Since my husband has been hospitalized recently, children and relatives are coming out of the woodwork in an effort to undermine any estate planning I've done. I have durable power of attorney, however it is being challenged. I'm told that it means nothing without my having legal guardianship. I know its enormously expensive.....is it that necessary? What's anyone's experience with that? I live in Virginia.
If you have a durable power of attorney you don't need legal guardianship as well in most states. Call your lawyer and tell him what is going on and ask for advice.
Watch out for those weasels coming out of the woods. Your DH could possibly be easily manipulated by one of them to withdraw the DPOA. With the DPOA you shouldn't also need guardianship. But again, if he can be manipulated they may attempt to talk him into assigning one of them. I would try to limit, and then monitor any contact they have with him.
In our state my DPOA is sufficient. It gives me total ability to act for him and to sign anything for him, including hospital documents, legal documents, etc. Do check with an attorney in your state and see under what circumstances a guardianship would be required. Don't let relatives try to take over for you during this difficult time.
One more thing. When he signed the DPOA for you was he capable of making that decision? If he is convinced to withdraw it, can you make the case that he is no longer capable of signing legal papers?
Dear Starling....yes, when he gave me DPOA he was capable of making that decision. Now, however, he isn't able to make decisions. The attorney the kids hired wrote him a letter telling him that the courts would look dubiously on his effort to have it reversed. But, that doesn't put me at rest, eithr. My attourney wants me to have legal guardianship so I'll be completely protected. But, that involves going to court and having him judged incompetent (which he is, but I've not wanted to do that yet). I'm afraid to have him home again. He calls 15-20 times a day crying about loving me and wanting to be home with me....promises everything will be better. Each message on the machine gets angrier and meaner, accussing. Nothing will be any better. How do I go about telling him he's not coming home to be with me???????
While the DPOA is supposed to do wondeful things, my family decided it was not enough.
We went to court and me and two of my daughters share custody of my wife. The daughters are totally trustworthy, and were chosen because they live close.
The whole process cost about $3000, which is not free, but not all that expensive. WIthout it I have trouble talking to my wife's insurancae company. Now I carry a copy of the court order with me and it would take the judge to change anything.
We don't have a large, or even medium size, estate, but my daughters and I are trying to make the whole process as painless as possible.
I had a problem with the DPOA when someone said my husband had been diagnosed with dementia when he signed it so it wasn't valid. I had to petition the courts for guardianship/conservatorship. It cost me about $2000 which I arranged to pay by the month.
I have a question I was hoping someone could help me with. I have two DPOA's. One is medical only, the other covers everything else. The medical one, we did at the local hospital. It came in a standard package they offer for health planning. The other, a lawyer did. I have never had any trouble with either document until medicaid came into the picture.
The first person we spoke with, the nurse who came to evaluate him… said I needed to have his medical DPOA activated. She said I needed to have a doctor sign a paper saying he was not competent to make his own medical decisions any more. Ok, never heard of that before! But I did call my neuro and he is sending out the required letter.
Then we met with the women who is his case manager. She advised me the DPOA may not be enough, and that I should seek legal guardianship. She said even with the note, if Lynn refused treatment or care, there was nothing I could do about it. Does this sound right to any of you? It doesn’t to me. She said it is clear he can’t make good decisions, but if he refused their care, there was nothing they could do about it. What then is the point of a DPOA? My neuro said he has never had anyone question a DPOA or even ask that be activated by a doctor. I know some of you will advise a lawyer, but I just don’t have the funds to be able to do that. In your opinions, do you think I really need to try for guardianship?
Nikki-yes you do need to get legal guardianship. Until then your husband can refuse treatment or placement. I found out about this from my husband's psych doc asked if I had it. It is a long and expensive proceedure. What happened with us is that Bill was so far gone that he couldn't challenge anything. Is it a good thing to get worse?
I agree what is the point of DPOA then. plus i have never heard of medical one having to be activated either. i did give a copy of the med poa to the health care agency that comes to sit with him weekly,and thats all they wanted from me. i would consult with a probono atty or legal aide which is free and ask the question to them first. guardianship costs alot of time and money. i hope i dont need one either. divvi good luck nikki
Thanks! See that’s what I am thinking too. What IS the point of the DPOA's then? I can't wrap my brain around this. If it is clear he can't make decisions.......... I have a DPOA stating if he can't - I am to make these decisions for him. Isn't that the whole point of a DPOA?
