No way is that "off topic". I am removing the OT. Anyone else have any "stress" analogies? I think that analogy was given to me in a lecture a year or two ago, and I posted it in a blog. It is always relevant.
I know that someone is going to come along and say that it is impossible to put down the burden of caring for an AD spouse when help is not available. But help is available if you look hard enough for it. Money is tight, but it is out there for caregivers if you search. Start with the Alzheimer's Association (1-800-272-3900). They should be able to provide you with a list of resources. Go to my home page - www.thealzheimerspouse.com - and click on "Elder Care Locator" on the left side (bottom). Call the VA if it applies to you. Call the Elder care department in your county.
Everyone must put down the burden for just a little while. Even it is for an hour or two.
briegull, that describes what we go through stress-wise beautifully! My coming to work each day is my "putting the glass down" and I am so grateful for it!
Divvi, I passed it along to my grandniece who not only has a very stressful job, is going through a house foreclosure, stressful divorce and custody battle.
Hi--wish I'd read that a looooong time ago. I copied it and it's in my draft folder. I will pass it on to a couple of my friends that could use the info.
I'm now going to a stress counsellor for an hour every two weeks and have found it helpful. Learning a lot and can apply it in other situations, not just my wicked stepchildren and the ex-wife. I think that counsellors are available through some churches here in Canada, especially the Catholic Church, maybe the Alzheimer's Assoc. Finally catching up on my sleep now that I no longer have nightmares where the gang is coming down the hall to my bedroom, intent on beating me up. Slept 10 hours of the finest two nights ago and 11 last night. Of course, I could be being more productive, but I must need it.
Mary75....as for stress counsellling, I went through a course at my phsycologist's office called 'Dialectical Behavioral Therapy'. It was very intense, three days a week for about three hours a session for five weeks. I learned so much there about developing new coping skills and methods of making wise choices. Maybe you've heard of it or maybe your counselor is making use of some of the methods with you. If you're hearing the phrase "wise mind" she is probably teaching you some of the techniques. Jen.
There are videos and tapes available ...... maybe on the internet, too? It IS pretty intense and complicated. I hope you can get access to the whole ball of wax. It's helped me enourmously. No, a lot of it DIDN"T make sense to me on first exposure. Personally, I think it should be taught in our public schools. Coping skills.
Joan, I love this web site, and you have helped countless people with it, including me. But in this one case, when you said that help is available for the caregiver if they look hard enough for it, I believe you are wrong. Unfortunately, if your spouse is under 60, the available help is very, very limited, if not non-existent. I tried every resource I could find. I asked for ideas in support groups. Our area Council on Aging couldn’t do anything, because their funding was for people over 60. The senior center couldn’t help for the same reason. The social worker at our local Alzheimer’s Association office tried for several days and could not find any help for us at all. Now, this was someone trained to find help, with all the contacts that the Alzheimer’s Association has, and she couldn’t find any help for us, either. Once DH was 60, then help started to be available for us, but he was diagnosed at 54, which made for a long time to carry this burden completely alone. It may be different if you can afford to hire help, or if you have family or friends to help, but unfortunately, that was not our situation. But I did look, and look, and look, and look. Having someone say that “help is available if you look hard enough for it” is really painful, because in some circumstances it’s just not true.
For several reasons I also don't qualify for help at this time. And the only family I've got is hours away. In my case it is wonderful neighbors who try to give me some help every month. I'm pretty sure that they are actually a religious group although that never gets mentioned around me.
Jan, have you tried the local churches, or neighborhood groups?
I do have one friend who offers respite occasionally and I can get out of the house a little, but I find that the evening hours, after DH goes to bed, are my very valuable "time to put the glass down." I turn on my own music, check out this site and my email, call my Mom or DIL, watch TV, have a glass of wine or a dish of ice cream. Reading is problematic because I often fall asleep. Only problem is that I go to bed very reluctantly so am sometimes short of sleep. If I need time off in the middle of the day I tell Dh about something that desperately needs doing outdoors and I turn on the TV for him and then go outdoors and do it. He will sometimes follow me out (and sometimes I can get him to help, so that's OK too). But usually he'd rather avoid the work so will sit down and watch TV for an hour. By the time he comes to find me I'm ready to deal with him again. (Yes, I know I'm lucky I can leave him alone for a short time)
Jeanette, are you my clone? I do exactly like you, except that DW is not mobile at all, so I don't have to worry about her walking around in my absence.
