Hi, I am wondering if anyone has experience with their own health giving them a scare. I have just been told I may/will lose part of my vision, not go blind, just be less sighted. If I can't drive, we will have to move. My husband is in early stages, but I know what to expect. Any thoughts, ideas would be greatly appreciated. Mostly I am very scared.
You do not mention how old you and your husband are. Are you old enough (I have no idea what the age criteria is) for Assisted Living? Those facilities offer transportation vans to take residents to and from grocery shopping, doctor's appointments, etc. That may be a good option for you.
I think the only criteria for assisted living is enough money to pay for it. In our state (Ohio) medicade won't help pay for assisted living,you must then go to nursing home before you get any help from them.Some things just don't make any sense.
Thanks for your thoughts. I should have been more specific. I am very active mid 50's. My husband was dxed 2 years ago at age 57. I work, drive, we are very active. I happened to see my own doctor today, for completely unrelated reasons, and she knows of my potential eye problem, and said she loves the city of Seattle, you can walk to everything and it is dog-friendly! Something to think about. But , we are nowhere needing any type of assistance. I just may lose some sight. And, I know my husband will, at some point, be less able particularly about driving. I am getting treatment for my eyes, and I hope it works!!
I was just listening, (how can you help it? ) to tv on the fall of Spitzer, and Larry King had on Dr. Laura, who reflected that someone may complain about her husband's socks on the floor, and the next may lament that she wishes they were still because that would mean he was still alive and there. It is all relative, of course.
I can't tell you how miuch this board means to me! you are so kind and it is so nice to hear from others. This is one of very few but intensely important topics I can't discuss wilth friends and of course, my husband.
I had a scare last month. The paramedics took me to the hospital. My husband came with us in the front of the ambulance. I didn't have to stay overnight, but it was a close call. I did grab a few phone numbers before we left so I had someone to call to bring us home again, but I don't have a clue as to what I would have done about leaving my husband home alone if I did have to stay.
He is a solid stage 5. He can be alone for quite a while. He even drives locally by himself. But I didn't let him take the car and follow us to the hospital because if he had lost the ambulance he wouldn't have been able to find it. And I don't know if he could have driven himself home.
He had to get his own food when we did come home and I think he ate breakfast for supper because he is still making his own breakfast every morning. It is possible it is the only thing he still knows how to make for himself. I don't think he can manage a sandwich anymore or heating a bowl of soup.
What do you do when the caregiver gets sick and there is no family closer than 2 hours away? What do you do?
I have never got sick,so far, and my husband is stage 6.I do have a plan, I have 2 or 3 neighbors who would take over until one of my children could get home which would take about 8 hours.I believe it is important to have a plan for everything. We just don't know what might happen. GOD BLESS
I have been hospitalized twice in the past 6 months. It's times like this you prepare for your whole adult life. You move near relatives and/or have a support system of friends, neighbors and church. I, personally, am not very religious but belong to a wonderful "church" whose primary aim is to be supportive of those in need. My husband and I have developed a wonderful relationship with friends and neighbors. We help them and they help us. Like I said, you have to anticipate times like this and develop a support system or you will be helpless when a crisis comes. You would be surprised how helpful neighbors whom you barely know want to be. Just ask.
My 86 y.o. sister who does not have AD decided that she was getting too old to drive. To be honest, she was never a good driver. I was very proud of her giving up driving because I know how hard it can be. And we live in Los Angeles, a very sprawling city. She's near a bus stop, but she also has foot problems and cannot walk much either. I am writing to tell others that help is available in most cases. She figured out that the cost of keeping a car was more than she would spend to pay for personal transportation.
Since I still drive I have told her that I will be available for emergencies and doctor appts, things like that. We are about 15 minutes apart, so it would work for me. She has a woman driver who takes her food shopping and bank/cleaner/errands stuff every Monday. There are several cheap transportations that will take her all over for less than a gallon of gas at today's prices. She does have to make an appt the day before, but it is otherwise very convenient. There's a 50 cent van from the Culver City Senior Center that takes her anywhere in Culver City, she gets senior price taxi vouchers from the senior center & has established a relationship with a taxi driver who lives nearby. She also has a son who is available.
Of course, none of this is as convenient as doing your own driving and I do not look forward to giving up my car--whenever that may be. But, at least in major cities, there are some good alternatives and cheaper than your own vehicle. And, yes, neighbors & friends will usually help out.
