I have not checked in in quite a while. I was a frequent poster in the early days, but sometimes after you've gotten it out of your system for a while you just don't want to talk about AD all the time. My husband, 61 (me, 47) has been on a rather stable, easy-care plateau for several years, but is showing a bit of diminished cognition in recent months. Sits in his chair more. A bit more checked out. More to the point, I'm personally going crazy at the moment. I have handled, stomached, processed the loneliness as best I could since his decline 6ish years ago, but it seems to be time for an anxiety interlude. Apart from the usual--weird chest pains, neck/shoulder stiffness--my typical stress stuff, I'm constantly constantly second-guessing my own cognitive status. Today I took a walk and spent the whole time counting backward by 7s...starting at various numbers other than 100, such as 121 or 136. I'm not real quick at this and never have been, but my brain seems to be more or less working. That's good. I think, rationally, it's just that the anxiety is making me distracted and out of focus. Concentrating on writing--what I do--is nigh on impossible of late.
I do have my 4 young adult children around, in and out, for the summer, and that helps. But they have their lives, you know, and while they still more or less need a competent parent around for various functions, they can't really be my confidantes. That's not a job for a 20 year old.
I think I will have to go and make some herb tea. I've drawn my clock faces for the day and seem to have gotten the numbers in the right places. Whew. Though, I'll tell you, a fleeting second of distractedness, stopping to have to consider how to make the hands say 4:17 for a second, can really ratchet up the anxiety and panic sensation.
I feel like such an obsessive-compulsive freak, constantly assessing my own mental status. But that just seems to be the nature of my little anxiety interlude this time around.
If I tell you that your communication to us is perfectly fine--not a pinch of cognitive problems--will you stop w/the clocks & the counting? Probably not. Take it easy on yourself, you're doing as well as can be expected. Yeah, you can't really confide too much in young adults, especially when it's their own father, they're probably trying to block it out. But we're here and no one understands better. Have a glass of wine or a Hershey bar--couldn't hurt.
I haven't did the clock faces because I know I can do them but I do practice memorizing the 3 items and counting backward by 7's. Remembering the 3 items is very difficult for me as is remembering people's names. Even sometimes developing a blank for a family name. I have been known to write someone's name on a note card so I can produce it and introduce someone. Very agervating but I really call it caregiver dementia and I really shouldn't worry overmuch about it.
No, young people don't make good confidants and neither do 40 ish ones, really. They just can't comprehend the ramifications of AD for a spouse. Like Bettyhere said take it easy on yourself. Easier said than done and I have personal experience.
I understand how you feel. I'm scared to death of developing some sort of dementia....sometimes I think It's already too late for me! I am watching what my husband is going through and it frightens me to think of my having to endure the same fate. I have decided to go back to school to persue my education and I'm worried. At 54, I know I don't have the sharp mind of a 20 year old. I have always had a problem with mathmatics which held me back from some things I've wanted to do. I didn't discover until I was an adult that I had a particular learning disability.....I am slightly dislexic.....I see numbers backwards and out of order and have to be so careful to pay close attention to numbers when I use my calculator, write checks, reconcile accounts. Unbeleivably, I can remember phone numbers with no problem.....but NOT NAMES. Sometimes I think Ii'm coming unglued, but attribute it to "caregiver stress"?
Yes Betty...I'll stop soon. ; ) I do understand, because it makes perfect sense, that when we are under stress, lonely, and dealing with cognitive problems in a spouse as an everyday concern, that this sort of second-guessing is probably quite normal.
That's why it helps to take deliberate stress-relieving actions.
Welcome back. I have missed you, but have kept up intermittently with your blog. If you check in on the home page - www.thealzheimerspouse.com- you will see there have been many changes since you were last here. Lots and lots of resources that may interest you.
You don't sound like you are losing your cognition. You sound like you are stressed to the max. If yoga, herbal tea, and exercise (just a few suggestions) won't calm you down, have you thought about seeing your doctor for some anti-anxiety meds?
