to day care and I have to go to work. I'm so stressed by the time we go out the door that I could scream.
Carolyn if you are even thinking it might be time for a facility, it is time to do the research and figure out which one (or possibilities) are the ones for you. Some of them have waiting lists that you might need to get on. This does not mean that it is time or you are ready, it just means it is time to prepare because that is the direction you are headed. I did the research almost a year before I placed my husband as I wanted to know what was out there and have time to think it through. Even when I did check them out, I was hoping it wouldn't come to that point.
When I was checking things out, there were lots of times when he was doing very well and we still had conversations and were able to enjoy each other's company. There were also lots of the other types of moments when he was combative and very difficult to deal with.
therrja, thank you for your input. I'm in contact with a friend who works for an elder law attny. He's given me paper work to fill out. He also gave me the name of a facility that I didn't know about. Tomorrow I'm going to check it out.
Yes, at some point in every day I feel like i'm gasping for air and thinking its TIME. Sometimes there are several points in the day..and then I watch him outside the window raking leaves right now and think.. no, its not time..yet.. Then I think we are nearly frozen in time here. We can't go forward with any type of downsizing effort. We just seem to fritter the days away..but he's raking leaves..and the risperadone seems to be helping the anger. So its not time as the doctor said he was TOO angry before we added the medication.. I nearly fainted at hearing that. It was like we were being told theres nothing we can actualy do but continue to take care of him even if it means taking shifts. Fortunately right now, it IS better, so its probably not time.. Unless they have a secure place where he can 'work' outside.. (doubtful if any have that).
Carolyn - your life reminds me of having kids. I could never get my daughter up and moving in the mornings. It was a totally stressful time. Now, afternoons were an exact opposite. Wonder if he was this way as a child?
Charlotte, I wouldn't be surprised. He was an only child and hs mother thought the sun rose and set on him. He was 60 when we got married and she was still babying him. By that time he had been married, raised three children, and then divorced.
If anyone wants to feel better come to my house. Lets see, DH has been inpatient 3 times in three weeks, wants to die, Mom has 5 yrs to live if her meds don't work, and have had her in the ER 3 times in 4 days. Today by ambulance because dr thought she was having an allergic reaction to her meds that could kill her, 40% chance of survival. I had to leave my 9 yr old to watch my dh and 6 yr old grandson and make calls of desperation all the way (1hr) to the nearest major medical ctr. Thankfully dh's nurse stopped by, and I was able to reach his Aide who could come today instead of Friday. Oh and lets not forget that my 9 yr old has a frontal lobe deficit which gives him difficulty controling his temper and threw the tantrum of all tantrums tonight of all flippin nights! Oh and I've got pain in the ass ex-future son in law, acting like a two yr old, and getting kicked out of here tonight. Any Questions???? Signed - Secret Susan
Oh I forgot, got Mom to the ER and on IV fluids just in the nick of time. She does not have Stephen Johnson Syndrome, but came close. Large doses of prednisone, tons of fluids and lots of tylenol for the 103 fever and they LET me take her home to care for MYSELF. How kind of them.
Right now I HATE MY LIFE, I AM SCARED, BROKE, LONELY AND WORN OUT. I NEED OUT OF HERE AND THERE IS NO FLIPPIN CHANCE THAT THAT WILL EVER HAPPEN. EVERYONE THAT I LOVE IS EITHER DEAD OR DYING. I NEED SOMEONE TO HOLD ME AND CARE FOR ME. YA, RIGHT LIKE THAT WILL EVER HAPPEN. BY THE TIME THIS IS OVER I WILL BE SO WORN DOWN AND WITHERED I WILL JUST DISINERGRATE. I'm have a really sucky life, the light at the end of the tunnel has flipping burned out and they have plugged the end of the tunnel. And have I mentioned that I also hate menopause, diets, mailmen/women, buerocrats (sp) and everyone else who sends me shit wanting surveys on how I liked my flippin ER Visit. Oh it was just flipping dandy! Thanks for listening, Secret Victoria
Susan, is there anyone who can come and relieve you for a while - just for a few hours might help. I can't remember if you belong to a church and could get someone from there. I'll be thinking about you.