Like Starling, we did not qualify for Home Health Care at this time. The Dr. ordered it but when they came out to evaluate and they set it up for an aide to come twice a week for bathing and shaving DH they called and said Medicare would not approve it. I have been able to leave him for short periods of time to get groceries but do not fill that it is safe anymore. About a week ago I woke up around five to find the front door standing open and no husband to be found. The police found him about a block away sitting on a front porch. He was in his pajamas, had a small flashlight, and carrying his throw. He got out of the police car with a big smile and winking at me. In fact, he smiled all day long. When ask why he said the man in the mirror told him to and then he said he was looking for a place to pee. So I need groceries...anybody want to come stay with him for an hour? The funny thing is he wont go outside because he is afraid he will fall. WAKE UP TIME
sorry bama, i would stay with him while you go out.:) can you call an inhome care agency where you live and just get one day /week setup so you can get errands done? i know it must have been disapointing to have medicare turn you down this time. he is such a stinker. can you put on a key deadbolt like some of us use? it will give you peace of mind knowing he cant get out. divvi
divvi I always fall back on duct tape. With two strips you can keep the latch from turning. He was not trying to run away and after I gave it some thought I felt he was trying to find the bathroom. He has a straight shot to the bathroom from his bed and it it well lighted but he just got turned around. Oh, and I put a chair in front of the door to hide the lock. He does not remember leaving the house but he does remember the police car. Must have enjo6yed the ride. I am still trying to keep him shaving and just now he said the man in the mirror told him not to. I had a good talk with the man but I know it will not help things. I am trying to get someone to come in from Commission on Aging. Hopefully that will work out. I really need to move to NW Florida but cannot see how that is possible right now.
Perhaps this is the wrong spot to put this question, but I couldn't find a more current, apropos thread. My hair is falling out - dramatically and from the roots. I went to the dermatologist today and she suggested that it is stress related and told me to take B vitamins and flax seed oil. Has anyone experienced this and did your hair grow back? My only medications are calcium, vitamin D and Wellbutrin.
Early on this journey (when I absolutely didn't know what I was doing - let alone DH); my hairdresser told me my hair was starting to fall out. She said she would let me know if it got worse and I'd have to see a doctor about it. Well...fast forward 3-4 years - it didn't get any worse and now almost none is falling out. And it definitely is stress related - unless you have an underlying medical problem causing it. So, I never have taken anything for it - it just stopped on its own.
I also have lost hair, mostly on the sides. My hairdresser told me the same as Vickie that it was stress. I also have lost half my eyelashes on my right eye...hoping they come back soon. Thankfully, with mascara I am probably the only one who notices unless you look really close. I do think I will get some Vitamin B & Flax Seed Oil. Brooke, did the doctor tell you what amount to take?
My daughter is hypothyroid and her hair is thinning. Her hairdresser suggested biotin which is an inexpensive b vitamin you can get at WM. It is great for hair, skin and nails. I got my friends to use it and we are all noticing a big difference. My nails have never been so long and strong.
My dermatologist did not tell me the amounts. Both supplements are available over the counter - I imagine that I will follow the packaging instructions. I searched for Biotin at Mayo Clinic.com and found the following: " Increased need for biotin should be determined by your health care professional. Claims that biotin supplements are effective in the treatment of acne, eczema (a type of skin disorder), or hair loss have not been proven." There are cautions published for flaxseed oil as well. Please research it a bit before you try. Kadee, please keep me posted.
Folic Acid also strengthened my nails and hair. To rebuild cells in my body, (heart), I am told to take 500 mg. a day of Folic Acid. I noticed the change in my nails almost immediately, and in time, my hair got thicker, - unfortunately it didn't get curly.
i think trying to find a release for the stress and maybe an antidepressant to help relieve the source may benefit hair loss too. most definately thyroid can cause hair loss too. divvi
There is a group called "Stephen Ministers" that are associated with many churches. They offer once a week/one hour counseling sessions (free). You do not have to be a member of a church to receive a "care giver". I had my first session today and it truly is a "godsend" - no pun intended. They do not force religious teaching or anything like that - more like active listeners who are able and willing to share the load of our stress. This group is available all over the U.S.
