i have heard all the stories of years of happiness and affection, and i hope each of you who have had that is grateful for what you had. i'm not hoping to find that, all i want is peace and quiet, but it would have been nice.
Sorry, I've been a little overwhelmed this week, and I thought your surgery was next week. So glad it was successful.
AD is impossibly difficult to deal with when you have decades of love behind you. When you have had a rough marriage, as many of our members have, it is much worse. I know of at least three of our members who moved out to save their sanity. Don't know if they actually divorced. We do have a member who divorced her husband when he started behaving badly, not realizing it was AD. She then took him back to care for him.
wow, found out I could type (w/ effort) by removing the top part of my hospital gown. My arm/hand was under it.
I would think it would be worse for those who have decades of love behind them. They are the ones to really miss all the great companionship & affection that comes with a good relationship.
I'm glad to find I'm not alone, that 3 others moved out. Saving your sanity is a big thing. I won't be able to reflect on the changes in me or tally the damage psychologically until I'm out of here. Certainly I am not the same person. But had it not been for this site, I would never have known exactly what was wrong. I suspected AD until I mentioned whole brain radiation & the angels came out & told me that could cause dementia. Had I not found this site, I would probably still be in the dark. I have appreciated all the concern, guidance & support I have found here.
Shoulder in the same position too long - ouch. Signing off
I'm one of the ones that moved out for my sanity. Also his aggresive behaviour had alot to do with it. I've kept an eye on him from a distance and in May I moved back in because he is fading even more and I am concerned about his health and phyically being able to look after himself. There also was the issue of him almost burning down the cabin and I don't want to lose my house.
Was it a good thing to move out.....YES! for me it was. I was able to regroup and catch my breath. Am I OK with moving back in.....NO! but if I don't look after him there isn't anyone else. I can only do this one day at a time and see where it leads. I'm finding that this is a journey that is unique for each one of us.
Kitty, I am so glad to hear your surgery went well and that you are on the mend. ((hugs)) Wonderful news that you have friends to lean on now. I will be thinking of you and best of luck on the move!! Keep us posted
Thanks to all. Pain is much improved. I can finally think straight.
Amber, I am fortunate (although I detest him) that my husband has a brother. I am hoping to keep an eye on him as you say, from a distance, but once out, I will never return. I can understand your not wanting to lose your house. This however, is HIS house. Friends have asked, what do you think his reaction will be. I can honestly say I have no idea. He's so far removed from the man I married. I have noticed that he has permanently severed several friendships, one over a simple tennis game. This guy was really nice, owned a couple of jewelry stores in addition to teaching, and had annual Christmas parties I very much enjoyed. Haven't been to those in 3 years.
May I ask what your husband's reaction was when you left? I am sorry to hear that you are the only one available. I recall a quote, rather to be a pauper than a prisoner in a palace. Could you not divorce, have him placed as a danger to himself, anything to have your cabin and have him safely watched for by others?
My son especially wants me to watch over my husband, because he was a basically good person. (Son is not his child.) Sometimes I feel so sad for him, but I really must get on with my life. Today the creditors were calling every 1/2 hour. That is no way to live. And I believe it will get worse as far as that is concerned. I know my neighbors well, and once out, I will explain things to them & know they will watch out for my husband too.
Hubby reaction was, after the phycologist and I sat him down and explained things to him, he even helped me move out. Just so long as I wasn't going to divorce him. His family is on the other side of the country and he hasn't lived there in years and I can't see them looking after him. We live out in the wilderness and neighbours aren't close to us. His anger has mellowed out some so I don't feel as if I am in danger. Time will tell plus I have freinds that are watching out for me. DVA Department of Veterans Affairs has been a great help they have put him on the VIP program and any medical need he might have they cover it....We're in Canada. He lets me handle the money and for that I am grateful for. I sure do feel for you with creditors calling.
Be strong and don't let anyone judge you. You are the one walking this journey and only you understand what is going on.
Was able to get through to several law firms today. Picked the divorce firms with lots of attorneys listed in hopes that I could finally talk to a human. I did. I was told that they had clients whose spouse's credit card companies had come after them, even though they weren't on the card, it wasn't joint. Scared the heck out of me. ($30,000) My credit score is 780 & I've always been on time for everything. They were too expensive, so I contacted a solo practitioner.