I will do that divvi, call around and see who I can talk with. I have a friend who is An attorney, but I am not sure if he knows about this sort of thing or not. Guess I will find out! I was looking guardianship online, this is not a route I want to take. And here I thought I had all my ducks in a row… *sigh
Nikki, I think it may depend on where you live, what the laws are and how they are routinely interpreted.
For example, a DPOA may work well if your husband were in a coma -- there wouldn't be any question as to whether he could make decisions for himself. But if he is wide awake and raring to go, and he decides to fight you on the subject of his healthcare, that's a horse of an entirely different color. A letter from a single doctor may not be nearly enough. Lynn's rights to control his own body are too substantial, so you may very well need guardianship -- that is, you may need the courts to investigate the entire situation, and rule that your husband truly is not able to make those decisions on his own.
In establishing a guardianship, your husband would have his own attorney, to protect his rights. This attorney would talk with your husband, and submit a report to the court. The court would also assign a court investigator, to talk with your husband, with you, with his doctors, with his relatives, etc.; and the investigator would also submit a report to the court. You would need at least one letter from a doctor -- possibly two, depending on where you live. There would be a hearing, in which your husband would be allowed to speak, if he wished. The court would decide whether Lynn can make sound decisions for himself and, if not, whether you would be a suitable guardian, or perhaps someone else should be. The court would also decide which powers to grant you. For example, I am my husband's conservator (that's the term we use here) and have the right to decide on his medical care, but I do not (yet) have the power to place him in a home. When he starts getting close to needing something like that, if I can't continue to care for him here, then I have to petition the court again.
The question, I think, boils down to whether Lynn would ever actively OPPOSE what you want to have done for him -- would he refuse medicines you feel are essential for his comfort and well-being, would he refuse to go into an assisted living facility if, say, your own health deteriorated to the point you couldn't care for him at home, things like that.
But the DPOA should be fine as long as you are simply assisting Lynn.
(divvi, the way a DPOA is written determines whether it has to be "activated." Some of them are "active" the minute they are signed, others require an event -- the person becoming unable to make decisions on his own -- before they confer any power. If the person must be disabled in some way, then the DPOA often stipulates that a doctor must make a determination, sometimes it stipulates TWO doctors are needed.)
Back to the guardianship ... the time and money that are required depend on the state where you live, and also on your situation. If the ADLO is willing to have the guardianship, he is still able to express his desires, and none of the relatives objects, it can go through quite quickly and relatively painlessly. So if Lynn believes that you want guardianship to make sure that you can take care of him, no matter what, and tells that to the court, the process shouldn't be all that bad.
Also, if the ADLO has few assets, the court will typically assign an attorney for him, and order the county to pay for the attorneys and all court costs.
Nikki, I would suggest that you ask for a consultation with an attorney who specializes in guardianships, to discuss this in detail. An initial consultation is often free.
I did have to petition the court to become my husband's conservator, not because of problems with him, but problems with his blasted children. He is still quite articulate, understood I was doing it to protect him, and cooperated. The only painful part was some shenanigans out of his kids, which was stressful and made the process a little longer ... but worth it. His attorney was a sweetheart, the judge was very understanding and compassionate.
UGGGGGGG! I can understand it better the way you explained it sunshyne, but I still don't like it. LOL I thought I had this all set! Lynn of course would refuse many things, even taking a bath for that matter! So, yes.. I can see he would tell the court their was nothing wrong with him. Though, he was fine with the DPOA.
I will have no problem with his children. They understand he isn't able now, and have backed me 100% There is no "estate" We have the house, and that has been in my name only since we married. He made it clear to his children way back then, the house was mine. They have never argued the point. They have been really good about the whole thing. It is just hard for them to see him, so visits are nil.
