okay we all have those moments, or hours...days where our spouses are just out there, don't know where or who or why and are crying or almost abusive so how or what do you do , or tell yourself to get thru it , how do you get your mojo back??
Mojo. I like that word. Brings back fond memories of my first husband who was always worried about getting his mojo back. Hadn't heard it in a long time. When my husband is like that, and that is almost every day from late afternoon to bedtime, I simply have to try to tune him out and keep busy doing anything except paying attention to him. I used to cry, plead, beg him to stop. Like talking to a post. Ignoring him does not make him act any better, but it doesn't make him act any worse either.
YES, everyone, exactly what DO you do???? Most of the time, since I've brought John home, I've regreted it. I thought he was languishing in that nursing home, being allowed to just lie in bed flat all day, no exercise, no med adjustments. Just warehoused. His muscles and strength had just melted away. I thought I'd be doing a good thing. Yesturday, he refused to get out of bed. This morning, I've had enough. I've seen what he is capable of doing for himself. I MADE him get up to go urinate and come downstairs to the couch in the family room. Now, he's lying down again, refusing to get up and sit. Won't do his exercises. Simplest stuff, too. I am told he needs 24/7 care. I can't afford a nursing home. NOT AT ALL. Plus, all our financials aren't in order, since the step-kids screwed with things. Lawyers to see with him, etc. I CANNOT afford any in home care so I can go do anything....like have my hair done. I look like a ragged rat. Question: DO ANY OF YOU LEAVE YOUR ALZ SPOUSES HOME FOR ANY LENGTH OF TIME OUT OF NECESSITY (like to go to the grocery, pick up Rx's)??? I provide for him very well as far as care goes, though sometimes I do exhibit frustration in front of him. He doesn't seem to care. He still is abusive in his words toward me. I HAVE been spending quite a bit of time outdoors. I have a lot to do or this place would become acres and acres of jungle and wild unhandlable animals. I couldn't sell it in this economy if I wanted to. Or, is everyone here TOTALLY dutiful and self-sacrificing to the point where YOU DO NOTHING BUT SIT WITH A BOOK, THE TELEVISION OR WITH YOUR LAP-TOP IN THE SAME ROOM AS YOUR LO???? I'd just like to go to my hairdresser (hour and a half), to the grocer (an hour), TO MY PSYCH. MEETINGS . I took John with me to the last one and parked him in the waiting room for an hour and half.....wow, was I met with an angry, disgusting, foul mouthed man when I came out. Appt. with his neurologist isn't until SEPTEMBER. Meanwhile, I'm going to be keeping a journal on all his behaviors. In my favor, he hasn't struck me anymore. Except for the other night when he tried to slap me (I was trying to arrange him comfortably in bed). I grabbed his arm and told him in no uncertain terms that he'd draw back a stump if he EVER tried to touch me again like that. so......what DO you do???????
Mostly, I suppose, I DO stay in the room with him most days. I aways have things to do...I pay bills on line, read, clean, cook, iron, watch TV, play with our dog and watch him act out with his ball and toys...and the day passes by and a new one begins. I try not to dwell on the things I cannot do anymore... and do the best job I can doing what I am doing. My home is very neat, my pantry is very neat (spices on the pantry door racks are even alphabetized) ..(little bit Obsessive, huh???nawwwww). Our family room is an extension of the kitchen and it's the center of most activities in the house.
I often remind myself that he is not on morphine for agonizing pain from Cancer and that's a huge blessing. He is just a quiet shell of his former self who has a strong heart beating inside his body - and although he is nothing at all like the exciting, brilliant man I married, I still love him...just in a different way. I am so happy he isn't like Jen's husband John. He doesn't rant and call me bad names. In fact, he says "I love you" at least twenty times a day. Believe it or not, that 'gets to me' because he often says it at the most inopportune times. and! doesn't that sound crazy. When is it an inopportune time to say "I love you!" He repeats it over and over. Bless his heart.
Nancy B, my DH also says I love you several times a day. Many times he is downstairs and I am upstairs and he will yell, "Vickie!" I say "what" and he says, "I Love You"! He does this often. And if I'm in the same room, he will ask - Did I tell you today that I love you?! Awwww - It's so sweet!
