I just joined the "klutz" group. Log onto the home page - www.thealzheimerspouse.com and check out the weekend blog about my Friday mishap, and my husband's reaction to it.
Joan, I am so sorry about your fall.I experienced a similar fall several years ago and ended up with several different bones. Sid's reaction is not unusual for AD. The part of the brain that shows empathy or concern for others seems to be gone. I had an experience in the Emergency Room last summer. I had chest pain and they ran different tests. It was a lengthy stay before they would release me, about 6 hours. DH got very impatient and could not understand why we could not leave. I do not think he even remembered it the next day. Now, I know if I get sick, I cannot rely on him. It is kind of scary.
hope you are not in serious pain today joan! exactly like they say, the pains and bruising crop up days later. i am still having issues with my arm n elbow where i feel over a week ago. advil is good:) empathy is one of the first emotions to fly out the door. you must try to remember now like the rest ofus we dont have the pre-ad spouse to count on for help when we need it. we are on our own now. hard lessons are learned every day about our losses and the the constant assaults to our mental status is a continuing strife. hope you dont have too many bruises! divvi
Joan, I know just what you mean. Before AD my DH was always very concerned if I hurt myself or was ill. Now it's just like he isn't even aware anything is wrong. I'm diabetic and I've said lately that if I ever passed out, I'm probably as good as dead. (Hope not) I hope you're feeling better today. A fall like that kind of shakes up your whole body.
Joan, this seems so typical of our AD spouses! Mine was like Sid, pre AD. Always made sure I was okay, wanted me to go to doctor, etc. When I missed the last step on our stairway couple weeks ago - he was not at all concerned. Couldn't remember why I had an icepack on my knee from one minute to the next! It's just the way it is, I suppose.
I do hope you have a calm, peaceful weekend and your hurts won't be so bad.
Yes, typical. A few years ago I told Jeff that I was having a repeat PAP because the first had shown potentially odd cells. He sort of shrugged, and looked blank, and said something along the lines of "oh, okay." Not that it was anything to freak about, and it turned out fine, but the evident lack of concern was a new thing, and it took me by surprise.
Joan, So sorry you took a fall. My hubby seems to have empathy for everyone else but me. It is so strange and I am working hard to accept "it is what it is." Take care of yourself and don't overdo things OK?
Joan, sorry about your fall. My husband has FTD and no empathy for me either. When I had my gall bladder surgery a few weeks ago he couldn't understand why I couldn't do certain things. Just wanted his needs met---it is hard but I try not to take it personally anymore.
An official welcome to the Klutz Club, Joan. I can really sympathize! So sorry to hear, & wish you a speedy recovery.
For my recent surgery, my husband drove me to my surgery. I told him it was not in such & such a building, but in the middle of the block. He wanted to drop me off at the corner! Next day, when I called him to pick me up, he wanted to know if I could just wait for him outside (in the heat!) at the circular drive. No, I told him that hospital regulations required someone to wheel me out. So I was looking out of a huge window, saw him pull in, and not seeing me, he began to pull out. We raced out in the wheel chair & I screamed his name before he was completely gone. Not even a call to see how the surgery went. Oh Well. Know how you feel. :-(
Oh my goodness, KItty, that is so sad. Sid isn't THAT unempathetic yet. If something really terrible happened to me, he would probably fall apart and start declining quickly.
I have to say - I feel lousy today. My knee is all bruised; my body is achy, and I'm very tired. Feel like I need to sleep, which I am going to do if I make it back from the grocery store in one piece. I don't know if I feel like this from the fall or I fell because I wasn't feeling well in the first place.
In all our posts on falls, I do not recall seeing the distance between normal walking and a klutzzy fall. My therapist told me. It is 1/16". That is about all we lift our feet off the ground when we are walking. So a simple pebble of even a scrapping with our rubber cleats on our walking shoes. So just do what we previous fallers try to do. Concentrate on lifting your feet. At least 1/4", just to be on the safe side.
I didn't have a fall, however, when I was cleaning out the garage a couple days ago, I had my back turned & a chair fell off a shelf striking the ladder that fell into the back of my leg. My husband stood there watching "saying OH! OH! without thinking I said, "Why didn't you tell me the chair was falling" he said, I thought you knew. I have a nice big bruise on my leg. I need to get a cellphone to carry with me, I know it could have hit me in the head & knocked me out & he would have went on messing around with his golf clubs.
Joan, I am so sorry for your fall! I've had one like yours, only I broke a bone in my finger when I fell, and had a nasty bruise on my face. Feeling like a bumbling idiot was worse than the pain! I do understand about Sid....my husband has "lost that lovin' feeling" due to AD.
I hope you don't have soreness for the next few days like I did.
As you all know, I fell back in mid June and fractured my elbow and upper arm. My husband was sitting in a wheelchair behind me,..with my son pushing him. My son and grandson rushed to my side - I was in terrible pain and crying, and my husband just sat there watching. He never, to this day, seems to understand why my arm still hurts. I have to remind him I fell. I KNOW he is no longer himself, and his brain is forever damaged, but it still hurts my feelings when he fails to comfort me. It's so hard to be intelligent, informed, aware, understanding about 'him' all the time. Understanding these things doesn't make us okay when we are hurting ourselves.
I didn't go to sleep until after 3:00 this morning because my elbow hurt - all the way to my hand...and up to my shoulder! I'll probably end up having artheroscopic (sp) susrgery to remove the bone chips in my elbow area. I don't have time to do that at this time.
