Hi all , Well had to finnally make the decision to put my DW in a asseted living facility . She has been there now for 10 days and begs to come home every day . We both do a lot of crying . It is very hard but I just could not hold out . It was a 36 hour a day jobv as all of you know . Had to follow her every step every day . She had started falling . I am deaf at night when I take my implant off and the strain was getting to me . She now makes a lot of bad accusations about me and it really hurts . As I have written before we in our 58th year of marrage . They have been a lot of sweet memorys in all those years . This is hard , hard . . Thanks to all for letting me do this venting . Ribbit50
Ribbit, SO SORRY for your pain. yes its sooo very difficult to place our spouse and lose half our hearts in the process. we rationalize that its for their own good and ours and can only pray they adjust within reasonable time and not suffer. our suffering will go on for a while even after they adjust. big hugs to you friend, i can only imagine the difficult emotional trauma this entails. divvi
Ribbit: so sorry for your pain, we also are in our 58th year of marraige, this is a very painful disease for all of us. You did all that you could, you can do just so much. We are all in the same situation, when we no longer can do for our loved one at home, we have to place them. I pray that you find peace of mind. Aig Cyber Hug to you.....Rosalie
Ribbit I am so sorry you are feeling as bad as I am. I have decided to place my husband by this fall as I just cannot bear another winter locked in the house with him 24 hours a day. We have been married 52 years and I have been taking care of him for 13 years. I am just tired and worn out from the 14-16 hour days. I cry just thinking about it so I don't know how I am going to get through it, but it has to happen. Why is it so hard to do what must be done?
Rabbit, I recently placed my dh as well. At first, I was very busy- trying not to dwell on the obvious. A couple of weeks later, I was having a hard time. He knows when I'm there but the minute I leave, he doesn't know I've been there. Time will make it easier. We all wait too long to place them till we are "broken". If you really love her and want the best for her you will see that she is happy and well cared for if the nh is the right fit. Acceptance is the hardest part of this disease. Just as we adjust to one thing, bam, it changes. Hope you can feel the {{{HUGS}}} we are offering. Good luck.
My heart goes out to you Ribbit. I have not hit the stage where I have decided to place my DH yet but there are days where I don't think I can do it anyore. I pray that each day gets easier for you and her during this transition.
Ribbit, it is so hard to make that decision, but all we can do is what is best for them, and know that we have done all we can. My prayers are with you and yours.
Ribbit, they do adjust. You need to show her that you have adjusted to her being there and that you are comfortable with it. She will pick up on your emotions of calm and acceptance and this will help her a lot.
58 years together - that is so special. She is very lucky to have you.
Ribbit, I know how you must feel, and it is difficult to miss your LO, but they are in good hands and you can be a constant visiter and advocate for her good care. My DW was in a SNF for 3 months for rehab after a seizure, so I know how alone you can feel in an empty house until you can get out and see her again. I got used to it after a while, but maybe it was because I knew she would be coming home again sometime. I wish you peace and comfort.
Rabbit so sorry you had to place your DW but you will see it is for the best for her and you, wow 58 years and I thought we were doing good with 42 yrs. my dh is finally starting to do ok in his nh after 2 months I to did alot of crying but now like I have said before I have found my love again, (((((((((hugs)))))))))))))
You've done the best thing for BOTH of you. She will calm down and then you will be able to visit with a refreshed attitude and a smile on your face. Let us know how it goes.
Ribbit50, I cannot possibly imagine how difficult it must be for you. I do not know if I could ever place my dw in an alf, and I would break down and take her home if she cried. You have a lot of courage, and we are all here supporting you. Hugs..
Just a update , Yesterday was a great day for us . She talked about how much she liked to Aids and how nice all were to her . We had a good day . No tears at all ,. Then today I went to have breakfast with her and the tears began . I put her in wheel chair and rode her around then back to room to look at some past Photo albums . Then things got better . We then went to Activity room to see the line dancers perform . Really good then Lunch , We then worked a little on Jig saw puzzle . Then left her and all was well . Let me say it is a learing circle . Still very HARD . But I love her and it better than she falling at night and breaking bones . We know we will get thru this together As i say thank all of you for your prayers .
Thank you for updating us, Ribbit. Hopefully the adjustment will continue to go well. It is one of the hardest things for us do to. We're keeping you in our thoughts and prayers.