Well, it took a little longer than I anticipated, but I was able to get my husband back home with me about an hour ago. I was met Tues. afternoon in the lobby of the Nursing home Administrator and some other staff. I was FORBIDDEN to see my husband because of my step daughter's decree that I have no person to person conctact with him.... Went to see a lawyer I had talked to.....got some good advice and the number of an Elder Lawyer that would come to the nursing home and talk with him and hopefullly get the proper documents signed and in my hands. IT HAPPENED! He was having a good day....but it was touch and go for a while. I got him discharged yesturday. But, his sister wouldn't cooperate and give me any of his documents (drivers licence, expired; aarp card, Medicare card, nothing). So, the return flight for him and me didn't happen. I had to rent a car to DRIVE all the way back to Virginia. We did it in two days. Just got home about an hour ago. This coming week is going to be NUTS with all the doctors appointments and lawyers appointments we have to go to. By the way....a question for anyone with any knowledge of Florida ways of doing things....JUST before I exited the nursing home with John, I was handed an envelope.....told that the sister wanted me to have this. It was a bill for almost 10,000 dollars for the portion of his care that Medicare didn't pay for this month. Since I didn't place him there( records indicate that he was placed there voluntarily), the step daughter placed him there, I DON'T OWE them a thing.....the party that placed him there should be responsible. Especially since the family knew how much I wanted to have him home with me. I asked why was I being given this....the administrator said that I was the one with P.O.A. ????? (by the way, he's already doing better with his mobility since I removed him from that place....which was quite nice, I thought. ) All he had been doing was lying in bed, flat on his back even to eat his meals. I'm being quite a 'task-master, making him do some things for himself. Got him a walker and a cane. He's so light, I can pick him up, thankfully. BUT.....I wonder what kind of MONSTER I brought home......cursing, calling me all the nasty names that he knows, accusations about "all my boyfriends", f-word, f-word, f-word. I'm making him sit quietly in the living room right now until he can calm down and speak to me in a kind and normal voice.....right now, I have my ipod on and the earplugs in my ears so I really can't hear what he's saying. It's so hurtful. I feel like putting a brick in his forehead and saying "oh, he must have fallen down". Sorry. I'm in tears and sobbing. I do know this is the disease talking. He doesnt remember where we are.....thinks we own several other homes, and why did I bring hin to this place? I stopped off at the rental area at the airport where I left home from and returned the car we rented.....he accussed me of going to F--k my boyfriend whose car that was. Then, on my way home, I stopped at a pharmacy to get his walker and a cane......was accused of having something going on with the pharmacist there and "he" gave me those things! He seems to be most abusive verbally in the evenings. REALLY believes I'm a whore for a living. I just have taken to agreeing with him when he has his outbursts....then, I embellish his stories. Am I mean? I can't change his mind, anyway. He thinks I'm a loose woman and when he married me he "rescued me from the gutter". HA! I come from a fine family. I think I'll let him sleep on the couch tonight if he goes to sleep there. I'll set my alarm for VERY early so I can be awake before he wakes up. This life is HELL. I hope I can survive it. He was sent to his sister's for two to three weeks initially.....she told me recently that she couldn't take the abuse (verbal) and so, sent him to live at an assisted living facility. Gotta go see if he needs anything. I did tell him if he were quiet for a while I'd come and talk to him. Bought him some depends too, cause he wants to share our bed.....and I know he's not always continent. He's acting like a nasty little boy that's had no upbringing. God, I hope this wasn't a mistake. Anyhow, I know I still do love him. He's lost so much weight.......I think he's cute without that big belly he always has had. Gotta go. This has been a VERY EXPENSIVE week for me......I told him to consider this a vacation to Barbados or somewhere.
It's good to know that you are home safely, I am sorry your trip didn't go as planned and you are having to endure this situation with your DH. I hope you can get your DH into see a Neurologist quickly and can get some medications that will help control his outbursts and anxiety.
The only medications that he is on at the moment are Aricept, Namenda, Seraquel, some Oxicodone for back pain and some other things for heart, stool softener, etc. Yes, this coming week will be VERY busy with doctor's visits for us!
ongratulations on your successful escapade....I hope everything turns out as you expect it to...get some rest...sounds like you will need it...(between all your boyfriends and husband and pharmacist......lol
I hope you get a good nights sleep. It may take you a few good nights of sleep to be able to cope with all the changes to come. If you get him on the proper meds, I'm certain that you will be able to deal with all this. After all, with what you've already been through things should start to settle down. My prayers are with you.
What a week, StuntGirl! I hope things get better as time goes by, but remember, if they don't, at least you are in control now and can place John in a local facility for his safety and yours, where you could see him at will. But mostly, I pray things work out well at home.
That's a very low dose of Seroquel. We are at that level for delusions and agitation that are way less awful than John's. His delusions seems so strong and his temperament seems so angry and combative that it scares me for your safety to read about it. Glad you have doctors appointments lined up. Seroquel may not be the best choice for him, or it may take combining an antipsychotic with an antidepressant. Stay safe.
