It has been a while since I posted. I'm glad that everyone is still posting to my Giggles and Jokes discussions. It really does help to keep the humor. I said that when I had some energy that I would let you know how the last doctor's appt went. I called a few months before the appt and talked to the Nurse Pract. and asked her to put in DH records my concerns that I thought that he was in the beginning stages of FTD. I gave her a few examples of why I thought this and explained that if for any reason DH found out that I had called that it would really cause me problems at home. When we went to his appt the doctor did seem a little more attentive. DH has a prolactin tumor on his pituitary gland and probably has other hormone problems related to this. He takes medicine to keep the prolactin level down in his system and the tumor is not growing very fast if at all. He also had an episode about 10 years ago that acted like the flu but there was a tick also. This is probably where all this problems started. Since this happened, he has episodes where he gets really bad joint/connector pain and stiffness. His joints get hot, his eyes glass over and he has trouble concentrating. He also has the anger and agitation problems along with very obvious personality and mood changes. Anything or nothing can set him off. All the usual FTD symptoms. Not related to speech and eye site at this point, personality, mood, reasonably, aggression, etc.
Good to have you back Mary in Montana. We are also now perhaps dealing with FTD, although we don't have the tests done yet to say for sure. A couple more weeks to find out. Sounds the same thought.
Jules, can you pin-point a time or general incident when you began seeing these changes? Like for me it has been about 10 years. You look younger than I do. How old is your DH? I remember you saying but I didn't go look. What finally led you to believe that it was FTD? I did internet searching about a year and half ago after the out-bursts became more apparent. I knew that there was really something wrong and that he was not himself anymore.
Comment Author Mary in Montana Comment Time 7 minutes ago edit delete
...continued...I was finally able to see that the doctor thought that there was really something wrong with him. Plus, for the first time, DH talked about how bad he feels all the time and that on the really bad days, he is almost not functional. I then told the doctor that I wanted him to completely understand that DH didn't really have any good days that his days were either bad or really bad and that the really bad days were happening more and more. The doctor asked me and had DH verify my description of a really bad day. I also talked to the doctor in front of DH about the episodes where he can't concentrate, etc. We didn't get into talk about it being anything other than his mystery condition (which is what we call his joint problems). All kind of tests have been done and they can't figure it out.
As for the home front, things are very slowly getting worse. As always the full moon and a couple of days on either side are a challenge. Groups and noise are a challenge. He is still dwelling on finances and bills. He is more and more not recognizing that I just mentioned something and will either re-ask the question or say the same thing that I just did as his own idea. The thing that is the worst is that his personality for the most part is just flat and a little on the abrasive side. He will blow his top for anything and, of course, it is something that I have done. Lately the problems arise from him asking me to do something, water the plant, do the dishes, call the kids, and then wondering why I am always doing something else and not spending time with him. He forgets that he has asked me to go do something. I have to admit that as the problems become more obvious to me that the really bad outbursts are fewer between. I think he just doesn't have the energy to fight. I still think that we are two or three years out from even approaching a diagnosis for the FTD unless it gets worse fast or unless there is a situation that causes intervention. I am 52 and he is 55. I work full time, he has not worked full time in 9 years but still does part-time contractor and odd jobs for family. Still highly functional.
I have been enjoying the discussions about FTD as we know that in the early stages it can be different than AZ. It helps to know that I am not alone in this and that I am not the one losing my mind. My husband for the most part still has a sharp attention span and can still do numbers in his head. His memory doesn't seem to be affected except for some (but not all) very short term things. It's the moods, personality, out-bursts, etc. that are our problem right now.
Mary, I'm 52 and my husband is 73. I have known him for 6 sixs and we got married 5 years ago June. I noticed some little quirks just before we got married but thought it was just adjusting to someone new. He had a big argument with his son over a 12 year old his son was adopting. It seemed like he was jealous of the attention his son was paying to this child. That seemed off to me, like he was the child. Later on I hear that he has always had a vicious temper but no one told me before we got married. I think they were all happy to have someone to take care of him and they could wash their hands of any responsibility. My DH is becoming more and more a homebody probably because of the confusion of a group and noise. He can't do numbers even on paper and I have been doing the finances for 4 years now. He still is very concerned about bills and money and people taking advantage of him. He always thinks someone is going to take advantage of him. We were sure it was AD until we went to a new doctor, an internist who is becoming the AD specialist in connection with a large center in Salt Lake City, UT. She is in Jackson Hole and is starting a support network here in our area so we wanted to get involved with her. She is the one who now thinks it is FTD, though she has yet to go over all the past history and look at the past MRI and compare with the new one we just had done for her. We are to go have new neuropsych test done in two weeks and after that I should have more info on her thought process and determining if in fact it is FTD or someother form of dementia. I know for sure it is dementia of some kind
Oh Jules, what a shame, that you only have 5 yrs behind you. I think somehow it's easier for us who have many years of good stuff to then be dealing with the caregiving. Keep coming here, there is so much support, I just can't tell you what a help it is just knowing you're not the only one. Does it really matter what form of dementia you're dealing with? regardless, you'll find help and support here.