We have discussed the driving issue many times before but it's true that in many cases you could lose everything if you allow your spouse to drive after being diagnosed with dementia. Our doctor at Mayo Clinic said that my husband could be driving along and just suddenly forget what a stop sign means. It could kill him and other innocent people. In our state (Georgia) one can take a special driving class and test that costs $200 and if passed, the person can drive legally from year to year. But otherwise, in our state it is a crime and the diagnosing physician is required to contact the DMV. To be honest, as the spouse of someone with AD, it scares the bejeebies out of me to think there may be people in any stage of AD out there driving.
I'm basing his being Stage 5 on the Alzheimer's site's listing. He is doing everything in that stage, but none of the things in Stage 6. I was out with him today and he was fine. Stops at every stop sign. Doesn't stop when he shouldn't. Pays attention to traffic. It is odd to me too, but...
I've decided to take it up with his neurologist at the next appointment. We will see what he says.
Check the discussion topic on this board labeled "the driving issue". There are at least 2-3 pages of comments, so as you can imagine, it is a subject of much controversary and distress to the AD patient and caregiver. The laws vary from State to State. Since the last argument my husband and I had over this issue gave me such an anxiety attack that I couldn't breathe, I try not to dicuss it anymore. But do check the "driving issue" topic.
I am so grateful to read and comment on this website. I THINK my husband is in the stage 5 and really dread the next stages! Right now we are spending two weeks in Tucson so I can go to a chiropractor because of my back. I just assume this is going to help. I've never been sick enough to not be a caregiver, so this is making me worry some. Since we live in our motorhome I have a plan to be by one of our children if we need help - or go to the CARE facility our national organization has in Texas. We can only use the day care in Texas if I am able to manage the rest of the time. I can't imagine my husband driving. He hasn't driven even the car on a highway for almost two years now. Of course, he has the beginnings of Parkinson's and has vision problems, so that might make a difference. At this point I saved some on our motorhome insurance by not having him on the policy. Now I find myself worrying about our financial health. We had a plan, but it didn't include losing this much in our investments. We don't have to spend in to our savings now, but it is there should we need it for AD care in the future. I hope the economy turns around but I find I think about this almost every day.
I also had a scare this past yr. i though it was a heart attack. couldnt breathe pain in chest, i know enough i had to go into the ER. AND had late stage 5-6 husband with me and drove myself to ER. it was quite a wakeup to know there is no one immediately to take care of him or if something happens at nite. i have an agency that can be called to assist with a helper and would call if i couldnt get a relative to come pick him up. i try to have relatives call every other day to see we are ok too as a backup. i lock the front entry with dead bolts due to him trying to leave even during the day with me here. so its also a problem if he had to be here all day with no help or food. its very stressfull to think we could get sick. Divvi
Anna, you are right on target in getting to some sort of assisted living. We are in a retirement home in an Independent apartment, but there is an assisted living center below us. I was told that if any problems developed with me, the staff would take care of my wife until someone else could be reach. Our kids are scattered across the country, the closest being a 6 hour drive.
Have you been thinking what would happen to your spouse if something happened to you? I think about it often. In our case our 2 daughters live close and keep pretty good track of us. If I was to be outside and fall and break something so I couldn't get up, I don't know how soon DH would find me. Then what would he do? He can't call the girls!!! He could walk to one of their houses and hopefully they would be home. Next neighbor is 1/4 mile away.
One of the first things we got for my husband when he lost his speech and then started to fall was an automated security alert that he could wear around his neck and push a button to get help. They were aware that he could not speak and tell them what was wrong so their instructions were to call our next door neighbor. Now that he has progressed to needing someone with him 24/7, he of course does not need the alert but I keep it on my neck when we are home alone as he would have no idea what to do if I got sick or hurt. I also usually carry the portable phone in my pocket.
I wrote an e-mail to my daughters a couple days ago and told them one of the things that keeps me awake at night is my fear that I would become incapacitated or die and my DW would be alone and scared for several days before anyone knew. They are pretty good about calling, but if they get the answering machine they seldom call back. I ask them to check on a daily basis and so far so good, they have. In my oldest daughter's reply to my e-mail she wrote about her mother "She struggles so much. I try to take in every little laugh, every little hug, and even little awkward moments. She is such a trooper through all of this. She tries to be strong for us, I can tell. You do great with her, Dad. I'm sure that your days are long and stressful. But just remember that Mom wouldn't want it any other way. You are her "strength" and the love of her life. It brings me to tears when her eyes search for your presence. But it also reminds me of what "true love" is all about." DickS
Dick, that is beautiful....my son and daughter have thanked me many times for taking care of their Dad....so I know just how that email made you feel. You should be proud to have raised such a wonderful daughter.