I just watched a segment on the Today show about bff mainly concerning women. However, I believe the same things pertain to men, perhaps to a lesser extent, and not so many 'darts'. As I contemplate my life, I remember that during high school and college, best friends were a joy, and very much defined my life. Then when I met my soul-mate, she is all I ever wanted in life, and so replaced all my other male friends except maybe one. During our life together, all our friends seemed to begin with her, since she was the most outgoing, social one. Now, with her "gone" as my best friend forever, I deeply regret not maintaining some of my best male friends, because now we are all across the nation, and now is when I really need one. Has anyone else experienced this same kind of experience?
I think most of us did the same when we married. We accumulated new "couple" friends and old ones gravitated out of our circles. Now that DH can't participate in visiting etc. and most of the women acquaintances are part of a couple, we are kind of in our own little world and will have to create a new one. I have been thinking about doing some classes, etc. I already belong to a local female club and we raise money for charity and etc.
We go out to eat most mornings and seems like every place like McDonalds, etc. has a small group or groups of men sitting around drinking coffee. Never see any groups of women. You might consider one of those if you have any friends participating.
I think this is common with men. My husband worked. And worked. And worked. He was a workalholic, so never had time to cultivate friendships. I made the friends, and he hit it off with a couple of the husbands, but they really never did anything with "just the guys". We wives always made the plans to go out as couples. When Sid was forced to leave work, he was like a fish out of water.
If you can get away a couple of days a week, I would suggest joining a club or church group that interests you - golf? fishing? cards? You can meet other retired guys that way.
Texasjoe, like everyone else here our own outside friendships and interests took a back seat when it came to caregiving over the yrs. when you are married and have couples as friends when one of the other is missing so to speak you are dropped from -or withdraw from those attachements, more due to ongoing issues with the disease. its like you become a leper and its catching. i have a few real girlfriends that i know i could pick back up and go from there at any time. but due to the stress and issues at hand i think they know what i am up against. and just dont have the time to sink into new friends or old ones now. when all is said and done i will hope to reestablish those relationships and new ones -i think you have the right idea of joining a class, yoga or aerobics at a gym, you will be around tons of females in those places. even men do workouts nowdays-people are always ok with working out together to stay motivated. :) its very easy to strike up a friendship in that ambience. go for it! you will do fine... and get a new body to boot.. haha.. think bowflex body. females love six paks, and not beer.. like bees on honey.. hahha. divvi
Well, I'm glad to see I'm not the only one that has done this. Makes me feel like a little less of a social loser. I do plan to get involved in some things "on the outside" very soon, so hopefully I can get a bff (male or female) even at this late date. There's not much time left before I check out, unlike some of you much younger victims of this horrible trip, so I've got to get crackin'.
I have struggled hard to maintain my relationship with my best friend and with two others throughout this disease. We have lunch together during the week. And the couple who have been our best friends for over 40 years have stuck by us (now me) and though they live out of state, they visit every couple of months and e-mail at least weekly. They told me the last time they came that they now come to visit with me, because they realize that my husband is no longer there any more. They also say that they don't know how I handle it all. Yet, they drop their lives to sit in my den for a weekend every couple of months, and watch old movies with my husband and talk to him as if he knew what they were saying. We go out to dinner each night they are here and we include him in our conversations (asking him yes or no questions). Those are best friends. If I were to call them this afternoon, they would be here in 6 hours. Those are best friends. I am extremely fortunate. (of course, it would be better if they lived here!) <grin>
That sounds great, Mary. You can't ask for much more than that. We do have a couple (retired attorney near Phoenix) that were best friends of both of us, but they don't visit, and I don't know why, except that again, it may be that DW can't communicate. He is a friend now on facebook, but it still is not the same as having someone physically in your house.
My husband hasn't had close friends for many many years. I have a number of people I know I could rely on in an emergency, but don't see that often on a daily basis. There are maybe three HERE that I could expect to drop in for a visit unannounced, and on Monhegan probably two dozen who drop by to visit in a day. I keep in touch with them by email all year long, though, and we're very close. I would say most of my closest friends are email buddies.
I have two friends that would drop everything and be here if I needed them. One I have known for over 55 years, from elementary school. She lives about 400 miles away. She calls weekly,emails, and often sends me little "cheer up" gifts. The other, strangely enough is DH's first wife, the mother of his children. She lives about 20 miles from here and I have taken DH to her house to stay while I went shopping. She is always there for me, to encourage, and to help. (Much better than either of their children). In fact, she is my alternate for POA and the "agent" on my trust for DH. I trust her completely. (She and DH had been divorced for about 6 years before I met him.)
Like others, school friends went the wayside after marriage. We only had a group of friends one time = when we lived in Omak, WA. We went to the same church and spent almost every weekend together and many evenings. We had kids all in the same age range. But, when hb had his affair, they were no where to be found. They turned their backs on us and left me on my own with no support. I was devastated and had no one to turn to. That was strange since two of the men of the 3 couples had had affairs themselves. I did not tell my family - finally told one sister a few months ago, 25+ years later.
Since moving here to Jacksonville 2 yrs ago, from Clearwater, where we lived for 50 years i find myself getting very lonely and I miss my friends very much.WE do have our daughters here, and grand-daughters, and great- grandchildren, enjoy being with them, but its different when you have a girlfriend that you can go out to lunch or just to have some girl-talk...We went from a very social life, toa very in home life.....I did join a bowling team for Seniors, where I hope to have a little social life, and hope to meet some new friends..My daughter sits with DH. so I am able to do this once a week.