Hey, I'm embarrassed to ask about this. But, being in a financial crisis here, not having a marketable skill, no $$ for in-home help if I DID work outside the home....and being the full time caregiver, I was wondering if there is special help (financial assistance.....aside from mom and dad) that I could ask about. Where would I go to ask? Is there some disability I could get (though Ii'm hardly disabled except to the exstent that I can't go anywhere to work 'cause who'd take care of John?). Should I file for public assisstance? How would one go about that. Isn't there a minimum income level? Ours sure seems minimum. What do they count as income? Everything you own? Who do I ask. God, this makes me feel like some sort of slacker or "crack mom" to even go in this direction.
StuntGirl, Don't you dare feel that way about yourself! This disease robs us of everything through no doing of our own. It takes our loved ones,our money,and our pride. In the last two months I've had to do things I never dreamed I'd do. I have been to the welfare office,to an elderlaw attny,to medicaid,and yesterday to a bankrupcy attny. Do I feel like a failure? Absoultley not. I will do whatever is necessary to survive and to make sure John is cared for. You could try any of the things I just mentioned or call your local alz. organization for suggestions. Don't let me catch you hanging your head again girl or we're gonna tangle. BIG HUG CS
I am also wondering how on earth you manage to feed your horses and maintain your horse farm. I know how expensive horses can be. I have heard that before anyone can receive financial assistance, they have to be down to the bare bones. At the same time, I would hope that they would not require you to sell your "separate property" - the farm and house that is in your name before they would provide assistance for your husbands basic needs.
Just be aware that if the financial aid authorities learn that there is an annuity out there - along with his other assets, they may be hesitant to give you the aid you need. So,... be sure you don't put the cart before the horse ( That was not a pun!! ha!), and apply for aid until you have all your financials in place, because once you have been turned down, it will be hard to disprove the financial worthiness they discovered on the initial investigation. Does that make sense?
I realize how hard it must be when there is money "on paper", but none in the bank...which is apparently your situation. You need CASH to pay for an in home assistant or a nursing home. BUT, you DO have someone coming in to bathe him, etc. etc. I wish I did. My husband hasn't acted out, so we haven't gotten the attention you have in just a few weeks. You're ahead of most of us with in home help paid for by Medicare.
Focus on working with your Elder Care Attorney and CPA, - get a clear financial statement of HIS assets and income, and THEN you can make application for financial assistance for HIM with the few agencies out there.
It's unfair to have to divest all of your personal assets first, but that's the way it is much of the time. They consider what is yours to be his, too. (Heavy sigh) I've read earlier posts where it is outlined what the Spouse can own in assets before Medicaid will accept him. I don't know how that works when your home and farm is solely in your name. Has it been in your name for OVER five years???? That might help.
I'm no expert, but if you own a home/property, I think that would exclude you from qualifying for Public Assistance payments. Medicaid is another story--the community spouse is entitled to keep a residence. Nancy's advice about working with an elder care attorney/CPA is the best way to determine if Medicaid eligibility is possible. As far as disability payments--SSA or SSI--you need to be the one with the medical condition to qualify.
On the positive side--the Alzheimer's Association has some funding for respite care--I would check with them. Also, your area Office of Aging may have some as well.
Over the past year and a half, I've been using money my parents have given me to get along. They've basically paid my bills. , yes. Going to my elderlaw attorney on the 25th. Hope I'll be armed with more information then. (Wish I could get paid for being a caregiver) It's not fair that I would have to sell my horses and give up my own lifestyle and small source of income. Always lived a farm lifesstyle. I'm shot down. Looser. I'm healthy and could never have anything like this ever again. I get so very sad.
If you have businesses of your own, with some skillfull accounting help, you may be able to separate them from John's assets dpending on how your businesses (i.e. corporation, LLC etc.) are set up. I think they will give you some exemptions for business equipment and property. Medicaid is based upon the AD (impoverished) spouse's assets.
I hope all of this works out well for you, I know this is a huge undertaking and responsibility for you.
Call your local Area Agency on Aging and ask for a caseworker visit. They are free. And then open up and tell her what is going on. Tell her that all your funds have been frozen. Ask her what help she can arrange for you. To a large extent she is the doorway to what help is out there. I turned out not to qualify for much of anything, but my caseworker was extremely creative in ideas that sooner or later I will be trying out.
Also, depending on how far along your husband is, he might qualify for hospice. Ask your family doctor about that one.
