Texas Joe wrote: "I can reciprocate when there are other needs and my brain is straightened out by the drugs" - Yes! I was recently switched from Lexapro (3 years) to Cymbalta and I that's the feeling, like my brain was "cleared up" leaving me able to use some of the many tools I've gotten from talk therapy, books, this forum, friends, etc. I feel I can think more clearly about options and changing perspectives. I had gotten to the point where I wasn't suicidal but just did not care whether I lived or not and couldn't imagine feeling differently.
Good luck with dr. appt. I'm up early looking for my calendar as I have a dr. appt. today and can't find my calendar so have no idea what time the appt. is. Wonder if I take some of husband's Aricept he no longer takes if it will clear up my caregiver's dementia.
Mary, it looks like you've re-started that great big circle we had going a few months ago. Okay, phranque's holding your hand, you're holding one of TJ's, I've got his other one and am holding my empty one out to . . .???
TexasJoe - whazzup with making you wait a month! When a person is depressed enough to ask for an antideppressant which can take nearly a month for full effect, they shouldn't have to wait an entire month for the appointment. That happened to me too but I called back and said, "I really need to see the doctor soon." They don't like to mess around if people really need to see them and I know it's hard to talk about it, but it shows great courage to ask for help to keep you in good shape for your new role.
terry, her office said she was going on vacation in July, and that's why there is such a wait. If she is booked up intil she goes on vacation for two weeks, that would push the first available time out to the latter part of the month. I understand that. It's just the story of my life. I keep trying to set my expectations low, but sometimes even I am surprised.
TJ you are so not wimpy, or weak or any other negative word you can think of. You are a strong, proud, caring man who has been given this responsibility to care for the woman you so dearly love. Hard as it may be, and I know it is, you will make it. With prayers, love and your connection to your online family who care for each other so much. I too am going thru this horrible journey with my husband. He has early onset alzheimer's disease. It is not fun, exciting, or anything positive. It is horrible, degrading, and down right mean to everyone in it's path. There are only a few things that get me thru the bad days. It is my faith in God and this site. I read as many post as I can and get my strength from them. Yours are some of them that help get me thru. Not because they are so beautifully written,,,,,, lol, but because they remind me that I too can get thru this. By the way, I also depend on my "chill pills" as my family calls them. My husband who has eoad, even ask me on bad days if I took my chll pill today? Seems like even tho he doesn't remember who his grandkids are, he remembers my chill pills. They are wonderful, very tiny, blue, and a life saver,,,,,,,, really........ Please for all of us and your wife and yourself give in and get some. It just takes a litte, to make the difference. Don't leave us alone with this disease, we need you and you humor and input...... Praying for you and yours....... God Bless.
TJ- that is way too long a wait. you should call her back and ask for a referral to another dr who can see you right away. tell her you cant wait and i'll bet 5dol she will work you in and NOT want to give you a referral. if she does good. you can get in sooner to see someone else for the first visit and then if you want return to this dr for followup meds. you need to go soon. it could be a very long time before you even start meds. just my opinion. you can always come back to this dr if you like her but its imperative you get in. divvi
Thanks my friends for your advice. You are right, I need to see someone earlier....I've also lost 2 inches off my waist, which I need to reverse (32 down to 30). I'll call tomorrow. Gee, I hope they're not all playing golf tomorrow.
Geez. joe....down to a 30!!!! EAT SOMETHING GOOEY! EVERY DAY!! Really, what I wanted to say was that if no one will see you within a couple/three days, hon, GO TO THE E.R.! That's what I've been told to do when I've felt like I've been in crisis......(and sometimes you seem like it IS a crisis situation, dearest). No shame in that. At any rate, try to get help faster than your "soonest appointment". Love your way....Jen
Joe, I have a recipe for a simple to make "Gooey Louie Cake" that is delicious and will put those pounds back on you pronto. Let me know and I'll send you the recipe.