I have been thinking..... always a dangerous thing lol. I think I will let things stay the way they are. The reason for the letter, is because due to the AD it isn't "always" clear what stage they are in, and therefore, what state of mind they have. I can understand this now. But, for now... if he refuses a visiting nurse, thats ok with me. I have no plans to put him in a NH, so no battle there.
I am thinking as things progress to the point where he will need more severe care, I will be at the stage bluedaze was, he wont have the ability to resist. Sad, but true. I think I will still make some calls, but think I will stick with the DPOA for now. I just know us, at this point... there is no way I would subject him to going to court to be found incompetent. I wouldn't like it, and know he wont either! Thank you all for your help! ~Nikki
our DPOA went into effect the moment we signed ours. so that was a relief after i read it. yes in mine i put my Dson who will become mine after 2 doctors say i am incapacitated. - i have never thought i needed guardianship since DH has never refused anything i have done for him and hes at the point he really couldnt offer any objections i think. he has a daughter works is in the probate court which is kinda spooky-i think if you were appointed by the spouse to be DPOA why wouldnt the courts think you were to be the guardian as well-i didnt know medicaid and or placing them in a facility would need guardianship either. divvi
Our DPOA does not state anything about needing a doctor to confirm he is incapacitated. Medicaid wants it, as though they can clearly see he is not capable of making decisions- they want it on record a doctor said he was not competent as well. As for the guardianship- Medicaid, does not require it. The nurse suggested it would be a good thing to have, as Lynn refused their help for some things.
He does not want help from a stranger to bathe him. I can understand, and respect that. Later when his decline is to the point where he isn’t so resistant, then I will be able to call in their help for this , with just the DPOA. As for the nursing home, I don’t know. My grampa was placed in a nursing home, and he objected loudly! There was no guardianship, just a POA and he was placed against his will. So not sure….
i agree when hes no longer verbal about refusing help would be a time to get some inhome help. your DH is able to still vocalize what he does/doesnt want so that would make it more difficult i guess. but, remember they never want help with personal issues, i had to make the decision to have some relief to get out and just flatly stated i need a break now and then from the bathing issues which were the hardest. now its not so hard anymore and i dont push it, just wait for a more oportune moment when hes more agreeable. or have the aide just give him a reasonble sitting down on a chair type bath and clean clothing and the best shave they can do it works. other days i do it myself but its nice to have the option. divvi nikki, i guess your DPOA doesnt have written it goes 'into effect' at signing??? maybe thats why?
divvi, I wasn't suggesting that the courts would decide to award guardianship to someone else, I was just saying that there are a lot of things that need to be considered for the protection of the ADLO. It would be highly unusual, to say the least, for the court to decide someone other than a spouse should be guardian, especially if it is clear to the investigator that the spouse is taking good care of her loved one.
Not everyone is as loving and concerned as the people who post here. My husband's children kicked up a fuss about my petition, not because they wanted to take care of him (hah!!!) but because they wanted money. (Which, ironically, he doesn't have.) There have been plenty of people who tried to get a guardianship just to get at money. There have been plenty of people who tried to force a mentally-disabled person into a facility, just to get them out of the way.
I think Medicaid was just warning Nikki that she might want to consider doing the guardianship now, because it might be easier now. Loads of people manage to care for their ADLOs without one, and yes, even manage to get them into a home over strenuous protests, which are often expected. It depends on the home, and the type of protests, and the state in which the loved one lives, and whether the laws have been changed since Nikki's grandpa was placed, just a lot of things.
The only problem I see with waiting would be if Lynn suddenly got a lot worse, and Nikki didn't have the authority she needed to help him. But quite possibly she could get an emergency guardianship if that happened.
I do think it would be a good idea to have a consultation with a lawyer, to find out exactly what the pro's and con's are where Nikki lives.
My Gawd! I never heard of legal guardianship for a husband. Am I a babe in the woods. I do have POA along with our daughter for DH. Daughter and oldest son share POA if I become incapacitated. Do I need something else? I thought I was done with the elder attorney.
Do not panic, Mawzy, enjoy your babe-ship. I'm up to my eyeballs in lawsuits (oh boy, talk about freudian, I originally typed lawshits) and the attorneys (multiple) who are defending my husband and me and my (now defunct) company recommended the conservatorship to keep the rotten children at bay. She who strikes first is in a much better position to prevail, especially if the "she" has been caring for the ADLO for nearly twenty years, while the children only contacted dear old dad when they wanted money.