That is excellent advice, I had forgotten about them. Jen, that would be a wonderful contact for you, like Starling says you really have to lay everything out on the table for them. I'm sure they will able to point you in the right direction. Please make contact with them as soon as you can.
Hospice is another excellent suggestion, Medicare and other insurance plans will pay for Hospice services, there are some special considerations for AD patients that allow them to enter into a hospice program earlier than people with other diseases.
StuntGirl, we do what we have to do. You think it's not fair that you have to sell your horses & give up your life style. I am moving into the BASEMENT of a friend's house, paying her $300 per month to survive & moving from a 2,000+ sq. ft. home. Life is not always fair, but there are lessons to be learned.
Can we assume that your parents will no longer support you?
If you have ever worked in your life, for a certain number of quarters (you described yourself as a pampered princess), you might be able to qualify for disability based on your diagnosis of the bipolar disorder. I know of 2 people who have qualified for disability based on that.
Kitty..you are welcome to move into my house, and I will pay you $300 a month....and it even has a pool (heated), but lacking a pool boy...Let me know when you are coming, so I can have my car packed......
I've sat here and thought and thought about Jen (Stuntgirl) and several things she said. And, she has permission to say exactly how she feels. She is absolutely correct..... It is NOT fair to have to give up our lifestyle. I was a a member of a country club for years...and recently put my membership on vacation..(no monthly dues..) because we haven't been there since late last fall. I was paying dues month after month...I haven't had time to play Bunco or bridge with the Ladies Association - which I did for years....haven't been to any of the Member's gatherings.. I served on countless charitable committees and was up to my neck in church doings...but not for the past 4 years or more........., I loved shopping in the beautiful Houston Galleria shops, haven't been there or even a smaller regional mall near us in years...I order everything from catalogs.
And yes, Jen, I wish ALL OF US could be paid for being caregivers. With the going rate of $18 per hour, I figure that's $432/day x 365 days in a year...That's $157,680 we would be due. I think we're worth every cent of that. I'd take HALF of that, if someone was paying us.
I included the nighttime hours in the $18. equation, realizing that if we had an in-home care agency and hired their people 24 hours a day, they'd probably drop the overall hourly fee to a mere $15.00/hr. Has anyone else ever done that math. I actually ran the numbers several times....I thought I was multiplying incorrectly.
It really is not fair, not for any of us... but I tell myself that if the tables were turned, he'd be right where I am. He certainly wouldn't throw me out into the street, and my children are all working hard to raise their families and wouldn't be able to "take me in". I don't think I've read a single post that said "Wow, this is the most fun I haveever had ..!!!" (sigh)
Of course it's not fair, but Nancy, you hit the nail on the head: if the tables were turned, he'd be where I am. Indeed he would be EXPECTED by society to be "taking care of his wife" financially - just as we are now expected to take care of our husbands.
And none of what we've said looks at the hundreds of thousands of other caregivers out there who are caring for disabled veterans, children, etc. of all kinds, who may outlive them by many years. Life is not fair, that's just that. We're lucky that the government does have safety nets that protect us to some degree; many governments do NOT.
Of course Nancy, Jen has the right to say exactly how she feels. I don't think I was debating that. It would be great if she could see some positive possibilities for herself. She loves animals. How about working or getting training to work as a veterinary assistant? I know of a woman who gets paid to help out where kids take riding lessons. My aunt has been a dog walker for years. She makes great money doing this & still does it at age 68. I too was a physician's wife, but I still worked as a medical social worker. I think getting out in the world & interacting with other people is a great thing. (I didn't HAVE to work.) I just always liked having "my own money" not to have to go to a man for my clothing, etc. Each of us is different, and make different choices. That's o.k.
I did meet a guy about 12 years ago who said he went to school to become a nursing assistant (?) and that allowed him to be paid to care for his mother for years. After she died, he continued with that, caring for others & being paid. I don't know the rules, but he seemed to be honest. Has anyone checked into that, that with some sort of certificate, you can be paid to care for a spouse?
For what this is worth, my husband's LTC policy specifically says that to qualify for payment, care CANNOT come from a family member. It seems to me there's some kind of talk about a government bill to pay caregivers? Maybe someone else has more info.
Marilyn, my policy has the same clause...I asked if the family member was a licensed professional nurse, why NOT???? Was told, "I'm sure you could get them to approve a licensed professional..". I have NO IDEA why they wouldn't want to pay, say, a niece, who wanted to take care of us...instead of a stranger. If one cannot perform their ADL, what difference should it make to the insurance company.
