Joan--If the extra bedroom can be your office, get NEW den furniture and put it in the "living room". Frankly, our living room has always been more of a den. Relatives and friends with both, have a den where everybody kicks back and relaxes. Their "living" rooms are neat as a pin--and never used. The set up you describe sounds ideal for you and Sid for the long haul, and remember, you will be getting out, not confined to the small space. Another thing--how you decorate can make a huge difference in whether it "feels" closed in or open. Think it over and then over again. Consider all the pros and cons for Sid. All the pros and cons for you. Also keep in mind that the "small" issue for you now, may be a blessing for you when his condition progresses and he needs the Dementia unit. Then, once you've decided, act on your decision and don't look back.
Joan, it is a big decision and you are going to be the one to have to decide what to do and that is a big responsibility. 4 years ago I thought about our situation. We had 3 houses and 2 commercial buildings so close together there was not an option of splitting them up. Buildings needed something all the time as did the homes. Paul's only hobby was gardening and to get to the garden there was a hill and rough terrain. There was no way he could continue gardening without hurting himself. My then 90 year Mom lived with us and at that time was pretty self suffecient.
I made the decision to build a new home on property we had owned for years about 1/2 mile away. Terrain was level to rolling and much safer for both of us and once we had the old place sold would be ideal. Neuro advised against me doing it but pcp encouraged me to go ahead. No way could I sell first, and move twice to I was fortunate enough to have the funds to go ahead with the new house. We have been here over 3 years now and both of us love it. Would not go back for anything. New house is open and airy and a boost to my spirits. We needed to make it large enough for Mom to have some privacy as well as some for us. Now she is gone and I have a extra bedroom and we seldom use the LR but Paul can go out to the garden as much as he wants because it is just 50' from the house on the level. We have garages now instead of carports and our car is warm in the winter.
Downfall or con is we have been unable to sell our old place. I left it empty until last fall and now have all 3 houses rented and still listed for sale. Not many people looking for that many buildings. I still have 2 large buildings empty. At least now the rental income pays for the Insurance, utilities and upkeep. At one time I was getting 7 electric bills every month. In this economy you may have problems selling your home and if you do, as others have reported, you may have to move the day of closing. It can be difficult doing moving, selling and renting all on the same day.
Joan - I live in a small place: Motorhome does not have lots of extra space but you will be surprised at how well a small place can work out. You seem to be well organized, so adapting and maximizing your space should not be a major obstacle. I realize many people have a livingroom and never use it. It seems it is their show room. From my childhood on we have had what we called a 'playroom'; many call family room. You can do it.
A suggestion though: go back and look it over again because now that you have done the pros and cons you will be able to solidify your first observations (or negate them); go on the tour again or just hang out if they will let your for a while in the social/dining area.
I am always amazed when watching House Hunters International the small places Europe has yet all they have in them. We American's are spoiled by large living spaces.
Good luck to you, Joan, on your decision, I know it's a difficult one. For us the space is necessary. Because I must spend so much time at home "caretaking" I need the ability to be physically apart from DH's bed/bath suite so that I don't feel that I'm also living in a "care unit" and maybe it's the "Texan" in me but I will find it difficult to live in such close proximity to others if the time ever comes. My only suggestion to you is to go slow, take your time. I believe major lifestyle decisions made in haste or under stress can often be problematic. And, once you make the decision, whether to stay where you are or to move, as carosi said, don't look back.
Joan, I agree with Charlotte's advice to go back & do another walk through. You might even consider doing that by yourself (without Sid) so you can see what YOU think. Sometimes I find it's better to think "alone". Carosi's ideas about the furniture/decorating are awesome! I also second the advice of Weejun about taking your time and how decisions made in haste/stress often are not the best decisions made. Thankyou for your indepth detail of your thinking...it really helps to see it on paper & puts thoughts out there that otherwise I might not have had. We, like Imohr moved 3 years ago, into a new home. We had lived in our prev home for 18 years, but it was a 2-story & the future just didn't seem promising for a 2-story with all of DH's probable needs. It has been wonderful! We prob have more space than we need, but we don't have all the other ammenities that you will have, i.e. activities for Sid. We have HOA lawn care and wonderful neighbors who know our situation and if I needed them, would be here in a heartbeat! That is a great comfort, and you will have that in your own "close knit" new diggs after a while as well...not to mention staying "near" your current surroundings/friends. We only moved 3 miles from where we were before, for many of those same reasons!
