I had to dress us both and travel to our rental property 50 miles away and be there before noon. I just sold it, and needed to be sure it was fresh and clean before the closing on Wednesday.
DH was slow, slow and just as I was leaving our walk-in closet/dressing room, he came into the doorway and stopped. HE STOPPED and was blocking the doorway. I needed to get out. I said 'Excuse me.." and he wouldn't move. I asked him to move out of the doorway, and he wouldn't move. I said, "I really need to hurry and you need to get dressed, Honey. Please let me out". He wouldn't move. I said "MOVE OUT OF MY WAY, !!!" and he started to scream.."YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.. YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA". to the top of his lungs. YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
I grabbed the first thing I saw, a spray bottle of Fabrese..and squirted a big spray at him. BANG!.... He stopped screaming, and stepped aside. Do you think I could be arrested for doing that! I am guilty as sin! I only hope, if I am arrested, I will be tried before a jury of MY OWN PEERS, a group of Alzheimer Spouses.
I don't know if you could be arrested for spousal abuse, but if so, they better stop and arrest me first. I hit my husband yesterday with a tennis shoe. I am wallowing around on my emotional belly today castigating myself. I was putting on my shoes and he kept after me about something, escalating. Not my normal mode of reaction or behavior, but I have been told that we are human and that we all have a breaking point. I would tell you not to be hard on yourself - this just isn't fun in any way. I am sure that you spend most of your time with him in a caring, loving manner. Thanks for sharing - it helps me this morning. Do something nice for yourself, you deserve it!.
nancy i agree that probably doesnt count with a fabreeze bottle. just be sure to aim not in the eyes:) i do know that feeling though of DH standing in a small doorway and you feeling trapped-no way out except thru him, and panic sets in. even as much as you love your spouse we do have to remember they can be quite unpredicatable and we must stay alert to situations that could be a danger. some yrs back, mine did it too where you try to push/coax your way thru and he became more fixed and stronger. it was scary. i had to start closing my closet door behind me to avoid him shadowing me so closely. divvi
I am wondering what makes them follow us around, mine does it and he also will stand and block my way. Why? It makes no sense to be, but on the bad dauys nothing he does makes sense. Could it be because they are trying to get what's going on, but they want us to stand still long enough for them to figure it out? I have a hard time going THAT slow when I'm trying to do something on a time schedule. They have no schedule in their minds It seems that my DH thinks there is all the time in the world to do what he wants. I understand this and I wish I could offer some advice, but I can't. If he is not keeping up or can't figure something out then if possible, I let the chips fall where they may by letting him take the consequences for his actions on himself, as I will not hesitate to tell his doctor what behavior he is exibiting. If it hinders me from fullfilling obligations then that needs to be. Dealt with. I know that sounds hard but for, it works. I do not tell him that I let anyone know what he has done, but if anyone is to help you then they must know the facts.
Nancy, dagma, I'm so sorry you had experiences like that. Hugs to both of you. Please remember, Nancy, that you need to take care of your own safety. I would find it frightening to be trapped the way you were, especially with the screaming. I think your response was perfect and perfectly understandable. I am absolutely not making light of this -- but some animal trainers use spray bottles of water to get the animal's attention. Perhaps you've stumbled upon something that might be helpful in controlling anything like this that might happen with him in the future. Perhaps a water mist might break some cycle of "concentration."
Good Grief - we must all be in the same mode this week. I sprayed my husband with Windex just the other day. He was pacing, pacing, pacing. Sweating and stumbling, I kept begging his to sit down before he fell down but he wouldn't stop. I grabbed the Windex bottle and sprayed him good, mostly around his neck so that it didn't get in his mouth and eyes. It didn't stop him but it slowed him down a little and I felt better. Maybe when the Windex is gone I will fill the bottle with water and try it again.
I need names, addresses and telephne numbers to get all of you to be witnesses for tmy defense if I get arrested. Shanteuse, you may be on something ...for ALL of us. This is the first time he's blocked me in and had the screaming fit..which sounded like a scream of personal frustration..rather than aggresion. (there IS a difference in the sound - ??) But it did STOP his fit, or whatever you would call it. It would be easy to have spray bottles (available at most stores) filled will water and in various places in the house. Still, I felt guilty after I did it. Actually, I was about 3 feet from him, -and it was just a reflex action to "do something! anything! to make him stop!) I'm glad it wasn't a can of bug spray! Poor guy!
Actually, Fabreze comes in a spray bottle with a TRIGGER handle. I had sprayed his shoes earlier and left the bottle on a chest in the closet. He hasn't mentioned the event...I'm sure he doesn't remember.
I haven't had the same situation but I can sure understand how it could happen. I have had other situations where I have yelled or screamed. Sometimes you are at your wits end. Dont' be so hard on yourself. I definately like the idea of a spray bottle of water. Surprise is the biggest help!
Thank you all! I screamed at Jim this week and the guilt has been eating me up! At least I didn't spray him or throw anything, but I certainly could have, and he is just so sweet and child-like.