Last time I saw my own doctor (not dh's) we discussed the situation and also anti-anxiety pills and his advice was that he could prescribe something but expected that I would be back soon asking for a higher dosage because the brain adjusts to what you take and then needs more. I was a bit disappointed but took his advice. Actually I am coping pretty well because of all the information I get from this blog. I see that so many things that I experience with my DH show up with so many others and I can anticipate what is coming by reading everyone else's challenges. It amazes me that the symptoms of AD are so similar in the patients (cookie cutter is the term I use). I am also more awed by what he remembers than by what he forgets. I do exercise by walking in the morning for 30 minutes (he is fairly normal in the morning and adheres to his schedule of breakfast, coffee and the newspaper so I can leave the house without worrying too much and give "myself" some time. don't know how long this will last). Also enjoy yoga about once a week (a dvd in my own livingroom). Telephone conversations with our daughter, son and DH's sister are extremely helpful.
bookworm, that may be true for some but I have been on the same anti-depressent and anxiety for over 3 years with no increase. I would ask for him to reconsider because it is such a help to me and a lot of others on this board.
I have been on the same anti-depressant with the same dosage for over 4 years. There is still stress, etc. but with the medication I can usually handle it. There are some days where it is hard and I do lose my patience but without the meds (I was off of them for a couple of months and then my husband was diagnosed) I was a basketcase. I couldn't eat and all I wanted to do was sleep. The anti-depressant helped me a great deal.
If it makes anyone feel better, I'll admit that although I've read clocks with no problem all my life, I had to really think about which hand was the long hand and which was the short hand if I had to draw in the time *blush*
sounds like Bookworm needs to find a doctor who is more attuned to his/her patient's needs. If this guy is so opposed to medication for someone who clearly is in a very stressful position and fits the criteria for a prescription, what is he going to be like in a crisis situation down the road? Plus, if he is not prescribing these kinds of meds for people, how familiar is he going to be with the various options for medication and adjustment of dosages to suit the individuals? As you know, even people without Alz react very differently to the various medications. It's very important for people to have a physician they can talk to who will not pooh-pooh their concerns. If that guy were my doctor, I'd be calling my friends to find out who had a doctor they liked, and would try someone else.
I've never been much of a math person, but here's how I figured out how to count backwards from 100 by 7. I count backwards by 10 and add 3. It's much easier for me. I can do it very quickly that way.
Personally I've had so much experience with bad doctors in California that I tend to think that if you've got doctors who won't take your situation seriously, it is time to fire them.
Also, my current set of doctors here in Pennsylvania have been so good that I recognize just how bad the old set was. That also makes me a lot less likely to hang in there with someone who won't help me.
And finally, my doctor, and my husband's doctor, have both told me that if I need anti-anxiety meds they will arrange for me to have them. They are in the same medical group, so if I asked my husband's doctor for them he would just walk across the hall to get my records and/or talk to my doctor and I'd have the prescription slip that same day. Both of them "get it".
So, on the subject of anti anxiety and depression meds, what's the difference? I feel as if I've been living in a fog for 6 weeks now and have no energy/interests. There have been several "hits" lately that are very difficult to deal with - grown children issues that deal with me only peripherally, minor defeat at work, a neurologist's visit for dh that confirmed what I already knew, but somehow made it formally bad - those kinds of things. Before, I'd have been able to take them and file them somewhere and move on, now they just seem to be hanging in the air all of the time. Nothing seems to push them away, even gardening and being outside. I have a doctor appt coming up and feel kind of stupid not really understanding what is going on. Oh, and did I mention menopause? Where do you draw the line between what is a normal life phase and yes, of course you are feeling sad about all of this and whoa, you need help!
IMO- if there was a time for anti-anxiety meds its dealing with menopause and AD simultaneously. each on its own is bad enough.:) the 'fog' does sound like depression settings its claws in you -speak to your dr soon. manyhere get relief with medications and you may need it only for a while-divvi
I use the subtract 10, add 3 method also. Works well for me. I tried in the beginning when all the testing was going on to coach Clyde to use that method. Couldn't figure out why it didn't work for him. Well, I do know now. I think back then I was still very much in denial.
