I know deep down in my heart that I will need to sell our home. It is too big for me to care for on my own. I hired someone to clean up the yard and get it nice while my SIL and I maintain it. Right now I am working on cleaning up the garage. My husband has been a pack rat through out his entire live so we have stuff that hasn't been touched for litterly decades. I'm working on painting the interior and getting it cleaned up and show condition. When I do decide to sell, I will need to take down all of our pictures and personal things that make it more cluttered than need be. I'm worried about selling it now because it is our home and my husband is quite comfortable here. I also worry that when it is time to put him in assisted living, which I know will come, I won't have the money to do it. I'm trying to plan ahead but it is tough to know when to do it. The market isn't any help now either. However, I come from the train of thought that if I sell in this market, I buy in this market so it isn't a big deal. I may be fooling myself though! I have 4 years left on my morgage. Any recommendations? Are any of you contemplating this? What things are you considering? Have any of you done this? What do you recommend? Any lessons learned so that I don't repeat them?
Diane-if you can handle a mortgage on a new house without the sale of your existing one how about this: rent your present house and take advantage of low new mortgage rates and prices on new houses. When the economy turns around hopefully you can sell your present house at a decent price.
doneit, I did that, and while it was the only way I could have did it it has been a lot of worry because I have had the old place for sale for 3 years. Financially, I did not have to borrow money but I had 6 electric bills for 2 years. Our old place had 3 houses on it and a couple commercial buildings. I finally rented the houses this winter and have 1600. a month coming in to cover Insurance etc. It is being listed this week and I am really, really hoping to get rid of it.
I could not have moved any other way. We built and that took 4 months. I could not have moved my 93 year old Mom and DH into temporary housing. Under our circumstances I am glad I did it, otherwise, we would still be at the old house and me too old to build again at my age. I still have too big a place for me and dh but I plan to stay here because we love it. Our neuro strongly recommended I not move DH. Said he would forget where the light switches were in the new place, etc. but is really has been more of a plus than a minus. My PCP said to go ahead and do the new house. It has been a emotional life for both of us. Sorry I can't be of more help. What stage is your dh in?
If I still owed a mortgage on the old place, I would not recommend buying a new place until I sold the old one, in this area.
We sold our home about a year ago. After we moved into an apartment, for the first week, my husband would wake up each morning and ask what town we were in—he thought we were in a motel. But he soon got used to it. I had to watch closely at first that he didn’t go outside and get locked out of the building (we are on the first floor near a door).
We just signed a purchase agreement on a house earlier this week so we will be moving again soon. Since being on the MCT oil my husband is more alert now than he was a year ago, so that may help the move go better and not be quite so confusing.
As for waiting for a better market, my son who has studied the markets extensively feels that the bottom in real estate is several years away yet, but advised us to buy now because we do not have several years to wait. In our area we did not have the boom in real estate prices that many areas had, so we have not had a steep decline either.
I agree, Lori, we don't have long to wait. Good luck on your move. It takes a while to get used to it but since you already made one move you know about that. I labeled light switches with freezer tape for both of us. For switches controlling motion sensor lights you can buy a little gizmo cover on the Internet so they won't accidently get turned off. One of the big things for me was "where do I put my fly swatter and yard stick".
Diane T, I sold our home 2 years ago in next month. I knew I wouldn't be able to handle the yard work...even though I like doing it. We moved into a condo, I am so glad I made that decision. At first my husband was confused on which room was which, but adjusted fairly quickly. I thought if I was going to make a move I should do it before he was really bad. Now, sometimes he has started getting confused to where the extra bathroom is & how to get to the garage....I feel that is just the dementia getting worse though.
At time I really think that I need to wait to sell when he is placed. I just don't know how much longer I could handle taking care of this house, him and working full time. Sometimes I it is just too much for us. Then I wonder, if I sold now, would that cause him to go into another decline. He has steadly decliend since his diagnosis last July. I thought he was stage 4 then and I believe he is late stage 5 now and showing signs of stage 6. I also don't want to make a rash decision. I hate moving as well and am not looking forward to it. My daughter and her husband want to move into homes next door to each other or into a larger one. They could help out a lot but they have a 3 and 2 year old. My husband can't deal with the kids very any extended period of time so I think that won't work. I guess as long as I am unsure, I do nothing. However, I will continue to simplify our home and try and make it easier for my husband and me.
Diane, he is going to decline no matter what you do. You may have to devote a bit more attention to guiding him to the bathroom, etc., at first, but he'll learn. I am also selling my home because it is two story and we need a one story home for safety reasons. It will also free up some capital - before I find myself needing it. The real estate market is relatively slow in most areas, so, it won't be an overnight thing. Or such has been my experience. (That being said, I listed one of my rent houses for $149,000 and it sold in 3 weeks). Larger homes move much more slowly. Also, remember two things about living next to your daughter. Her children won't always be 3 and 2...and he will soon reach a place where he won't mind them...as he gets more and more used to their presence. I think it's a wonderful arrangement, and, as a matter of fact, I'm looking at a house across the street from my dear son and his precious wife, who are so eager for us to live close to them. It would be such a help to know they are a shout away.