The more I think about this the more I want to remind everyone: your own safety is paramount. Please remember that something might change, and your loved one might have an unexpected psychotic episode. It is NOT abuse to protect yourself. Even if you are the larger, stronger spouse, a person having a psychotic episode can sometimes act with astonishing strength. I am relieved that Nancy's incident ended as it did with her brilliant move -- but if you are confronted with something that seems like it could be dangerous, please listen to your instincts and protect yourself. Do what you need to do to get yourself out of the situation. If you are injured or killed, it doesn't help you OR your loved one.
What a way to start Mother's Day. DW won't eat breakfast 'cause she thinks its poisoned. I at least got her Prilosec down, but still needs to take iron capsule. She ate about 3 forks of scrambled egg then quit. I've been told that its no big deal for them to miss one meal, so I guess I should forget about it, or is it irresponsible to not keep trying to convince her to eat (while trying to keep the eggs and coffee warm)?
Bad enough having to do all this stuff, but then having them fight you. Can't wait 'til I try to give her a bed bath later this morning. Last night she wouldn't get undressed at all, and went to bed with all clothes on incl. shoes. What fun!
Happy Mother's day texas joe..I spent my morning cooking breakfast for my mom, and she ate it greedily. Then I made breakfast for my dw, and she refused to eat a bite...said she wanted an egg mcmuffin from Macdonalds..so off I go, bought two of them. She took a small bite, and refused to eat any more, saying that it did not taste right. So I got her into the car, stopped to get some flowers, and went back to visit my mom.....my wife noticed the mcdonalds bag, and all of a sudden started eating, claiming that this one tasted better than the one I had bought before..(it was the same one).. Now she is attempting to play cards (rummy), with my mom, and it is hilarious to watch..sort of the blind leading the blind......oh what a day....but at least its better than usual
Back at 'ya, phranque. I know how the card playing goes....we were visiting DW mom at her retirement home in Houston one time when she wanted us to play cards with her. So we started (I forget what the game was) and not long into it, she started playing by her own rules (she had the starting of dementia). I tried to correct her, but she insisted that was the way the game was played. And you don't mess with MIL. Hope the weather is better where you are. Here it is a very gloomy cloudy and humid day.
Loss of taste buds and smell are the first to go with AD we've seen here. when that happens food just doesnt seem as appetizing. give them the food you prepared and leave it at a place where they are able to nibble for a while. i found that usually within an hr or so DH would eventually eat most of it. dont use dark colored dishes -something easy to look at and lite colors are best. something about the dark colors even with dishes the depth perceptions again.. dont stress over the non eating. its not uncommon for AD victims to lose weight. try to supplement with a vitamin and or ensure puddings jellos things things they will usually have a liking for. its just par for the course. most of us on here have seen some loss of appetite along the way. my DH eats everything now in front of him in early stage 7 and wouldnt touch anything early on.. divvi
I wouldn't worry about them not changing clothes or just eating a bite and quitting. We would all be better off if we just ate a few bites and then quit. Eleminate some of the weight problem all over the world. I used to put my Mom in sweats or pants and when she got to where changing clothes was a chore I had to do for her, we went to putting clean clothes on in the morning and letting her sleep in what she already had on. Saves both of you extra work and stress. I recommend a multivitamin also.
I was at a dinner the other evening and one of those size 0 young women was there with her 6 month old baby. I watched her order a ham dinner. When it came she very delicately shaved off a small bite of ham and eventually discarded almost a full plate. At least she could have taken it home for her husband to eat later. On the other hand I have a young granddaughter who is about a size 5 and she eats with gusto.
I keep waiting for the weight loss some of you mention. My wife has gained so much weight I have had to buy all new clothes. I'll keep the old ones in case she starts losing. I think the problem is that she eats everything on her plate (from childhood training) and does essentially no exercise. I can control what she gets for breakfast and lunch, but dinner we get in the main dining room of our retirement Inn.
I have a 4 year old grandson who does the same thing about food. He thinks he wants something and then changes his mind. If I leave him alone and leave the food out where he can reach it he eventually eats it. I think it is the same thing with our spouses. They have just reverted back to the "control stage" of toddler-hood. If he does not want to put his cute little PJ's on to go bed, I let him sleep in his clothes, my DH also. You just have to pick your battles. There is no abuse in not giving them a bath everyday. or in letting them have a milk shake or an orange crush with their breakfast. Alot of the things we fuss about are "society rules" that we feel we need to enforce. I am retired from law enforcement and do not feel the desire to "enforce" anything else in this life time.
Marsh: My wife has also put on weight because she prefers fast foods and it's more difficult to get her to exercise, even walk. Yesterday we went out to eat with our daughter at a Vietnamese restaurant in Ann Arbor. Food was very good but DW complained all the time we were there (loud enough for other patrons to hear) that she did not like the food. I felt bad because it was Mother's Day. I took her to McD when we got home and she was happy.
Imohr: Your comment brought back memories. When I was a student living in the dorm, men and women would shower at night then sleep in sweats they intended to wear to class the next day. That way you could sleep until 5 minutes before your first class.
danielp, so no problem with that was there. It is a big help for the caregiver, just wearing the days clothes overnight then bathing in the morning or however it works out.