Chris r. You are right, it is a shame because he was such a young vibrant acting man when we met and we talked about all the things we were going to do together like traveling and seeing my grandkids, skiing, snowmobiling, bike riding, all things he could and did do up til that first year together. It doesn't really matter what type dementia it is, to be sure, other than finding the proper medication for whatever form he has. If not AD, then really no point in throwing a lot of money into drugs that don't help. I come here everyday, first thing in the morning, and through out the day, last thing at night before shutting the computer down. I don't always write things but if I think something might be useful to someone else going through this hell, I will definitely do my part. Thank goodness we have each other.
Hi, I could use some fast advice. I own an acre and adjoining house property to our house that our son lives in. He has lived in this house for 8 years and is 32. He is the son who helps us and is there for me. He works on cars and has friends in and out. When DH "goes off the wall" like he has the last two weeks, he takes it out on son. He wants to kick son out, tell son that he can't have guests, can't bring in cars to work on, etc. Son is letting a friend (who we know) live with him while she is on probation for a misdimeanor theft charge. She needed an address and a "clean" place to leave. She helps keep the house up and will help Son with expenses. It might be for 3 or 4 months. Last night, DH agreed to let her live there for a while while she gets a job and enough money for her own place. She is not dating our son. He boyfriend is actually a second cousin to DH. Tomorrow we have an appointment with her probation officer (on the QT) to make sure that there isn't something else going on. The probation officer can check up on her at any time.
The problem is that no matter what son does, DH comes down on him. About the only choice I have is to sell the property, both pieces, and leave. this would remove me from my home and large garden and son from his home also. I don't want to do this. Son is a big help. I also don't feel that we should be controlling every person and vehicle that pulls into his driveway. I am at my wits end about this. Son has been very good about all of this but he is getting very tired of it. He has other personal problems going on and DH is adding to them. Also, son is really the only person left in both of our lives that interacts with us.
Yesterday, DH agreed to let her live there for a while; today he is telling me that we can never leave the property until she moves out. etc.
Mary-what good would giving up the home you love, and the one you can provide for your son? You say your son is the only one who can help you. Your husband will act the same no matter where you are. Would a medical intervention help your husband-if you can get him to his doctor?
I agree. I need to take this one step at a time and not do anything rash. I thought about an intervention, if DH gets violent with son or guest. I know that son is wearing out trying to walk away from the trouble. I am going to talk with his doctor next week and see if he will send DH a letter telling him it is time for a visit. I told DH yesterday that I will not chose between him and son. I said that they each have their place in my life and I will not chose.
Thank you, bluedaze. You backed up what I was thinking. If DH tells me that he will move out, then I will have to let him. It would probably not happen.
I am reaching out to longyears. DH just had an alcertation with son. Not physical. DH said some very hurtful things and told son to leave. Son is going to do this. He can't take it anymore. I tried to reach DH doctor and can't till Monday. I don't want to call the cops as this might make matters worse. I know that I need to do something but don't know what to do. I told son that I would call him back before I leave work. I am really considering a seperation. I don't see any other choice.
Son just called and he is going to try to talk to DH. I told him that if DH gets physical with him to call the cops and tell them that he needs to go to the hospital for an evaluation. I will be leaving work in 1/2 hour and I will do the same if he gets physical with me. I told son that I appreciate him trying and that it is best if I am not there when they talk.
Mary-I had to do the same thing with my husband. It was the police who got him into a psych hospital for evaluation. There was no way he would have consented to treatment on his own. It was a terrible time and I am still trying to put it behind me.
I'm still in one piece out here. When I got home on Thursday, I told DH that I was not going to allow Son to leave. I told him that I felt this was all caused by DH being stressed about everything and son was not going to change his life because of it. I told him that he and son have separate places in my life and that I told DH that we had three choices. the first is to let me buy him out of the property so he has no libality and would not need to stress over the issus on the property. I told him that he could stay with me or he could get his own place in "a little town where no one can find him." (his words.) He was quite angry but not agressive. He took this as me wanting a divorce. I told him not divorce, just no responsibilities on his part any more.
