About two months ago my husband was "dismissed" from daycare and I hired an aide who is here 20 hrs a week. It is working out well, but there are a couple of issues that I hadn't anticipated and am posting so it may help someone.
Several weeks ago our water pressure was greatly reduced (we are on a well) and it has continued. Finally I called a plumber--it occurred to me that it could be our sediment filter, which we always change every 6 months. However, it was last changed in February, so I really didn't think that was the problem. Long story short, it was. For over 20 yrs we have only changed them twice a year--no problem. Now I realize that having my husband home all day in addition to a third person here must have made the difference, I'll have to have it done more frequently. I'm thinking I may have to step up the schedule on having the septic tank pumped, as well.
Another unexpected consequence--have to buy more groceries, she eats lunch here. She is really supposed to bring her own food, but I'm not going to make an issue of it because she gets along well with DH and does pretty much whatever I ask on the household chores.
I guess other things may come along that I haven't thought about--anyone else have any "surprises"?
When our aide first started I was beginning to think she was stealing the paper towels and taking them home with her. Used a whole roll every day. Upon careful watching I discovered that she is just a paper towel user. She will grab 6 when 2 would do the job and she uses them for everything. Finally decided that it was a small price to pay.
Yes, I had the same feeling about paper goods. Maybe it's the fact that when someone else is paying for them, people aren't as careful about consumption. I buy the towels that can split into smaller ones--many times the smallest size is fine for little jobs--don't know if she does that or uses a lot at a time. I agree that there are some things you have to just let slide--no hired person will do things the same way we do. But it's an adjustment.
I made a point of telling her to follow DH around and turn off lights--he doesn't do that much anymore. Hoping that she got the point--I am energy conscious. What's the point of lights or a tv on in a room when there's no one in it?
My DH leaves lights on, but he is very consistent about shutting (and locking) doors. For a while it was the bathroom doors, but lately it is the outside doors that get locked. He would lock it when I was outside and then not know how to unlock it. Luckily, I keep a spare key hidden outside, and decided I needed to tell his respite worker and show her where it is kept. She is pretty careful not to go outside without him, but you just never know.....
I wud highly recommend that everyone hide a key somewhere...my dw would lock me out if I went to check the mail, went to put something in the car, or just walked outside. I finally hid the key the day after she locked me out when I decided to go skinny dipping in the pool, lesson learnt.
jules, are you talking aide as in every day, or respite care for a few hours per week? Mine is $18.00 per hour for a few hours a week. I just recently got approved for 20 hours per month free respite care paid for Rural Resources in WA state. Then if I need more I will pay for it out of pocket.
One that I had who lived in - this was when my husband was at home - used to do the weekly grocery shopping for me. As time when by, I noticed that she was adding her own personal items such as toothpaste, sanitary pads, Tylenol, etc. to the grocery bill. Other unexpected surprises were that she wanted her own cable TV and a medical plan. The more I gave, the less she did. Then my husband had a spontaneous compression fracture of the coccyx, was hospitalized, and she went on to someone else.
mary75--I know this is a generalization, but to me there seems to be a "culture" with caregivers to try to get perks with the job. In its most extreme form, there are those that just steal (hence the need to lock everything valuable up). Our aide is very good, but I noticed that even the first week here she seemed very comfortable asking me if she could have things. I'm willing to give her things I'm ready to throw out--magazines I've read, etc,, but I was advised by the agency owner not to start buying her meals, etc., because it would soon become expected. Maybe because it can be such difficult work, day in and day out, they want "extras". I know someone who has an aide from an Agency, buys her lunches out regularly, gifts, etc. just to keep her happy! All of this may not apply to privately hired aides, but I have to go through an agency because of LTC insurance. Issues here are somewhat simpler because DH doesn't want to go out with her, hence, there is no grocery shopping, etc., involved. After reading your post, maybe that's a good thing!
Jules, it costs $20 an hour, 20 hour a week minimum if you want the same aide to come every day (I do).