Good for you Joe. I've learned the hard way how to talk to doctors. Be clear about what you want especially when speaking to a nurse or assistant. "I need to get started on an anti-depressant soon." If your doctor has seen you recently she/he probably won't hesitate to spend a couple minutes with you, give you a prescription or samples of Prozac, Lexapro (SSRIs) or Wellbutrin to start on until your 7-22 appt. Those are the three biggies drs. usually prescribe to start. Sometimes it takes awhile to find the right one. Another reason not to wait.
You don't need to go to the E.R. almost all towns have walk in clinics of some sort, even here in this tiny hamlet. Anti-depressants don't make anyone high so the doctors don't develop that fear of the "drug seeker" they might if you were looking for pain meds. Tell almost any dr. you're caring for an AD spouse and they'll write you a script pretty quick.
As for your weight loss, you could self-medicate with out-of-the oven chocolate chip cookies, brownies, hot fudge sundays, fudge.....to raise your seratonin levels like I did and then you could be depressed for an altogether different reason.
TJ, I still have your hand, and will keep holding it.....I may have to drag you to my doctor if yours won't either work you in (did you explain the reason for needing the appt?).....
Terry, the problem is, this is my wife's pcp, and I had asked her some time ago if she would take me too, since my pcp was just about to retire, and was 10 miles further down the road. She said yes, but I have never been to see her about me yet, so no info on file, and she knows nothing about me, health-wise. So no quick samples, I suspect, but rather a physical and/or blood work from one of her partners, providing of course I can get an earlier appt. with one of them. I will try my best at any rate.
Mary, I did not explain the reason...stupid of me as usual...kind of like asking directions (not manly).
When you call back, tell them why you need the appt ASAP....and if you have to wait, there are clinics around, and they are usually walk-in and less costly than the ER, but you shouldn't wait a month...please...
well TJ, a physical and bloodwork is a good thing especially since you are probably due for one???:), stressed out caregivers like ourselves must try to keep up our own health along the way! hope you succeed in upping the appt day. good luck, divvi
Those clinics should be reported...but then there are a lot of doctors who won't treat Medicare patients either...they don't want a cut in pay and have enough patients who are willing to pay cash and then get reimbursed from Medicare to go to that doctor...Our system is already messed up, and now they want to do the same to everyone!!!
TJ: That's not a problem. You'll be surprised what a cursory exam they'll give you for the initial appt. to get a script. I've never had blood work for an antidepessant. Some of the really strong (non SSRIs) might need blood checked every so often. I've been on several different anti-Ds over the years and never had blood work required. In fact it was basically just weight, blood pressure, are you allergic?
I just finished 8 weeks of sessions with the psychologist who did my H's neuropsych tests. He asked me if I was interested in seeing him for depression. This dr. being your wife's is an advantage for you. You won't have to explain much of anything. I think you'll feel better just talking with her.
OMG, I must really be screwed up more than I thought...I couldn't even make a dr. appt. without starting to break down..got an 11:00 for tomorrow. I'm o.k. now, but geez!
TJ, I am so proud of you!!!!! You hang in there until tomorrow when you get to the doctor. Tell her about your wife's AD, how long you have been taking care of her, and how you feel and be totally honest and don't hold back. She'll need to know in order to treat you. I've still got your hand!!!
We're all holding on tight to you, TJoe....I've got a your hand and a shirt-tail. You're not going to drop! You've got a lot of support here and you're my hero and a lot of other's, too, I'll bet!
And, someone take hold of my feet and trouser legs!!! My elder law attorney appointment is today at 3...not 4 as I thought. Keep me in your minds at that time. I hope to have LOTS of answers to my questions when I come home. Know I'll have to go back and it will probably go on and on. Things are NEVER just that easy for me!!
With such special people like you all holding on, how could I fail? I am looking forward to better days of coping, after being in denial so long. You're in my thoughts this afternoon, StuntGirl.
Well TJ, looks like when we get 'bossy' things start moving! i am very impressed you make the move to get in tomorrow. did you get to see the reg dr or a referral?NOW we're talking, bigguy! cant wait to hear what they give you. :) in 3wks time we will be talking with a much happier and less stressed guy! pats on the back! divvi stuntgirl i hope you get all your answers today!
