When I did the stress test I came out pretty good, so figured I had things under control. Today, after bible study, we went to lunch with another couple from our church. She told me about getting together, on a regular basis, with 2 other couples in the church, both at church functions, and at their homes. We have not been able to do anything like this recently due to DW's condition. We used to do a lot of that in our previous church, but had not made enough friends in the new one before DW started developing symptoms. I'm feeling quite down now, realizing how much we are missing. We still get out to things like bible study, and Rotary tonight, but that's not the same as getting together with another couple in our homes.
Oh, well. I'll snap out of it by tomorrow (I hope). I'm already on anti-depressant (buproprion), but don't feel it is helping any.
Marsh, I came out very well on the stress test also. But I do miss those get-to-gethers with other couples. We used to have them almost weekly - mostly at our house and I loved doing it. A while after DH''s DX, I just didn't have the energy to put into it. But....I have started it back again - albeit slowly. Three weeks ago, we invited a couple and a widower for a casual dinner on our back porch. Then I invited 2 couples next. DH got along fine, although the work was on me since he couldn't help much! LOL. But I've just been trying to pull myself up by the seat of my pants and DO SOMETHING with others. So far, so good.
I'm not on an antipressant and don't feel I need it yet.
Hope you can figure something out so you can get out and about more as you want to.
awww Marsh. it hits like this, all of us at any time. seeing someone else 'living' makes us realize how much is 'dying' around in our own lives. the isolation can become overwhelming and you may be just rundown from all the caregiving too. it adds up day in and out trying to manage affairs for two persons. maybe you should try to have another couple over. in your own home you can entertain and if DW gets tired she can sit in a recliner and listen and they love that too. if you have friends that are wanting to be more friendly well i think thats good for you. you have alot to offer and they can see beyond the AD. hugs.. this too shall pass. divvi or all else fails marsh get a sitter and go by yourself!
Marsh, you could start by asking another couple for a short period of time - maybe just for drinks or dessert - to see how it goes. You don't need to try for a whole evening the first time. I'm sorry you're feeling the way you are. Hang in there.
Yes, Marsh, good advice here. I've started inviting friends over more and more because it is so difficult to take DH anywhere. Divvi's correct, our spouses (spice) can go to their own room, chair, etc., and be comfortable whereas if we go out they can't.
Marsh, that was one of the things that really hit me too. We used to go out to eat with friends once or twice a week and often had friends over on the weekend. As he progressed and took up more and more of my time, after working a full week and taking care of him, I did not have the energy to try and entertain - it got to be too much. I missed it a lot though - still do.
When he went to the facility, I didn't have the time or energy to go see him regularly and entertain.
He used to love to have people over. He would complain the whole time I was cooking and getting stuff ready and then once the night is over he would tell me what a great job I did and he was so glad I decided to make xxxxxx. We were a team, I would do the cleaning and cooking, he would greet people at the door and get them their first drinks while I was doing the last minute things and then he would clean the table after the meal. After everyone left, he would help me with whatever still had to be cleaned up.
This disease robs us of so much more than our loved ones, it robs us of the life we had if we are not careful.
Marsh, I don't think I've ever heard you complain before ever. (Except when the stock market tanked.) You must be having a pretty bad day. Sorry to hear. Some of the above suggestions are very good, hope you give it a try. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. You are such a devoted husband, I hope your wife could tolerate a little company.
Since you are an M.D., there's no point in telling you that if your antidepressant isn't making a dent, try another. I've had great luck with Lexapro, but found that I haven't had a libido for 2 years & my dr. just switched me to Celexa, with doesn't have that side affect. I used to kid with friends after going on Lexapro, gee, I don't even know I'm unhappy anymore!
Marsh, now we need to campaign for you to "have a party". Just teasing. But seriously, you could invite the couple you had lunch with for dessert as suggested by Janet. You don't even have to cook, just pick up something pretty at the bakery and make a pot of coffee. Or, failing that, grocery store frozen food depts usually have something that would work. I've never been a cook but I know presentation is important. To really feel festive you could use some of those little paper doilies, decorative napkins, etc. Go for it, Marsh. Do something for YOU, you deserve it.
marsh and others I know about the feeling. I so miss having intelligent conversation with friends. The last few months I have been feeling tired and exhausted most of the time and I am taking The generic celexia 10 mg. I don't know if it is depression or something else wrong. Today I finally called my pcp and he is seeing me tomorrow. I feel like when you have the flu with weak legs and just tired. I am thinking a change in anti depressant might be called for.
Marsh-when I go out for lunch and see a table of men enjoying each other's friendship it hurts so bad that my husband can't have that. We have all lost what should have been our golden years. A pity party is ok as long as it doesn't go on for too long. Of course we are here for you-but that's not the same as down home friendship. Try to accept that your socialization will have to change as your wife declines. I hope your community is there for you.
and maybe it's the weather. We are so rained in here, all up the east coast, that it made the tv news today when someone saw a glimpse of blue sky!! It's been about 25 days out of 30 here. Not RAIN, but rain, drizzle, mist, fog, and more of the same!
lmohr is right marsh, intelligent conversation with friends sounds great! I do miss that and the company. I say, go for it. Start small. Easy for me to say, I can't seem to get their yet...M
Marsh....only one saying comes to mind...Physician, Heal thyself. (I don;t think that is written in the bible). I can understand how you miss having couples over, since it has been at least two years that anyone has visited us. My dw was very active in bible groups, and I always looked forward to the studies. Now, she is having lots of trouble reading and comprehending, and loses her attention when trying to read the Bible. But, I think if you approach your church, you will find that there will be several couples who will accept your invitation and join you. I will join with you in prayer, and you will see the effects it has.....Hang in there Doc....
We don't have any couples that we have been social with. Even when we lived in Oregon and Art was the head usher at church, we still did not. Yes, we would go to Bible study in peoples homes, but that was it. Just before we lost the house, Art was meeting the guys from the seniors group at the auction on Tuesday. Never knew what he would come home with. He was unemployed so this gave him something to do. All I wanted was a couple Western Red Cedars and he came home with a package of 250 seedlings.
The only people we have to chat with are my sister, son and dil and then the grandkids ages 3 and 1.