We could all use a little humor in our lives, so I invite you to log onto the home page - www.thealzheimerspouse.com, and read today's blog. I do still manage to find some humor in bizarre Alzheimer situations.
Please tell me if I am alone in this weird land or if you have experienced similar conversations to the one I described.
Joang, isn't this just a variation of the "Who's on First?" routine?
Actually it amazes me that some of the spice on this board are able to have these kinds of conversations with one another. My DH cannot comprehend that anything is wrong with him. He has never admitted that he has difficulty remembering things. After reading today's blog, maybe that's a good thing :)
Joan - congratulations to you for not blowing up...i too have come to be more tolerant of the ever-changing world of Alzheimers. My husband doesn't talk much any more, but when he does, many times he seems "angry" with me and I "very kindly" remind him that I do not need him to talk to me like that & I do not deserve it...he seems to "calm down" and really "apologize" in his own unique "Alzheimer's" way. As kind as he was "pre-Alzheimer's", apologizing was never his forte...so, in some ways, I am grateful for this "change" in our current world. At other times, he's just as pleasant and "happy" as he can be ~ Smiling and hugging...it's a rollercoaster ride, that's for sure. But, after 5 years of dealing with the changes, I realize that patience is definitely the "key" to a happy landing for me :) Keep up the good work, Joan :)
Mine is very verbal. A lot of times it doesn't make sense, but he talks and talks, especially to whoever is supposed to be giving him care (except me), telling them every step of the way,with digressions. But he loses his train of thought in the middle.
And I am constantly amazed at what he remembers - and what he doesn't, and how it changes from day to day. It's like New England weather (I suspect it's whatever weather you live in): if you don't like today, it'll change tomorrow.
Oh my gosh, my situation to the tee! I can sit and answer the same question 20 times in a row and when I got to talk to my husband about something, he either doesn't remember or he is like a bull dog with a bone! It drives me nuts AND what is worse is that he will make up his own meanings of things. As a result, he gets quite angry at me pretty frequently. You never know what they will and will not remember - it is a crap shoot!
I think I might have the answer to Joan's question. I think that if something is important that they do hang on to the memory ESPECIALLY when we are talking about it multiple times.
As an example, my husband will ask me where we are going to eat multiple times right after he choose where he wanted to eat. We eat out a lot. It is one of the few things he still enjoys, so we eat out a lot. It isn't important.
On the other hand I told him about today's podiatrist visit once. He remembered. A doctor's visit is important to him. And he wanted the corn on his foot taken care of and I told him that was one of the reasons we were going. He had things, like the discomfort on his foot, to help him remember.
I think Starling is right. They remember things that are important. The trouble is my husband remembers what is important to him - like he wants to connect two rain barrels with a hose (I have no idea why) - but not things that are important to me - like figuring out how ants are getting into our kitchen.
DH and I went to the bank the other day to conduct some business. While we were there he asked me what my name was and refused to believe that it was the same last name as his. I offered to show him my driver's license but then the subject was dropped. The very next day he noticed a menu from our favorite Chinese take-out place and wanted to know when we had their food last. Then he suggested that we go there for our anniversary (which is a few months away) and I agreed we would. One day I am a stranger and the next day he wants to celebrate our many years of marriage with me. Often, I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Joan, Sounds like the Abbott & Costello skit "Whose on First" My husband remembers nothing I say, but I do recall when I went through the same scenario.
You do live in the Twilight Zone. I often felt like Alice & had stepped through the looking glass or that I lived in a kalidiscope. I could recognize the colors but the patterns kept changing without reason & were impossible to logically follow. It takes years to learn how to function reasonably in such a world and failing miserably from time to time is just the way it is.
We've done the Abbott & Costello routine. And then there's the word substitution game. "Take the squirrel out of the envelope" was really: "take the Guinea Pig (dead and wrapped)out of the freezer". It was trash day the next morning. <lol> The one that challenges me the most is the ricochet conversation. You know--the one where a word or turn of phrase sends them off on a tangent--entirely unrelated to the current conversation. And we're supposed to stay ahead of them to head off difficulties. Yeah riiiightttt...
I'm sorry, carosi, but "take the squirrel out of the envelope" is my new mantra. I shall chant it under my breath before spewing forth the needed "fiblets" to get DH and me through the day.