My sister has experienced that problem - not accepting if you pay cash. She needed her back brace and the company she went to that made it previously would not do again because this time she was paying cash. She didn't like the ophthalmologist that Kaiser has so she went to an outside one. They will accept cash even though she has medicare.
In my book - I would take cash any day over insurance if it were me.
I just assumed it was the regular dr.,divvi, since she hasn't left on vacation yet, but it could be one of her partners...I didn't ask. Don't care at this point. So....after I'm on these things for about 3 weeks I won't be lonely any more, or I just won't care?
Me too, Charlotte. Who are the goofy people who make up these stupid rules, anyhow?
TJ: No, you're not more screwed up than you thought. I always break down too in that type of circumstance. You've been holding this in without voicing it, maybe never said anything out loud to anyone. Something about giving voice to that emotion, or the relief or release, not exactly sure, but I'm pretty sure it's pretty common. Working up to making this appointment has been an emotional ordeal, that's why everyone's so proud of you!
Now you might not want to mention anything about DANGLING ROPES. You want an anti-depressant not a 72-hour hold.
You are right, terry, I have never ever voiced any of this to anyone. Boy, I wonder how it's going to go in front of the dr. Geez, I hope I can keep it together and not embarrass myself. No, I won't mention the ropes.....I don't want to be put away for 3 days.....what would I do with DW?
With the anti-depressant, it's not that you won't be lonely or won't care. It's hard to explain. Things just won't bother you as much. Before I went on the anti-depressant, I would wake up every morning, and not be able to get out of bed. I could not face the day. That feeling went away with the pills.
Medications are like Alzheimer's Disease - they affect different people differently. So if you are dancing around and singing after a few weeks, we'll know they REALLY affected you. (just kidding)
Joan, I sure hope something helps....I can't stand much more of the down times...they feel the same as the broken heart feeling you get when you get dumped by a girl. I've had enough of that during my life....I can count nine times. That's what was so great about being married....it put an end to that worry..up until now, that is. I need something/someone I can count on to be there no matter what, so that there is no reason to be 'down'. There is no worse feeling, whether it is grief from loss of a loved one (Including thru dementia), divorce, or being dumped. All the same kind of pain and loneliness and disappointment.
Joan's right it is different for everyone but I think most people would feel something has been "lifted" from them when it begins to work. It won't get rid of sadness. We're all learning to live with sadness. But for me beginning an antidressant has broken crying jag cycles and the darkest despair and hopelessness. They can clear the fog so you are able and want to see different perspectives and "FEEL" some other emotions like joy and compassion. My recent switch to a different antidepressant has done exactly that for me.
Just set a goal for your dr. appt. and that is: "to embarrass yourself." Then if you do you can consider it a big success. I've learned to take joy in embarrassing myself. I've finally learned to stop saying, "OMG I'm so embarrassed." I think in my case it really kinda goes without saying. And frankly it's kinda fun. You'll find it a relief to talk about it so not to worry.
Texas Joe--take this from a caregiver who's been there and done that, for a looong time too. The antidepressant will level out the brain chemistry so you can function and start doing things to make your situation better. The med won't take away the stress or the loneliness. What it will do is get you off the the roller coaster ride into the abyss. You'll be able to handle the glitches that send you spiralling now and you'll be able to plan and arrange changes like maybe some respite care, or in-home help to relive the load and give yourself some "you" time. Take the Tai-chi class you were talking about. Watch the papers for concerts, lectures, sporting events, and go to one once in a while. If you used to belong to a bowling league, or did some other activity with a social group--reconnect. You've mentioned your landscaping project--connect with a horticulture group. Every step you take will make you stronger, healthier and a better cargiver. This won't be an instant cure thing. But, everytime you obey the "Take care of yourself" rule of caregiving you will defuse the power of the stresses in your life and you'll build connections which will make your life less lonely. You're making the first step--and it's huge. The ones to come will get easier. And remember, we're here to cheer you on, lend an ear, whatever it takes.