Unless you have scheming relatives, like some of us, you probably have no need whatsoever to look into a guardianship. Do something useful instead, like pruning your rose garden, to get ready for our cuppa.
Gotcha! I'm out there in the garden in about 90 minutes. Stop by if you have a chance and I'll show you how lovely they really are. I have 27 bushes. 7 climbers. They are fabulous!!!!!
ps--no problem with these kids. They've all told me that whatever decision I make, they KNOW it's in their dad's best interests and they'll support me in anything and everything. That is very comforting.
Thanks sunshyne. My friend who is a lawyer, but does not specialize in elder care, said he knew enough of the laws to advice me for free. He suggested I not do the guardianship at this time. He knows Lynn well and he agrees that at this time, it would only hurt and anger Lynn. He said the thing to do was go with the DPOA and if anything major happened, I could partition the court for emergency guardianship. He said alot of folks do that, as it is much MUCH quicker and cheaper. Thanks for all the help! ~Nikki
Nikki-for what it's worth I agree. If Lynn is aware enough to be hurt than it would be an injustice to do it. You know you can always go the emergency route.
I had DPOA and Medical POA for Ron, but we had to file bankruptcy. They demanded I take Guardianship before they'd let the bankruptcy go through. More expense, but not too bad--less than $500 over the cost of the Bankruptcy. Made payments. Had never had real problems using the DPOA, the few times I had to, but nobody questions the Guardianship and it covers both the DPOA and Medical. Now that I've had it for a year, we've had 1 in home evaluation (continuation approved) and I've sent my first annual report on his care. There will be in home evals every 3 years from now on, and I'll send a report each year. It just reports on the medical appointments he's had, the metal health care; his social function level, any changes in living arangements, etc. I feel better for having it, after the hassle with some of his sisters last year---"He's lived here all his life--He won't get lost." "If I had an automatic transmission car, I'd take him to a church parking lot to practice driving."
What a Guardian says is what goes. If someone offered to take him somewhere and I said, "No," and he got in the car and they went anyway, I would call the police. They would be arrested for kidnapping. Because he is incompetent. I had to get over the 'guilt' of causing them problems. They caused the problems themselves by violating my decision as Guardian, made for his safety. Any time you're pushed for legal stuff check it out; consult a lawyer and be upfront about financial limits. Things can be worked out.
Also, once you're approved as Guardian, anyone who has problems with your decisions and actions on behalf of your LO will have a tougher time bucking you. They would have to prove their stance regarding your care, and to do that they'd have to show their active involvement in his life.
His daughter got guardian ship 2 weeks ago. It has been tough because he keeps calling me and telling people to bring him home. He gave his daughter DPOA almost 2 years ago when his mind was fairly good. I think it was out of his own personal greed so he could turn his 401K money over to her and my kids wouldn't get it. We separated in June when he took his trip around the world with her. I just couldn't handle her having this DPOA and he was getting mean at times pushing me around and putting me and my kids down. I filed for divorce. I got back in the house in July while he was gone for a month on trip and I had a restraining order and protection order. Well, when he came back from trip he ignored all this and I just couldn't send him to jail. I ended up letting him come back but didn't drop the divorce. I had trouble controlling his financial doings and he would buy cars and another house. He would look through the ads in paper and think he could buy what he wanted. I had to manage him and the rental houses and help fix the one he bought with line of credit on our home. He couldn't do any work and I did what I could and we payed a friend of his to put new windows in etc. All this time his daughter was determined that she could better care for him so she put in for guardianship. When we went to court, I was surprised that she was granted it and my lawyer said we could no longer live together. When he got on to what was going on, he went in and argued with the judge, I told his daughter that she would have to take him home with her because I couldn't handle him and he may get violent with me. I really felt and still feel bad for him. Now he is at a senior center and has someone staying with him 24/7. I hear he has a nice place and he has all the conveniences but he must feel like he is in prison. They took his driving privledges away. I've been feeling down and powerless but there is not much I can do and I do now talk to his daughter. I'm not sure if she did the right thing. My lawyer argued for me for about an hour but since he has a history of abuse, I think the court thinks for their, his and my safety that she is responsible for him. What can I do, he gave her POA when his mind was good?
