I was sitting in church yesterday, and my mind was wandering as it so often does in church--It dawned on me that I have kind of put my feelings in a bubble, very rarely letting them out because I may lose control, and break down, thereby breaking my protective bubble. Why do I do this? Do the rest of you do this too? I am finding it easier to share my thoughts and feelings on this site, but sometimes in my everyday world it's just easier to stay in my bubble and pretend everything is OK. I function all right--making important decisions at home and work--and going through the right moves; usually I seem to be fairly happy, I'm not in a depression (the Paxil is helping that ); but sometimes I feel like I am numb. I just needed to say this, hoping that it is normal under the circumstances.
It is normal. I've been having acupuncture lately, with the goal of helping me not repress things to an unhealthy degree and end up feeling mired in depression. An interesting effect has been that, while I don't have that stuck, frozen, repressed feeling, I've been much more volatile and subject to tears or really down days where I can't hide from my true feelings about the whole thing. I'm thinking it's probably better for me in the long run, but having that stuff surface has convinced me that I'm going to have to make certain emotional health changes, such as SOMEHOW finding a way to be more involved with other humans and the world at large.