Thank you. The Sellers are reluctant to come down one cent on the price and it needs lots of work. I can handle the work...and being a designer, I would put my own touch on it anyway. The yard is a mess..(in my eyes). They have huge flower beds and islands that are covered with pine straw! No plans, no shrubs, nothing!!) If it's meant to be, the Lord will find a way for me to work it out. I would love to be able to sit on the big wrap around porch in white rockers, watching my grandchildren at play. It's at the end of a cul de sac and all the neighborhood children play with their skate boards, bikes and toss baseballs there.
I, to am at a place where I need to make a decision. Three weeks ago I woke up in the morning with every thing spining around. Couldn't hold my head up. Called 911 and was taken to the ER in my pajamas with my hair not combed with DH in tow. Blood pressure and heart checked out normal and all other test were okay. They finally decided it was an inner ear problem and sent me home as dizzy as I was when I got there. With medication I am just about back to normal but it really scared me. We had moved to Florida 7 years ago and DH was never happy there so we sold and moved back to Cullman 3 years ago. We had only been back 2 months when I realized something was wrong. He is 86 and I am 81. He has progressed rapidly and is mostly stage 6. He still goes to the bathroom on his own and eats well. Other than that he does not know how to do anything else. He has to be bathed and helped with most activities and I don't really have the strenght to do much. He does not know me or the children at times and is very troubled from about 6 until bedtime. Thankfully he is not and he is still is a kind man but it is getting to be more than I can handle. The children all live in NW Florida and are wanting me to sell and move there. Do I buy a house there or do I go to an assisted living place. I am not ready to live in assisted living. I want my own house but is that realistic at my age? I really do not know what is the best thing to do.
Bama, your husband sounds like he's at the same stage as mine. I have one of my children living with me and it is a tremendous help. I couldn't handle everything by myself. I pay to have the yard mowed and edged, and there is a lot of upkeep to an older house. If I were moving, I think I would prefer a patio home (separate, yet no yard to have to take care of). I think it depends on friends too. If you have a lot of close friends you are moving away from, that might be a concern. I don't think I'd want to go to an assisted living place before I had to do so...
Bama, personally, if I could, I would move close to the children. They are a great comfort and a lot of help, in most cases. If you don't want to live in assisted living I think a nice apartment on ground floor with patio where the grounds are maintained etc. would be nice. A lot depends on your financial situation, but I think if I was 80 I would want someplace I liked with ground floor, no steps and upkeep taken care of and close to my children. There are some nice garden senior apartments in our area where the owners take care of everything and you have to be a senior and no children to rent them. They also have a garage. They have 80 units. If money is not a concern you might prefer to be a homeowner still.
Bama i agree you will need your kids sooner than later. if its feasible a move to florida would be of benefit even if you are alone later. i know its a big process to think of selling and moving. if i were in my 80's i would enjoy the good life with non of the things that burden like upkeep of yard and maintenance issues. a ground condo sounds lovely. divvi
Bama=I live in a senior gated community in Florida and love it. Lawn care is provided (I do my own private gardens) and the security is great. Clubhouse and pool areas are always in use. We look out for each other. More activities than you would believe. Best of all-the trash truck offers free snow removal :-)
Bama: We moved here to Jax 2 years ago, from Cleaarwater,Fl. to be closer to the children: at the time they thought we should have a new home, Since we knew DH would not be able to do All the things he did in the past...the only down part is, that as soon as we moved, DH. went downhill..he is now severe to moderate. I guess a stage 6...I am 80 DH is 87....I go along with doneit..get into a senior comm..where you will have nothing to do..where you will be among people and meet new friends, I miss my friends of 50 years, even with the childdren, I get very lonely, we need to be with people our own age..I finally made up my mind to get out and do something..so our daughter takes over on Thrusday, I joined a bowling team, getting some exercise and meeting people, it has helped me a lot.
DH will definately get worse, there is no stopping it. It is just a matter of time. I'm going to keep my eyes open and start looking while I fix up the house. I'm sure it will all come together. I do like the idea of being in my grandkids life and moving closer to them amy help. DD or SIL can take DH and I can go play with the kids!
The many advantages of a Senior Living Community in Florida is that you will make many friends you have things in common with..and still be near your children. I have heard of a wonderful group of facilities managed by Hyatt called Classic Residences By Hyatt. Beautiful facility in Hollywood Florida and I understand there are quite a few throughout Florida for retirees. Some are Independent Living Apartments, but when you need more help you can move into their Assisted Living area, still on the same property. The one my friend is moving into is at ( http://www.hyattclassic.com/go/hollywood.html )
Our problem is an almost 15 year age difference between me and my husband. Not many people my age living in these facilities.