Nancy1940--He gave her POA when he was capable. Now the Court has given her Guardianship, for several good reasons. As badly as you feel for him in his new situation, I think it's time to let go. As hard as you've tried and with all the financial and business problems, as well as the emotional abuse and potential violence, you've divorced. But you still have to separate. You have no input or control of his care. At this point you need to put your children and yourself first in your life and get yourself back on solid emotional footing. This is a hurting time for you, but you will get through it. In a way you may eventually find that this turns out to be a blessing because you won't have to be intimately involved in his care as he declines. This may not be the way you want it to be, but it is the way it is. I'm very sorry for your situation.
I know you're right! And I was so happy this morning when my son came out and plowed the driveway for me since we got 8 inches of heavy wet snow and if it is not plowed away it will turn into ice and not go away until a good thaw. I have good kids and they are very helpful to me. He would not have come out if DH was here because they had words this summer and there is a lot of resentment. I told his daughter she can come over and take the dog, Buffy, a cute little pug to him and she will sleep with him and give him company. I said maybe we can have joint custody since she acts like she misses him but I know she will miss me after a while because she is always at my feet. Thank you for telling me it is okay to let go because I guess that is what I have to do.
nancy, I didn't tell you it was OK to let go, but I wanted to. At this point, you have to go along with what he wanted when he gave his daughter the POA, especially now that the court has also spoken. Time to get your own life back in order.
No, it wasn't what you wanted, but everyone in your life seems to understand that this is the way it needs to be. And it is OK, both legally and morally to allow all of this to go.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, just reading over this whole thread and thinking, damn! wish I had listened to you ladies 4 months ago! It also makes me see clearly just how fast he is declining... scary! I am going for legal guardianship, and the person I spoke with from court was a peach!
She was so sweet, she kept saying ok hun, take a deep breath! Said she wished she could give me a hug and even offered to come out to the house if I couldn't get someone to watch Lynn. I was shocked!!! I am thinking AD has effected her life to have such compassion, either that or she truly is my guardian angel.
She gave me a list of things I need to bring with me and is going to help me fill out all the paperwork next week. She said she will also have forms for me to fill out to wave lawyer fees. She also suggest I have his doctor write a letter stating he would not understand the proceedings, and it may be enough so he would not have to be at the hearing. I truly hope that is the case!! I will keep you posted on how it goes.
yes Nikki, keep us updatd the whole way please! best of luck.. by the way, just for knowing, can you say what papers you have to bring? other than DPOA/med poa the norms?? i want to make sure i have ducks in a row as well -who knows what future brings...divvi
Well, I go to court today to start the process. Accccccck. To top it off, 2 of his 4 children thought that now they might want to help... this is the email I got
"I would like to talk with you this weekend about taking guardianship for dad. Also, as we continue to put things in order we should talk about long term plans for the house. I'll give you a call this weekend."
Needless to say, I did NOT wait for the call.. I called as soon as I got it! Taking guardianship? I don't think so. They said they were worried about my health, and that I might be overwhelmed. Ya think???!!!!!! I have been overwhelmed for years!!!! I told them I have done the hard part, alone, with no help from anyone all this time. I am his wife, he asked me to be his POA because he trusted me....... I would not "give up" guardianship to them now. I did invite them all to the meeting today, if one wants to be co-guardian I am fine with that. If it was my dad, I would want to be. We will see.
As for the house, Lynn put it in my name only when we were married. I didn't think there was a need. Obviously he knows his children better than I do. Like I need this crap on top of everything else?! Where were they when I truly DID need their help?