In my state, if both parties sign the separation agreement, you can have a divorce in 6 months. Otherwise it is a year. The solo woman only charges $200 for the agreement and $300 for the divorce including court costs. I have an appt. June 18th, she took all my info by phone, including all items that I am taking & said I will be leaving with an agreement in hand.
Called my son with my scary news. He didn't really have time to talk at length, but said "he would get my husband to sign it." My son is very non-confrontational, so I was astonished by his reaction. When I talk to him again, I am thinking we could use telling my husband's brother about his financial fiascoes as leverage to get him to sign. He would never want his brother to know he is basically penniless & has blown his inheritance.
This all has sort of a surreal feeling to it. Hoping for the best, hoping I will land on my feet, no pun intended.
glad you got in touch with an atty and got the ball rolling. you may be able to help him more from the outside after all is said and done. its never easy a divorce no matter if its the best thing for both. take care! divvi
good job Kitty. Just remember the credit card vultures will call you anyway. But you are not liable to pay. That is a mistake that the collectors count on you making. They will call any relatives or neighbors they can contact and demand payment. You do not pay them a red cent!!! they even call deceased people's families, the debt died with them. They are vultures and bottom feeders. So just do not discuss anything with them when they call, just hang up. You are so brave, yes you do rock.....
Kitty, A couple of years ago a friends wife died. The credit card company tried to get the husband to pay but she had the card in her name only so he was off the hook. The wife was a big customer of QVC.
Wow, you don't know how much your comments meant to me. What a boost!
Very encouraging to hear that I can ignore the cc co. if they decide to come after me.
This morning I gave my husband a check for $125 earmarked utilities. He has been especially nice since he got it. Hopefully the electricity doesn't go off before I leave. I've had a friend taking me to Trader Joe's for groceries, a real treat. Husband has been buying lots of cheap meats that just turn my stomach. I just want fruit, yogurt, oh, the tangerine mango sorbet, etc. I guess he will probably buy some groceries with the check money.
Called my car insurance agent, had my husband removed from my policy. I've been paying for his car insurance for years. Not that he needed it when I started, it just seemed a nice gesture. Now I'm wondering how he will pay the $60 per month for his car. But I don't want him on my policy, needless to say, just one more thing in terms of exposure to worry about.
Just a quick update....I'm exhausted. The inspection was this morning & we had to leave the house for over 3 hours. I can drive short distances, (not supposed to drive for 1 1/2 more weeks) went to Target & a thrift shop & looked around. Longest I've been on my feet since my fall. I had no energy left when I came home.
Prior to leaving, my husband noticed there was a place that had leaked in my office. We had torrential rains last week & he had a place in his office & had been on the roof to repair that & paint the ceiling. Gee, wouldn't you check out all the rooms? Whoops. He unplugged all the phones before we left so they wouldn't hear the toll free numbers calling (our phones talk, give caller ID.) That would be Wachovia calling every 30 minutes from 9 a.m. to 9 p.m. (The $5,000 overdraft protection + bounced checks) Seems the credit card company has stopped calling.
So....when we were back in the house, I asked him if he was going out on appointments for his "business." He said "NO, I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY FOR GAS." Well, I've given him gas money, grocery money, etc. I just turned around & went back into my office. I am not going to give him money for gas for a "business" from which he will probably never see a penny. He can get a loan from his brother until the house sells. Downside is, he will stay in the house & only leave to play tennis. This is the 4th contract on the house. He has overpriced it considering the market & won't negotiate. He says he's not desperate to sell. How much more desperate do you have to be?
My appointment with the attorney is on the 18th. She said I would leave with a separation agreement. My son has booked his flight, arrives on the 26th. Hopefully my move will go smoothly on the 27th. The 27th couldn't come fast enough for me. There's still a lot to be done, and I am going slow & can't lift. Otherwise, I would have had bunches of stuff at my friend's house already. It's been good to have the 56 boxes from storage in the front living room, I've been able to go through stuff & separate mine from his. I've pitched a lot of stuff that were boxed in the attic for 11 years. Hoping I can lift my arm enough to tackle trying on clothes, need to get rid of a lot.