I think NancyB has mentioned a Stephen Minister. I talk to a counselor every 2-3 weeks.
For a couple of years I have taken a very low dose of biotin on the recommendation of my hairdresser. It has not stopped the hair loss - my hair is now much thinner than it used to be. Went to PCP and insisted I must have thyroid issue -- did all the extensive tests, nope, thyroid is fine. My PCP knows I take the biotin and is not concerned.
I have had a rather stressful existence since age 18 and my body reaction to stress has always been to lose weight. I have not measurably changed my eating habits in all these years, but in the past year or so I have gained about 20 lbs. To others I look fine, friends and family think the extra weight is an improvement, but I am concerned. Only thing I can think is my metabolism has changed.
Brooke, have your thyroid tested. Loosing hair and hair breaking off 1/4 inch from scalp (happened to me) are symptoms of a lot of stuff, but it is a VISIBLE symptom of low thyroid. Most thyroid symptoms can't be seen, but that one got my meds changed when I had a bunch of symptoms that meant I wasn't getting enough medication.
I have a wonderful Stephen's Minister...Weejun is correct. She is from Ghana and works for the Houston Chronicle - in the Financial Projection/Income Accounting Field. She want to spend Saturday straightening out my finances/files/and basically emptying my dishpans in the cabinet of my study. She's too good to be true..and I am afraid she is an hallucination. She comes for an hour (or a little more) once a week..and since we're Episcopalians, we enjoy a nice glass of wine during her visit. It helps so much to have someone to talk with, if only for an hour or so. I believe the Catholic Church also has Stephen's Ministers. Who else???
Our church (Methodist) has Stephen Ministers. Our Pastor has mentioned it to me but I don't think I need anyone yet. I'm not really sure I would want to get into personal "stuff" with someone from my church!
Jean - maybe your pastor can connect you with someone at another church. I agree - exposing yourself to someone you see every week at church is uncomfortable. I would consider finding one now, maybe meeting once a month, just to get a rapport with so when things get worse, you won't have to start from the beginning and you will fee comfortable.
It is important to know that when you have a Stephen Minister - EVERYTHING that you discuss is confidential. I know this because I went through the 6 months training and am a Stephen Minister myself. I have counseled 2 care receivers for 18 months and 12 months respectively. Now the shoe is on the other foot and I have my own care giver. I totally believe in the system.
former soulmate - yes it is confidential, but for some people having to see the person outside the counseling office can be uncomfortable. I counseled with my pastor for months and I did feel uncomfortable seeing him outside his office, afraid he was going to tell. My heart and mind knew he would not, but fear can play with your reason. Then I went to a counselor outside my church and felt much safer (it was abuse counseling). I am trained lay counselor and did it for 3 years. When I started to counsel, there was a awkwardness when seeing them outside the closed doors.
On an average visit, we discuss our grown children, politics, my husband, Ghana culture, food...just wonderful conversation. I know she has an oath of confidentiality, but that doesn't matter. Regarding my tax situation, she is coming to help organize and list the medical expenses - income and maintenance expenses for our rental property - gather into one stack the monthly statements from the brokerage firm...(nope, not in the millions, ..).. I need organization and cannot get this done with constant interruptions..and other problems. The CPA will do the rest. As most of you can tell, my life is an open book. Wish I did have something to hide (except for my badly bruised eye and head!) I am so blessed to have her in my life. We have no "mutual friends"...so I'm not worried about her spilling the beans, one way or the other.
Absolutely!.......our Stevens Ministry match is woman to woman, man to man. My Stephens Minister is a lovely native of Ghana, sings beautifully in the choir, has two college aged children, and the easiest person to talk with. Love her! Before her, my other Stephens minister was a retired school teacher, lovely red head, ...but she had a serious accident and had to go on 'furlough' and take time to heal. I've been very lucky.