We live on 10 wooded acres and for the past several years have held a "family reunion here. All 5 of our kids would come and their spouses and children. Last year we had it for 3 nights. It is always over the 4th of July. This year I am really torn. I want to have it, and all the family want to have it. There would be 15 of us in all. Each family brings their own tent and camps out and we have a BBQ and a bonfire later for s'mores. I just don't know if dh is up for it. He gets quite antsy in crowds. Though he still knows everybody and seemed to enjoy it last year. He has gone downhill quite a bit in the past year and I am having to spend a majority of my time caring for his needs. Last year I think I had a mini-meltdown from the stress of coordinating everything, plus my son and one daughter got into a kind of yelling match. I am thinking maybe I'll have it for only one, maybe two nights. Then I have a bad day and wonder "What was I thinking??" I have been teetering back and forth for a while and need to come up with a firm decision soon. Any ideas or thoughts??
I think it might be more important than ever to continue family traditions. How interested are you kids in continuing the reunion? If they would help coordinate AND behave themselves it could be very enjoyable for everyone. If your dh becomes antsy I would pull back from the crowd and enjoy it from a distance. My bil has a wine taste and picninc every year. We're going even though I can't drink and have to watch him like a hawk. I think for you it would be worth trying. If it gets difficult go into the house then let someone else host it next year.
i agree doing things with family is important as long as you have it worked out so DH has his time away from the actvities. if you can have it outdoors within distance to allow DH in the house doing his thing while you visit outdoors and come check on him often i think it could work. and you MUST delegate specific duties to each person so you dont have to plan-cook- and coordinate it all. let him have it at your place but let them do the work. thats the only way i would host it. i think its more for you at this point rather than DH. and you do need the kinship. divvi
Oh I would have the get together for sure. Where your DH still knows everyone it would be a shame not to have those memories to carry your family through the harder times to come. I do agree with Divvi though.. delegate delegate!! Your priority is caring your DH and YOU! Best of luck and enjoy yourself! :)
I agree with the others...I would have it...BUT I would have the kids plan it, buy the stuff (you can give them the money and the list), and let them know they will be needed to help stay with your husband or take him to the house when he needs a little quiet...if anything, it should pull all the family members together to have the get together and be of help to both of you at the same time! You shouldn't have the burden of the event - share it with all! And share the fun.
Absolutely. this is a family tradition, BUT you have to delegate, and the kids have to realize they can't add stress to you. But have it, you'll regret it if you cancel. you can't get those times back.
With the setting you described, definitely have it this year, but as others have said delegate. With each family camping your house should be his haven. The kids, and maybe even older grandkids can help you monitor him, so you are freer to enjoy. He can be in the thick of things if he wants, or retreat to the house for breaks. You may have a couple special dishes you serve, but 99% of the food and its preparation can be delegated. Let everyone know or remind them it's a time to enjoy each others' company and build memories.(A nudge to keep things light).
Thank you all so much for your comments. I think the decision is now made. I will have the annual campout and I'll just have to learn to delegate better. In years past I've done most of the shopping and planning. The sons & SIL had to take over the BBQ and the daughters & DIL helped with the preparing and cooking, but I need to let more of the responsibility go and have them do more planning and shopping, etc. Letting go and delegating have always been difficult for me, but I'm learning with AD I have to let go and delegate more and more. Even though they all helped last year I was running in circles with the constant "Mom", "Mom", "Grandma". Think I'll change my name this year...and not tell any of them what it is :-)
I would go a step further. Don't just delegate and tell them what to buy, etc. Tell them the entire party is their responsibility and that you and DH are going to be honored guests, sitting back and enjoying the whole thing. That's what happens with our kids now. When they arrive for a weekend, or a couple of months, they know that DW and I will not do any cooking, cleaning up, etc. I just hung up from talking with our younger daughter who is coming with her family for Memorial Day weekend. She was telling me the plans for all the meals, etc. All DW and I have to do is show up when we want to.
That is great news marsh. Be thankful for your considerate kids. I know myself, I used to love planning big dinners and get togethers with family, but anymore, I can't seem to be able to "wrap myself around the preperation". Just too much stress.
