I got a call this afternoon from a friend. Her father was just recently diagnosed with Alzheimers. His doctor told her this morning that he's so old, there's no sense in giving him anything. He's going to die soon anyway.
I'm curious. Have any of you with older spouses been told this or something similar? The reason is Claude's PCP didn't come right out and say it, but he felt that way. I disliked this doctor with a passion and I think he felt the same way about me, but for circumstances beyond our control, we had to stay with him. He was a gerentologist (sp) and specialized in "old" people!
I asked for a referral to a neurologist. He hummed and hawwed, so I went over his head and make an appointment with a neurologist who would accept regular Medicare. He was tested, diagnosed and put on meds.
I don't consider myself old (66 on Friday), but sometimes I feel my doctors kind of rush me thru like I'm "one of those old people"!!!
My DH is 85. He's on aricept and namenda. His doctors never acted like it was wrong for him to take the meds. Of course, he's not going to get better, but they say that it slows dow the process.
redbud7386 you are certanly not old by any means. I think that doctor needs a reality check as to what the oath he took talks about. He is to help perserve life and take care of his patients if that is what they desire. His job is not to discourage or pose his own opinion on his patients. God is good because if this doctor were my husbands he would not be having the good day his is having after saying something like that. That is only a decision your friend and her loved one should make, not him. I am so sorry for the cruelty that he has inflicted on them. He must have made a pact with the devil to be as mean as possible. At least he is livin up to something......negative as it may be. I hope your friend has a better tomorrow. Never give up hope, some days that is all we have.
Unfortunately there is a difference in treatment thought for people over a certain age. I believe there also is for people who are older and obese or smoke or drink too much. What this doctor should have done, which is what we all should hear is: We have two options - to treat or not to treat. Then can explain at xx age and since he is in poor physical condition, you may not want to treat. Or, we can try the drugs and if you decide at a later date not to, then we can stop treatment. I feel dementia patients should all have the same options as cancer patients - treat or not to treat and how far to go.
This friend's father might have medical problems that is cutting his quality of life. But the decision needs to be an informed one made by the patient and/or family member in charge.
One of my husband's neuro at a University Hospital told us his opinion was why treat. He said "we don't have any great drugs for dementia" We have some that will help but not cure like there are for some of the other diseases. He said he still prescribes Aricept and Namenda but it is the patient and patients family to make the decision to treat or not to treat. My DH was 72 at the time. I thought his attitude with us left a lot to be desired.
There are still so many doctors out there who don't believe that Aricept and Razadyne are doing anything at all and won't prescribe them. We who love our spouses are going to have them take whatever medication is available that might at least keep them at home with us longer and have the ability to do things for themselves longer. I don't know if they help or not, but he's taking them and will continue to do so.
I would stop going to a doctor who refused to treat due to age. That is barbaric.
ditto, i'd be making an appt with another neuro. barbaric is a good choice. i also believe at minimum giving the patients choices, treat or not to treat and the options for both. divvi
I sometimes wonder if when a person looks a certain age, acts a certain age or is a certain age if some members of the medical community think that they are just totally incompetent. When my mother had her stroke, her brain was fine but her body was affected. When I took her to the doctor, he would look to me to give him his answers. I kept telling him that she could answer him. I have heard this same comment from others that have taken their parents to the doctor. In my mother's case, she is so deaf, a second person hearing what the doctor says is good for her. Do they see a younger person with the older one and take that to mean that the patient can no longer speak for themselves?
Therrja, your comment is exactly what I was trying to say and you said it so much better. All Claude's doctors even when he didn't have alzheimer's always spoke to me rather than him. My daughter came with me one time and my doc spoke to her rather than to me. It really p***** me off and I told him so (in a nice way of course :-).
I suggested to Carol and her sister Marilyn, that they look for another doctor for their Dad. His doctor was barbaric.
Altho their Dad has had symptoms for several years, a name wasn't put to his actions so they feel very overwhelmed at this point.
therrja, I FIRED my daughter's pediatrician when she was 12 because he asked ME if she had had a bowel movement. How would I know the answer to that question? She was 12 not 2.
A lot of us on the other hand are dealing with LOs who no longer can answer questions honestly, or even at all.
Starling - good for you on firing the pediatrician.
I don't have a problem answering for my husband who truly can't answer for himself. I just feel very strongly that as long as a person can answer for themselves that the doctor should be asking them.
When we go to PCP, whom we know very, very well and for many years, he will ask my DH a question and DH always looks at me - even though I'm behind him! Dr. will say to him - now don't let her answer - I'm talking to you, and laughs. DH always then laughs and tries to answer as best he can. If no answer is forthcoming, Dr. looks at me and I'll give him the answer, if appropriate. We work together as a team and it's working fine for us. And I always fax a log to the doctor before the the appt., so he knows what issues I want addressed.
Forgot to say too, DH is 86, has early stage ALZ, is on low dosages of Aricept and Namenda. Has been on this plateau for a long time!
I agree wholeheartedly. My grandmother, who will be 96 next week, has all of her mental capabilities. She just gave up driving last year herself even though she probably could have passed the test. Her primary care doctor always speaks directly to her, but if she has to have some tests taken at the hospital and one of us takes her, the doctor, rn, cna, etc. always talks to us. As we know how my grandmother is, we always say talk to her. I'm just her transportation. She gets quite ticked off (as she should). Just because someone is older doesn't automatically mean they have problems.
