My DH is in, I think, Stage 6. Physically is still able to walk, feed himself and thank goodness he isn't incontinent yet. I take him with me everyplace I go but for the last week he gets confused and after an outing comes up with the most bizarre story of what happened while we were out. The doctor adjusted his meds so now he isn't having the mad episodes he was going into. Mostly those were since he has no idea I am his wife I get too pushy and I have no right to tell him what to do and then that lead into I am stealing the house, etc. He absolutely refuses to have anyone come in to stay with him while I do errands and he has a fit when i suggested daycare. As far a he is concerned I have the ALZ not him (direct quote). My son told me just to put him in the car and drop him off at Daycare and let them handle him but he is 6'3", 260 lbs. and I can see where that would lead to more problems. Have you encountered this problem and how do I approach it. I should add he is stubborn and is beyond reasoning or discussing anything with him.
Marie, as we say so often - the reason button is broken. Don't try to reason with him. My husband didn't want day care and didn't want a stranger in the house. I was able to get my 19 year old grandson to come and be my daytime caregiver, and THAT was acceptable to my husband. I have lately tried in-home care when my grandson had to register for college, and he finally accepted the new in-home caregiver without a problem. He just ignored him! <grin>
What you may try, is to have an in home caregiver come one morning (they only work 4 hours minimum) (after getting with the company and giving them all pertinent information, and having them find a male who could come, and explaining your husband's view of someone in the house) - DON'T TELL YOUR HUSBAND AHEAD OF TIME. When the guy shows up, great him as an old friend of your husband's, and (if you set it up this way) he'll greet your husband saying that it has been such a long time, and he has just moved back to town and wanted to get in touch with old friends. Men can talk sports until they drop, without talking about where he knew him from or from where, and while they are visiting, you say that you'll leave them to visit while you run to the grocery store - and leave.....then check back in after a couple of hours, and see how they are doing. Professional caregivers are good at this....and hopefully it will work for you. If it doesn't...then I'll try to come up with another story!
Stubborn? Beyond reasoning? Welcome to the club. Refusing to go to Daycare is a very common problem.
First, I have to say that this will only work if the Daycare is dementia specific with personnel trained in caring for dementia patients. It is not going to work if he is going to a generic Daycare for elders staffed by people who are not experts in dementia, and filled with seniors who have issues other than dementia. This is what I have been told by all of our social workers about getting them to Daycare. It is also what I have been told by friends who have experienced it.
Get him into the car - with the help of your son or someone else - if he's combative, it is best to have someone else in the car with you - tell a fiblet ( little white lies told to dementia patients that manage to get the job done). You could tell him you were going to ...........name somewhere he doesn't mind going; alert the staff when you will be there; drive up, and they will handle it from there. In most cases, the AD person who screams, yells, and fights about going, ends up having a great time once they are in there. Or you could tell him that you are going to check out a place for you to volunteer or work (whatever fits your circumstance), and you want him to check it out with you. Or you could tell him that you want him to check out a place for HIM to volunteer or work.
The dementia daycare with which I am familiar here in our county has a saying - We have no patients here. We have either workers or volunteers. 99% of the people think they are either volunteering or working at the Daycare.
IF he does go to Daycare and continues to be combative and uncooperative there, then you will most likely have to explore other options, but you can try my suggestions. It's also a good idea to talk in person with the head of all of the Daycares you are considering, and get recommendations from caregivers who use that particular one.
Yes the daycare is an ALZ/dementia facility. Just found out my granddaughter will come over and visit us a couple days a week after school is out next week. He adores her but after school starts I am definitely going to have to find a solution since I can't get anything done with him not knowing and of course he wants to know every little thing, mail, telephone calls, etc. Of course he forgets 10 minutes later but still that is his phone and his mail. I think the in home caregiver just for 4 hours would be take care of my getting a break. That might work if I could prepare the caregiver beforehand . Since he thinks I am here just taking care of his house maybe the little lie about working there might work too. You have given me great ideas. thanks a lot. Marie