My dh has not been dx. However, all signs point to FTD. He is 79 years old. He has been getting worse, and not making good decisions, ie, executive decisions. It's one of those cases where he seems ok and he doesn't seem ok. He was dx with MCI over a year ago. I think he's crossed over into FTD. I have durable power of attorney. However, I'm wondering if I need to get guardianship also. This is a second marriage, and grown hostile step-kids could be a problem down the road. I've been watching Jen's posts, and I could be in the same boat with the step-kids. Someday I will push for dx, but due to step-kid situation, am holding off until necessary going public with his family on what I think is going on with him. I'm wondering how to present the subject of guardianship to him, to get him to accept it? Thank you for your suggestions.
I said dx hasn't been diagnosed. What I meant to say was that he was dx with MCI, but the doctor at that time was all over the place with what he thought he had, and then didn't think he had. The doctor didn't seem to know definitively what was going on with him. So I don't think he got a "diagnosis." But his behavior sure points towards FTD. And I think it probably was MCI, which escalated across into FTD.
Hanging On, I'm not sure why you feel it necessary to hold of on a diagnosis at this point.
As for the guardianship, you legally don't need his permission and if it is necessary he might not agree to it anyway. And, the court would be involved and have to notify his immediate family that you are asking for guardianship. The court has to determine that he needs a guardian and you are the best person if so. And, the court would appoint a guardian ad litum-an atty. to represent his best interests (not what he wants but what is best). They will need feedback from a dr. at that point about his health, or at least confirm that he can no longer manage his personal and/or property (depending on the language in your state and what you need).
Hanging On - diagnosis is also very hard to do especially in the beginning. My hb was diagnosed first with AD, then we went to another neuro who diagnosed aMCI. His PCP last month said there could possible be some LBD due to the tremors muscle spasms he has at night. But, the symptoms can also go with FTD and the neuropsych mentioned that possibility in his report due to some of the test results. There was a women on her whose husband died last year that found out after he died the he also had LBD. All we can do is hang in there and wait the progression out. Oh, Jen's situation I think is entirely different than yours, thank goodness.
Guardianship is decided by the court, unlike the POA, so no signature needed. The court just needs to determine that he cannot manage his "person" (and/or property) and that the person applying is the best person. I could not get a new POA signed and could not find an existing one, and with imminent risk of money disappearing, it was the only way to go for me.
That is my situation, too, Imohr. It's all about control, to him, and I can't think of a way to broach it to him w/o him acting out over his objecting to my trying to get control over him. In fact, what I am trying to do is to make sure his family can't come in and cause trouble, and also to make sure that he doesn't make some financial decisions that are bad for us. I am in control of the finances; however, he rules through intimidation and can cause me much trouble.
if your DH has only a diagnosis of MCI and nothing else i think it may be rather difficult to get a guardianship at this point. if you think he is in danger of making critical decisions then you should get him back into the drs office and get more evaluation done to try to confirm your ideas. without a dr opinion on board to satisfy a court you may be in for opposition. esp if DH opposes on his own. or worse gets an atty for himself. i would start documenting moments that seem to justify your conclusions that the MCI has crossed over to FTD symptoms so you can back that up. divvi
Thanks, Divvi. I have lots of documentation. I am waiting until he pulls another big event, so that I have some muscle. We almost got a divorce over his acting out when I got him into the neuro for the initial evaluation. So I am waiting for another biggie on dh's part, so that I can take some further action. He has been physical towards me several times, either actually or through threats, so he's prime for another go at it. Hence, FTD, together with other symptoms. Thank God and Joan for this wonderful web site. I have learned so much.
Be very careful hanging on. Things can get bad fast. Keep your cell phone on you and, oh my, you can't get anything for the violence without a dx!!!!!!!
Hangin On, One episode of actual violence (whether you are hurt or not) requires action. Not sure why you would tolerate more than one. It won't get better. You need meds for him. Now.
Hanginon..when I heard the word control, I was reminded how my dw thinks that I control everything she does. Nothing is further from the truth, but in essense, she feels that because she no longer can control herself, she feels that I took it from her. Yes, I am a wimp, and have run from my 106 lb 5'3" wife in genuine fear, but now I recognize the look, and immediately run from the house and head for the hills.//..she sometimes tries to follow me, but I manage to evade until she calms down...and then, it is all forgotten like it never happened...but, beware of physical confrontations. They could escalate and you could get hurt. And I will not call 911, because it would break my heart to see her arrested. She does not like to be restrained by any means, and that would cause her lots of anguish. And what would I do if the police took her....domestic violence?? No way...I feel it is not intentional, and I am quick on my feet when I see the storm brewing....and I can still run like a kid and jump fences......(but it hurts real bad the next day) Just be cautious and stay safe......hugs
Caregivers have been seriously injured and killed (hurt is hurt and dead is dead, even if it is not intentional). Calling 911 because a spouse is violent or threatens violence doesn't mean they are arrested. It may mean they are escorted to a psychiatric er. If someone needs help and is unable to help themselves, especially a spouse, you get them the help they need. When someone is a threat to themselves or someone else, my concern about them being restrained goes out the door.