MarilyninMD, at the risk of sounding prejudiced, there seems to be an attitude from caregivers from one particular country (and it supplies the majority of caregivers for agencies here) that we in North America are rich and therefore, they are entitled to all the perks they can get. I have friends who have given them all they ask for in order to keep them, including trips back to their home country. In this particular case, the woman had left 3 children and her husband behind and was sending them all the money she could. But she was very unhappy and crying, and she came to me for comfort at at all hours, as if I were her mother. I didn't have the time or energy to include her in my own caregiving responsibilities. But still I went along with it until one day I was sitting on the toilet with a bout of diarrhea looking at the bathroom floor thick with grime and realized that 1. we were now eating her ethnic cooking 7 days a week, and it didn't agree with me, and 2. the bathroom hadn't been cleaned for about a month. She like to sit and talk to my husband and her way of cleaning was with a dry cloth and a quick swipe down the middle of the floor.
Holy Cow, Mary, she would have been outta here in a New York minute!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The last thing we dementia caregivers need is someone who comes to us with their problems!!!!!!!!!!!! Our caregiver is from another country and still has family there as well, works 2 jobs so she can send money back home. That's admirable, but I hold her accountable to do things up to my standards. After all, I'm paying for her services.
I agree that we are viewed as rich, I guess it would be the same if we suddenly became household employees to someone fabulously wealthy! It's all relative. I do let our aide know that I watch what we spend, shop for food and other things on sales, etc.
Re paying for trips back to the home country--cousins of ours had a live-in housekeeper for years--they live in California--very common there. She became a member of the family, and I believe they did pay for trips back home. However, she worked for them something like 30 years, did live with them, and they are financially well off. I can't imagine why your friends would feel that they need to pay for trips back home (unless they have unlimited funds). Generally, those of us who need to hire caregivers for our LO's on a frequent basis are concerned about holding on to funds to pay for potential future care.
I agree with MarilyninMD, there is a "culture" with agency caregivers/aides and our experience was that initially he tried to get as much as he could. Like others, I have to go thru an agency due to LTC and for 24 hour live in it is $195/day. I was advised by the agency that I pay for groceries including his within reason. He did not like this arrangement and asked for a meal allowance of $10/day because he doesn't like American cooking. I declined and he's stopped asking. Also asked to have wife visit for 1 week while he was supervising my DH and working. I explained several times that he would not be able to entertain his wife AND do his job. Finally has given up on that too. Like ehamilton, we have a well and septic, so at least the septic will need to be cleaned more often. Weekly grocery bills are 40% more than previously; I found that feeding 2 adult males I try and double the recipe so we have enough for left overs the next night. Doesn't work, the more I make, the more the aide eats and we still don't have enough to feed all 3 of us the next night. Electric bill is higher because he likes to do the wash everyday. Calls from relatives/friends from home country on the home line (not his cell) when he makes calling card calls and no one answers. They just call the number where the call originated (very rude I might add).
LFL--I was the one with well and septic. If you have a water softener unit or sediment filter, keep in mind that it will need attention more frequently now. I guess all these things we have been discussing are the hidden costs of having in-home help: food, utilities, cleaning supplies, etc. I wonder if it really is more cost effective to care for a LO at home after all? Of course, there are other reasons to do it--possibly better care--but it may not be more economical than a facility.
If you put the RIDX in your septic system monthly (pour it down the toliet and do not use also of bleach in the toliet) your septic should be ok. As far as food it is YOUR home, your control the portions and the variety. Also you can stop the daily clothes wash. Just make a schedule and have him stick to it. What we forget b/c we are nurturing souls is that we HIRE these aides to WORK in OUR homes. We are not there to entertain them, feed them and generally provide for THEIR well being, they are there to be OUR ASSISTANTS. And it they are not providing the service they are paid to provide then they should be sent packing. I had to try on several before I found one that fit!!!!!!!!!!!!
Shellseeker--You are right in everything you said. I think the problem may be that when we first hire someone, if we have had no prior experience and no one to compare notes with, we really don't know what it's all about. The agency I used provided a list of duties, but they were vague and somewhat subject to interpretation. In addition, the reason we hire help is so we can get respite, and can leave the house. Consequently, most of the time the aide is left unsupervised in the home. It's pretty hard to do something like control food portions if you aren't there during some of the meals. Also, the last thing we want to do is alienate someone who is providing care to our LO. So I guess you have to walk a fine line between laying down the law and keeping the relationship pleasant.