Wow, speaking of "I love you" - I LOVE YOU STUNTGIRL for that post. I relate so much - can't wait to read the answers - right now I'm in Kansas City on a break - BREAK yes - and need to get going to meet up with someone. You are not alone in anything you wrote. "Sit with a book or laptop in same room" HA - we're in a small 1200 sq. ft. house together and that feels claustrophobic - I've been feeling a little bit - a very little bit - guilty spending so much time in my room (YES MY OWN ROOM). DH can still be left alone but I also have wondered how others handle leaving their spouses for short times when they have to run errands. I'm not sure what to look forward to in not being able to get out alone. What's the difference between running to the store and gardening on land far from the house where DH would be sitting or whatever? These are the kind of answers this site is so great at providing by those who are in later stages than us. I LOVE YOU STUNTGIRL!!!! Unwilling to take the risk of sounding selfish and self-serving as I'm afraid I might in this post, so feel I need to say that I've been doing much of that TOTALLY DUTIFUL STUFF for too long now and now I'm beginning to start trying to take care of me. Hugs, Terry
Oh shoot, gotta get out of here, but just read the posts by NancyB and Vicki. Their experiences sound like what I thought it would be like with DH, but at least at this point he's not at that stage and he's not easy to be around. The neurologists think it's FTD but can't be sure it's not AD. I downsized us into this house less than half size of our previous because I thought I'd want to be able to see/hear him all the time, but for this stage anyway that was a huge mistake. But the way this has progressed who the hell knows what it will be like with him tomorrow, he keeps changing so much.
For the past several years I have been with my husband 24/7. He is with me grocery shopping, all other shopping, dental appointments, haircuts, you name it, he’s there. About the only time he has not been with me is once every three months when I get a perm and once a year when I have a physical. Other than that, we are together. Several months ago, my daughter and son-in-law were in town. My SIN took husband out for lunch so daughter and I could do some shopping for clothes for me—hard to do with husband along. He tends to get panicky when he can’t find me--this may have changed now that he is on MCT oil but I'm sure I dare try.
Yes, he tells me many times a day that he loves me—it helps.
Oh, THANK YOU, Terry, for your affirmations. YES, exactly what IS the difference between going out to the garden for a couple of hours, working with my horses for a couple of hours, going to the store for half an hour or so? I do have a set of walkie talkies that go for up to five miles. They have 'call' buttons, if I can just get him to use it when I'm not with him. If he would keep the thing on his body, it could make a differnce, huh? I mean, Just being practicle here, I CAN NOT BE WITH HIM 24/7. Even the best nursing facility wouldn't have someone in the room watching him to that degree!!! Not that I have the attitude of, "Oh, well, if he dies, he dies", but there's GOT to be room for ME and all I need to do to live my life. My life is NOT over and I'm not willing (at my 'tender' age, anyway.....maybe if I were nearer his age) to sell everything I have, begin a new lifestyle in a tiny apartment or whatever is appropriate for him. No funds for a step down retirement facility, either. They wouldn't take him, anyway, as he already has his dx of AD. Aww, hell. I think this stinks. I'm going outside. If he rolls off the couch, he rolls off the couch!
He was in a psych facility. He could have gone from there to a nursing home but you brought him home. HOWEVER: as far as medicare is concerned, they will give you a few weeks of that removal from the psych facility to put him in a nursing home; as I understand it they told you he should go to one. And medicare will pay for a certain number of weeks - I think up to 3 months. Talk to the social service person you had at the hospital, or the doctor he saw there. Once he is in the nursing home, work to get him on medicaid. That is the only thing to do.
Leaving him alone could be risky; he cannot be relied upon to use a walkie-talkie. If he hurts himself while you're gone, better hope that it isn't something you could be charged with neglect for allowing.
But I think all of us DO leave them alone for awhile. I've found that if my husband is in a good mood and willing to sit quietly, I can run out for an hour or so.. but beyond that he can get himself into trouble. He has a stair glide chair. I left him for twenty minutes to walk around the block, to get some exercise. I came back and he'd gone upstairs, half undressed, etc. I left him, sitting in his chair upstairs. I heard quiet noises and he was trying to WALK down the stairs (instead of taking the chair). This is very unsafe, of course.
PLEASE DO NOT THINK THAT THOSE OF US WHO ARE WITH THEM 24-7 WANT TO BE DOING THAT. It doesn't matter HOW OLD we are. It doesn't matter what stage they're in. No one wants to be with someone else, anyone else, 24-7. Parents with little kids go stir-crazy too.
