When do I know when it is time for assisted living. I inow that this is taking a toll on me and my kids and family want me to put my husband in a facility. He is supposed to be admitted next week and I am literally making myself sick over this. Can anyone advise me.
The saying is when you are thinking about it the time is passed. So many of us think we should have waited but I don't think that's true. They have a good day-but that is only one good day until the next bad one. Sorry you have come to this time. I waited too long.
Welcome to my website. I just saw an article somewhere about things to consider when making that decision, and I absoultely cannot remember (Whoops! That's not good.) where I saw it. I didn't read it, just looked at the headline. I will try to find it.
Have you read my blog of Thursday, June 25th - Considering a Life Style Change - log onto the home page -www.thealzheimerspouse.com- and scroll down the middle of the page to find it. There is also a discussion on these boards about it - Joan's Blog - A lifestyle change. These circumstances apply only to me and my situation, but the thought process is the same for everyone. What are your needs? What are your husband's needs? What is the financial situation? What situation fits all of these things the best? Read that blog and the message boards posts on it - it may help you. I was talking about Independent Living for my husband and me, but the same questions I am struggling with can be used in the Assisted Living debate.
So, once again, welcome. You have come to a place of comfort for spouses who are trying to cope with the Alzheimer's/dementia of their husband/wife. The issues we face in dealing with a spouse with this disease are so different from the issues faced by children and grandchildren caregivers. We discuss all of those issues here - loss of intimacy; social contact; conversation; anger; resentment; stress; and pain of living with the stranger that Alzheimer's Disease has put in place of our beloved spouse.
The message boards are only part of this website. Please be sure to log onto the home page - www.thealzheimerspouse.com - and read all of the resources on the left side. I recommend starting with "Newly Diagnosed/New Member" and "Understanding the Dementia Experience". There are 3 sections for EOAD members - two of which focus on the young teens whose parents have EOAD (early onset AD). There is a great new section on informative videos. Do not miss the "previous blog" section. It is there you will find a huge array of topics with which you can relate. Log onto the home page daily for new blogs; news updates; important information.
I hope you will visit often and get the support and information you are looking for.
Currently, the message boards and all of the resources can be accessed for free, but due to the high cost of maintaining the website, anyone who is able to make a payment in any amount to help defray the costs may do so by clicking on the "sticky topic" - Payments to this website. Any purchases made through the Amazon links and Zazzle Marketplace also help keep this site up and running. Thank you.
Don't know if this is the best thread to put this comment--but today when I visited my Dad at the ALF where he lives, I found out that they don't provide soap to the residents! I was amazed--at $4,000 plus per month--they say this is a personal care item that families must provide. It's a small thing, but I still can't get over it. Soap is so cheap--it can't be an economic decision. They also don't provide toothpaste and toothbrushes. No big deal in the scheme of things, but when one is doing multiple caregiving, it's just another detail to remember.
When my dad was in a facility, we had so much trouble with people stealing her personal care items. (in addition to his clothes, etc. etc.) I had his name written on everything and/or sewn into his shirts and pants.
I took toiletry items with me every time I visited. The big soap on a rope worked best in his shower. I'd tie a knot in the little rope up near the top of the shower head...which would slow down the 'thief in the night".
my dh`s nursing home provides everything, they will even provide clothes if the need is there, gets hair cuts for free, only had to provide his clothes cause he wasn`t in need, and an electric razer, they take resedents out for ice cream, to the mall, casino, but my dh didn`t want to do anything.
I will add that Daddy was in a facility over 35 years ago. Laws have changed, Standards are higher, ...back then, there was only ONE place in our town...run by a major church. Back then, they were all called "Old Age Homes". There was no such thing as Independent Living, Assisted Living, Memory Care,
Last year my husband and I attended a presentation about 'how do you know it is time for assisted living'. In a nutshell, they indicated that safety was the driver. Safety for them. Safety for you.