I had a chuckle about your post, phrange. I can see you jumping the fence. (grin) My dh is very tippy. All I would have to do is get him the slightest off balance, and down he would go. That would end it. I have seen a change in his facial expression in the last 12 months. That ALZ devil look that Joan talks about with Sid. I have seen it on him. The look around the eyes is also telling, in that he seems recessed there, and strained looking in that area. Just different. Of course, most of the time he's ok, until there's another "off" moment. Like they say on this site, if you think something is wrong, it is.
My FIL has been docile through the whole process. They give him Seroquel in the AD unit but he never had anything before going in there - no drugs at all. My hb's temperament has always been similar so I hope he goes the same - docile.
If your LO's behavior becomes a danger to themselves or anyone else, call the Police. Tell them what the situation is and haved them take your LO to the Hospital. Medical personnel can intervene with med issues. If the Documents you have are not sufficient, the hospital can request a Guardian to be appointed, since your LO cannot (is not capable of) sign for treatment themselves. You will be informed and can attend and request that you be given Guardianship, but it is up to the court to decide. If other family members (immediate) are there, they could also ask to have it. The Court can assign a relative or even a total stranger (employed through the Court System). When I had to apply for Guardianship, my daughter (in CA) was notified. The ad litum consulted her by phone about it, along with Dh's Drs., Caseworkers, and DH himself. I just explained to him that we had to get the Guardianship because of our bankruptcy (another story) and that it is stronger than the DPOA. He clearly told the ad litum he wanted me to take care of him and his business with no chance any of his family could interfer. All sources the ad litum consulted concurred with our Daughter.
You are not betraying your LO when you call in the authorities to take them to the hospital. You are doing what we all are committed to doing--KEEPING THEM SAFE. You are getting them needed medical treatment and preventing them from the consequences of bad actions on their part. And for the gentlemen caregivers, calling the authorities will circumvent the "spousal abuse issue". The authorities have training in handling and containing the person who is out of control.
Hanging On Even though you attain guardianship that does not mean that you cannot be removed as guardian if someone claims you are not taking care of him or his funds properly. It is not a once done deal.
Jane -- True. And I do have to file a report annually on his care. However, if anyone wants to contest my being Guardian, they must petition the court, and prove that I'm not taking care of him and/or his funds properly.
In our case, since no one in his family cares to be around, they haven't much of leg to stand on.
carosi, I was directing my answer to Hanging On, She feels there may be trouble down the road with family members and wonders about obtaining guardianship now. That is the reason I posted, it was to her and not in your situation.
Thanks so much to everyone who has posted to help with my questions about guardianship. I've saved your answers to a file. I really appreciate your taking time to help me. At this point, I'm gathering info, so when or if I get ready to have to address this, I go in prepared. I like what you all have been saying to Jen in the latest postings on her situation. Jane, you have much insight. Thanks so much for helping all of us. Hugs to all of you.
Can someone explain how much Legal Guardianshop costs (Ball Park figure) and who pays? I know the lawyer involved would have to be paid but how about court costs?
Never mind. I googled Guardianship for Ohio and decided it isn't worth the bother. I made a couple of phone calls and got SIL's annuities straightened out so I shouldn't have to mess with them any more.
I am applying for legal Guardianship. The kids both had to sign a form, and our doctor. I will have to appear in court, and the judge will probably visit DH at our home. I don't need a lawyer. There is a standard fee so it shouldn\t be too terribly expensive. Our accountant thought it would be a good thing since we have a lot of paper work to deal with in the next couple years (liquidation of limited liability companies) and DH's signature has become iffy. This Guardianship is for both financial and non-financial matters (like health care decisions). My case worker also encouraged this step as it may make placement easier when and if the time comes.
I will likely be finding out all about how it's done in Texas. I don't think I will even attempt it without atty; at least the atty will be the starting point. My worry is that DH will comprehend enough of what is happening that he will fight me on it and things will get ugly. I so don't want that to happen. I am looking to place him sometime in the next 12 months and as it stands now, if he were placed he would likely call a cab and have himself brought home. A facility cannot legally keep him against his will without my having the power of the guardianship.