I'm having a very traumatic day, flouncy. I woke John up late this morning...he slept for more than twelve hours after a very combative evening with me. I tried to take it all in stride. I kept my ipod and earphones in not to be so offended by his cursing. This morning has been hell. He ate fine. Was remarkably able to get around in his walker. Needed no help getting up off the couch and going to the bathroom. Now, we need to go to the store and he is fighting with me....physically. He has thrown objects at me and broken some of my glassware. Kicked and hit me....in the stomach. I just want to get the rest of my legal business and banking and all that taken care of......actually hope he'll beat me real good. I can take it. Then, I think I'd call the police and press charges and have him committed somewhere. That's where I feel right now. I have him dressed finally and hope I can get him in the car now....he's not suppossed to be left alone and there is no one to help me out. ( I gave him more Seraquel and hope it takes effect right away)
What do you do if they won't stand up and keep screaming? John is capable of getting off his ass and accompanying me to WalMart to buy groceries, which we need. And new clothes that fit him. Oh, great. Now he's crying.
I am so impressed with what you have been able to do! That took some guts. You will be all right as you continue into this next week. If push comes to shove, you can get him into a facility. You're sure dealing with some nastiness, and that's the understatement of the year. We are all rooting for you, another understatement.
Sorry, i think its a mistake to have him there at home with you Stuntgirl. he is obviously delusional and can become violent. and your upping his meds without a doctors advice it very concerning in my opinion. adding more meds can make the situation escalate and have a reverse affect too in some dementia patients. especially on a weekend = at least you have an ER you could take him to or call 911 if it gets out of hand. asking for a 'beating' from a demented spouse just doesnt sit well with me and i cant believe that is what is best for you or for him -to be carted away in handcuffs if he shows violence. you already knew he had violent tendancies before bringing him home= you need to have a backup sitter who can handle him, to be able to get out and do errands without having to take him along if hes unreasonable and doesnt want to go. i hope your drs appointments are first thing and you can decide with his physicians how to proceed with his best interests at heart. its not going to be easy as you knew beforehand having him home with no help-divvi
You are so right, divvi. Things can escalate very quickly, Jen, and you need to have help and know what to do. If he gets out of hand again, please call 911.
Bad enough, StuntGirl, the verbal abuse and other behavioral problems, but physical abuse crosses the line in my opinion. If you can't get meds to control the situation, and/or you can't get outside help you so need, you are going to have to face the fact of close as possible placement for your own physical safety and mental health. Your are in my prayers.
Thank you, each of you. Yeah, I feel like kind of a Special Ops Marine Trooper. And an FBI undercover. I was prepared for this ugliness....you should have heard and seen the way that he treated his health care providers in the nursing home.....I was so ashamed of his language. I will take your advice, divvvi, about not upping his meds without dr's advice. The doctor is FIRST on my list. I need him calmed and behaving, but not zonked out, so I can handle him. He was yelling at people in Walmart....also, he had to wait for me to bring the car up to the front of the store.....meanwhile, I had an accident in the parking lot. Fender bender and he was really angry that he had to wait for 15 minutes. Yes, I know I'll end up having to place him. Just want to get my financials back in order, access to our monies, etc. Hey, they told me at the nursing home upon release that because he is a fall risk and shouldn't be left alone, if he gets hurt, the family will have me arrested for elder abuse and I can be jailed. Hey, accidents happen even to ME and they're not intentional. I'm really on my guard, believe me.
Seroquel can be increased in 25mg increments. The maximum dosage is 1200mg! Jim is up to 100 at night and 50 in the morning, yes, it can be taken twice a day. It works wonders in the right dosage. Good luck.
Susan L is right, you can increase his Seroquel in 25 mg increments, 50 mg is a very light dose, given his condition I wouldn't have been surprised if you had told me 225 mg or more. DW's Neurologist gave me permission to vary DW's doseage if she was having a bad day. If he has been on 50 mg a day for a while his Neurologist will probably increase the daily dosage. The only side effect you should exect from a larger dose would be drowiness, some more seroquel probably won't hurt him and given at bedtime would help him (and you) get a good nights sleep. You might try 25 mg in the AM, 25 mg in the afternoon and another 25 mg at bedtime, this is a fairly typical dosing pattern and will spread out the daily dose evenly throughout the day. If you call the Neurologist, he may OK the increase over the phone. You can use a pill splitter to split the pills without any problem. I'm not a medical person but I know in DW's case it was a miracle drug and small increases in dosage made a big difference. They started her out at 12.5 mg a dose and after 4 years she was up to 75 mg 3 times a day.
Please be careful and do what you need to do to assure your own safety, if he is a fall risk he can't be left alone for even a few minutes, they are unaware of the risk and danger they present to themselves and will not follow any safety instructions. I agree with TJ that you do need to see about placing him in a NF as soon as you possibly can. You shoukd not have to endure this kind of violence.
Good luck with this situation and please don't let him hurt you.
I responded in another place on this subject a few minutes ago before reading this line of posts. I just have to say I agree with some of the others that his meds really need to be evaluated by a qualified doctor. Some times different meds will have adverse reactions when used at the same time as other meds. Also each med dosen't always work the same for different people. Only after his meds are evaluated and adjusted will you know for sure if it is safe to have him at home with you. Good luck and I am praying for the best for you and for him.
actually I hope he will beat me real good, you say. i seriously think you need help stuntgirl. this is not normal to be thinking this way. i think he is in the wrong hands with you, the way you are thinking. i am not sitting in judgement, just think the situation is out of control.