I am a "lurker" for several months, finally signing on. My DH has been living in the past for several weeks now - on and off - and I am having trouble handling it. Today he asked what my name is, we are in our 48th year of marriage. He has asked me repeatedly in the last few weeks to call his mother, who has passed away more than 30 years ago. I have told him she is no longer living, but he doesn't believe the truth. Then I resorted to telling him that she is visiting her sister in another state and would not be home, but how long can this go on. I first noticed his symptoms about three years ago, but since Jan of this year he has really slipped and was finally diagnosed as "mild dementia" and finally as AD in the last month. I need input from others who have experienced this phase.
Welcome to my website. I'm getting ready to take Sid to a doctor's appt., so I will come back later with a more lengthy welcome.
Your situation is extremely common, and the advice most often given is "live in their world". Do not bother to argue or explain. Just go along with them - visiting her sister is a good answer. She'll call when she gets home. That is usually accepted and forgotten until the next day. You will then have to repeat it. Sorry. It stinks, I know, but it's the only way. Lie and redirect. Others will be along this morning to give you more input, I am sure.
At her sister's is the best answer, if you can get away with it. My DH asks those questions also, but then remembers that they died, and it's grief all over again. tears, crying, very sad. If you can avoid it by saying she's at her sisters, good for you.
As Joan and Chris have advised you, redirect and lie if need be...your answer of saying she was at her sister's is the best answer...and as Chris said, if you tell them that someone died, they BEGIN the grieving process all over again. You will get so tired of answering the same questions each day (sometimes several times in one hour) and if you can change the order of the words, sometimes something you say will connect for short periods of time. It's like a stuck record, that continually repeats. It drives caregivers crazy! It is a phase, and it will pass.....eventually.
I'm not dealing with this yet, but the advice I've always seen is do not tell them their mother is dead. Too much pain for both of you to deal with early grief over and over and over again. This is the time for the white lies, because that is what is the most caring thing to do.
I tend to answer the questions that happen over and over and over again with exactly the same answer every time. We are going to the Dinner in Emmaus on the corner. Garbage collection is on Tuesday AFTER supper because they pick it up in the middle of the night. Etc. For me always using the exact same phrase is easier, and changing things around didn't work all that well in the past. But your mileage might vary. It is possible that changing the words will help. Try both ways and remember that you need to take care of what you need to stay sane too.