Alrighty, then. Couldn't get my husband up from the couch where he slept all day long, so I left him there in his clothes to sleep. Later in the evening, he called for me and I helped him up the stairs with little trouble. He chose to sleep in the guest room where the bed is much lower. In the wee hours he called for me and came to bed with me (we have stairs that we use to get up into that big four-poster). This is kind of personal, but he became very amorous and we tried to...well, you know. Didn't work out. He had always had to use Viagra in the past because of meds he was on, but doesn't remember. I suggested we had tried enough, this was getting very frustrating, I was tired, suggested he get a prescription to help him out. He started to call me a whore and blamed ME because he thinks I'm used do "doing everyone in town" and just don't want to be with him anymore. I am trying to keep a very impervious shell around me. I've been called every name in the book. I feel so dirty, the way he talks to me. I feel like I'm living a porn/violent action novel. He won't get up now (he went pouting back to the guest room, shouting obscenities), won't take a shower, (which he hasn't had in three days now), won't take his medications, won't eat. I told him I'm not bringing his meals to his bed every day, like I did in the past. The doctors want me to get him moving and sitting up and have a routine. He even accused me of going out on a date last night. How on earth am I going to be able to get him to DMV to get his photo ID, to the attorney's office to sign legal papers, go with me to run errands. I have no funds to hire people to sit for him and I NEED HIS PRESENCE at some of my meetings. He refuses to go to the doctor appointments. THIS IS HELL ON EARTH. I am covered with bruises and scratches. No, I don't want to be beaten up by him, but when I said that earlier on another post, I was just thinking of a way to get him out of here and in jail or the nut house, someplace that the state would pay for.....we have no wealth anymore. I swear, I've not been messing around....he has so much imagination. If you saw where and how I live, you'd wonder how I have got even the time to wash my hair and go grocery shopping. I know he needs NH care. But, I'd like to get him to his doctors appointment and see about appropriate medications that can control his attitude. When I read some of the posts, it seems possible. I want to try that first. I love my husband, but that man is gone. I know that now.
Stuntgirl, Let me say up front that I am NOT an expert on this but I seem to remember that if you call 911 they would take him to the psych ward where they would give him the meds he needs to calm him down. From there they can realease him to a nursing facility where Medicaid would pay for 100 days. If you have POA for medical and financial you may not have to have him sign anything. I am sure others with more knowledge will either add to this or correct it.
You need to do something before he kills or maims you and then he would be up the proverbial creek.
My heart goes out to you, StuntGirl. You shouldn't have to be going through all this. Someone in our "family" will have suggestions I'm sure, of how you might get some outside help from their experiences. Just realize that you are a good person, not the one you keep hearing about from the disease. I wish some of us could be there to help you out and hold your hand. Have faith.
I agree with TJ, you shouldn't have to go through this.
If you need to you can call 911, they can place hin in the psych ward and do a medication adjustment. After he has been in the hospital for three days, they can place him in a nursing facility. MEDICARE will pay for the first 100 days, you can then apply for MEDICAID, it usually takes less than 90 days to get approval. There are some limitations on his income and assets. Anything that is owned jointly is considered the property of the community spouse (you). If his income is less than around $2200.00 a month he should have no trouble qualifying for Medicaid.
I have found that we probably DO qualify for Medicaid......how do I apply for that? Right now, I have been able to straighten out his Medicare and supplemental insurance (as of this morning), but it will take a couple of weeks to get the paperwork and new cards sent to our home address. Is there someplace I should be looking to for assistance????? This is a new world for me. I was a successful doctor's wife and now find we have nothing but land and a home (my own). Everything is in my name except for a small annuity that willl be in my name today, I hope.
Stuntgirl - congratulations on successfully getting him home. I'm sorry you are already running into problems with all of this. On Medicare, the wording is actually they will pay up to 100 days if the person meets their criteria. Psych wards do do medication adjustments but you need to watch that very carefully. My husband was placed in one and medicated down to a wheelchair and became a zombie from all of the drugs that were used. I understand why he was medicated but it was very difficult watching a mobile and talking person who could feed themselves become a zombie unable to interact with me much at all.
I don't want to put a damper on your plans, but knowing what you might have to face may help you handle it much better than I did with some of the shocks.
Here in Georgia the individual counties handle Medicaid applications. Look in the phone book or on-line and see if you can find the Council on Aging or the Department of Senior Services in your county. The Alz Assoc can also point you in the right direction. They might be a great first contact. If your DH has very few assets or cash and everything is in your name or titled jointly qualifying should be a breeze. There is five year look back period to determine if any property or monetary gifts were made by the AD spouse. They also limit you to one car.
Good luck with the Medicaid process. I'm happy that things have settled down some for you.