We are renovating a house we already own, and the plan is to have separate levels for my husband (who is in the very early stages of Lewy Body Dementia) and me. At present he spends his time watching TV or on the computer and doesn't need me around. There will be an intermediate stage when I may regret it, but then when he has a paid caregiver I will have privacy!
The thing that has saved me is having DW attend an adult day care center three days a week for about 4-5 hours. This gives me time to exercise, shop, or just relax. Other than that she is with me all the time. I did leave her in the car today while I ran back to our apartment for my raincoat, but I worried about her all the time I was gone (she was OK).
i have been with my DH 24/7 for the last 10yrs as well. i just last yr started a 4hr respite on fridays thru an agency which is my time to get personals done. i agree with briegull, you brought him home knowing you had no inhome help available. if i remember as well you were told he has falling issues so leaving him alone could result in a fall that could have consequences. briegulls advice was as good as its going to get without finances to pay someonne to help out occasionally while you get out. i would never consider leaving my DH alone for a minute- he also seems to get into something as soon as i leave the room. they cant be trusted to follow directions. and yes if hes hurt while under your supervision or alone, you can be held liable. nobody wants to be stuck 24/7 homebound, but its another factor in keeping them at home vs facility. divvi
Wow. life like this sucks. I WAS told by the nursing home that if he gets hurt under my care, I could be arrested and charged with elder abuse.....thought that was junk coming from my angry kids (they'd just been told the P.O.A. had been returned to me). Wow, is all I can say. Prequalifying for Medicaid fast as I can. But, trying for a life, too. Wish I could get him propped up on a chair on the porch today. SOOOOOOOOOOOO lonely.
Social workers in hospitals, etc. are trained to help you make a placement and explain the financial side of things. Your best opportunity for placement is when they are IN the hospital. Trying to figure out why you brought him home. He would have been covered by Medicare for a period of time and then he would have been covered by Medicaid. The social workers in long term health care facilities are there to guide you through the process of applying for Medicaid (they want and need to be paid for the bed.) Seems like he was probably on Medicaid in the nursing home in Florida, have you checked that out?
Since you have been forewarned by medical personnel that he has a history of falls, it would be considered neglect to leave him unattended. You can't say, "If he falls, he falls." I know you are frustrated, but medical professionals have tried to guide you, you brought him home anyhow. People on this site have given advice about Medicaid 2 or 3 times, but you keep saying "you can't afford a nursing home." You had the perfect chance when he was placed in the hospital.
As to his not cooperating with your exercise program, which seems to frustrate you also, remember that AD patients are not always going to cooperate in that regard. Also, has your exercise program been approved by his physical therapist? You seem to want to push him into doing a lot, but I'm just guessing here, he may not be as able as you perceive him to be.
I hope for his sake and yours, you are able to place him as soon as possible. Sounds like it really is too much for you to handle.
I could see me getting my husband to consider a exercise program, sometimes as with this afternoon, he would not wash his hands after using the bathroom, this was before we were leaving for an early dinner. Finally, about 1/2 later & lots of discussion..on my part, he did finally wash them. There are some days that he will not do anything I ask, then others when he will do everything. That is what is so stressful about this disease. Stuntgirl, I have also been reading your post & it does sound like you are overwhelmed.
The way I see it, my DH has a terminal disease. He is never going to get any better. If he wants to lay in bed 20 hours out of 24, so be it. If he is hungry, I feed him. If he's cold, I cover him, etc. He bathes when he wants, he changes clothes when he wants. I would never try to get him to exercise. What's the point?? I would also suggest not trying to "arrange him comfortably" in bed. Unless he's completely imobile, he should be able to arrange himself.
I've been reading this thread and I just have to say something. When a person has AD they are not always able to understand the simplest things. They can seem to be fine one minute and very unpredictable the next. It is NOT safe to leave them home alone! My husband can't even answer the phone much less dial it. And if he got in trouble he wouldn't have the faintest idea how to use the phone or etc. You can not predict when they can be trusted to stay put or not. Once when he was in earily stages I left him for only 30 minutes. He forgot where I told him I would be and went looking for me. It took me and friends over an hour to find him! Please don't leave your LO home alone! In the house while your in the yard is one thing, but don't get too far from the house.