I don't worry about my mental status so much. Cancer is prevalent in our family and I worry that I will get cancer and die and who will take care of my husband (because I secretly think that no one can do it but me).
Liz - I know what you mean. We have been dealing with a troubled daughter, immature dil, then on Monday we saw the attorney to get the DPOA done (where he told us we were handling it so well), got letter from NV unemployment where they have questions (have not idea what they are since he had no trouble in WA), then the additional testing on Tuesday where my husband said 'enough'. The reality is setting in, yet I don't want it to. We have not talked since signing the DPOA papers on Wednesday - I am letting it settle in some. Then we will have to talk.
I haven't even gone in to talk to my sister since Monday. She is of the belief that there is some supplement or food to eat that will dissolve the plaque/tangles. As if I haven't spent the last 6 months researching and looking for anything that remotely might help! Oh well - such is life.
That's funny...I mean, in that resigned sort of way...that your sister would think a supplement would cure AD. One of my husband's brothers is kind of like that, and thinks that his platoon of naturopaths and whatnot could surely do better than what we're doing, and that it must be due to mold in our basement or something.
Actually, he's backed off on that stuff at the moment. Otherwise I would give him his brother. "Good," I would say. "You fix him."
One of my nephews also thinks that supplements would help my husband. Since my husband doesn't have AD, but an event driven cardio-vascular dementia, I can't imagine where he gets the idea. Still, he means well, and I keep trying to remember that.
The truth is that there ARE diseases where dementia is a symptom that can be cured. That is why the neurologists run blood tests and other tests to make sure they aren't dealing with something like low thyroid disease. I know what a low thyroid fog can feel like because when I was being undermedicated I lived in that fog. And there are others as well.
But frankly, that isn't what most of us are dealing with.
Emily--you communicate VERY well. You've been taking words out of my mouth. I have been on 50mg of Sertraline since early November. I guess I feel pretty good. I've gained a lot of weight and often worry about my own mental state. I have to stop and think all the time what I was going for. i.e., a file out of my office, something from the lower level. I get there and for the life ofme can't remember why. I guess that's prety normal.
I feel sad a lot but not really depressed any more. All he does is sit and watch TV or glance at a paper or book. He doesn't really read any more. He doesn't want to go anyplace. He doesn't want to take a shower. I've been really clever at talking him into various aactivities but I know the day will come when he just won't do what I want.
If he gets hungry, he comes and asks me when I'm going to fix him something to eat. I suggest he make a sandwich or have a yogurt or a banana or something and he'd rather go without.
I've not done the clock thing, but I have counted backwards by 7s and 3s. I can do that. I can also remember the three things with no problem. I do have trouble finding a word.
Perhaps is the aging process and stress of dealing with AD. I went to my PCP a couple of weeks ago because of all the pain I've been in. He said I had inflamatory. Told me to eat more green vegetables because they have anti-inflamatories in them. He changed my anti-depressants. I filled the prescription but decided to finish off the Sertaline before starting anything new. Hate to wast $$. (Depression baby, you know:)
Personally, I think we're all doing pretty well under the circumstances. I think we have a bigger dose of compassion and understanding than a lot of people do.
Young people are definitely not the ones to confide in. And, neither are 40,50, or 60s that have not dealt with AD. discovered that the hard way. I felt so foolish and embarrassed. Oh, well....
Just listen, Emily You are fine. You will be fine. You just need some time off. How's that for some great advice. Now, I guess I'd better go take it myself. :)
Bookworm, I have taken the same Effexor for at least 3 years, and I haven't needed an increase in strength. I wonder about your doctor's theory. I will add that my doctor suggested that I visit a (referred) psychiatrist and let him prescribe the best drug for me, because pharma-psychiatrists know how these drugs worked and which would be best for me.. much better than he did. I did visit the pharma-psychiatrist and we visit about once every 4 or 5 months just to 'catch up'. He was so informed about AD and the challenges Caregivers face, so understanding, and we just "clicked". He explained that drugs will not take away our problems and stress, but they will file down the rough, raw edges of our emotional trials and life won't seem quite a rough as we continue on this rocky path.