I would love to not have to worry about home maintenance, insurance, taxes, utilities, and all of the things that go into maintaining a single family home. I cannot imagine living in a resort style facility in sunny warm Florida. It would be heavenly. If you sell your home, you will definitely be able to afford the best, and you deserve the best!!!! Give yourself this gift.
Nancy B until you mentioned it I hadn't thought of our community as resort style-but you're right. Our downtown farmers' market rivals the one on St. Thomas. We can sit on the sea wall and eat crepes for breakfast while watching the sailboats. Dogs on leashes and people wander through the stalls with their green bags while the band plays live music. Don't have to board a plane to get home-only 20 minutes by car. Would be paradise if I had my husband to share it with.
I live now in a townhouse with an association that takes care of maintenance and yard care outside. Most of my neighbores are elderly and it is a safe place to live and close to everything. If I stay here I would be moving to Fl. when this journey is over. If I can find a nice place and can find the energy to move one more time I will do it now. I just need a magic wand to make all of this happen. It is hard trying to do this long distance and even with the help from the two daughters and a son the decisions will have to be made by me. It may be good to get myself up off my butt and enbark on a new project. Sure can't hurt anything.
DianeT, I don't want to live in a retirement place either. Furthermore, YOU are too young. Even Del Webb requires you to be 55. So you can stick your thumbs in your armpits, wiggle your fingers and sing "I'm too young, I'm too young, I'm too young" to the top of your lungs and we'll laugh and envy you. (If only for your young age...) Even at my age, barely 70 as.. I always say, ..I'm younger than most residents. I'm told they are usually late 70's and up in age. Still, they have a blast! Imagine playing bridge, hoping onto a bus and being driven to the front door of the Theater to see a ballet or play... Interesting speakers, cute friends....and no bikini babes to compete with. But for a single person - as my friend is - who was living alone in South Carlolina, 700 miles from the nearest child, it will be perfect.
Our home is paid for. We moved in here 46 years ago today. I'm hoping to be able to stay here for 4 more years. Why? You may ask. Because my parents-in-law lived in their hom for 50 years. We moved so much when I was a kid, I just admired that and sort of promised myself when we moved in here, I would like to be here for 50 years. I will be 82 and he will be 87 if we are able to do that.
I need help with the yard. It won't be long before I need help cleaning this house. It's 2,000 sq ft split level. I just don't want to leave this place but am really quite realistic. I know it will have to be done eventually. Our sone said I should just tell myself I want to stay here another year, and then another, etc. He said to say 4 mone year puts a stress on that doesn't need to be. Maybe he's right.
Never really thought I'd get to be this age where I'd have to make this decision.And I'm sure none of you did either.
Diane, I have had the same question about selling our home and moving closer to my husband's family. I have put our home on the market and looking at property in Lake Charles, La. Then my husband went to the hospital to have a total knee replacement on June5th of this year. Only one of his brothers called to even check on him. That brother is a quaduplegic and the only one that is really interested in helping us. He is the one I can call and cry on his shoulder. After being in the hospital for 5 days, I thought about why move over 200 miles away when two of our three boys live in the town we live in. Sure our youngest son who is 33 lives with us, even tho he has health problems due to a car wreck 15 years ago, he is some help with his father. I spoke with my husband about what I had been thinking about no calls from his family and we made another decision. We would move our oldest son and his family into our home and if we could we would move to a smaller house. That way all three of our sons would be within 25 miles of us. We are still thinking about this but at this time it seems like a really good thing to do. Our oldest son and our youngest get along really good. We would sell the house to the two of them and that would also give me an income to help suppliment anything else we may have. We would sign a lease agreement with the two boys and solve the problem of our youngest having a home when something happened to us and we would be getting all of our kids close. I hope this works out for us and that you can make something positive out of your situation. Have a great day....
I would think seriously about selling your house to your two sons. I have been in situations where ownership by the two has been a really bad idea. If there is any way to sell it to one or the other try to do it that way. Ownership by two brothers can cause some really difficult situations that you may not anticipate at this time.
Thanks for your input. I am concerned and am thinking really hard as to if this is the right thing to do. It sure is not an easy decision, but if we choose to do this, I hope it works out. We will be covered in the event there is a problem.
It is probably time to see an elder law attny to have him or her look over what would be the best way to handle this. It can make such a difference in your life. Good luck. I think staying put makes sense. My dh and I were very close to his family. After his Mom died and them his sister, were were dropped from their daily lives like hot potatoes. I would have bet a million dollars that this would never had happened. That was 12 years ago and my heart still aches for their companionship. These 2 nieces were raised like our own. They are now 33 and 39 years old. Be careful.