OH Joan. So sorry that you fell and hurt yourself. Please be extra kind to yourself this weekend and rest and nurture yourself. I think that the ability to identify , label and express feelings is one of the first things that AD took from my DH and I suspect that is often true. Whereas in the past he would be rushing to hug and help and be solicitous, now when something happens like two days ago when I got hit in the head by one of those automatic wooden gates at a parking garage (I know, how stupid can I get), the only reaction was a look of blankness or as I prefer to imagine, 'I'm not sure what to do here'. I miss his comfort both physical and emotional terribly!!!!! Anyway Joan, no more injuries. We all need you healthy. ((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))
Joang, I'm so sorry about your fall and hope you feel better soon. Do take some time for yourself this weekend.
I'm also a member of the Klutz Club -:) I can fall over my own feet -:) One fall resulted in a T7 vertebrae fracture and the last one last August, resulted in 4 pelvic fractures. That one was caused by tripping over a speed bump in a parking lot. With the vertebrae fracture, I was on all fours, gasping for breath, and he just asked me what was wrong. That was all. With the pelvic fractures, he didn't even seem to realize I was taking care of him from a wheelchair for three months.
He always was a very caring person. Like SusanB said, "the ability to identify , label and express feelings is one of the first things that AD takes away."
Me, too. Until I got elderly (now), I was always steady on my feet. But several yrs ago in New Orleans on a tour, I tripped on a broken sidewalk & hit my head on the iron post that holds up the ornate balcony on one of the old bldgs. I woke up in the gutter, the tour people kneeling all around me, concerned, but DH was standing back, looking down at me as if I--oh, I don't know, but certainly not as his beloved wife he'd always been right there to nurse & care for. There were other such times, but this time was a fall like others have had. Because we were in a strange city--ambulance, hospital, etc, etc, it was a royal mess, but we--no, no, 'I' got thru it, he just kept on being a curious observer. *#@!%^$^&--I'm sure you all know what my feelings were about that!
A couple of years ago, I got shingles. I was in pain. When I told my dh that I was hurting, he didn't answer me. Instead, he went on playing his computer games. Then he put his head down on his desk in a poor-me pose, got up w/o a word, and went a took a nap.
Another time in the last 15 years, I saw two dogs trailing ropes or chains in terrible heat. They were very thirsty. I got out of the car with some water I had and a bowl. I put the water down. They drank. Then they started coming at me, very aggressively, snarling. One was a pit bull mix. I was in big trouble. I began backing towards the car (dh was sitting in the passenger side). I finally got to where I could get in. Dh totally ignored the whole thing. He never said a word to me. I was on my own.
One of the things that I count as an early signal for dementia is that my husband was totally useless in a medical emergency. I always knew that if I couldn't call 911 for myself, it was over.
3 weeks after his EVENT I called him to come home because I was sick. It took him 2 hours to come home and I had to scream at him to give me a land line because the cell phone I had didn't work with 911, and I was stuck in a chair because I could not stand up. The first thing the paramedics thought was that I had a blood clot, and if I had had one, I'd have died before he came home. Turned out to be my knee, but they kept me in the hospital for 4 days.
He was totally clueless.
Which is why I walk around with a panic button in my pocket these days.
That's a very very scary story. OHMYGOD! Is it true that 911 doesn't work with the cell phone? I thought it did. I don't have pockets in many of the things I wear and right now, my cell phone is in my purse. I am beginning to understand why caregivers die first,...and I'm beginning to wonder how many of those deaths could have been prevented if there had been a way to call for help.
Can you all believe this? I find myself saying that I don't place him because I don't want to live alone...and in fact, I AM living alone. In many many ways.
I got rid of my pants without pockets, otherwise I would never have my phone on me. While ago I remembered I didn't have it in my pocket but now I do. No way, could he get help for me.
"When you call 911 from a cell phone, the call often lands in a regional center. A call-taker in a far-away city or county may answer your call. To get help to you, there are two pieces of information the call-taker needs to know immediately: Tell the call-taker which city you're calling from. Tell the call-taker what type of emergency you have. Different emergency services use different dispatch centers. With the right information, the call-taker will transfer you to the right center"
DH doesn't do the phone. Besides the 2corded phones, I have a 2 handset cordless for in the house. I alternate carrying them each day. All a part of my assembly each morning. a Tracxphon in my purse for when we're away.
So sorry you got hurt; pain hurts. Apathy hurts too. Hope you heal fast. But it is good you brought it to our attention how common this indifference is. They are so engrossed in their own survival they do not see us. They are not monitoring our Blood Pressure, coughs, rashes... And so we must be extra careful to monitor our health. When in doubt, get a second opinion from a friend (one who doesn't have AD) or make that call to a doctor. And my New Year's Resolution was to always, always carry a cell phone. I don't have to answer it (if I'm in a hermit mode); but I always have it to call for help. The emergency number is first, and the screen is big enough to read without reading glasses... We need all the help we can get...
In the early days many 911 services would not accept cell phone calls because they go to where your local service is considered. New REalm found this out last spring when she tried to call on her cell phone. If I remember she got Vancouver or somewhere other than Kalama.
I'm so sorry Joan about the lack of Sid's 'being there.' Sometimes people say "at least your husband is still there." Depending on the person/situation I sometimes say, "Well, no he's not." That usually stops the conversation. I try to take comfort in the 'body' being there, e.g. next to me at night, but it's hard to see past the 'child' you've taken care of all day and appreciate the man that was and is hidden deep inside. Hugs!