Another friend is coming Sat. to help me get some stuff in my station wagon & out of here. (If it doesn't rain & he's playing tennis.) I will be taking all MY furniture when I move. The guest bedroom is mine, prior to marriage & lots of other pieces. Lots I will be leaving for him, even though I purchased it.
So, that's it for now......It will be interesting to see if the buyers are still interested after the inspection, since they have been told he is not coming down a penny from the 305k minus up to $7,500 for closing costs, etc. He turned the last people down about a month ago who gave a final offer of 275k after the inspection. I thought he should have taken it, but it's not MY decision.
If he is still there instead of going to play tennis, would it work to say your getting rid of the stuff that your girlfriend takes with her?
As part of the separation/divorce, there should be a place where he is required to either take a loan on the house to pay you or force to sell within a certain time frame.
I am glad you are starting to feel better and hopefully by the time your son comes, will be up to the task. I know your spirit is willing but we need the body too!
Charlotte, the house is in his name alone, so it is out of my hands. I was supposed to get 12k (we have a signed agreement) upon the sale of the house, but I'm just going to cut my losses & leave. At this point, it would amaze me if the house is sold ever with his apparent lack of understanding that home prices have fallen & that potential buyers will want a discount for the flaws they uncover.
doneit, he doesn't have a clue, and I want to keep it that way. I am leaving him furniture that I paid for, to ease the pain, but mostly because I am moving into a large room, not a house.
Which brings me to my good, no great news I forgot to mention. It was to me like a miracle. I made a call to my bank last week since I found a mortgage statement from 2006, and to me it didn't seem to have been paid down enough. The woman, wish I had her name, she was my angel, explained that since I refinanced in 2006, most of the money from my payments had gone to interest. She suggested that I pay off my mortgage with my $80,000 equity line. She's doing the same thing. It was a fluke (well, I don't really believe in accidents) that I talked to this particular person. The interest rate is 3.75% vs. the 6.5% that I am currently paying. She said if I kept up my payments at the rate I have been, my house would be paid for in 5 years.
I got the equity line at the same time I refinanced (against my husband's advice HA). My plans at the time were to buy a small house & flip it. Then I saw that the market was tanking & it was NOT a good time for flipping. I had even put a contract on a house, but I was outbid. Glad that didn't go through. So essentially, I had not even thought of the equity line since. I thought I would have to be employed to use it. Nope, everything was in order & ready to go. I rushed to the bank, paid off the mortgage on Friday. Instead of my mortgage payment for June, I only had to pay $34 a prorated amount for the month of interest. I so don't want to have to lean on my son.
Now, here's the miracle part. Since the equity line requires that you pay interest only, which in my case would be $104, and you can choose to pay extra principal (OR NOT), I can stay with my friend for a while, & have a close to $600 positive cash flow from the tenants. What this essentially means is that I can move into my house when I'm ready for only a little over $300 (the $104 + insurance + taxes) + utilities. So what if the house isn't paid off in 5 years, this is survival. The thought that I can actually afford to move into my own place gave me such a boost emotionally & psychologically. I now have an option, and I am so relieved. I didn't know what I was going to do, but I knew I couldn't have stayed at my friend's indefinitely. Where else could I rent an entire house for a little over $300 per month, or anything for that matter?
When I was working full time, I had been paying $1,000 plus per month extra principal. If I land a good job, I can continue to do this. If not, I don't have to be afraid that I can't afford to pay my mortgage. I'm relieved & excited.
Things are finally looking up for me. :-) I feel like now I don't have to worry about survival & am embraced by a lot of caring friends for which I am very grateful.
Checked my profile & saw that I started posting a year ago, June. When I found this site I was a mess. I didn't know what was going on. It's been a long journey, but just a year. I am so thankful for each of you who have done a lot of "hand holding." I hate to think where I would be without this site.
Wonderful News, I am so amazed at your strength!!!!!!!!!! I will be praying for you on the 27th more than I normally do on a daily basis. Do not hesitate to call the law if he even raises his voice. Do not take a chance on getting hurt!!! Why even try the clothes on?? just donate them. As a nation we keep far too many clothes anyway. WOW $300 a month. that is amazing.
bully for you kitty! finally some answers that set your mind at peace. i am glad you are getting your ducks in a row and ready to rumble soon. it may be bumpy in the beginning but i think we all here believe its the right choice for you. you will be able to pass the buck to your brother in law for hubands financial care. it did take a while but at least you are savvy enough to move on good advice from folks who have good input into solving points. of course you take credit for actually moving forward with it all. your best interests are at work and i know you will eventually be able to move into your own home and feel some security again. rooting for you -divvi
Kitty, what good news on your house! I too hope your husband listens to your son and signs the papers without any problem. I am praying for your full recovery, your separation, a new job you love, and happiness for you!