Friday morning, we meet with this woman's probation officer. I had filled the officer in on DH and the dementia/behavior problem ahead of time and DH's concerns with liability and problems for our property. DH talked to this man about DH's history, jobs, kids, feelings for over 45 minutes and the man was so patient. DH cried and everything. The man assured DH that this was a very good thing that our son was doing for his friend and that if we had any concerns that we could call him. He also assured DH that he would push the woman into getting her place in the next two months. DH then told him that she could stay a year if she wanted to. The man gave me an eye-brow lift and I said that it would be better if she did not stay a year. DH also told him that we didn't want to cause any trouble for her. What a turn around from before. DH told me and the man that it was really good of son to do this for his friend.
On Friday afternoon, son and his friend brought over the housepayment for May and that also made DH happy. in the evening, DH called them back over and gave the woman $50 for her to get easter baskets for her three children. Talk about bouncing off of the walls. I am so glad that son and his friends are patient.
On Saturday, we took a 14 hour drive, quite beautiful. Actually had good conversation and some fun. Saturday night, he was right back into the fretting and such. Sunday, until around 3:00 p.m, same thing. Then I got the old DH back. He told me thanks for not divorcing him, he would try to be better. Son and kids came over for easter baskets and he was nice to them. I heard from a second party that Daughter was out of town and I have not heard from her.
He told me during this time that he wanted me to love him not pity him. I told him that unless he starts shapping up and not fight about everything that all I can do it pity him. He doesn't want me to just be with him to take care of him. I told him that someone needs to take care of him. by Sonday evening, DH was being pleasent and quite kind. Probably a lot of "sucking up" was going on.
I still have no idea what brought this all on. It took about 3 weeks of agitation on his part to bring it to a head. It was as if there was a month long full moon times 3.
Thanks again for all of your support.
Pamsc, I did show son that I was on his side; it was the right thing to do. I also told them both that I was not going to pick between the two of them and I told DH not to push me into the corner with son.
longyears, not sure it you received my two e-mails. thanks for reaching out to me.
Things have been pretty good since this all happened in April. DH seems to have resigned himself to letting me handle things. He also is handling things with son a lot differently. Part of this is because his best friend/dog passed away two weeks ago. He is still crying over her several times a day. We got a male just like her two years ago and that is helping a lot. He tells me and son that he just wants us to be happy. I sure appreciate all of everyone's help and suggestions during my hard time.
Over father's day, Daughter and all three children came to a brother's house where we were having dinner and spent some time with us. DH gave her a hug when they left. The youngest granddaughter also gave DH a hug. DH actually opened the card that they gave to him. Last year, he wouldn't open the card. On Saturday before Father's Day, son BBQed burgers at our house for us and some of his friends. It was a good day.
This weekend, DH had problems with the directions on a map again. Son and a few of his friends were at our house and they were all talking about the flooding in North Dakota. Someone mentioned Michigan. DH asked me where Michigan was. I told him East of North Dakota. He told me that Canada was east of ND. I said no that Canada was north of North Dakota. He said "then what is South of ND. I told him that South Dakota was South of ND. He told me that Wyoming was South and that Canada was East. I told him that it really didn't matter that what mattered was the poor people and the flooding. He told me that he could tell that I didn't believe him. I told him that we could look at the map later and not to worry about it. I think that he figured it out because he didn't mention it any more.
Ah yes the early stages,I remember them well,before I knew what was going on we often argued about the stupidist things,I just thought LO was being contrary,then after she was diagnosed an we knew what the problem was I just tried to ignore most things but I have to admit toward the end it got to be very trying to say the least.Hiding her purse many times a day,acusations about stealing her money,misplaceing everything she touched,no reasoning with them,wonder what happened to the book idea?I think everyone should contribute a story or two of what their going thru,would make good reading an maybe help "newcomers" along the way
I agree. Just yesterday, DH asked me if the dishes in the dishwasher were clean or dirty. I told him that I thought I heard it run the night before. He told me that I should know if I had run it or not. I told him that I did not run it but that I was pretty sure that he had run it. Usually this turns into an argument, however, this time it didn't. I told him that it didn't matter that if we didn't know that we would treat the dishes as dirty and add to them. He thought for a minute and told me that he thought he did remember running it. I told him that they must be clear and thanked him for running them. As I mentioned previously, he has been pretty mellow the last couple of weeks.