Dear God Stuntgirl, Do Not leave that man alone for a second!!!! If he were to try and stand, then fall and you were gone, the resulting hour on the floor could result in a fatal injury! He could roll and fall out of bed. He is 80 yrs old, keep him comfortable and let he feel safe and secure for whatever time he has left. That was the whole point of you Fighting to Bring Him Home. Medicaid pays for Home Health Aides as well as physical therapists. Use the funds for a HHA to come and sit with him while you go out and do your errands. Please do not leave him alone.
Thank you, all. Yes, I'm overwhelmed, with a lot to take care of (farm doesn't run itself) and I want to DO things besides become sedentary. I have a meeting with my elder lawyer this coming week....the social workers at the hospital are coming to talk with me, as are others sent by the hospital. I jusst didn't want him to be languishing in a hospital bed. But it now looks like that is what he is happiest doing. Happiest? I really don't think he cares one bit. Sometimes he says I should have left him there, so I know he still has feeliings about himself...usefulness, etc.
Now you know what the nursing home was dealing with. You cannot force him to eat or drink. If you try he could choke and aspirate. Sounds like he is approaching the end stage. From experience with my late mil, they don't know what they are saying or much about feelings such as usefulness or uselessness, just happy/sad, secure/insecure.
Stuntgirl, Briegull, Divvi, Gail, Susan...all have told you as clearly as anyone could about what this situation is. There seems to still be something out there that is keeping you from ACCEPTING the fact that part of his brain is DEAD now. It isn't sick, it isn't bruised...IT IS GONE. And, as a result, I'm almost positive he cannot learn how to use the walkie talkies.
My husband can dress himself, he walks around the house with assistance (cane), and he feeds himself. He is a proud man...somewhere in there. Nevertheless, I accept the doctor's observations that he is in the Severe Stage of the disease, in that he no longer writes, cannot cut his own meat, cannot dial a phone, cannot answer a phone, has little or no memory of most things, recent or past, ...because he has Alzheimer's Disease and part of his brain is DEAD. It can't get better. Same with John. The part of his brain that would control his verbal outbursts is no longer functioning, and just like a baby who screams all night long in his crib, he shouts and curses. I'm told that as time goes by, that will gradually decrease. WHEN that part of his brain dies too.
There ARE days when I say I'm running away from home, and I do. After I get my DH in the car, the dog in the car and buckle their seat belts securely. Then I'm off and gone! That's just how it is. He is 82 and I am 70. I started this journey when I was in my early 60's. I am not as young as you, but I don't think I look or act like a 70 year old either..(How do 70 year olds act??)
I do know that if our guys are in the hospital, they can go to a Nursing Home for up to 90 days on Medicare....but IF they come home for one day..they do not qualify. The next time he is in the hospital, remember that. The Case Manager will handle all of the arrangements for you...and you can then tell the children "the hospital INSISTED and you didn't have anything to do with it." which is partly true.
Bless your heart. I just wish you'd trust those of us who have been doing this longer. Gee, Jen, you've onloy been at it a month or so. You would be surprised how long Divvi, Marilyn, Lois, and the rest of us have been caregivers. That would be an interesting thread in itself....listing the years we've been caregivers, then adding the years together....it would be in the hundreds of years. When people offer you some respite...TAKE IT..... and that could be a few months in a care facility.
Re: eating and drinking. They will eventually eat and drink. Just like children...they won't starve themselves to death. I leave water and juice on the table next to his chair, in the kitchen, in the bathroom on his dressing table... and I notice he takes swigs here and there throughout the day. He doesn't like to be TOLD to do so either.
New song...."No one promised you a rose garden......" ...years ago. Who was the singer who made that so popular. Wasn't she on Lawrence Welk's show??
Last year when my husband was in, I found out that they didn't have to go directly to a facility from the hospital, and just now I looked it up and quote below from a Medicare booklet off the Medicare site:
MEDICARE WILL PAY FOR NURSING HOME CARE IF:
You have an inpatient stay of 3 consecutive days or more (a “qualifying stay”), counting the day of inpatient admission to the hospital, but not the day of discharge, before being admitted to the SNF. (they call this the "three midnight" rule) • The SNF is certified by Medicare.
• You begin getting covered care in the SNF within a short time (generally, 30 days) after discharge from the qualifying 3-day hospital stay.