I am so glad things are moving for you. And help from unexpected sources is always a good thing. You are a survivor. Keep checking in because we worry.
Thank you all for your support & encouragement. Yes, I was slow to act on advice, and good advice I might add, but hey, I'm doing it now. If you had told me 10 years ago this is how things would turn out, I never would have believed it. My rental house was to be my contribution to our retirement, (and $ for me), and I was diligent in paying the mortgage down. Instead it has turned out to be a safe haven for me in the coming year.
I read an article a few years ago that women only owned 1%, yes one% of all the world's property. A few days ago I saw a show that told about how more & more single women are buying houses. I think this is a very good trend. You just never know.
Wow, stunning news this a.m. My head is spinning. The house actually sold. The buyers only wanted a further reduction of $2,000 after the inspection, my husband has signed & delivered the addendum. O.K., having a hard time thinking with this turn of events, closing is set for July 15th.
Today was my appt. with the divorce attorney, and like a fool, I got the directions out & put them on the kitchen table to take upstairs. I got distracted by a phone call, and my husband came downstairs to make a grocery list. The word divorce was on it, plain as day. Don't know if he saw it or not, but my guess is that he did. It had the time & date of my appointment on the top. The reason he has any money to buy groceries is that he sold a bunch of watches on Ebay for $50 that he had bought from Ebay. Yesterday I bought groceries, a frozen family size lasagna, etc. and I hardly ate any. Today in the fridge there is enough left over to feed a mouse.
So....I called the attorney & told her I needed to postpone. (In case he had seen it.) My thinking is now, since his move is imminent, that I will tell him that I will NOT put my stuff in storage again & still move it to my friend's on June 27th. Prior to closing, he will not have the money to pay for storage & I'll tell him this is free. (I'm thinking aloud as I type.) Instead of trying to force him to sign a separation agreement, I will tell him that the cat & I are going to stay there & this will save him money, he won't have to get such a large apartment. I am going to suggest that he get a loan from his brother until the closing, I am not going to be on a lease with him again. He'll need the money to move out & pay for someplace to live prior to closing & I'M NOT PAYING FOR THAT! I'll just tell him I don't have the money. His credit is shot, so he will need cash to pay for a place.
He's already started looking for houses for sale, (mentioned there were some near my house) & I just got sick to my stomach. I've come this far & I'm NOT changing directions.
I will have to re-evaluate what things to take. I am thinking, once in my friend's house, under the guise of not paying for the apartment & storage, that after closing he might still give me the 12k that he has signed an agreement to give me. God knows I could use it. His poor judgement about moving us into an apartment 2 years ago, without a solid agreement between him & the buyer re the inspection & his surprise & anger with her when she didn't show for the closing....caused me to go into such a melt down & depression that I couldn't work at that time. He has cost me a lot more than that 12k. He wouldn't have received any where near this amount had it not been for my efforts. I have completely landscaped the property (should have been putting that effort into my own house, so much time I invested), I purchased the window shutters, the ceiling fans, etc., etc.
In going through papers yesterday (he had tossed old tax returns & I retrieved them) I came across a mortgage statement of his from 1997. He bought this house 28 years ago for 29K. In 2007 he still owed 12K! How is that possible? When working prior to our move to the apartment, I paid my own mortgage down 30K in 4 years. Then I looked at what he had earned. 4k here, 6k there. PER YEAR! Bottom line is that not only have I had to wake up to the fact that he has dementia, but that he was a slacker even back then. I want to say lazy with no ambition. When we came together he told me he had been a contractor, but since his inheritance he was a stock trader. (He didn't tell me how much it was until AFTER we were married, I never asked.) I am glad for him that he will have this money to pay off his debts, he really needs that, but I think once he has this money in hand, he will go back (not that he ever left) to his old ways of doing as little as possible. So, as of yesterday I truly understood his personality. This helps me move forward. Even without the dementia, the man would have chosen to work part time. God help him if he starts playing the stock market again. It's HIS money, so what will be, will be.