Imohr, I know what you mean about "wrap myself around the preparation". I always had big parties, dinner and get-to-gethers and haven't done it in the last couple of years. None of our family is here, but friends always came. WELL....I decided to have a BBQ tomorrow night for several of our friends who have stuck around and support us. I've worked most of the day today getting things ready and DH has "helped". LOL Now that I'm back "into" it - it's fun again! Just hope all goes well.
gmaewok, Isn't it great to have this wonderful imput. When I worked, they called it brainstorming. It is such a good idea to be a guest. Everyone is correct about the delegating but I also had a hard time trying to "do it all". Now, I find it better if I don't plan so much and just let things happen. No matter what, those things we don't have to think about too much always end up pretty well. We all live near stores, etc. and they are all open lots of hours so last minute events are so much more fun. You don't overthink the event and everyone is much more relaxed (especially after a couple of drinks!!). Hope you continue to have the reunion and squeeze every ounce of pleasure you can from you dh while he can still interact.
Agreed with all. We have to learn to let go. To be flexible, even if what they do is not what we would have done. And not just with big dinners like that (I envy you your daughters, marsh) but with housekeeping, other things we've taken on over the years that we're turning over to others. We know our spouses mostly can NOT be flexible, so we have to work to keep them comfortable and just say whatever the others do, I'll accept it!
I am noticing problems with dh and the garden. He hardly goes out to it and when he does he criticizes everything we have done. This evening he asked me if I had a large pot in the garage where he could grow a tomato plant. I asked him why and he said so he would have something to eat this summer (also wanted to plant a couple beans in it). Just like a woman with someone else doing the cooking and housework. So, I am going to clue SIL in on the situation so he will understand when dh says something to him about the garden.
Well, we had the annual campout. It turned out fabulous. Kids and grandkids did most of the work which left me time to take care of DH's needs. He flourished!! He was very social and enjoyed the gathering. (Makes me realize he needs more socialization). He can hardly complete a sentence, but he did manage to communicate and laughed a lot. Everybody was very aware and helpful. My daughter that works in the caregiving industry was especially good with him. She was good at redirecting and just guiding him as he needed. When I was unable to be by his side, she would be there. In fact, she made sure I had several breaks from caring for him. I am SO GLAD I went through with it at least for this year. Never know what next year may bring. It was a good time for the entire family.
My 7 year old grandson, Aidan, from Seattle went home with my daughter and family in Pasco, and we just practically vegitated for the week. Today the daughter from Pasco brought Aidan back to our house to spend the next week with us. I'm a bit antsy about it. In the past Aidan has been a little live wire and upset DH. However, DH seems not to get upset as much as he used to, and Aidan has also mellowed out a lot. Wish us luck!
Oh, gmaewok, I'm so HAPPY for you. What a wonderful batch of memories you all made. Hope young Aidan's visit goes well too and I'm guessing it will. Hugs to you.
Gmeawok, I've enjoyed reading about your reunion, really glad you did that and that it worked out! Were you able to delegate as much as people were urging you to?
WHen our son comes over from PA with his family (three lively little ones) we have a Sunday open house and invite family and friends. This year they came, in May. (They can't come every year). It was a hectic Sunday and I haven't succeeded in delegating much yet but I wouldn't give it up for the world. The best part of their two week stay, however, was the long weekend stay at a family resort with both our sons and their family. Once we got away from my house I didn't feel that I was in charge of everything. It was a beautiful setting, we had two cabins side by side on a lake, the kids spontaneously took over some meals and grocery shopping, everybody organized the activities and I for one had a wonderful time. There were some incidents: Dh at first announced that he would not sleep in that cabin but wanted to go home, later was amazed to find all his family around him and couldn't understand how it all came about. Then he would not change into a bathing suit when we went to the tropical pool but insisted on sitting there fully dressed and watching all our bags. But changing the setting and getting away from home really helped me relax and enjoy the kids and grandkids.
A week from today, DH and I are meeting my two kids and their families in Pigeon Forge, TN. We have rented a 3-bedroom chalet for a week. I plan to pick the bedroom for us that is most off the beaten path, so that if the 2 grandkids get on his nerves, he can retreat to our bedroom and watch TV. My daughter told me to bring the CD for his favorite computer game and she will download it on her laptop for him to play there (he plays it for hours a day at home). Son and SIL will take him golfing 2 or 3 times. I figured this might be the last year we can do this, so I am hoping it works out well.
gmaewok, that's great that it went so well. I'm sure it was good for the entire family. So nice to hear you describe your husband at the event, "he flourished!"