Kitty, I totally agree with you, as well. I was looking for the appropriate words, so as not to offend Jen. I just know that if I had her financial challenges, I'd be more inclined to sell off the cattle and horses for the time being and put those funds to better use. They eat and eat, day in and day out, and feed and hay is very expensive this year. Due to the extreme weather throughout the US, floods, hurricanes, drought... even plain ole HAY is outrageously high.
Thousands of farmers aren't 'making it' and have been forced to shut down their operations for the time being, so what Kitty says makes sense. I was just saying, why continue to have the expense of buying feed for cattle and horses who eat continuously day in and day out and struggle to make ends meet inside the house. But I don't have a right to criticise something I don't understand. We all have our reasons for doing what we do. I know that I hate like HECK to sell my big beautiful home and move into a smaller one just to free up cash. We've lived in 7 figure homes for most of our married life. I am looking at it like it's just for the "time being", and is the answer to my immediate needs. I do NOT need all of this space. Suddenly, the entire puzzle becomes a no-brainer. Don't know what I'll do with all of my furniture, but when the time comes, the answer will be there. Nope, it's not fair...but that's just how it is for now until the market recovers, health care opportunities improve and ...and... the world becomes an easier place on which to live.
We have been very fortunate in that so far for us the worst thing in regard to a financial impact from DH's dementia has been the need for me to hide things and/or be very creative to keep from upsetting him. That said, there is much worry in my heart because of the huge losses we recently experienced in the market, worry that we may run out of money before we run out of life -- after working so hard for so many years to make sure that would never happen. Somebody on this board wrote recently that our worst fears usually do not materialize and while I do believe that I also believe we should be thoughtful in making plans in case those fears do materialize. On the other hand, I have a difficult time understanding the concern so many have about the possibility of losing money and or possessions to the government in the case of medicaid assistance. My parents taught me when I was very young that anything "we" get from the government was paid for by "us" and therefore the asking for government assistance should be as a last resort and only when we'd exhausted our own resources. With that in mind, should we need to turn to medicaid -- and there is no guarantee that we will not -- I'll have to follow their rules and I have no plan to attempt to protect funds or possessions from the process. We did not receive an inheritance from our parents and we did not save for our retirement only to leave it to the children. Our goal has always been to break even.
I agree with you Weejun BUT: I'm 11 years younger than my husband (73, 84). We have three adult children, one of whom lives with us and has a low-paying job which she loves but which she probably won't improve on much. If I am not careful, and just go blindly into paying the $80,000+ a year that a facility costs (actually it would probably be closer to $50,000 once the pensions are counted in) without protecting the assets (like the house) that *I* need to live out MY life, and that our daughter will need to live without government assistance, would be, it seems to me, irresponsible of me. Especially when you consider that many AZ patients live in nursing homes for many years. I simply cannot completely bankrupt myself rather than accept government assistance. I heard an elderlaw attorney say that Alzheimer's is where the middle class meets welfare!
So, like many others here, I'm doing as much as I can to care for my husband almost 24x7 (I have a CNA four hours a week) for as long as I physically can. That, I don't have the slightest hesitation in saying, is my responsibility. But if he becomes completely bedridden I would NOT be able to care for him. If he were to become violent in ways that couldn't be handled with medication, I would not be able to care for him. If *I* become physically unable, the same. And before long, the money to care for him without turning to medicaid would be gone. This is a reality I must face.
So the first thing I recommend to anyone coming on the site is, sit down and talk to an elderlaw attorney. Not cousin Joe who went to law school, and not an estate planner, and not your tax accountant. Learn what can be done perfectly legally. And be prepared that you may have to do it, in spite of all the plans you made to remain independent.
Absolutely excellent advice Briegull and I understand the age issue -- DH is 12 years older than me -- 73 to my 61. I sort of figure with my caregiver duties, I'm rapidly "closing the gap". There is truly no silver lining to this dementia cloud that I can find.
I, too, am almost 12 years younger than my DH. Therein lies the big problem. I don't want to spend my "golden years" dodging the government and tax man. What we do has to be perfectly above board and legal. I don't make a move without my lawyer and accountant signing off on the plan...
I'm 9 years younger than my husband (50 to his 59) and as I cannot work due to taking care of him, I worry about what will become of me if he passes before I am 60...
