I really need some advice from those of you who have had to place your spouse. I placed Charlie on Monday. He was fine for a while but before I left, he was very angry and kept shoving me away. Monday evening he fell and cut his head open and had to be sent out to the hospital for stitches. I met the ambulance at the hospital and for a little while he seemed to have forgotten that he was mad at me. He let me hold his hand and he gave me a kiss but after they got him stitched and scanned we were waiting for the ambulance to come take him back and he became angry again and started shoving me away. When I went to the facility to see him Tuesday morning he slapped me and when I bent over later to tell him goodby, he pinched my breast really hard. I returned today hoping to find him in a better mood. As soon as he saw me he slapped at my face and pinched my arm so hard he left a bruise. I asked the staff if I should stay away for a few days or would it make it worse. They simply said that it was different for everyone. I am afraid that if I do not go for a while he will think that I have abandoned him and be even worse when I go back but if I go everyday and upset him so badly, how will he adjust. Anyone have any advice?
edis, it's a darn shame things aren't going more smoothly for your Charlie. There's no right or wrong call here, you make the best judgment you can and hope it works out. I'm inclined to think that perhaps since seeing you right now seems to make him so angry, you might want to give both of you a little breather and stay away for a few days, while staying in touch with the staff by phone. Have a virtual hug and hang in there.
Edis, has the staff let the doctor know the hard time he is having? If not, they need to let the doctor know so some sort of medication can be given to take the edge off. I can imagine how hard this is for you....when my husband was placed he was medicated and had no fight left in him. Sad to say, but otherwise no facility would have taken him. I hope he calms down soon..for both your sakes....Hugs...
This does happen. You're the handy one to be the target for their anger, because they know in their heart that you'll be there for them. Please ask the staff to let the doctor know and suggest some medication be ordered to help him settle down at this time. I'd keep my visits short and stay out of his reach, but I'd visit when you can. It seems from your post that you have been visiting daily, but don't let him get into the habit of lashing out at you. As soon as he does, leave. Tell him you'll be back when he's feeling better. It will pass.
Edis, i agree maybe no visiting for a day or two and stay in touch with the nurses on duty for updates. and the advice of a med to take the edge off is excellent. its normal that they lash out at caregivers when they are mad. even if you were home he'd be doing it there probably. the good thing i can think of is since hes mad and being hurtful its giving you an out to less stress over leaving him:) hope things mellow out soon. divvi
Edis, I agree with talking with the staff and doctors. They can adjust his meds so that will help. Depending on how the disease has affected him, you can also look him straight in the eye and calmly tell him that the behavior is unacceptable. I did this a few times at various stages with my husband and it did work. The staff at the facility he is at were very surprised when I stood up to him and even more surprised that it worked.
Sometimes as they progress with the disease they can revert to childlike behaviors. Hitting, pinching, pushing are among those behaviors. The staff may even be able to tell you better ways to handle it. You may find that some form of exercise works off that negative energy and he will be better for it.
Edis-when I first placed my husband it was too far away to visit daily. On the days I did visit I could count of a phone call saying that he was really acting out and to hold off for a while. Two facilities later he finally did calm down.