I've been having such a hard time with John.....am hoping he'll settle down in a few days and is just so confused and anxious and that's why he's acting out the way he is??? He goes from loving and needing to be held and "made love to"..... I've been really pissed off because he keeps cursing me out and insisting I've been "doing" everyone in town, so I won't touch him....says he has photographs and knows what I'm up to. I am trying all kinds of strategies....redirecting, laughing, making faces, telling him he's making it all up, told him once that he is remembering something from his last marriage....there was some infidelity there in that one. He just keeps cursing me out and then all of a sudden, he wants me to come hold him. This is too wierd for me to wrap my mind around. Mostly, I ignore him with my earphones and music on as loud as I can make it. What has worked for any of you that has had a really abusive spouse....I need to keep him home long enough to get our financials back together, worked out the way they should be. He's really going over the deep end and I know I need to get him to the doctor. I hope he doesn't beat me up every time we have to go somewhere.....I think that now I understand why people commit "crimes of passion". POW! Also, last night, he looked me in the face and asked where Jennifer was (me). I told him that I was Jennifer....then he asked me, "then who was that other woman that was here earlier tonight?" That was a first for me. At about what stage does that start to happen? Typically.?
Oh girl, you had better start getting your ducks in a row for a placement close to home. John CANNOT BE THE MAN YOU USED TO KNOW, HE CANNOT BE THE MAN YOU FELL IN LOVE WITH. His brain cells that allowed him to be that person ARE GONE. Please stop putting yourself through this misery. You gave it your best shot. You could be in danger! You know that from the reports from the nursing home. PLEASE get help, his meds are unstable at best, he is in a now unfamiliar enviornment. You are not safe and this is not good for him either. You've done your best, now do what's best for him. A good NH within an easy commute will allow you to see him daily and oversee his care, even take him for drives or for an ice cream. You cannot live like this, setting your alarm to get up before him. I have feared this would happen all along. I kept quiet and let you fight your fight, but now you are putting your physical self and mental self at risk. GET HELP! CALL THE ALZ HOTLINE, CALL ELDER CARE DO SOMETHING, AND DO IT QUICK. PLEASE KNOW THAT AS HARSH AS THIS SOUNDS, IT COMES FROM MY HEART, FROM CARING.
I think Susan is right my dear, please take her advice. And please continue to post and let us know how you are doing. We are giving prayers and support!
i have been reading your posts also and please listen to Susan, get help asp, don`t put yourself in danger, as i am understanding you needed to get him home so you can get your finances in order, well you have him home, now call someone to help you, i don`t mean to interfear but i`m worried about you
The words he is using, and the horrible things he is saying is just the disease talking. Do not take it personally, as he probably doesn't even know what the words mean or even who you are. My friends mother with alz use to call her a slut and worse, and accuse her of taking all of her boyfriends away from her. It is the disease talking, not the man who use to love you. Don't react as if he is healthy and saying these things, he is not healthy, he is dying with a brain disease. Good luck to you.
Thank you all for your comments. I didn't know John was in this bad of shape. He told me he was walking and doing everything he wanted to. Said he was ready to come home or die. I wasn['t allowed to speak to any of his health care providers. He won't get up or sit up. One doctor DID tell me that his muscles were atrophying because he wouldn't do anything but lie in bed all day at the nursing home and in the hospital. Now, he's paying a great price for it because he's not very mobile. Better than the past few days though, so perhaps he's building a tolerance for excercise. Yes, soon as my financials are in order, he will be placed......I have to place him someplace that will take medicaid because we no longer have any funds to put him in a place where "his family" wants him to be. I'm sure it will be dismal.
If you can't or won't get him placed right now at least get him to a doctor who can perscribe Seroquel or something simular to him. At least that should help him not be so aggressive.
In our area there is a clinic at the hosplital with a doctor who specializes in elder care. They will take the person and keep them for a week or two and evaluate their meds and behaviors and make adjustments and observe the results. I have had my husband there and they have done wonders for him. It has allowed me to keep him at home longer than I would have been able to otherwise.