Yesterday I had a package deliverd by UPS. The young man asked if I would take a package for the lady on the ground floor. He had tried for 2 days to deliver and didn't want to leave it out where anyone could have taken it. This morning I saw her car parked down below and told DH she was home. He said her car wasn't there and I pointed out her red car. According to him the package was for the lady on the second floor. So we argued about that for a while until I finally checked the address label and he took the package down!
When he came back up he said he can't remember peoples names, which I already knew. I told him "I know you can't remember and that's okay but you argue and argue about things". He agreed, but of course I don't expect him to remember not to argue the next time!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jean21 your husband's reasoning is faulty and you can't fix it. He will always be right and you will be wrong. It goes against human nature-but the sooner you can accept that fact and move on the less likely you will be to get ulcers and the like. Sorry-but that's the way it is.
So right on, doneit! Doesn't matter what I say - he's always right - and I have accepted that and just agree and move on. Makes things much less stressful! Only time I would insist I was right if it involves a safety issue.
I have gotten so sick and tired of it that I just ignore it now. My new motto is "JUST CLEAN UP THE MESS" and I am more stress free now. I just ignore it and when he is finished with what ever, I just clean up the mess and go on. I am just tired of the arguing. I tell him he would 'argue with a fence post". Sometimes to show others what I am talking about, I will say the sky is blue and he will automatically come back with " no it is not, it is a shade of green or purple " or whatever color he comes up with. Then whoever is there to witness it says Wow, I would have never thought it was that bad.
I know DH can't reason but if I had not insisted, the package would still be sitting here and he would have taken it to the wrong person whenever she got home. Sometimes she is gone for several days.
DH and I used to openly challenge each other to who knew more about what:) of course i knew for sure he was much more intelligent than me but i did keep him guessing:)boy did that ever backfire with AD. i would challenge his answers and should have know its fruitless to debate AD= its so true, unless you want high BP ulcers and anxiety all the time, just AGREE with whatever they say and move on. it eliminates the bickering- hard but very worth it in the long run. mouth shut, clean it up and move on! thats my motto for those of you in those dreadful early-mid stages.. not fun of course but saves your sanity in the longrun. divvi
This took me a long time to adjust to, but I agree that the stress level is way down now that I realize there's no point in arguing, because the disease will always win. I only force issues where a mistake would cause problems.
My DW has always been stubborn, a chip off the old block (her Mother), so even when logic and/or the facts were on my side she could not be convinced. Now, with her communication problem (I don't speak 'mumble'), I just go along with whatever she seems to want to do. Last night for example, she didn't want to take her shoes or shirt off to go to bed, so she slept (NOT! - she babbled all night...I got about 2 hrs sleep) with all that stuff on.
Tjoe, my DH slept in his SHOES for over 7yrs:)!!!!!!!!!!!! you couldnt pry them off his feet, it was his one obsessive OCD that never left during many yrs. it wasnt that big a deal once i decided not to make it an issue, he slept in his jog pants (still does) and his soft inside shoes, for yrs! he would turn his foot upwards and you cant get them off -it was a battle of the wills for a while, then i said- you know what..haha. he never let me take them off unless it was shower time. now i guess its been almost 2yrs its not an issue anymore. he gives them up anytime. what a super strange period that was.. so its not that unusual! go with the flow, divvi
I think this is the issue that finally "broke the camel's back" for me. When I would point out things that would have serious consequences on our lives, NO, he was RIGHT. Unfortunately he was wrong, & I'm paying the price. 4th contract on the house as of today. Friends have asked if I will postpone my move to receive my 12k upon the sale of the house. I don't think so. Sanity, priceless.
It took me a long time, very high blood pressure, and severe anxiety attacks, to learn that you just cannot relate to them the way you used to, and that includes arguing. As we say so often here - the reasoning button is broken. I understood all of that intellectually, but emotionally, it is difficult to grasp, because we want so desperately for them to think and behave as they used to. Somehow, we think if we argue or "reason" with them, they will "get" it. They won't; they can't; it's over. Once I managed to accept the emotional part of it - for my own health and sanity - it became easier not to argue.
If they forget to do something or refuse to do something, or argue about doing something, we just have to ignore it and do it ourselves. As everyone else here has said, it really relieves our own stress to give up the arguing.
Joan, I don't normally argue with my DH but he just wouldn't have it the package was meant for the particular lady.
She is on the ground floor and we are on the 3rd (no elevator). It was a heavy box and there was no way I was taking it down 3 flights of stairs. I am 4.10 and weigh 98lbs on a good day. DH is 5.10 and weighs 160lbs. He did take it and said he forgets names. If he knows he forgets names and I am using the correct one if would be easier if he believed me!!!!!!!!!
Mary, are you on the coconut oil?? My DH just told me this morning he wasn't going to eat any of it today. He said it makes him think more clearly, but also makes him go to the bathroom too much! LOL
I've long since given up arguing with my husband over things that have little consequence. Like why didn't you tell me so & so called. But things that directly affect my life in tremendous ways, like selling my home without even discussing it with me, it's pretty hard to ignore. Moving me out of my home without having a real deal is also hard to ignore. Of course, even though married, it was my home, not my house, and that's too vulnerable of a position to be in ever again.