Like many of you, I'm sure, I was devastated by the news of Mary's loss. I, too, have an unmarried daughter who lives with us and helps with her dad - so I know that Mary's now got a double loss: her daughter, and her daughter's role in caregiving. And that will of course double/triple the loss because it will affect how she can deal with her husband.
When I was 20, my mother died. My mother's mother had lived with us and taken care of her through her many years of illness. She was totally completely out of control devastated when my mother died, so much so that my reaction was to shut down all feeling. I could not understand it.
But today, putting myself in Mary's shoes, I can. I can think of no tragedy that could befall me that would be as completely distressing as losing my daughter.
My Mother lived with us the last 10 years of her life and when she passed last year it threw my husband in a tail-spin for a few months. Mary will indeed have her hands full and I can see a big load ahead of her.
I remember the night I was in bed for the evening....almost midnight, when I got a call from my step-son. He asked to speak to his dad. I thought this was a wierd thing and a wierd time to be calling, and something odd in his voice. I remember walking into the bathroom and hearing John ask in wonder, "Ger's DEAD?". I just fell to the floor in anguish. Couldn't find my breath. That unbelievable feeling that this time, there was nothing I could do for him.....Gone. Lost. There IS no other feeling like it in this world. I don't know how I got through that time other than with the help of my friends from church and my family who lived nearby at that time. They DESCENDED upon me like angels with help of every kind. I hope Mary has that kind of support in place. I understand her burden, though I didn't have an ill spouse to care for as well. In my family, we don't mourn the going of our loved ones....we celebrate with a big party after the service. It appalls some people, but it serves as a joyful time to remember the life of the one who is gone with smiles and friends, LOTS of good food and music. An old Scotch/Irish tradition in my family. Crazy, but I have no memory of my Ger's funeral....only the merriment afterward in our home. It got me through the next few weeks, when I could step back and begin to understand what had happened and heal somewhat. THAT is an ongoing process. You never get OVER the loss of a child....only THROUGH it. Jen
We lost a 12 day old baby boy, and it was terrible. I cannot begin to imagine what it's like to lose a child you've raised and come to love as an individual. I can't get Mary and Diane out of my mind.
Briegull, Susan, and all...there IS no greater loss than to loose a child. Although you can try and put yourself in those shoes, until you walk in them, it's unimaginable. Please keep dear Mary and her family in your prayers. She will need us in the days to come.
It is the saddest thing a Parent goes through when a Child is taken from them..Part of me went with Our Son, when we lost him....and another part of me went when we lost Our beautiful Grand-daughter at 16, to Cancer (look her up on Caring Bridge/Olivia...)and to see Our daughter go through the same pain. Life is never the same...there is always somethng missing. My heart has been aching for Mary, I pray she has the strength she needs....
Thanks, RB13, for clarification. I tried to find it after your earlier post but was unsuccessful. Will look again.
Oh, RB13, she was a beautiful girl! How you must all miss her so. I'm guessing she was there to meet Mary's daughter and show her around Heaven. Warm thoughts to you all.