Susan, i am sooo very sorry you are having a meltdown. if anyone deserves it its you -you have so much to shoulder and not enough resources to make it feasible. i hope your angels are watching over you and soon you will be able to get some much needed rest =when it rains it pours! xxx-hugs to you, hang on to the rope! we wont let you down. divvi
Secret Susan, geez, just when you think things can't get any worse, they do. I'm willing you the strength to get your mom whipped back in shape. I know you feel lonely, but remember you have a huge number of friends here who love you and are pulling for you. Arms around, tight.
Susan, I read your comments and now mine seem so piddly. I guess that's the word. No matter how bad things are somebody always has things worse. Boy, you sure have more than enough on your plate. I truly hope things will get a little better for you.
Susan, I ache for you. I wish I were just around the corner - or at least nearer, I would be there in an instant to try to help. All I can do from here is try to keep your spirits up, give you the rope to hang onto and arms outstretched to hold you up. Much love to you, Girl.
Susan, I really feel for you. I hope for you tomorrow is better day than the one you had today. I know you are feeling totally overwhelmed, you have so much on your shoulders. With a 103 fever, seems like they could have at least kept your mother in the hospital overnight for observation.
From reading the threads, it's obvious we all have various levels of problems and stress. They may vary from day to day (hr to hr?) We receive help, advice, comfort in sharing. We take from this site what works for us; leave what isn't useful at the moment on the *table*. We all deal with our situations differently based on life experiences, relationships, age, etc. There's no need for derision or suspicion. One of my mother's favorite sayings when things were tough: Life's too short to get upset. Dad's philosophy: Will it matter in 100 years? Peace.
My heart goes out to you, please hold it together for YOUR sake. Remember, "this too shall pass"...the secret is to survive it! That is what I am trying to do. You might try one of my tricks. When I am maxed out...I take long, long potty breaks, with the door locked (the door being locked drives my dogs up the wall) and try to take deep breaths and regain my composure. Hope it helps..Ann
Oh Susan, I don't know how you are getting through this. All of this is so unfair to all of us. Your situation is more than most people could handle. Your strength is amazing. I hope and pray you get some peace soon and that you can feel the love coming at you! Secret Terry
Susan I'm thinking positive thoughts for you. It has been my experience that bad things come in bunches. I hope there is a period of peace in your near future. cs ps What is going on on this thread? I'm confused.
Susan, would it be possible at this point to ask for a hospice evaluation for your Mom? and or/DH from each of their drs? if you tell the doctors that you are personally stressed and overwhelmed and fear for your own mental/physical health issues as well as the children under your care, i do believe that dr will have the responsibility to act and try to get you the needed help. even if its temporary til mom and DH are a bit better and manageable they may be able to pull some strings and move things in a positive way to get you some needed help, either in a facillity or inhome. just a thought. divvi
Susan, hang in there not only for your loved ones but for yourself. You are worth so much. Your life will get better. I can so relate to the feelings you are having. But the fact that you have made it so far leads me to believe you have a higher power watching over you. That is your answer. Keep your eyes on the strength that you are receiving. It will be there. Prayers and thoughts are coming at you from all angles from all of us out here. God Bless and Keep you safe and give you peace.
Susan, I haven't had a day like that for over 30 years, but back 'in the day' I truly thought I'd go mad. It was EVERY day--no relieve. Just wanted to tell you that so that I could add "There is a light at the end of the tunnel." And you won't be all wrinnkley and worn out. You'll be surprised how fast you snap back when this period is over.
SusanL......I'm here, too, for venting if you need it. I'm open to anyone e-mailing me personally. I need the company! No judgement here, either. I've personally had enough and know how it feels....sometimes just need to be HEARD and listened to. Talk away. In my ear or here. My info is visible to all who want it if you know how to navigate to it.