It will be interesting to see if he actually even tries now to go on appointments for his "business."
Katrina & I will be going on a new adventure, I hope it is not too hard on her, she's so skittish. (There's a chiwawa there, but thankfully no other cats, that wouldn't have worked.)
kitty its a good thing he sold the house. from your post of how little its paid down in 2007 i am thinking he may have taken out loans against it and that the balance is including that? i cant imagine either so little that long unless his interst was sky high and nothing went to principal. as far as your biding time, i guess you know better how to handle this. its my opinion to take your chances and just let the chips fall. yo made your decision to move and get the separation going i think you should prevail in that at all cost. the agreement you have with him for the 12k if in writing etc you should send to the closing company and let your atty know to make sure they include that in dispersements -i think the only way she can make that happen is you are already separated on paper. the worse that can happen is he refuses to signt he agreement and you have to wait 12 month to divorce instead of 6mo -? i would think the 12k agreement would be binding either way but your atty should be the one to demand payment at CLOSING! if you wait for him to give it after being paid you could be in for a fight. and at closing there may be leins on the house that you are unaware of and he may not even get what you are thinking in equity if he has been that bad who knows. all those things have to be paid at closing first, including property taxes and moneys due commisions which usually are 6%. i think you should just go ahead with your plans silently and not get into trying to cover it all up any longer. but you know him better than us. he may be agreeable or then not. now that he has money from the sale he may be more agreeable. at least you let him know upfront you wont be moving into new housing from day one. whatever he does you at least are off the hook for more financial messes as of the day of separation. and you do have a safe place to stay regardless how he handles it. good luck, i hope it goes smoothly for you, divvi
divvi, the house was free & clear until this past year when he used his 10k home equity line. He never refinanced, maybe since his income was too low?, & yes it was a very high interest rate. I don't think he took out any loans, prior to last year, but then, what do I really know.
I am NOT biding time, I will be out of here on June 27th! But under the current situation, I thought things would go more smoothly (and maybe I could get the 12k) if I didn't stick the separation agreement under his nose at this time.
Very interesting to have the signed agreement for the 12k presented at closing. Would never have thought of that. THANKS. If that goes forth, then I don't care if it is 6 months or a year, assuming he pays the debts off. Since I can't trust him to do that, then I will try for the separation agreement after I see if the 12k comes my way or not. The only thing I am biding my time with is the timing of presenting him with a separation agreement. Think he would fight the 12k if I present him with the separation agreement now.
I don't know how this works. Can I just go with him to the closing & put the agreement in the closing attorney's hands, or do I need representation? Maybe the woman who is going to do my separation agreement would do it, if necessary.
He owed the property taxes in June, & has told me they have agreed to a prorated amount for him.
Kitty, believe me the closing attorney/office NEEDS that agreement ahead of time. It may be that there are other liens to be paid that would come ahead of that agreement. Anything is possible. Your attorney should send that agreement immediately to the closer when you know who that is.
i would call that atty who is preparing your separation agreement and ask how to collect the 12k at closing if possible. tell her of your new ideas and developments- you need advice of counsel on how to proceed at this point. you may never see it if you allow him to collect all monies in his name only. he could say sue me for your 12k and that means more expense. i would ask the atty and get a recommendation and follow up with that. it may work it may not work i dont know but its worth a try. if she says she can demand payment but only if you have filed and she is representin gyou at closing it may have to be that way if you want the 12k then. its just a thought, but i would definately not move without some input asap on how to proceed in YOUR best interests. divvi ps its very risky business hoping to collect without legal respresentation.
Kitty, Mmm, I think divvi has a good point-you don't really know what he owes on the house or what liens have been placed on the house. And, likely he had taken out home equity loan on the house also.
So many things can go wrong after a contract has been signed that can delay, change or cancel a closing, that you can't count on that till it happens, and that is in the best of times, when you know all the financial situations ahead of time. Do you have any idea what kind of financing the buyer has planned? Do they currently have a house w/mortgage that has to sell or close?
Perhaps there is a way to put a lien on the house for the $12,000? I don't know how that works. It is also possible that all those other creditors will somehow get their dibs in for the cash from the house sale?
