Years ago if you told me I'd be opening my husband's mail, I'd have said you're crazy. I am so into respecting privacy. Those with "highly functioning" early stage spouses, beware. Keep on top of everything financial.
I opened the bank statement he got a few days ago (he's out playing tennis like he doesn't have a care in the world.)
I knew he was bouncing checks right & left, but I was shocked to find out he has gone through $5,000 of overdraft protection. I have no idea what happens in this case. It's not like a credit card. Does anyone know what the bank will do?
The money I gave him for utilities was fruitless, on his desk was a letter from some company saying the electric bill check had been returned. THAT he just left out on his desk, like it was no big deal. Also, I wish I had never given him the $900 last month, it's just a dent in this overall mess. I could have actually used that money, now it seems so wasted.
I can't get out of here soon enough. It may not be affecting him, but all this is devestating to me. I just want to be protected from his actions.
kitty my ex daughter in law did the same thing a few yrs ago with bipolar disorder. gave tons of bad checks. to this day she is unable to open ANY banking acct at any bank. with the networking with computers. if you go to one bank they show an outstanding debt to another bank they wont open you an acct til that one is paid! and cleared up. its been disaster for her. she will eventually have to pay it or never have an acct. well to get back toyou i would think any money he puts into the acct will FIRST go towards the nsf fees for each check thats bounced. its a very serious problem. he will think theres money to write a check and it will be gone as soon as he deposits due to the nsf fees. and its a never ending mess, each check causes more 30dol fees. the 5k overdrafts may well be already including FEES only. thats a horrible thought. i dont know what you can do other than get out and start separation asap and get his brother involved to help deal with his finances. he will soon be really in bigtime troubles. bouncing checks to companies can get him prosecuted. and without a dx you cant bail him out and say its due to AD. prosecution for bad checks can land him in jail. i dont know if its in your best interest to let the brother in on his issues now prior to filing separation for divorce but if left on his own he may do some really bad judgment calls involving other peoples money he workinng with. its super scary. on monday you better call an atty. and get your self covered from the devastastion he is bringing on. just my thoughts. divvi
Longyears has a great idea there. Call up and close every credit card and joint bank account. You can keep accounts that are only in your name. THEN call Equifax and the other credit rating companies (Equifax will give you their names or you can Google them) and put a FREEZE on your credit. This will make it impossible for him to open another account that has your name on it.
In your state, will it be impossible to get a divorce if you reveal that he is impaired? Has he been diagnosed officially?
You absolutely need to see an attorney Tuesday morning. In fact, some of those "storefront" attorneys are open on Saturdays. If you can find one that is open this weekend, it's worth it to go in right away and get some advice.
Kitty, I whole-heartedly agree you must get out, but at the same time, you MUST protect yourself! All of the suggestions you've been given are wonderful, but please don't do anything until you talk to an attorney. The last thing you want or need is to liable for this financial mess he's creating. I'll keep you in my thoughts this weekend. Keep us posted, please! Regards, ~Di
No joint anything. Not a community property state. Listened to people on this site who advised me months ago that if I were planning to divorce, not in my best interest to have dx (even though it would be very difficult to get as others have found out), because once a dx is established, he would have a guardian ad litem appointed by the court for him, making divorce VERY EXPENSIVE. No prenup.
Went with a friend today to get a PO box, but needed TWO forms of ID, post 9/11 stuff. I'm just changing my address, not his.
My friend & I talked & she also said he could be prosecuted for writing bad checks Divvi. Strange, he has recently opened an account at another bank. Why? "because the people at Wachovia weren't treating him right." So unlike your ex DIL, he was able to open this account.
Will not contact his brother until I am out safely. My son is going to come down when I leave. I'm now hiding my own credit cards from him. Need to get things like my sterling flatware, etc. out of the house asap. He knows how to sell on Ebay.
Are the checks he wrote with overdraft protection "bad checks?" There is a $35 fee on about 10 checks that I know of. I think that came after the overdraft protection ran out.
I was just thinking, wouldn't a "bad" check be something you wrote a check for & actually received something from it, like a meal. All these checks were returned for non sufficient funds. He didn't get anything for free. The only problem, it would seem, would be with the bank.
kitty, non sufficient funds means he presented a check for some service and the check did not clear his acct. it would depend if the bank paid it with overdraft protection. they pay it and then hit you for the amount of check PLUS 35dol nsf fee. you have to deposit enough money back in to the acct to pay for both. you are cleared with the person on the check but now owe the bank and the fee. it can add up quickly. a bad check is any check that is presented and not paid. if the overdraft protection is used up and hes still got checks out there then those checks have not been paid and are 'hot' if they didnt clear the bank due to insufficient funds. they will usully run thru a check twice and if both times its insufficient then the merchant holding the check can turn it in to the atty generals office for collection. with enough of them presented that way the atty general can then file charges. its a mess. and then you have to pay atty fees etc for court costs etc. to stay out of jail. unfortunately the 900 dol you gave him he probably deposited and wrote checks but the nsf fees already in place ate it up at 35dol a pop. he may have opened a new acct somewher else before the bank gets to the point they cant collect on what he owes them. its once the bank turns you in for non paid collections then the 'notice' is out that you are in debt to another bank. -like my ex dil. good thing y ou are not in commmunity state and have no assets to divide. that will save you money in atty fees. i would start proceedings as soon as offices open on tues and get the b all rolling and explain your situatio to the atty. he will know what to do protect you from more financial chaos. your main issue is to get over the surgery of course. then deal with this once and for all. in the meantime he will more than likely get panicked for money and bills ? and could try to do more damage. its such a shame its out of your hands. we cant worry about him but we do feel sorry- his brother will have to take charge of him once you are out and filed divorce. in the meantime who knows what havoc he can create. divvi
Divvi, what can I say but thanks for all your know-how and willingness to share it with us? I know that I sleep better at night because of you. Not that I'm out of the woods, but at least you've helped me face it head on. Kitty, being Irish, I claim some intuition. I know in my bones that you are going to come out of this - again I think of cats and your love for them - with your tail held high.
awww. thanks mary75. you will come out ahead too. we have to fight like hell for everything we need from getting sound dr advice and treatment to protecting our futures. it never comes easy. we pool our heads here in wisdom:)divvi