YES, she showed up quite unannounced! I tried to be as open as I usually am, and very up and friendly....John was pretty good and talkative, needing little prompting which was good I thought. Then, like I said, he started all that old crap about boyfriends......she later asked me if any of it were true in any way. I said it was patently untrue...his fantasy. It bothered me that she knew so much personal data about me already.....it must have come from our" evil issue".....I mean, our kids. Tonight, John is back to his old raving self, calling me names, telling me about finding me with three men (?). I thought I was over that stuff hurting me. Now, tonight, I'm just angry and unable, unwilling to do much for him.....going to bed....he's already there. Can you believe this....he went up the stairs by himself!!! Got dressed and in the bed by himself!!! What the H&%$$ is going on with THAT? Adrenaline/???? Thanks for thinking of me. Yes, when the investigator left she told me that this was one of the higher ends of the situations she has to investigate. SO, maybe she'll go back and report that this is a waste of time. Hope so, anyway. Hey, if I ever were with THREE men at one time, what a lot of work I would have made them do for me in return!!! I'd have a whole new hay-barn built (at LEAST...I'm WORTH it!).
I wonder what she meant by saying this was one of the "higher ends of the situations she has to investigate". Did she mean "more serious" or what? Did you sense she "got it",...meaning that you were simply coping and doing the best you could do with a husband who was mentally challenged.. I can usually feel in my gut if we connected or not. I have an idea. Call her in the morning..and sweetly thank her for coming by and asking if she "had thought of any other questions you might be able to answer for her..." Show NO fear!!! HaHa.. before you know it, she'll be riding on YOUR horses and it' will be just fine! You can do it! gal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Our incredible psychologist met with the entire family almost 4 years ago when he was formally diagnosed. You could cut the tension in the room with a knife. She began her part of the called meeting by asking about Foster's professional background. It had been rather outstanding...and her response was, "Darn! I KNEW I should have worn my pantyhose today!" The entire room broke out in laughter and the tension was broken. Turn the tables and INVITE her to come back soon, and hopefully John will have 'forgotten about the three 'other men' supposedly in your life..and laugh about that!! She'll get the drift. I'd say something like, "Sometimes it's easier to go along with his delusions than try to convince him otherwise". She would have to agree.
Again, dear Jen............with all that you are having to do, I know she makes you nervous,...so just rope her gently and pull her in. (Ya' gotta learn a few rodeo tricks!) ..nancyb
Nancy B.....I just did as you suggested....left a message on her voice mail and invited her back, anytime. Told her that if she thought of any other questions that remained unanswered, not to hesitate to give me a call. Gave her my personal cell number as well as leaving my home number again. In answer to your questions, I got the feeling that she was impressed with the level of care John is getting. (I did note that when I showed her arouond the house that she was surprised to learn that John and I still share the same bedroom). I took that as something positive. Ya never know......like I said, she presented herself in a VERY professional manner and showed next to no reaction.
Good for you!... She'll have to see that you have nothing to hide, and are open and honest about all you are doing. I'm sure she can't share too much information with you re: the original complaint, etc. Just work toward making her be "your" friend, and vice versa... Have a clipboard with medical notes on it, so she'll see you're on top of everything. I keep a list of DH meds in the computer and print them out each time the doctor comes.. He's always impressed. I'll send you a copy, so you'll see what I have done. Complete down to and including a description of each pill and what it's for - so DH understands why he takes them. We had a time when he'd say, "What's that? Never took it before!!".... This solved this challenge. I'm really proud of how far you've come and how you are handling all you have on your plate. nancyb
TAAAA-DAAAAAAAA! John and I just got back home from the Elder law attorney's office. Gave him the $10000 bill from the nursing home. He asked, "did you sign anything". I said no. Said he'd take care of it. Asked about the safety of my property if John were having to go into a nursing facility any time soon. NO problem. Asked if we can have a joint account of any kind. No problem. Don't worry, I won't be left penniless. Anyhow, to make a long story short and not to go into all my issues again in depth, I'm told to stop thinking so much and worrrying. There, there, shhhhhhhhh, everything is okay, you're doing the right thing.....and good I've paid off the farm and everything is in my name. I'm going outside now, while John sleeps. (He went with me and voiced his opinions, looked interested in what was going on) My lawyer was familiar with the investigator involved in the APS case.....said he'd talk with her and also John's neurologist so we could speed those issues up, too. WHEW!
I'm elated. I'm unburdened. I feel so good tonight. I will not go to the poorhouse or have to live at the Valley Mission downtown or the YWCA. I WILL NOT have to go to jail. I DO NOT have to pay that $10,000 nursing home bill!!! I'll write more later, but must go to bed early. I came home and "tractored" most of the rest of my day away, happily! Now I'm tired. Later, friends!!!
You've really stepped up to the plate and hit a home run! Good for you. So glad your major burdens are lifted from your shoulders.. Now..."all you have to do" is take care of an Alzheimer's Spouse. sigh. Insider's comment..not meant to be cruel...it's Caregiver Humor...weakly put.