Maybe you should keep to your previous plans. There are a lot of unknowns here, and you can't anticipate his reactions to anything anymore; you can't expect him to act rationally, or at least you can't count on it. Don't fall into the trap that he will suddenly act in his or your best interests, even if he knew what that was. That ship has sailed!
We're pulling for you. Katrina will be fine. The move will be a better environment for both of you.
oh kitty, one more thing about creditors, my friend who is my DH neice had alot of bad credit against her for outstanding non paid debt. ie credit cards etc. these companies but leins against her without her knowing and when she was to inherit part of a grandmas estate they CONFISICATED her part directly at the closing for creditors who had those leins placed. she was super po'd but dug her own grave. she didnt get a dime out of it due to her not paying things off. just a thought. like patb said anything can happen. dont mean to scare you but you said he did have debt, maybe time is on your side. divvi
Kitty, if I were in your shoes, I would KEEP THE APPOINTMENT, if you have to cut your losses on the 12K so be. Please do not fall for the greed card. He will milk you dry, If you do not go ahead as planned, he will assume that he has made you blink. Please do not trap yourself!!!!!!!! THe house is NOT SOLD until it CLOSES. that could fall thru and you will be back in the same mess. Please Please go somewhere quite and write down all the pros and cons. But KEEP the appointment and get the legal advise.
Vickie, as soon as I find out who the closing attorney is, I will send it, thanks! divi, gotcha. Again, thanks. Pat B, I am keeping to my previous plans, thanks. I don't think for a moment he would act in my best interest. Shellseeker, I don't think there is any greed involved. In my state, you are entitled to a % of the appreciation of a house depending on the length of marriage (10 years) and it has appreciated a lot during that time. It's just that to pay the attorney to fight for this is so expensive. I will leave and cut my losses if necessary. I am out of here June 27th regardless. It just never occurred to me until divvi said that I should have representation at closing. I was ready to walk with nothing until she informed me.
My son emailed me & is disturbed that I would take money (NOT his father) from my husband if I plan to leave him. I had to explain my reasons & still not sure if it is sitting well with him. Wow, that kid has ethics. I am proud of him.
thats not ethical kitty -thats coming from a guy who isnt married:) i am surprised he isnt taking up for you more-when the vows break his loyalty is to you his mother-when ties break you want to take with you what you are entitled to to be able to start a new life. after all those yrs of marriage you are coming away with very little for the time spent. plus lots of stress over it with nothing to show. and the 12k is repay for monies you put into it too. believe me you are not getting anything for 'free' from him your son should be proud his mom is able to muster the guts to cut loose from a marriage that is non productive and at 59 able to start over. thats my input! divvi.
Thanks divvi - after shooting him off another email to explain the % of appreciation thing, got an email back saying mostly he was worried about me, he didn't know how my husband would react & he didn't want me to get hurt. I told him not to worry, I would back down & out if things got testy. So it wasn't really ethics, but rather fear for my safety. I was kind of wondering myself......
Oh boy...went to my friend's place where I'll be staying this a.m. The room is huge. I've been to her house a number of times, but have never been in the empty (was to be) fitness room.
Came back & told husband that she had offered to let me store stuff in her basement. Not thinking before I spoke (Big whoops!) I told her she had said I could stay there if I wanted & that would free him up to get a less expensive efficiency. I was thinking he would need a loan from his brother in order to move. NO, he's going to ask buyers to give him a week after closing, he will have cash in hand then. He said, "nobody in their right mind moves out before they close, that's standard." I said, "Well, you must not have been in your right mind then, because that's what you did with the 1st buyer, and it was expensive."
Then he wanted me to start looking for houses right away, this Saturday. I told him I wanted to focus on getting ready to move. He said, well, if you're not interested, just tell me if you want a separation or a divorce. I told him that he didn't have any gas money, and that closings some times fall through, and I really didn't want to look until after the closing. He was pissed. Raising of his voice...
So, I had planned to take the sofa I paid for & have been sleeping on. (Guest room has no TV.) I feel so close to getting that 12k after divvi's advice, that now I will go ahead as planned & move all I was planning to take, except the sofa & stay here until the closing. What's 2 additional weeks? My friend is a realtor, and she gave me the name of the attorney who does all her closings. I don't yet know who the closing attorney is, or the time, but I will see what he would charge to be there. (Hey, I might add the $900 he "borrowed" from me to pay his health insurance & equity line payment, both of which he couldn't continue paying.) That was money down the drain.