Joan, I got a hearty laugh from today's blog. You and Sid "stole" our act! Sentence for sentence, too. :) And, Carosi, we have the same "conversations" as you and your hb. It's more difficult when he's with other people and goes off on a rabbit trail which sometimes has a path from it, too. Conversations, if drawn in pen and ink, might look like a tree w/many branches. But sometimes they're simple. At least we can have some conversation sometimes. As many have said the "give & take" of logical conversation is missed.
briegull-- I know a lot about Guinea Pigs. Did a paper on them in college. My siblings and I raised them when we were kids--one Christmas all the breeding stock got semi-synchronized and we had 76 in cages in the basement--newborn on up to Senior. The one in the freezer was a pet that died the night after trash pickup, in February. Had to do something as trash pickup is only once a week. I also did rescue for them for several years before DH was hospitalized and dx'd. Don't think I could knowingly eat one. But, from the meat market, in a package, like rabbit or lamb, maybe.
Here's what I've been told. They will remember things that affect their emotions. I have read that with AD, lots of brain functions go, but emotions remain intact. Joan--is it possible that your original discussion on moving would have had some emotional effect on Sid (positive or negative)? Several years ago, our dentist said that Steve's gums really needed attention, and that after treating them, he would have to be more attentive to his dental hygiene. I reminded him that his Mom and her sisters all had false teeth, probably due to gum trouble. He mentioned that he had a mental picture of all of them sitting around talking, after taking their false teeth out! I think because of that association, he remembered to take extra care of his mouth for quite a while (he was already having serious short term memory loss at that time). Just a theory to try to unravel this mystery!
I think that your comment - "I have read that with AD, lots of brain functions go, but emotions remain intact. Joan--is it possible that your original discussion on moving would have had some emotional effect on Sid (positive or negative)?" is right on target. Yes, he was very upset at the thought of leaving this house. He loves the house as much as I do. But it still seemed like an awful lot of information for him to remember. Sometimes he surprises himself with what he remembers.
Joan, I agree that the emotions remain intact,so much so that it often takes the place of reason. My dw often speaks of how she feels, regardess of whether it makes sense or not. She is very quick to pick up on body language, facial expression and especialy tone of voice....she may be losing brain functions, but her emotions seem to control more and more....and Joan, moving is one of the top ten stress factors, and with todays real estate market, I hope you will be cautious planning your move. I hope the additional stress will not affect you and if and when the time comes, I will volunteer to help if needed.....
Emotions were about the first things to go at our house (FTD). DH lost his sense of humor, has no empathy or sympathy, NEVER mentions his feelings (but of course he is a guy) or seems to notice those of others. Tact made a very early departure also. He does not express happiness or sadness. Anger, now that he can demonstrate.
For many years, probably at least 20 years before diagnosis, DH would start talking to me like we were in the middle of a conversation. It’s like he thought about an idea, and then thought of what he wanted to tell me about something, and then he’d turn to me and say something like “That’s why I told him to deliver the truck to Ohio”. Meanwhile, I didn’t know who the “him” was, what truck he was talking about, or why it should go to Ohio. After a while, I got really good at figuring out where the conversation was coming from. It always made sense after he gave me a couple more minutes of background information, but this used to drive me crazy.
This is one of the reasons that I really do wonder how far back the dementia started. Was it just little blips that got worse and worse as the years passed? I guess I’ll never know.
Oh yes, been there, done that. "Why are you telling me that AGAIN?" (Me thinking in response) Because MOST of the time you DON'T remember. But I say, just wanted to make sure you got that done, or whatever. How on earth can you tell which things will be remembered & which ones won't? Toto, we're not in Kansas anymore.
Here's something else that may be involved in Joan's situation. I have a pretty good memory, yet things I'm not interested in don't stick. For example, I have a mental block with car repairs. I never handled it before dx, not interested in cars, and now I literally have to review my files to see what maintenance I've had done--even recently. Yet, a subject I'm interested in--I can remember minute details from years ago. Others above have said they remember what is important to them, that may be a way of saying, they remember that which is of particular interest to them, just like we do.
JanK I have wondered the same thing about how far back dementia starts to surface before the actual diagnosis is given. Does the person w/ dementia have subtle changes 10-20 yrs before? I was reading a news story on line about how scientists are discovering how we make and hold onto memories. It was a short article--did anyone else read that?
There is a topic here about when everyone first noticed changes in their spouses' behavior. I have searched and searched, and I can't find it, so until I or someone else manages to find it, I am moving your comment to a new topic - When did you first notice something wrong Part II, in order to keep the comments organized under the correct topics.