I am wondering if any of your loved ones do not want to get into the car? I am dealing with this situation, we are not able to even do a drive through trip, such as drive to the drive through at the bank etc. because Jim will not get into the car. He will refuse to put his coat on if he knows we need to go out.
I had thought most Alzheimer patients wanted to go all the time. I have to hire a sitter if I step out the door, this is driving me crazy.
Jane, I remember that stage very well....with my husband it was not that he didn't want to go anywhere, it was the fact that he couldn't figure out the mechanics of getting into the car. It was a horrible time and I certainly sympathize with you. Your world does indeed get smaller and smaller.....
My wife also balks at getting in car. She also stops at the door if she feels wind in her face or cold breeze. I bundle her with a hooded top when windy and/or cold and then try to keep her back to the wind when possible. As for getting in car, I have tried about everything. The biggest issue is getting her to sit down on the seat so I can turn her and place feet in floorboard. I really think it is the fear of trying to sit and not having much to hold onto. I put a pad, with slick side to seat, on the seat so that she is easier to spin around once I get her seated. She still resists, so it is not without some struggle to get it accomplished. I also talk to her constantly when attempting to get her to the car and into it. Telling her each step of way what we are doing seems to help a little. She is not a large person so, I can handle the weight , but I expect a bigger person would be much more difficult.
Yes my DH also refused to get into the car quite a few times. He would go out to the car, but, refused to get in. There were times we were to meet friends for dinner, trips to the beach, doctors appts., etc. that from time to time had to be cancelled or re-scheduled because of this. When I was lucky enough to get him into the car, as soon as I would put the seatbelt around him, he wanted back out. He could not figure out how to unbuckle the seatbelt, so, once I got him in the car, and started moving, we were OK for awhile.
I had several scary moments though while driving with DH in the car. We would just be going down the road, and for no apparent reason, he tries to open the car door and wants out. Those were always the times I was going about 65-70 MPH on the freeway, so, I just held the lock button down until I could safely get pulled over and figure out what was going on. Luckily again, he could not figure out the seatbelt, so, I knew I had time to react to the situation.
I also would try and talk my DH through what we were attempting to do. It does help to do this, but, then there are times when it seems nothing helps and we just wing it !!!!
terryt, my Jim also stops if a bit of cold breeze hits him when we open the door. I would have to say this not getting in the car or going out the door is the worst thing we are faceing right now. Each time we enter into a new phase I think each thing is worse than the last thing. I wonder what will happen next.
Thank you all for your in put, I wonder if this will end or if it is something that will continue until you just give up and not try to take them anywhere??
Getting him in the car was often difficult, but getting him out was even worse! And he would also make eye contact w/a driver in the next lane and try to open the door to have a chat! And, absolutely, there are times when just nothing will work--nothing!
we went thru and still do the getting in phase seemed to pass some. its the getting out now he loves to ride int he car and doesnt want to get out. i found having him sit int he back seat with child locks on and seatbelt is a huge factor for me to safely drive with him. he too opened the doors so the child lock is a must. i can leave him in and go get meds etc without worry now. plus i have a stock of enteresting objects for him to fool iwth while i drive. he entertains himself . lots of luck this is a phase sometimes it gets better with time. Divvi
Ah, the memories your comments bring back for me. We are past this stage now, but it scared the heck out of me many a time. We did the opening the door while driving, the seatbelt confusion. Sometimes I would put on the seatbelt, only to have her yell, "Stop trying to kidnap me!"
One day at the mail boxes, she refused to get back in the car so we could go home. She walked up to a total stranger and asked him to help her get home because I was trying to take her. I thought I would be arrested!
WalMart, March 2, 2006, was the worst day ever. At some point during our trip, she began to get edgy. I made the decision to buy what was in the cart and get home quick, because I could see something was up. Unbeknownst to me, she had decided that I was shoplifting everything, because I was putting it in my cart. Of course, I have no clue at this point. We got out to the parking lot, 100 feet from the car, and she turns to me and says, "If you just let me go, I promise I won't tell anyone." I was baffled. My three kids had already run to the car, and were waiting in the hot car as she and I stood, toe to toe. She refused to budge, and I was terrified. The kids came and got the sacks, which she tried to grab from their hands and tell them not to take stolen food. It seemed like forever. I kept backing her up to the van, a few inches at a time. She tried to push past, but I held her carefully but firmly. I was alternating between wishing a cop would know up, and horrified at what might happen if one did. I finally backed her all the way to the car, and then she wouldn't get in. Finally I opened the rear door, and got so close she backed onto the seat. I told her if she moved her feet, I'd let her out. She did, and I slammed the door and locked it. She was so mad! She told me I tricked her! Well, yes, I did. But at least she got home in one piece. I tell you, it was MONTHS before I took her out again alone.
All I can tell you is that it lasted the better part of a year for us, and then it went away. The cold in the face thing we experienced, too, but I used it to my advantage. If I wanted her to go in the car, or even out of it, I said, "Oh, MY! It's so WINDY and COLD here! LEt's get <in> or <out> right away!" She almost always fell for that! And if you think tricking them (I call it using my resources) is mean and bad, then you either aren't truly an EOAD caregiver, or you aren't past stage 1!!!
We're to stage 6 now. It's not better or worse, just different. Each stage is its own kind of hell and heaven.
Welcome to my website. I am sure you will find the support and information you need here. We have many EOAD spouses here who can relate to your struggles - it is difficult enough, but when raising kids at the same time - unimaginable, except for those who are in your shoes.
May I suggest you go to the top of the discussion page, click on "search", and type in EOAD. All of the discussions on that topic will come up.