I guess I'm feeling a little better now, but earlier today I was feeling badly--sad, and guilty. ..Guilty..not because I feel responsible for my husband having AD, but a different form of guilt--one that stems from the fact that I am "normal"...I can drive and go where I need to go whenever. I don't have to depend on someone else to drive me places, or help me remember how to dress myself, or how to use a shovel, or how to tell time, etc. I know the rest of you have felt this way too, but sometimes it is so overwhelmingly sad what has happened to the person I fell in love with. I needed to vent--thanks for listening.
Bella,so sorry you missed the guilt trip that the cruise ship went on....we also constantly have pity parties for those of us who need it....guilt only applies when your actions have caused a specific harm to others...There is no guilt without the intent...so remove that guilt....\ I have never heard of anyone wishing ad on someone.....if they do, then they earn the right to feel guilty./. And None of us are normal.....look around you and I dare you to find a "normal" person.... Bella, you are grieving for what has happened...that is ok.......but get rid of feeling guilty (unless you caused it), and laugh a bit.....you cannot laugh and be sad at the same time.... Thanks for venting..
Bella, indeed its a sad moment when that happens. but we have to remember at these times that we did not cause the disease to strike our spouse nor can we alter the course of the disease. feeling guilt over being normal is just another testament how the disease can affect the caregivers who watch the deterioraton on a daily level. its also a guilt complex just like living on when another dies. its all tied together i think. tomorrow will bring a new day and another round of thoughts. divvi
I was listening to something on TV recently (Dr. Phil?? could be). Anyway what was said did stick in my mind.
Guilt requires INTENT. Bella did not intend for her spouse to get Alzheimer's or some other dementia, therefore there is no basis for guilt. In addition she had no control over whether he got it or not.
Try fighting off the guilty thoughts by deliberately thinking, "Somebody has to be Okay to get us through...and that's me." Then do your best to make things as good and "normal" as you can.
Phranque is correct, "there is no guilt where there is no intent". Also, "I dare you to find a 'normal' person..." I believe every person alive has unusual abilities and skills. They also have deficiencies and disabilities. These are the things that make us so diverse. Some of these differnces are obvious, others very subtle. We each bring to the caregiving job our own experiences. By sharing them, we enhance each other as we traverse the Dementia path with our LOs, getting them through the tunnel and sending them into the Light. That is our goal. And that is how and when we WIN.
I was listening to something on TV recently (Dr. Phil?? could be). Anyway what was said did stick in my mind.
Guilt requires INTENT. Bella did not intend for her spouse to get Alzheimer's or some other dementia, therefore there is no basis for guilt. In addition she had no control over whether he got it or not.
You are all correct--thanks for the words of encouragement. I realize that of course I did not will or intend for this to happen to my husband; and I am not feeling responsible for causing the AD. As I said the guilt (probably not the best word to use) is because I DON'T have AD, and because I wonder why he DOES. There are no answers or explanations I know--It is our destiny! Of course I am very willing to be George's caregiver--he would do the same for me...I am trying to make the best of our situation-some days are better than others. I guess yesterday was not a good day for me. And it is all part of the grieving on a daily basis, a different stage each day--or each hour; for our losses. I do appreciate each of you and your insight, sharing and support.
bella, I know exactly what you're feeling. It's probably not guilt but it definitely is a bad feeling when I can get in the car and go wherever I want to and he can't. I love him so much and it hurts to see him lose the ability to remember things and not be able to do the things he's always done so well.
((Bella)) I think it is very normal to have these feelings when anyone we love is stricken with illness. I think a better word than guilt, would be compassion. I too had and still have great compassion for Lynn's plight. I also had periods of outrage at the injustice of it all. I know the word is overfull of bad things happening to good people... but Alzheimer's is just too wrong for words. *sigh. Rips you up to see someone you love suffering so much.
Perhaps a way to help you with your feelings is to focus on the fact that you ARE still healthy ,so you are able to help your George through his journey. ((hugs)) Nikki