Went to a seminar last week with a few pros on reverse mortgage, financial advice and an elder care lawyer. The lawyer said something that mat apply to you briegull. He said if a child lives with you (5 years or 3 years?) that you could transfer the home to them and have lifetime use without penalty. We are in Ct. Maybe I misunderstood but it might be worth asking. I have an appt Monday with him and he appears to be brilliant. I am asking about this because of my Moms application for medicaid. My parents insisted I fill out the app (even though I have no experience doing this). I wanted them to see an eldercare lawyer but they refused. That was Jan. It's June and we are still fiddling around. Get yourself to a lawyer asap for anyone needing financial assistance. You will save lots of money in the long run. We only wanted to do what the law provides and will only do things on the up and up. I am happy I got them to finally agree to go to the attny.
Yes, that's what I'm hoping to do with the house - or whatever we buy thereafter. But I don't want it to come with encumberances from medicaid if I can avoid it. The child can live with the parent and thereafter be the 'community child' in the same way that the spouse is a 'community spouse' to the one in the n.h.
Stuntgirl, I live in NC and like you, have huge fiancial issues since we have lost my income. I agree with others here to look into foodbanks, church programs, freecycle, goodwill, etc. to get household iems and groceries. I get most of my husbands incontience supplies through goodwill believe it or not. A pack of adult briefs can be found there often for $3.00 a pack (often donated when a loved one passes) unopened. I buy every pack they have when I find them. Our state has a Caregiver voucher program through senior services funded by a grant from the NC Family Caregiver Support Program that provides vouchers based on need and income I believe to provide incontience care items and some respite and homecare time. Its not a great amount but its better than nothing. Since I can't work due to my own health and his not being able to be left alone and I have no health insurance, I qualify for the Map program to get my medications. Its alot of work finding assistance, but it is out there. I have also learned to barter with my neighbors for things. I let my neighbor park their extra car in my driveway and they do my lawn. I think you will learn that u can chose the quality of the life you have now. I exchange movies with neighbors, I share the fruit from my fruit trees and they share with me. It takes a village to help any family with chronic health issues and I have to say the ones I thought wouldn't care have amazed me the most with help. Not everyone has that type of community care and I feel especially blessed, my entire mobile home community is home to disabled families who know what its like to struggle. Your lifestyle is going to change but by learning how to search for help, it can still be a goodlife. And if you can't find help and have to sell off, try to think what your prioroties are for your future and attack them one at a time, the most pressing first (housing, heat,air, food,etc.). And hey, prayer doesn't hurt. Good luck and I hope you learn alot easier than I did.
Somewhere - I think in an AARP magazine - I read a "money saving tip" - buy your generic drugs at Walmarts or somewhere where it's only a few dollars, but NOT using medicare Part D,so that Part D just gets saved for the expensive stuff. Does that WORK?
I have very good private insurance. Sid is on Medicare, but my insurance is his secondary, AND it pays for his medications. $14 for a 3-month supply of generics, but I think it is going up to $20. I can get the same prescription at Wal-Mart for $10, and don't have to wait for it to come in the mail. Doesn't sound like much, but that's $16 a year times 10 prescriptions is $160 saved. I have 3 generic prescriptions myself, so that's another $36 saved. Almost $200 a year in savings.
Publix Supermarket in Florida gives FREE anti-biotics. Not all antibiotics - there is a list, but I know amoxicillin is one of them. Don't know if Publix is in other states.
I guess what I don't know is if Walmart's "free" generics are free to everyone, insured or not, or are free only to those who are in the Plan D of Medicare. I use Prescription Solutions to fill most of my stuff. It's free for generics, but the Plan pays differing amounts, from $20 to $170, for these same generics. What I pay PLUS WHAT THE PLAN PAYS becomes part of the $2700 in Total Drug Costs that you can incur before you hit the donut hole. So they are not free in connection with Part D if you figure in the run-up to the donut hole. Looking at the drug summaries I get sent, I am astonished at the differing amounts paid by the insurance Part D plan for generics (for which I pay nothing)!
I don't think Walmart has any "free" generics but they do have a lot of generics that are $10 for 3 months. We have prescription insurance (not Plan D--as he's not qualified for Medicare yet) but I don't use it for my generic celexa and my husbands generic pravachol. It would cost me more to use the insurance which is a percentage of the cost. I just tell them not to put it through to the insurance.
Makes me wonder where these drugs are made that Wal-mart, Fred Meyer, Walgreen and others can sell them so cheap. It wasn't long ago that there was illegal stuff added to the drugs made in China. Naive me thought all our drugs were made in the USA.
The stores that sell the cheap generics are counting on customers getting all their meds there and shopping in the store while they are there. Basically, they are "loss leaders" like the other products that are sale in any given week.
I was told by a pharmacy tech at Walmart that the reason Walmart can sell them so cheaply is because they do not make a big profit off the drugs---they don't need to.