• Physical therapy etc
NOTE THAT THIRTY DAY RULE, STUNTGIRL. THAT'S HOW LONG YOU HAVE FROM THE TIME HE LEFT THE HOSPITAL UNTIL YOU CAN GET HIS MEDICARE PAID STAY IN A NURSING HOME. You can't dilly dally about this for months. there is a specific amount of time you have to fix it in, I guess about three weeks now. I know I'm being mean but you must face reality.
I don't know if Medicare is the same in every state but I am trying to place my husband and thought maybe putting him in the hospital first would be helpful so that medicare would take of things for a few weeks until I got everything going with the medicade. NOT. Medicare will only pay if he needs skilled nursing care. Being on the psych unit will not do it here. The social worker at the hospital told me that most of the time they put them in for physical therapy then move them on. However, he does not obey commands so that is not an option. Don't obey commands, can't take physical therapy. I think someone else on this thread described my situation. One day he obeys all commands the next day it is like talking to a post.
I've been told of the 3 day rule and the 30 day one. A reason I was given to send him to the hospital is because there's a way to leverage his admission to a NF, which you may not be able to do from home--waiting lists for example--from the hospital trumps a waiting list.
Also a doctor can write a therophy order for admission. Then the NF can bill medicare and begain helping you get started with medicade. If they know your plan is long term they will keep working with the LO to take some theropy trieing at different times of the day and etc. They want to be payed for that bed and they will do what is needed to be able to get payed.
There's a difference between a skilled nursing facility (SNF) and a long term health care facility (Nursing Home). There are different qualifications for entering each. (SNF needing more care.) I believe I am correct, at least that's how it was back in the days when I was a medical social worker. And carosi is correct, the hospital trumps a waiting list vs. coming from home. That's why I said Stuntgirl had her opportunity when he was in the hospital. I would think the social worker would have advised her of this.
Oh shoot. I just spent quite awhile writing a message, hit the wrong button and lost it.
JANEIE: Are you still out there? I just realized you started this thread with the question "How do you get your mojo back?" I've been working on that very thing with a therapist (actually the psychologist who does the neuropsych tests on DH). It's still a problem. My moods are still fragile and a good one all too frequently gets blown out of the water by DH's behavior or one of the numerous problems with our house. I can tell you I do far better when I'm well rested and I'm usually not. Need to work on that. I do better when I have something to look forward to. I've just started working on that with my recent short birthday visit. One thing I learned from the therapist was not too fight my moods so much, to just go ahead and feel whatever it is, anger, sadness, frustration. That's helping a bit too.
ACCEPTANCE. A lot seems to boil down to that. I don't think I've yet accepted that this is my life and that DH is going to seem normal one minute and do something nuts the next and throw a tantrum at the end of what seemed like a rare pleasant evening. I think it was on the wellspouse.com site where they mentioned three stages caregivers go through. The first being HEROIC (I've been through that one and was sorry to see it go), then the second stage - can't remember what they called it but sounds like where I am now, then finally THE NEW NORMAL in which we accept this crazy anything but normal life IS our new normal and start living this life as best we can. Not sure if I got that right, but that's the part I remember. The new normal seems all about acceptance.
COMPASSION. When I look at DH with compassion I'm at my best, can easily get my mojo back. In our daily lives especially since he seems so normal in many ways it actually feels like he's just being difficult or rude or lazy or whatever on purpose! But last year he was still writing a bit of poetry or notes in a journal and I'd get a hint of how he feels. He doesn't and won't talk about all this, but reading those emotions puts me right into that compassion place. Just typing this I realize I could keep one of those poems in my nightstand and bring it out to remind me that this is the FTD or AD and not him.
Stuntgirl, didn't realize your DH was 80 or anything about your history with the facility, but I do know that the people on this site have invaluable experience we can benefit from and I empathize with your emotions in your current situation. Reading the posts of those doing 24/7 caregiving is a BIG reminder to me to try to get myself into a place where I can appreciate the good moments we still have and try to live more in those moments and get my mojo back more quickly or better yet, just to ACCEPT and not be brought down so much.
In our area we have 3 SNF that also have LTCF all in the same buildings. It is just a matter of different bookwork going from one to the other. I had thought about placing my husband a while back due to some combative issues. He was admitted to one of these places and if I had of left him there his room would have remained the same and everthing, just different paperwork and no more theropy. They were able to resolve his aggression so I brought him back home. Haven't had any more problems with that demon. I did learn what was needed if I was to ever want to place him LT.
