I want to apologize for being such a needy wimp. Years of being without my better half have drained me of any strength I may have accumulated during our time of being a dynamic duo, with her always there backing me up. My spine has been sucked out of me, leaving me a vulnerable pile of protoplasm. With her as the other half of our team, we (and I alone) could do anything. As I have said before, I have never lived alone, and yet I have now for several years and hate it, and have the added burden of being solely responsible for a helpless human being that was so much a part of me for so long. I will try to keep the pleas for the rope to a minimum, but short of finding a solution to this loneliness situation, I fear I will be back from time to time. Please bear with me, and thanks for all the support previously given.
Texas Joe, You can do this and your DW would want you to so DO NOT get down on yourself. I have said a prayer for you and I know you will be okay. You haven't come this far to give up now. Hang in there. God Bless. Jean
TJ what is your problem??? You have lost everything you hoped to have. You have the total responsibility of two people. You now live in a vacuum. Nothing is fun and won't ever be again. If something drops on the floor it will remain there until you pick it up. Ya-I guess you are a wimp. That's why we're here. We understand.
I understand TJ. I truly do. It's really hard for Texas men to stand on one leg so long, and essentially, I bet that's how you feel. I understand, but in a totally different way. We were married late in life, 1991, and we had a partnership. He's reneigned on his half. Simple as that! This was not in our plan.
It's not hard to do nice things for loved ones when they can reciprocate. With this, it's all one sided. You are allowed to feel bad, and feel sorry for yourself and ask "why is this happening". It's absolutely all right. I just wish we all had the answer to that last question. If I could reach you right now, I'd give you the biggest bear hug you ever had...and would rub your back up and down at the same time.. Can you feel it. Nawwww, cyber hugs aren't the same as the real ones. But, I tried!!!! :-) Love,Nancy
TJ-we have been tellling you for some time y ou need to see a dr about an antidepressant to subside these negative feelings which are often and increasing in intensity. it doesnt have to be forever, just to get you thinking more rationally. you have refused this advice from MANY who have beene exactly where you are with such negativity mounting-but the way you are heading i am not sure you can take the years ahead without something to see you thru. divvi
ditto divvi. TJ good advice and when later you feel better you can wean yourself off it. Definetly the best way to go, as others here have advised. There will be a day when we will all feel better so we need to keep our health on track so we can take advantage of it.
TG, heed the above advice as soon as possible. You have come too far to let this horrible thing destroy you too. Get the help you need now - you'll be better for it in the long run. Big hugs to you - keep the faith!
I agree with divvi,Imohr and Vicki take there advice seek help for yourself then you can deal with dw better, , i admire you for hanging in there and you can hold on to that rope as long and as often as you want, we will all be there to pull you up
It is not necessary to aplogize. We are ALL needy at one time or another. The whole purpose of this website is for spouses who understand what it is to have a husband/wife with AD to give support to each other.
I do agree with everyone else - see the doctor about an anit-depressant. Consider it a knot on the rope, not a sign of weakness.
TJ, I never thought I would have to do it, but I finally asked my Doctor to prescribe an anti depressant for me. The stress and responsibility became too great for me. I have been taking Lexapro for a couple of months, it has really cleared up my mind, I fell much better than I did and now I can take the ups and downs of AD in stride.
I know I am not under the stress that you are, my wife in now in a NF, but the Lexapro did help me through this phase of my life. If you feel you need something to help you, there is no reason not to ask your Doctor to prescibe something to help you through this stage of your life. Trust us it will help you.
Hey, TJOE! You're one of my heroes and favorite "my kind of man" members here. You help put wind in my own sails lots of the time! YOU CAN get thru these ugly black blues. Even if you don't feel it or care sometimes, tomorrow IS coming. You have lots of back up help here, NEVER be afraid to spill it out on us. ( I slosh all over EVERYone here and they all understand, I think). Hang on, hon, a new and better time IS coming. Not now, but soon, as my favorite song says. DO see your PCP or a pshychologist for some medication to help you along the rough parts. The right medication (and it doesn't have to be something strong or frightening or expensive) can work wonders on how we feel. Don't know who ISN'T on some sort of antidepressant here. I'm taking a little Prozac and then some Clonazapam for particularly stressful moments (I have panic attacks and can't breathe). I USED to take several other things to deal with the stress on top of those, but have been able to wean myself off them and am taking things better lately. It comes in cycles, it seems. Taking medication doesn't make you "sick" or "weak".....and who needs to know anyway, but you and your dr. and pharmacist! Love, Jen
TJ, you CAN do this, after all you have US! Have a heart to heart with your doc. God knows if anyone needs a little help from a bottle, it is a fulltime caregiver. Cut yourself some slack and let me be the first to break it to you.........you are only human! Arms around,Susan
Well, it looks like the consensus is that I get some "happy" pills, so I will research it (side effects, cost - since I did not opt for the Medicare drug plans since I don't take any meds). I just don't want to faint while trying to xfer DW from the car to her transport chair in 100 degree heat. Thanks one and all for your understanding and support (and knotted rope).