It doesn't matter how old you are. When Dr.s Social Workers, Teachers, whoever are talking about you and or your condition/situation, they should be talking to you, not exclude you and talk to whoever is with you. The only exception should be if it is known that you cannot answer and they are informed of that. They should never assume the patient/subject is unable to communicate. Even in my preteen years I resented being discussed as though I was a new table or lamp. I knew as much as my parents did about my CMT.
When my 86 year old mother was hospitalized the attending doc repeatedly called her "sweetheart." After about the fourth time she raised her finger in the air and said,"Look, my name is not sweetheart it's Alice but you may call me Mrs. Joshua." He blushed something terrible, apologized and quickly left the room. I just sat there thinking YOU GO MOM. Needless to say, he never calledher sweetheart again! cs
Oh, gosh, I just eat it up when anyone calls me sweetie, or honey, or anything endearing. When my dh gets through with the latest tirade at me, I hunger for someone to show me that I'm worthy to speak nicely to. So I don't mind being called endearing names.
You can call me Dear, Sweetheart or Hon anytime you want. I miss kind words in my world,too. Perhaps it is a Southern thing. I would never want to insult someone to whom I addressed in such a way. It's usually directed to someone who did something nice for me - and I am not using it sarcastically EVER.
I don't mind a doctor calling me by my first name. It's the bank tellers and grocery checkers who call me by my first name that annoy me. They don't know me, and I prefer being called Mrs. by them. Guess I'm an old fuddy duddy.
What I do like is that here in the South, they manage to combine respect and familiarity by calling me Miss Joan. That seems to hit just the right note with me. Other people think it's stupid, but I like it.
I say 3 cheers to cs's mother! I hate it when people are condescending to older adults.
Oh YES, Joan. My grandchildren have been taught from day one to call familiar adults (who are not Aunt or Uncle) Miss ______(first name) or Mr. _________(First name). It is a sign of respect without too much formality that using the last name only would be. ONLY if that person is called by their first name by the parents.
I think it is very sweet when young couples and singles still call me Miss Nancy or DH, Mr. Foster. We're Southern Bred, Southern Born, - and so much of what we do and say are as natural as breathing.
Years ago, I remember asking a New York City waitress in a hotel coffee shop if I could possibly order a grilled cheese sandwich. Her response was a brisk and rude sounding.. "Well, do you want one or NOT?? ....... It was between their lunch and dinner hours and I was not sure the kitchen was open. Her curt reply totally shocked me. (Hard to type what she said with the intonation she had..she "scared me" with her smarty response..it was that rude. I think a little bit of softness in one's speech doesn't hurt anyone.
My kids grew up calling people Mr,Mrs or Miss; Aunt or Uncle. The only people they called by first name were really close friends. Now they no longer do that including calling omitting aunt/uncle. They figured once they became adults it was no longer needed. I always called my aunt or uncle. Such is changing times and the downfall of respect.
I still call my Uncles and Aunts by those titles...and I'm 70. I agree that there is just tooooooo much casual behavior tolerated. My grandsons say Yes Mamm and No Mamm, (or sir) and one of the teachers told my DIL that they made her feel so OLD when they said Mamm. My DIL asked that she not discourage them, because it was required responses in their home.
Joan, I still like being called Miss Mary. It's "a Southern thang" but is a form of respect to an older person mainly from a younger person. My previous doctor always called Miss Mary and he was older than I am.
Can't even tell you how angry it makes me to be called "young lady." When they use it, they're really saying "Old bag."
It was shocking the first time a clerk called me "ma'am" instead of "miss." The other day a waiter called me "miss" and I could tell it was unconscious, not an attempt to flatter. HE got a big tip ! LOL
I certainly "look" all of my 60 years, but have noticed most kiddos working at the places that give senior discounts don't pay much attention and don't offer same. One day I was at Taco Cabana and the clerk automatically gave me the senior discount -- I was crushed! :)
As for names, I don't mind what anybody calls me as long as it's not "bitch".
55 is often the senior discount age. At the bakery outlet they have it set for 50. We just found out at Taco Bell at 55 we could get free small soft drinks. No one ever told us until about a month ago a young cashier told us. Now it cuts $2+ off our meal price.
Senior discount is 55 here. A few years ago the lady at the cash register asked me if I was 55. I told she had made my day! No one asks anymore. Boo Hoo!
I tried to use the senior discount at a department store recently and the clerk asked if I was old enough! I was flattered. Of course, I resented always being carded when I ordered a drink when I was 30.
A sweet and gracious clerk: On a memorable occasion back when DH and I were in our late 50s, we wanted tickets for a concert of the NY Philharmonic at Lincoln Center but they were $50. I asked the cashier if there weren't any "last minute" reductions and she said "Only for seniors and students." We were quiet for a minute, she looked at us very carefully and said "Oh, all right, I think you might qualify for the student discount" and sold us tickets for $ 10 !!
When a new dr. was treating my sister, he walked into the room and said, "Hello Pat, I'm Doctor Smith." She got a puzzled look on her face and answered, "My, what an unusual first name." A friend of mine who has four grown kids who are doctors told them about this incident and they roared with laughter.
I just couldn't resist this thread. I remember the last time a clerk 'carded' me when I bought beer. I remember the first time I was called "Mam" and the first time I automatically got the Senior discount at a diner. Different kinds of milestones!
only 2hands you snuck in on us. Welcome to the site. Some of us are a bit strange-but we are all in your shoes. We will try to answer your questions, cry with you, hold your hand answer your questionsand sometimes ask you crazy questions-like: do you have any pets?