PMA – Positive Mental Attitude. It is often called the Power of Positive Thinking I like PMA better but the name does not matter. In the business world, I probably attended 4-5 seminars on PMA. I think the principle is one of the best lessons I ever had for my life. A typical motto was “If you frown, you frown all alone, if you laugh, the whole world laughs with you.” My LW is getting real bad about having so many negative thoughts. Of course, many of those are directed at me. But I firmly believe that I need to work hard on my PMA because it will help my LW’s PMA. I have mentioned before on this message board that my primary goal as a caregiver is to keep my LO happy. Her anger is hard to stop once it starts but in defense, I try to see the cause of her anger, and I try my best to nip it in the bud. So often it is something I did or said. If I let negative thinking prevail in our relationship, then I really become a looser to this dreaded disease.
At church today, we had a message on a very closely related subject. Instead of Positive Thinking, Wes used the heading “HOLY THINKING.” I plan to listen to it again via the internet. You can listen, view, download or order a DVD. I will just view the message on my laptop. I strongly urge you to view it.
Joang has asked that we not discuss Religious subjects here and therefore I only recommend that you listen to it. We can still discuss our positive or negative mental attitudes and I really think that PMA is very fundamental to getting through this AD tragedy together. Many of you have expressed a lot of negative, angry, unforgiving ing, and and other mind wrenching emotions on these threads. Let’s try to laugh and be happy more and more. I know, it is so hard to do and much easier to give up or rant. Ranting may be good sometime but we can never give up.
Bille, I agree with your outlook and try to do this, but I fail often. What struck me when I read your post was that my husband used to hate it when I tried to look at the bright side of any given situation. He would turn away and slam the counter. What he wanted was for me to agree with him, so that he could feel validated. It took me awhile to learn to let him get it out. And now I know how he must have felt. If someone tells me today that I should look at the bright side, I mentally cringe. One, they don't know what they are talking about, not being in my position. And two, they have, in effect, devalued me by taking away my authentic reaction. Yes, we must never give up, and we have to be vigilant. I realized that more clearly when I read Stuntgirl's account of being so beat down by circumstances that her husband was taken to another State, and now she has a huge problem in trying to reverse that. I hope you know how much I appreciate your postings, and I do go to the threads you give us. They are very helpful. Thanks for giving us the chance to view them. What you are saying works. I spent 2 hours in the middle of last night trying to come to grips with this issue. We each have to wrestle this to the ground ourselves. For me, it is to talk to someone about it. (How do I know what I think until I hear what I say?) That's why it's good to have this forum. Then once it's out (rant), we can try to deal with it with grace and style (PMA.).
"If someone tells me today that I should look at the bright side, I mentally cringe. One, they don't know what they are talking about, not being in my position. And two, they have, in effect, devalued me by taking away my authentic reaction." Mary75 I couldn't have said it better.
I believe we can all still maintain our "never give up" attitudes--we all do that as we care for our loved ones through this awful disease--However, expressing negative emotions and ranting is very normal in our situations and also healing in many ways for us.
Hi dear friends. You know, only we can tell each other to look on the bright side.. those who have no idea what this journey is all about, shouldn't try to say anything like that. We know where the bright sides are...and they may be sort of off the chart of what anyone else would think of bright. I see Divvi doing a cartwheel at a park.. and someone making a delicious party drink to share..only we can laugh and cry at the same predicaments at times. Just so glad not to have to do this completely alone.. There's no bright side to that.. Thanks to all of you and Joan for helping me work harder to have that PMA
I agree with TJ...there is no bright side. We, as caregivers, are destined to be mistreated, misunderstood, misinterpreted, and all the rest that goes with being and alzspouse. That said, there are absolutely bright spots in my life, like spending time with my kids and grandkids. Sometimes it's so hard that just putting one foot in front of the other is a chore. I find it hard, under the circumstances, to keep a positive attitude. I just move forward.
I really do understand all the negative things we go through. Carol has certainlly had the angry times, the obstinate times, like bathing, cleaning her clothes, "Nobody told me!!!!", Why can't I drive, Taking her medicine. She still has these but either I am getting better at handling these spells or it is just a changing stage of her AD. We are in year 12 of AD, Stage #6>7.
But I do have some BRIGHT sides. When we are looking at picture albums together, catalogs, magazines, etc. She loves to go to movies, eat out, especially at resteraunts where she is likely to watch some small children or preferably babies. If things get bad here, I try to find something that will change the circumstances. We will go riding in the car, even with high gas prices. Go see friends. I look at all these diversions as the "Bright Side" It is certainly more fun for me to stay home, read books, watch documentaries or news, correspond on internet. etcc. But to make things happier, I will look for these "Bright Side" things. Bright Sides usually do not happen on their own. I have to plan and work on bringing them to life.
So I still believe in PMA but it does not happen on its own. I have to work on it seriously. Look for the Blessings of a happy LO wherever possible and say Hallalujia (sp.).