TJ...remember how we once had a leaky boat, and now we have a cruise ship...also remember that we have the rope, and you can always try to smoke it.....but a word of caution..I just realized that someone has been using nylon braided rope.......BEWARE...you cannot smoke that one...I tried,, and I am still coughing up an acrid black smoke.... There will be a light at the end of the tunnel.....you need to open your eyes wide enough to see it.... And this is coming from a guy who is 12 yrs younger than you, and who scored a 73 on the stress levels.... You do not need to apologize...ever....after all, I doubt that you wanted all this....it is not how afflicted you are, but how you recover from the affliction. Follow everybody's advice, and if that does not work, follow the redneck remedy.....use duct tape. Hugs and I just tied a female companion to a knot on the rope just for you......hope I can remember to make a knot that can be untied........
Good heavens. I'd hatae to think I was a wimp every time I broke down. For a while it was on a daily basis--truly. Then PCP put me on sertaline. Marvelous change. I feel like I can handle just about anything and I don't have sad or morose feelings of negativity.
This stress can change the chemistry of your brain. The anti-depresentants will even out the chemistry. Please see your doctor. You can make yourself REALLY sick and then you won't be any good to your DW or us either.
TJoe, everybody seems to have covered everything I might say, so I'll just send you a big hug up ole IH-35 from Austin. When it gets to the split, does it take 35E or 35W?? Hang on buddy, you've got too many friends and cyber family members here to stay down for long.
OK, Listen UP, Texas Joe. This is TEXAS NANCY B calling. (I'm standing up on a stool so I can be very tall and talk down to you!!) Anti depressants are NOT tranquilizers. Repeat that. Anti depressants are NOT tranquilizers. You wil NOT faint taking your sweet wife to the car if you take Effexor, Zoloft, etc. You think just like a MAN!!!! :-) Also, they won't kick in for about 3 weeks, so don't take 3 or 4 and then quit thinking they aren't working! This is a chemical imbalance..and it takes time for the body/brain to assemilate the drugs and get them 'on line'. Dad gum it... You have a Master's Degree..you are an intelligent man. I want you to feel better and I can't fix you from here. But, don't worry. I'm still hanging on to the back of your belt...and I'm still lovin' you.
You guys are so great! I couldn't belong to a finer family. Doneit, I am an adopted Texan...DW dragged me here in 1965...I'm a native Californian, but you're still right! The TV ads for some of the happy pills scare me to death...side effects like suicide, stroke, etc., or is that something else? That's why I need to research - and pay closer attention to the ads when they play.
TJ - GO TO YOUR DOCTOR.....He'll get you on something that doesn't have side effects...AND ASK FOR SOME OF HIS SAMPLES.... all doctors have samples that they can give out to those who need them...especially to see if they will help you. MAKE THE APPOINTMENT RIGHT NOW!!!!
If you knew all of the side effects for any drug, you wouldn't take it. Even the side effects from aspirin can scare you. I take 20 mg of citalopram (generic for celexa) and it has helped me tremendously. My doctor talked me into taking it because I was such a basketcase and it was starting to affect my general health. After about 3 weeks I was coping much better. It didn't take away my feelings but allowed me to continue forward everyday. Also there are a couple other anti-depressants that are generic and very low cost. I pay $10 for a three month supply at Walmart for my pills.