Joan--I don't have much time right now to consider your situation, but wanted to post this issue so I won't forget. The setup sounds good for now, good for when Sid needs the dementia unit, but what about in between? For example, if he declines to the point where he can't or doesn't want to do the activities, and you need to bring help in for some of the day, would the villa's layout allow for that? I find that on the days our aide is here and I need to stay home--if I need to work on personal business or just am not feeling 100 percent--I tend to go upstairs to our home office or guest bedroom for some privacy. Steve and the aide are mostly on the first level, in the kitchen, sunroom or family room. So I get respite even if I don't leave the house. A smaller space wouldn't necessarily lend itself to that.
marilyn, you have a point. Maybe there would be a private area in the units they would let Joan use that is "dead space" now, for little rent. There is no doubt in her mind that she will have big adjustments to make. She will have to figure out if the adjustments are doable. Space is a problem and she knows that. Joan, can you perhaps kind of set up a area in your present home allowing you the room you would have to be living in if you move? Take some chairs, tables boxes or whatever and mark a area so you can better picture the space. Also, as they suggested, a walk through with out Sid would be good. One of these days, if I outlive Paul, I will be roaming around in a 2300 sqft house with a full basement and a 3 car garage. As long as I can afford to stay here I plan to do so, because my daughter lives next door, taxes are low in WV. Eventually, I will have to quit driving and be dependent on someone to take me places.
I am going again tomorrow (Monday) to take another look around, do some measuring, and ask more questions. One of the questions is about respite care. If/when Sid declines to the point that he cannot stay alone, if I have to go somehwere, do they have respite care at the dementia facility?
As for the decorating and furniture, I bought all new furniture when I moved here. I have more furniture than I'll ever need. If we do this, I am going to use the 2nd bedroom as a den - it will nicely accommodate all of my den furniture. We are always having company, so I use my living room a lot. As for the dining room, I originally bought a 48" round glass top table and 4 chairs. With so much company, I couldn't fit everyone, so I bought a 60" round glass table top and 2 more chairs. I still have the 48" table top, so I'll use that and only 4 chairs. I won't be able to have as many people at once for company. I told everyone last night that I would have a party a week. One couple each week.
There is a little "morning room" off of the kitchen that can be used as an office space, and there are bar stools and a counter for Sid and I to eat breakfast and lunch if we don't want to use the dining room.
Don't know what I am going to do yet, but the socialization and activities/quality of life are paramount for Sid.
Joan your furniture sounds lovely but you might want to consider selling your beautiful dining room table and buying a used drop leaf table. I did away with my dining room table 10 years ago because it was a catchall for everything. I bought 2 drop leaf tables for $120.00 each. One is solid cherry and the other is oak, both refinished. I use 1 as a sofa table, behind my sofa and the other one like a end table. When we have company we just pull up the drop leaves and have 2 dining tables if we want. We also have a eating bar and use that 99% of the time. This gives you more openness and makes your room appear larger. We have buffet style dinners anymore and if they want to sit at the table may do so. I was reading about Suze Orman a few years ago and she said her apartment was only 800 or 900 sq ft. Can't remember for sure now, but she sure has plenty money to have a larger apartment.
This discussion sort of dovetails with the one Janet started on "stuff". After burying DH parents and then mine and cleaning out their houses, I vowed never to leave such a mess for my kids. I'm letting the boys have the things now that they might want in the future with the exception of our furniture. I've never been a packrat so it has not been difficult for me to keep the "stuff" to a minimum. I'm more about pure space. Luckily our home is a very comfy 2-bdr cabin of 2300 sqft and we have a newly built 700 sqft casita for guests. But when we are gone it won't take the kids very long to sort through our belongings and dispose of those they don't want to keep. I think they will thank me.
Some facilities like the one you are describing have one or two units for guests -- guests of residents, who are in town briefly.
Assuming this one has units like that, perhaps you and Sid could stay in one of them for one or two nights? Actually staying there might give you information -- good or bad, or both -- that you would not get otherwise.
Your post speaks to the philosophy I developed after we cleaned out Sid's mother's house; then her senior housing apartment; then the house we lived in for 30 years. Either move every two years to continually reduce the clutter and "stuff" or live in the house until you die. Then the clutter cleaning is your kids' problem.
As we age, we tend to move into smaller living quarters, so cleaning clutter is necessary.
Oh,my, I am loving this thread. I am going to really sort some boxes of things in the basement shelves I hated to toss because the kids might want them one day, and I know they won't. Going to sort them out and let the girls have a last chance then "our of here" next week. I don't have much after our last move but I want less. Less is more. Also, going to further weed our DH clothes and take to Goodwill.
I've been sorting my "stuff" and getting rid of a lot. I tried to give some of it to our sons, but they didn't take much. The problem here is getting rid of DH's stuff, which I would really categorize as junk. He won't let anything go.
I am about to get into the shower - I have another appointment in just 2 hours to tour the place with a tape measure, and have another talk with the saleswoman. I hope to be able to talk to some of the other villa residents by myself.
This is such a huge decision. We cannot stay here, because it is too isolating for Sid. He desperately needs a place with people and activities, but the idea is to choose the right place, because I can't keep moving.