He knows I'm going to store stuff at my friend's. So at least I don't have to be nervous anymore about "moving day."
So, now he suspects I am leaving him, is not happy that I won't look at houses. He will only have a week to find a place to move, he will have to pay cash, his credit is shot. I guess he'll want me to go looking at apartments too. It's getting a bit more complicated than I anticipated.
One of the reasons he agreed to sign the agreement giving me the 12k (2 years ago) was so that I wouldn't be so unhappy about moving. I wasn't thinking about leaving him then, I'm sure if he thought I was "leaving" he would be upset (refuse) about giving me the 12k. Why waste his money.
I just gave him $7 (all the cash I had on hand) & told him to put gas in his car & go on his "business" appointments. I asked, what are you going to do, sit here every day until you close on the house? No response. He is in bed sulking, I guess over my lack of enthusiasm for going out looking at houses. I told him he was going to have to earn a living, just selling the house was not enough.
Kitty, You have to stop thinking about him as a reasonable, rational adult. If he were, you wouldn't be on this site. We know it can be very hard to remember that at times, especially when they seem so "normal" for the moment. Just cause he acts ok now doesn't mean you won't have your hand on 911 tonight!
"What's 2 additional weeks?"
Two weeks of verbal abuse. Two weeks of potential physical abuse. Two weeks of worry if the power will be turned off. Two weeks of him crying. Two weeks of him begging.
You get the idea.
As for the $12,000. Don't see how sending that to closing or bringing it to closing with matter. Heck, lots of times attnys. don't even go to closing (seems to depend on where you live). The buyers attny. doesn't give a hoot if you don't have a lien. They want a clean title (which you don't know exists) and possession for their clients. And, ususally the papers are done and the checks are cut.
I'm really not worried about physical abuse. He's never even threatened me, much less touched me.
I asked him for the # of the movers who moved our stuff out of storage, they only charge $75 per hour. Son is thinking since I'm not making a clean get away, he should postpone coming down.
I told my husband that he needed to contact the realtor to let the buyers know he wanted to stay in the house after closing. NO HE DOESN'T HAVE TO DO THAT, THEY SHOULD KNOW IT IS STANDARD NOT TO MOVE OUT UNTIL AFTER CLOSING. Yes, I told him, but they are going to want to arrange a mover, and I won't know how long I have to get my stuff over to my friend's. Otherwise, they may schedule a mover for the 15th. Could I have the realtor's name? NO. I DON'T WANT YOU INVOLVED.
Yes, I can see & have known he is not a reasonable rational adult. I guess if he refuses to contact the realtor, & sign an agreement as to the move date, I will just have to get my stuff out ASAP. God help him.
How home buying has changed over the years. When we would buy/sell a house, it was anywhere from 2 weeks to a month before we moved in/out. I watch House Hunters, Property Virgin, My First Place, etc. and they always get the keys on closing and can move in.
Kitty, I think you idea to move all your stuff to your friends under the guise of 'storage' is a good idea. You can plan to stay until closing but the stuff will already be out in case you change your mind. Will be praying that he doesn't get angry or verbally abusive or even in a pity party in that time. You have been thinking of this for a long time, planning etc. so I believe you will be on your toes for warning signs.
I do agree - you should still meet ASAP with the attorney and have the paperwork all ready to serve him.
Hang in there - at least you can see the end of this chapter of your life is near.
Kitty, The sales contract should state the date of possession. In some states, it is usual for possession to be the same day as closing. Some states possession is a few days after closing (actually when sale is registered with courthouse records). But, he already know when the buyers expect to have the house available. Of course, I have had a situation where the seller planned to stay a week after closing and my Realtor and I found this out when I went to have the new phone number turned on.
Even when everyone knows the financial of the seller and buyer and have signed sales contracts, there are many things that go wrong or don't happen as they should. Did your husband sell this house himself or list with a Realtor?
"He's never even threatened me, much less touched me." Kitty, you've been reading these boards for quite some time.What our spouse has done or not done in the past is irrelevant when dementia enters the picture.