Divvi, all I need to bring today is letters from his doctors, children and sisters addresses, marriage certificate and written examples of how he is unable to take care of himself. I don't want to do this!!!! But, I know I have to. *Sigh
Oh Nikki, watch your back. we all who have these stepkids coming out of the woodwork yrs into the caregiving with no effort or help. they see dollar signs and now that 'dad' will be in your total control they are planning ways to get their grimey hands on some type of control in the future. that PMO (whizzes me off:) that they would dare mention the home..like they are entitled to it?? you better get your ducks in a row now and all the t's crossed..i would proceed and avoid contact til its done. the courts will notify them by certifed mail and if they want to show they can. otherwise get your stuff done asap. you are so right. like you need this on top of it all. does two-faced sound right?? take care! divvi let us know..
I have been thinking about it, and I truly don't mind having a co-guardian. In fact when I found out I had to go for it, I was the one who called them up and suggested it!!! We did have a long talk and I think things are smoothed over. I learned they were concerned that due to my Mom's illness, their dad would take a back seat. We have always had a great relationship, so it did hurt that they could even think that of me. I know one of the sons is coming today, not sure if the others will show up or not. I have nothing to hide and frankly, it's about time they started looking out for their poor dad.
As for the house, it is a non issue. The deed is in my name alone. It is a long story, but I will try to sum it up.... before his last marriage ended, he his ex and his FIL were in business together. To protect the house, they put the house in the FIL's name. Then when we married, the deed was transfered from the FIL to me. A lawyer said even if they tried to contest it, they wouldn't be able to touch the house. It hasn't been in their Dad's name for over 25 years. So no worries there. His oldest son was outraged they mentioned the house as well. He has been a rock for me in all this. As for other assests, there are none.. so no worries there either. I certainly didn't marry the man for his money lol
Ok, must get ready to go to court.. will let you know how it goes..
I'm also one with wicked stepchildren who were no- show and then, when my husband was hospitalized, came out of the woodwork, as did their mother, 28 years divorced from DH. I had POA; they cleaned out his bank account, and I learned only after the bank informed me that I owed $31,000.00 because of bounced cheques. I was left scrambling and borrowing. Two months later and at great expense of time and money, I got conservatorship. The ex and his children are still doing everything they can to control his assets, to the point of intimidation. I am trying to get a restraining order against them. I'm coming close to $28,000.00 on legal fees. There was emotional and physical toll, not calculable. Yes, you have to prepare for the worst when money is involved, and greed is a motive. Divvi and Sunshyne, you cheer me up to think you've weathered that storm, too, and still managed to remain sane and take care of your husbands. That, plus being so helpful to the rest of us.
Mary75, if you are referring to weathering the storm of bad stepkids. not so for me yet. i havent even begun to tap that issue and its going to be as bad or worse as yours at some future point -even with paperwork in order and DH wishes in his will and everything you can do to prepare. you know when money is involved there will prolly be challenges. its not something i wish to ponder just yet. double sigh! divvi
Nikki, I think co-guardian is a bad idea. When there's a disagreement, who has the final say?
Tell them you want them involved, ask for their advice ... but only after your petition has been approved. There should be only one person with authority, and that's you.
They're interesting in guarding his assets, you know that. You'll get no more "help" from them now than you did before, but you can expect a lot more interference.
You may have been reassured by your lawyers that they can't touch the house, but they may not know that. That comment is the biggest red flag I ever saw. And did your husband sign a pre-nup that says the house is yours no matter what? One attorney may interpret case law one way, another may have a very different spin on things.
When I filed with the court, my husband's children (who hadn't even contacted him at all since he'd been diagnosed with AD three years earlier) all decided to protest. I was hysterical, until I spoke with my husband's attorney. She told me it happens all the time. She said she needed to talk with my husband in private, to see if he knew that the children were protesting my petition, so she could tell the court she'd done that. She said it would take five minutes. (It took three.)
This, mind you, was the attorney appointed by the court to represent my husband for the proceedings. Even SHE knew that we need to protect our spouses against their greedy offspring, and recognized their behavior for what it was, without even digging into the situation further.
I got conservatorship/guardianship for my DH this spring. One thing my atty. mentioned that the atty. appointed to represent my DH had a responsibility to act in his (DH) best interests, not necessarily what my DH wanted, but what was in his bests interests.