PS, Terry got a post in while I was typing. I meant for this to follow Kitty's. :)
Terry....I got a lot out of reading your post this morning. The stages of a caretaker's dealing with this disease....Never had considered that. Just had given recent thought to the seven stages of grief, though. I'm beginning to reallize I have a little problem with the compassion part of what you write. John can seem so "better" (no, never 'normal') sometimes, and that gives me hope that I'm doing a better job taking care of him here than "they" would. Then he'll lapse back into his state of staring and inattention, talk of wanting to die, that I should get rid of him....then comes the boyfriends issue he imagines. Also, I can never get him to willing do anything about his hygiene....he's always been such a clean, conciencious man. He was brilliant, too....a very respected ObGyn. Oh, how he remembers all his medical stuff....he can walk you right through a C-Section in a Hurricane, I think...and I'D trust his word! But, what did we have for dinner tonight, dear? "I dunno. Did we eat?". As for the Acceptance part....I bounce along that rocky road every day. No. I haven't accepted it yet. It will probably take another pretty bad episode to make me finally realize I can't do it here alone. Personally, maybe I think sometimes I think the acceptance IS kicking in.....when I wonder why I'm giving him Aricept and Namenda .... not necessary for his health like his Flomax or heart meds. Does anyone else have these thoughts? I don't think I'd want to be kept around longer than necessary if I had this disease. I'd just want to let nature take it's course and let me go. So, I guess that gives everyone a picture of where I am . Confused, lacking compassion and unaccepting of my lot and his disease.
First, just to be clear about my perspective on the disease, I have to say that my husband has been diagnosed only with MCI and is not nearly as bad as your John.
However, I have read almost all of the posts on this site and am awed by the ability of the people here to cope with really horrendous behavior on the part of their LOs. I have serious doubts about my own ability to be as patient or caring or strong as they are. I've read messages from others at the beginning of this journey who say the same thing. Oh, I know, many of the people I'm talking about would tell me I will do what I have to and handle things to the best of my ability, but I still have doubts.
That said, it amazes me that you think (or thought) you could do a better job than the doctors and staff at the nursing home were doing - or for that matter that you doubted what the "experts" here were telling you all along. I hope you are ready to listen to them now - for your sake and John's. What is important right now is that he be safe and cared for and that you not hurt yourself in an attempt to show you can do it yourself. I know all about stages of grief, but I don't think at this point you don't have time to wait for "acceptance to kick in." YOU HAVE TO ACCEPT THE TRUTH as Nancy explained it AND DEAL WITH.
Sorry to be blunt, but you really have to do it. Janet
I do know, inside. Assuming that lots of people understand some of my horrible family dynamics at play here. I have to work this just right....get all my financials ironed out, wills redone, see my elder law attorney at the end of the week. I'm afraid that if the kids find out I've placed their father, I'll get another letter revoking my power of attorney and they'll take him away from me....I want to have him in a facility near me, when he does go.
We made the mistake of bringing my DW home from the hospital after being told that she needed 24/7 care, I hired a sitter for her during the day whose job was just to sit with her, help her to the bathroom and fix lunch for her. We were unable to control her in this situation, she couldn't follow any kind of instructions, the visiting nurse and physical therapist came in and did their thing. This lasted for two weeks.
She fell at least once a day, and then fell twice in one day, both times while she was trying to cook. The second time we called 911, they took her back to the hospital, readmitted her for four days and then placed her in the rehab section of the nursing facility. We will not bring her back home because it is unsafe for us to do so, that is the bottom line. We don't want to put her in a position where she will fall and possibly break her hip or wrist (both require surgery) or hurt herself in any way. She was taking Coumadin, that makes falling even more dangerous.
We finally woke up and decided on permanent placement. We had no other choice. We had exhausted all of our options. We did what we had to do, now almost a month later, we know permanent placement was the right thing to do. We are not happy about it, but we had no other choice.
stuntgirl, does he have a medical person that comes to your house to check his vitals etc while doing the therapy? its concerning that you say he doesnt eat or drink. if he dehydrates or colllapses with malnurishment issues, you will find yourself in the emergency room sooner rather than later i suspect. many AD patients find it necessary to have us the caregivers constantly offerning an assortment of foods they like and will eat and fluids of their liking during the day and not just at mealtime if they arent eating. its not enough to just set it there and if he does eat/drink, ok, and if not ok. thats where the facilities sometimes are better than us at getting nourishment into the system even if they arent willing. all else fails they put in an IV for fluid intake. divvi
This is a question re: Kitty's question. Would any legal document (will, Power of Attorney, etc.) be considered valid if the writer has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease and has a history of confinement due to sanity issues? Of course, we're all concerned about StuntGirl's problems with POA's, etc., but in my case, I had somewhat of a problem with a recent use of his POA because his entire name was not spelled out....rather an inital and his middle name - which is the way he always signed his name. No one caught this discrepancy early on...but now I doubt he could re-do his POA because of his current mental health issue.
