This is such a small thing, compared to what others are going through, but it’s very upsetting to DH and to me.
Some of DH’s family (two siblings and their families who were going cross-country on vacation) told us they were going to visit us last weekend. (We did not invite them.) Since they have a habit of just showing up whenever it’s convenient to arrive, even if it’s not the day they said they were coming, DH asked them to call on Saturday and tell us who was coming and what time they would be here on Sunday. He also asked them to call on Sunday morning, to see if he would even be able to visit. (Some days he is hardly able to get out of bed, let alone have a visit.) They agreed to that.
Nobody called on Saturday. DH sat here all day Sunday, waiting for a phone call. Finally, they called at about 4:30 that afternoon. They said they were about 200 miles away, and would be here some time after 8:00 Sunday night.
I think that most of you can understand that a visit starting after 8:00 at night would not go really well. DH was already worn out before they even called. He had me dial the phone so he could tell them not to come. By this point I was so angry that I wanted to let them drive all the way to our house and then not answer the door!
The last time these relatives came, they said they were going to be here for an hour or two. They wound up staying a day and a half. I actually had to go to the grocery store while they were here to get more food for them. I didn’t want them to come again, but thought that this might be the last time DH would be able to visit with them at all. They absolutely refuse to accept that we are having difficulties of any kind. When I try to tell them why a visit would be hard, they think I’m just being difficult. Remember that these people are DH’s family, not mine. I feel so bad for DH. We normally hear from them so seldom that DH has said several times that he thinks to them, he’s already dead.
Okay, am I over-reacting when I say that there will be no more talk of visits, ever? You should have seen DH on Sunday. I felt so bad for him. How dare they do this to their own brother.
Jan, some people are so inconsiderate! It reminds me of the story of the child of divorce who sat on the front porch with his suitcase by his side, waiting for his father to pick him up for the weekend. The father never showed and never called. The child wouldn't give up on dad and stayed out there until bedtime. No show. I can't understand how people can hurt people this way. One simple phone call....
His relatives are thoughtless and not worth the heartache, but your husband will forgive them as long as he remembers them, because they are family - no matter how badly they treat him (and you!).
In our 38 years of marriage, neither my husband's brother or sister have ever come visit us. We live in the NW and they live in the NE. They would take trips to CA, HI, Mexico, CO, NV, plus down the east coast but never visit us. When we would go back to Mass. to visit they expected us to go to them. When we drove back in our MH summer of 2006 to work the summer in NH, his brother made up to see us once (max 2 hr drive). His sister had been diagnosed with EOAD in 2005 at age 55, so no longer drove. We would pick her up in Manchester and bring her to the campground on our days off. We went back to see her and their dad in the VA - AD unit.
Can't blame just his family though. Mine are much closer and in 38 years only one brother and one sister (out of 7) came to visit us. We always said our families motto is: come see us but don't expect us to come see you!
DH has not heard from his younger brother in 20 years. His wife took issue with us, I guess. When FIL was dying with AD, we let him know. He never called orwrote. He did cash the check for his half of what was left after the bills were paid.
I don't talk to DH about this at all because I think theyare not nice people.
Some people are just like that. I'm sorry your DH had to suffer like that.