FTD, I did not (or could not) find a current POA, and my DH was involved in an internet scam. We had been to an attorney and drafted new ones, but DH was not happy with it and had not agreed to sign it. PatB
You do need legal guardianship even with a POA in certain situations. Without guardianship I could not have placed my husband if he contested the placement. By that time he didn't have a clue what was going on. Our atty did not do guardianships. Told me it would be a difficult and costly procedure. I didn't have to do it. No step family involved.
All went well. I am only going for guardianship over medical only ... NOT financial- as he has nothing. I do have a valid POA over financial. But, Lynn has NO assets to protect. All of his children DO know this. I found out today the reason they asked about the house, was because they were worried about me being able to keep it after something happened to their dad. So I really jumped the gun on that one and really feel like a heel! OOOPS! They know the house has been in my name only, and he talked with them years ago explaining why he did that... didn't know about that until today either.
All he has is his social security. Nothing else at all. Not even a car!! The 150.00 filing fee has been waved. He will have a court appointed lawyer. The same lawyer who drew up our POA papers. Due to a note from our neuro, Lynn should not even have to go to court. I do not need a lawyer as it is a cut and dry case. He has severe Alzheimer’s, he can not take care of him self and can not make decisions. Our neuro wrote two wonderful letters for the court. ... so the total cost to me will be zero.
After a long talk, I did decide that I wanted his son to be medical only co-guardian with me. We are of one mind, we only want what is best for Lynn. And frankly, I could do with some backup. Lynn has a living will and a DNR order in place, all those things have been covered. His son is adamant that he would follow his Dad's wishes. Which is a good thing, as I am not sure I would be strong enough! ACCCCCK!!!
FTD, and yes you do need guardianship if you want to place them. Without it , a nursing home can not keep a patient against their will. Even someone with Alzheimer's!! Crazy!!!!
When exactly should this be done? Of course he is not at that point. Is it easier waiting until you really need it , since it can be costly? Should family members be notified prior to wanting to do this or can a spouse do this on their own?
I didn't think it cost all that much. At least here in MI, $150 filking fee, the cost of the Guardian ad Litem (court representative to represent DH){he allowed me to make payments and kept fees down}, and my lawyer. He gave break as was doing bankruptcy help at time. Either I fell into a great deal, or our case was clear cut and smooth. Total for both was about $1500.
FTD, whether you need guardianship it depends on where you live and what your relationships are like with relatives (whether they'd try to interfere with what you want to do.) Talk to an elder law attorney who has a lot of experience with guardianships. There are ways to place an ADLO without one.
And they can be very, very expensive. If you decide to go for it, make sure you know what the fees will be.
I can't believe all the variances here and we all live in the same country! My DPOA went into effect immediately for finances. It states it in the document. The DPOA for medical only goes into effect when the doctor declares him incompetent to make decisions. It is also written into the document. I sold a motorhome last year and the dealership told me that the DPOA wasn't valid. I think that is hog wash! However, husband was with me and we discussed so I had him sign papers. I'm now wondering if I need to look at guardianship. For now I don't think so.
DianeT, a DPOA is tailored to say pretty much whatever you want it to say, as far as how soon it goes into effect and what it covers. But it won't give you power to force healthcare decisions on an unwilling spouse. Whether you need guardianship depends on a lot of different factors. If you have relatives who are the interfering type, it can be a good idea. (That's why I had to go for it.) If your spouse is having too much trouble with aggression for you to care for him, then you may be able to work with, e.g., a psychiatric facility to have him placed against his will. If your spouse is fairly functional mentally and very resistant to entering a home, and you need to place him because, e.g., caring for him is taking too great a toll on your own health, it can start to get into a gray area.
But I don't see any reason to rush into guardianship before there's an obvious need. I had an obvious need (blankety-blank relatives) and my husband was very willing to agree to the conservatorship, understanding that it was for his own protection against people in his family. The process can go much more smoothly if the proposed conservatee is reasonably functional and supports your petition. In theory, it's also much less expensive than a contested conservatorship. (I think my attorney has AD ... we had to do papers over and over and over again because she got them totally mixed up, and now she thinks I should pay for all of the time she needed to fix her mistakes, at $300 per hour. I was hoping she'd forget the bill...)