My husband of 43 years doesn't remember me. He swears that we are not married so any conversation he hears where I use my married name or refer to him as my husband creates a lot of yelling that I am not to use is name and we aren't married. Everything I do has to be done behind his back. How does anyone else facing this situation handle it? Even when we pick up the mail at the post office if the mail is in my name he starts in arguing about it. I usually ignore him and tell him that it belongs to his wife and sometimes this works and he quiets down. I am his caregiver 24/7 because he refuses help from anyone else. Doesn't want anyone in the house they will steal from him and he thinks he is capable to staying by himself which I know he isn't. He is on strong meds for he paranoia and that has helped a lot.
Oh, that is a tough one. I think I'd look into having the meds adjusted. We went through the same thing, only not nearly as severe as you are going through. For a while I couldn't refer to myself by last name or tell DH we are married. I mostly told him a was the one taking care of his needs till "she" got back. He still doesn't know who I am a lot of the time but he was never adamant about it like your LO.
My remedy for rants? I have an ipod with all my favorite music, talk shows, even television programs on it. When it all starts up here, I simply put the earplugs in my ears, turn up the volume and happily go about my own business. I'm still around, I can help him when he obviously needs it, I just don't hear all the crap, allowing me to get further upset and possibly escalating the situation. Coping skill. Of course, I'll probably become deaf shortly because of the decibels!
Marie, there have been several spouses who had been where you are. I'll try to find the one with the most information and bring it to the top. Just have everyone call you by your first name, and if he says anything about your last name and not to use it, just say okay, and take the wind out of his sails. This stage doesn't last a long time, thank goodness!
my dh used to tell me he divorced his wife and would I marry him now and meet his kids, used to drive me crazy how could someone you have been married to for 42 years forget someone who he loved so much. i used to tell him we are married all i got was an o k, now he just calls me Gail, my middle name, everyone calls me that so he got it straight for awhile.
My spouse just thinks I am here cooking for him and keeping the house clean and then driving him where he wants to go because he had to give up his license after being diagnosed. Last weekend we were taking our granddaughter home and he asked me if I retired from the same company as he did and I told him no, that I worked for GE for 30 years and he was so happy to hear that I worked for the same company as his wife. He explained she just left one day and never came back. He didn't seem to be upset that she left, just puzzled about why she disappeared. We even knew the same people she worked with and we really had a nice conversation about the people we both knew. Strange conversations we have had lately. Anyway, thanks for your comments. I'm not alone anyway. Most of the time I am just stumbling thru each day and hope I am doing things right.
awww.. Marie, how difficult that would be to hear you just 'got up and left' -its a sad and miserable disease but you are holding your own with good answers and just going with it all! good for you, divvi
My husband doesn't know my name. When asked by the caseworker he didn't know he had a daughter or grandson. He does recognize my daughter's voice when she talks to him on the phone, and I think he recognizes her when she visits.
I'm not sure if he knows I'm his wife or not. Frankly, I'm not asking unless it is necessary. The caseworker was trying to figure out where he was in the progression of the disease so she could counsel me on what help I ought to try to have with him. Frankly, for a bunch of reasons, there isn't much out there that is appropriate for us. I did try a good day care (one I will use when the time does come) but he isn't ready for it.
The whole business of knowing that they don't have a clue as to who you are tears us all apart. And no, none of us is the only one dealing with it. Or, in my case, knowing it is going on, but not dealing with it.