I have also noticed that a lot of their drugs now come prepackaged in one month supply. The same tech told me it was so they didn't have to count out the pills and could fill more prescriptions quicker without mistakes.
Walmart has a good deal on generics, I get a 90 day supply of Pravachol there for a $10.00 Co-Pay, If I went to Publix my co-pay would be $120.00 over three months for the brand name Rx. If the Doc prescribes Lipitor it's a brand name, Pravachol is a generic and does the same job. If you can find generic equivalents of drugs, ask your Doc to prescribe them for you, most will cooperate with you, some won't.
Publix also has stores in Georgia and I think they are in SC. Can someone confirm that for us?
It's Publix, not Walmart, that gives free antibiotics, not generics. Walmart has excellent prices on generic drugs. You DO NOT have to go through any insurance plan to get Walmart's low priced generics. Give them the prescription; ask for the 3-month $10 deal or the one-month $4 deal, and that's all there is to it.
Oh what a can of worms has been opened, I took out federal and private loans to put myself through school to become a Medical Assistant (=to an LPN), struggled and worked myself into an ulcer but graduated with a 4.0! I was so proud, got a dream job on DH's birthday in May of 08. By January of 09 I had to leave to care for him. No Pay! We had to cash in all our savings while we waited for him to be accepted for SSDI. We are now broke, I go to a food pantry, bake all my own goods, am applying for food stamps and more. No more Vacations, Weekend trips, gave up my Church work, social group, ladies group, and everything else that doesn't revolve around Jim, WHY.................because I love him, I took vows and I will be by his side until he goes to a better place. Only when he passes will I go back to work. This is MY choice. I have cancelled newspapers, telephone, and everything else that isn't a necessity. This is what we do. I clip coupons, shop for bargins, buy store brands, letting my hair go white, (after the wedding :o), I feel awful at the small amt of help that I can give to my daughter for the wedding. She is completely understanding and supportive. I'm selling our 2nd car. This Alspouse Cruise to Fantasy Island is the only trip I'll have for a long time. Boy would it be great if I could get paid for my care, I am after a licensed MA. But then, why should life become fair now?
Stunt Girl, you have your art, can't you sell it? Call Elder Care as suggested.
I'm not so brave as some people think I am. I'm looking at going back to school, but now, the point that SusanL has brought up makes me rethink, re-examine. Yes, if I can get back into my studio, my art sells quite well. Most anything I produce sells right away....for several thousand dollars, unless I use my agent (who takes 1/2). It's the determination, inspiration, motivation that is missing right now. Ponies and Sport horses sell well in Northern Virginia and in Florida, but that's major physical effort for me and I worry about being hurt (not a matter of IF, but WHEN, when working with large animals) and John needs me whole and well....and here on the premises, not at some trainer's. School? I want to prepare myself for when I am indeed alone and have to work. I am thinking of that paycheck I can depend on. It takes several years to make a good safe horse, at least two for one of my sweet ponies. I can't count on a stable paycheck from my studio. Just a lot to think about and you all have the gears turning in my head. Never had to be so self-sufficient.
Right now your art is what you have available to make some money, so I would concentrate on that while you look into other options. Otherwise, use what you have available right now. And do like Susan - get rid of all unnecessary expenses which would include your animals. They cost a lot to take care of. I know they mean a lot to you, but you have look at the cost of them. Or rent out pasture space.
I, for one, cannot be creative when I'm stresed out. As a matter of fact - I cannot even read when I'm under heavy stress. That might explain why Jen isn't in her studio as much.
Hello Everyone: My situation is somewhat different in that I haven't got to where stunt girl is yet, but, it looks like it is coming. I' m not bragging, even hesitant to say this but, having been raised in a very poor family ( my Dad collected the garbage and later worked as a janitor) I decided that I wanted more and set out to provide well for my self. I was pretty successful, and retired in very comfortable circumstances (Not wealthy). Now the recession has taken about half of my investments and it looks like my wife is going into a nursing home soon. The costs in our area is $4,500 per month so I realize that this time next year I will be in the boat with you. Please keep the boat from sinking until I get there and also keep the info that you gather now so I can get it.
When you look at the cost of long term care it ranges from the $4500 in Dean's area to $6000 a month in my area, there are very few of us who can afford to pay out that much money a year ($54K to $72K a year). I placed my wife 6 weeks ago and am now in the process of getting her qualified for Medicaid. It isn't something I wanted to do, but I don't have any other option. I have to see to it that she is taken care of.