This week will start the 4th week that I had to put my DW in a assisted living facility . It was not a easy decision to make . How ever I feel it was the right one . Let me say this it is very longly with out her . Where she is all the aids are so nice to her . She likes it one day then the next day it is a bad day . If you do decide to do this just take the good days as a blessing . On the bad days just bare it and know it is not your love one doing and saying the things he /she is saying . Prepare for a lot of tears both from you and your Dear One . Lots of love in your decision
Ribbit50, was your DW willing to go? I believe it is time to place my DH, his doctor today agreed with me, but my DH will throw a fit. Short of getting legal guardianship I don't know how to manage this.
Yes she was for going . This we had discussed a lot while she was in the early stages of AZ. D . But she now wants to come home , How ever they changed her Meds and she is really settleing in . I just left her and she kissed me by . I told her had to go make some phone calls and would be back shortly . Shortly w3ill be tomorow . She will not remember . Let me say this it has really been hard even though we agreed on this . Lots of luck with your DH . Keep us posted.
Weejun, besides the ice maker we also have this problem in common. I'm getting all the paper work in order. Thank goodness I know someone who works for an elder law attny and he gave me the information they'll need. It's getting to the point that I just can't cope without a lot of things. Then there are a few times when I think I shouldn't do it yet. It's really a tough decision. And, like you, I know mine will have a fit.
Carolyn (my no-icemaker-sister), I've decided to try bringing in help to see if I can get him to accept that and if it will give me more energy to keep him home a little longer. He doesn't really need medical attention, just somebody to fix meals, keep an eye on him, assist him with tending to the dogs, provide some companionship, that kind of thing. I am just soooo tired of being responsible for everything 24/7. In the meantime I will be scoping out facilities and exploring my options.
Ribbit50, thanks for letting us know how things are going for you. I remember some of your earlier posts. Your reporting that she is settling in will offer encouragement to edis and others going through placement. Carolyn, if Joan were here she'd remind you that most caregiving spouses wait too long before placing. Weejun, in-home help sounds like an excellent choice for your DH for now. I hope it works out. Positive thoughts being offered for each of you.
Friday was a really bad day for me.I took DH to day care only to find out that they were closed. Nobody informed me that they would be closed due to the 4th being on Saturday. So, I had to take him to work with me. I work in the office of our mobile home park. Of course, most everyone has gone up north so there was nobody around. He said that he had to go to the bathroom. (After being maintenance supervisor here for ten years, he didn't remember where that was.) I showed him. Later he had to pee. I happened to follow him this time and saw that he had pooped major in the urinal) Of course, he said that he didn't do it). I cleaned that up before anyone saw it. Meantime, my boss came in and saw the situation and told me to go home (with pay, thank you). When we got home, I smelled something. You're right. He hadn't even wiped himself. What a mess!. Again, it was "those kids" that put all that poop on his butt. Now I know it's getting too much for me to handle. I praise all of you who do. I guess we're all different.
Carolyn, you can only do what you can do. You said it, we're all different, with different strengths and limitations. You know what's best for you and your husband. Peace.
I don't want that article to get lost in this thread. It is very important, so I am moving it to its own topic. Everyone please look at new topic "Dependence Days Loom for Baby Boomers" .
A long while ago, when talking to my husband's neurologist, he had suggessted I begin looking for a care facility. I remember him telling me (and this was about two years ago) that the coming year would be much different than this one. He told me then that its a good thing to have your loved one placed earlier on than to wait too long....the reasoning being that the staff in a good facility will be able to make bonds with thier charge. If waiting too long, the personality deteriorates and its difficult for patient and aides to make that bond of trust and real caring. Has anyone else gotten this kind of advice? I can see the wisdom in it, but I'm in NO way ready for John to go back to a nursing home again any time soon. I think it would kill him. He would feel thrown away right now, even though all he does is sit here or lie in bed.
I was told that the time to put my DH in a facility was when he still had enough left of himself that it would help him to adjust to the change. I definitely waited too long for me but wasn't quite ready to see him go but I did manage to get him in there before he deteriorated too badly so some of his personality was still there. It did help in his adjustment and the aids enjoyed him a lot in the beginning.
Said bluedaze "I think if our LO's go into a facility while they still have some personality it will help the staff realize that they are still people who matter"
This is also why the "experts" recommend bringing photos and such from home.