TJ, I think you are getting some very good advice here from these very experienced folks. I have had some very serious problems with depression and am now taking Lexpro and it is doing me a lot of good. It is not a panacea. It actually gives me enegry. I now take a sleeping pill to unwind at night. Look up synomons for "emotion" and you will find literally doz of doz. They are just as in need of trealtment as high blood pressure. Youl seem to think that it is not macho and I say it is very macho to admit that we are prone to depression and should intellegintly do something to help us. Go for it. It's good. Trust us. bill
Pay close attention to ALL the ads then Joe, not just the ones for anti-depressant. Have you heard the latest Celebrex ad? They took them off bec. there was too much they said that was inaccurate, or the med was dangerous, but now it's back and all tied up in legal language like you wouldn't believe.
My daughter would not be alive today if not for paxil. She had attempted suicide (not on any drugs or alcohol) in her first year in college - call for help but a serious one; a lot of depression runs in her birth family. And when she went on paxil a few years later she began to get really better and has BEEN really better ever since.. 15 years or so now. Lives a happy productive life.
It's not that you will be put on something you have to stay on for life. It's that right now you need something quite seriously. I'm sure it doesn't help your wife to be cared for someone who's as depressed as you are.
Remember the old Monty Python song: Always look on the Bright Side of Life!
Natural Factors has some natural help for depression and stress. Some others here take the Stress Formula. I emailed them and they sent me some samples of 5 different products and literature on them.
For over 10 years I was on prozac - not as much as the doctor wanted but what it took for me to feel good. I got muscle spasms from it so had to cut the dosage to every other day, but it worked for me. I was suffering PTSD from childhood abuse. I quit when I was feeling worse on it - I always have had suicidal thoughts but was where I wanted to act on them again so I quit and was better.
You are a strong enough man that I know once you felt you did not need it anymore that you would wean yourself off. FYI - you would be amazed at the number of over 50 group that are on anti-depressants. Something about the serotonin levels drop in the second half of the century.
Well, TexasJoe, the hug may be slow to get there. I've been making the Austin/DFW drive regularly for about 10 years now and 35E ALWAYS has some construction, plus I get slowed down when my truck automatically pulls into the outlet shops in Hillsboro...Anyway, here comes that HUG -- watch for it now...
Naw, not a semi, just my little Tundra. I had "truck envy" for years so finally about 5 years ago I bought myself a pick'emuptruck. Lots of us Texas gals drive trucks, especially in the little town we live in. I've been retired for 10+ years and still wonder what happend to the little nail polished, suit and heels-wearing, hairdo fixed, sedan-driving lady that used to be me...now as I live in my jeans every day I don't really look for her, just sometimes wonder where she went...Now that I think about it, maybe she knew dementia was coming and that's why she left!
Dear TJ--I've just read all of these posts. It sounds to me as if you really should see your doctor because it doesn't look like your friends are going to let up on you any time soon. (smile)
Blessings TJ--We just want you to feel better. 'kay?
TJ, the drug companies are practicing very thorough CYA with those warnings. Air can be deadly if injected into a vein. Water can kill you if it gets into your lungs rather than going down your esophagus into your stomach. A lot of emotion has to do with brain chemistry. The chemical formula gets screwed up by, among other things, unrelenting stress. The recipe needs to be adjusted. If you don't take of care this we're going to have to make you the object of attention on the slapfest. Go, guy!
I tried to add my encouragement to you Texas Joe, but evidently it didn't go through.. Just know that you have some mighty warriors on your case and I'm hoping that you will be reporting soon that you are feeling much much better!!
Thanks again, all of you....today I called the PCP to get an appointment. They will call me tomorrow, since she is out of the office today. Your caring and advice is deeply appreciated. I hope now I won't be slapped! (Maybe spanked??):)
Texas Joe: I was just thinking of you and how jealous I am that you have at least 25 beautiful women who are lavishing their attention on you, and are willing to even wipe your butt when you need it. You are the luckiest guy in the world to have made so many endearing friends who still have the extra power to give even after all they are going through. Think about it Joe....These girls are taking their precious time to talk to you....and you are surrounded by the most caring people in the world. You should feel like a sheik with a Harem......now I am sure you might find that one of them would be willing to spank you silly.....you lucky dog.....
Phranque, you are absolutely right (not so sure about the butt thing tho'). I am indeed fortunate and appreciative and only hope I can reciprocate when there are other needs and my brain is straightened out by the drugs. I'm already feeling good again because of all the caring of this group (and that does include guys too, but let's face it, I like women better than men...something in my DNA).