This being said, couldn't Jen challenge the changes in her husband's earlier changes of his POA, will, etc., much easier than she could get valid NEW documents.
If any doc stated, "Being of sound mind I herby...........", we'd have to stop right there.
for general information ---being of SOUND MIND in the extent for legal purposes "requires that a person of legal age be able to REASON, THINK, AND UNDERSTAND for onself."
there are also the issues that could be challenged with any document signed which could reflect 'undue influence' or 'lack of testamentary capacity'..
as far as wills- they are required to know that they are signing a will, and know the general nature and extent of their property, and know the decendants or relatives that normally would be included in the aforementioned estate. usually 2-3 witnesses NOT associated as beneficiaries are needed and they must attest that they believe the willmaker is of 'sound mind' and legal age to sign. then they must sign along with a notary that attests the witnesses and willmakers signatures and identity. FYI-for informational purposes only.--- consult a qualified legal professional for information for your state and legal requirements. divvi
Divvi, your post confirms what I thought. I recall an attorney using the expression "the person should know his kith and kin", - and with my DH, it just depends on the day of the week. One day, he would,.. and the next day, maybe not.
Word History: Kith is obsolete except in the alliterative phrase kith and kin, which originally meant "native land and people" and first appeared about 1377 in Piers Plowman. Kith comes from the Old English noun cth, "knowledge; known, familiar country; acquaintances, friends. Divvi is right on...
Yes, there is a problem with his Will because the children had him change it. He doesn't remember doing this. I have to gain access to his "IRA" as a part of prequalifying him for Medicaid...transfer any funds into my account, change an annuity BACK into my name as beneficiary (or cash it in or begin drawing from it....I want to do SOMETHING with it because right now, it is 100% tied to the stock market)....lots of legal hoops to jump through according to VA law as far as the Medicaid goes....all legal, just "working" the system so that his nursing home care, when necessary, won't eat up all my assets. Now, I'm a year and a half (almost) behind in the plan my initial elderlaw attorney set up for me to follow. I really do want him home. I had the idea that I could at least make him stronger, more willing to survive. He seemed to be languishing in the nursing home, so far away from home....only near a sister (twin) that I didn't know never got along well with him. So, hey....let me tell you about my day.....first, the visiting nurse from the hospital came to check on him. Yes, she takes his vitals and all that...history of what he eats and drinks , how often he goes to the bathroom, etc. Then, the occupational therapist came in to do her thing. Advised me of some skills to get him to walk on his own, how better to use his walker, etc. Encouraging. And affirming. I was offered an aid to come in three days a week to take care of issues like bathing, shaving, flossing his teeth, etc. OVERJOYED! Medicare is taking care of the cost! After all this "care" and talk, I let John rest a while. I did some housework, then I GOT HIM TO GO WITH ME to get a HAIRCUT AND TO GO TO WALMART TO DO OUR GROCERY SHOPPING! I even got him to go to Burger King, to the pet shop for food for my canary and cat, to the farm bureau for a new tow-tank with booms for my tractor!! WOW! He didn't even yell at the people in line in front of us at WalMart this time! He cooperated with the hairdresser! What a good boy he was! Tonight, he's tired. Gave him a little glass of wine while enjoyed mine on the front porch. I got to cut some lawn while he rested. I'm going to go take a bath and then take him upstairs for the night. Overall, I think we had a very successful day, considering how it CAN be. I DO know he needs to be in a care facility in the very near future. The nurses and a social worker talked to me about it today. I'm so sorry I'm such a whiner. I just am the kind of person that wants to "fix" everything...always have been and am incredibly undone when I can't. Very type-A, also. ("My way or the high-way"....gotta get rid of that thinking, I know)., ((((((love you all))))) Jen