I still haven't been able to find out where my husband was transferred to. I've called every nursing home, convalescent center in the W. Palm Beach area. While the HIPPA laws won't disclose where he's been discharged, no one seems to have a problem when I call and ask about new admissions. They'll give me THAT information. No family member has him. Can't imagine what my phone bill will be like next month. Does anyone else have any ideas I can try until his sister comes back from her cruise....she may or may not be willing to divulge his whereabouts to me. All I can do is hope she will. I doubt John would have been sent to an assisted living facility, because of his frailty. I tried the VA hospital as well. Wherever John is, he must think I've abandoned him and that can't be good for his state of mind and health. I'm going to begin canvasing the assisted living facilities, but like I said, doubt that's where he's been sent. If anyone has any good ideas, please pass them on. Otherwise, I won't take up any more space here. I've done all I can.
Sounds like it would be less expensive to hire a detective. Another idea is to get unlimited long distance calling on your telephone . I have had that for so long, I don't even think about long distance charges anymore.
I'd continue to insist that you just settle down. Stop calling everywhere in the country. Once you know where he is, what are you going to do??? You need to look at the big picture and long term business at hand. I wonder if you have been so hysterical with so many people, no one is paying attention to you. If you file for divorce, trust me! the authorities will attempt to serve him in Florida and going through the authorities there, they WILL find him. If you run around screaming to the point of hysterics and end up in ER's ... no one will take you seriously. I hate being the voice of the group here, but you're not going to find your husband all by yourself.
Again, the question. IF you find him, what then? You'll get one phone call that will be sweet and loving and the next one will be threatening and hurtful. That is Alzheimer's Disease - staring you in the face. The man on the phone is sick. Regardless of what comes out of his mouth, it's demented, whether it is sweet or hurtful. He doesn't know what he is saying...even if you think he does. You haven't lived with him in a year. We live with the disease day after day, Jen. We hear what you hear day in and day out...sweet, hateful, sweet, hateful. Again...if you do locate him, WHAT THEN??? Make a plan and follow through, sweetheart.
I second Nancy B. Take a breath and sit back. Going off in all directions, calling every facility you can track down to call is just continuing the stress and not solving anything. Get yourself together. Set a plan and follow through.
Nothing has been accomplished with all the scattered, frantic efforts.
A calm, solid effort will push them to respond. Protect yourself--file for or counter sue for the divorce. His whereabouts will have to be revealed. The judge will want to know his mental state, who has POA, etc. You'll find out.
Right now, his being incommunicado with you is good. It is giving you the break you need o pull yourself together and make solid plans. Realistic plans. Not pie-in-the-sky plans. You can do this and you'll be better off for it. He will be better off too, when everything gets settled--however it turns out.
Starling is right. You are entitled to certain rights under the law. They can't be erased. Don't go off to the police until you are sure you want to, but if you are his wife, and have been married for as long as you have, then you have spousal rights so just because he's been away, legally you have rights under your state's law. See what they are. Shadowbaby
Stuntgirl..Losing a spouse to AD is probably the hardest thing to cope with in the world. Mentally, they are no longer the person you know and love. Physically, they are still there..and in your case not there. Try to think of that as a good thing. Your physical burden has been lifted temporarily, and take the time to back up and regroup. Going for the divorce could be a good idea, since it will establish you financially and legally. Be assured that John is being taken care of as best as possible..I doubt that he is wandering around West Palm on his own...Someone is with him, and has his best interest at heart.. Take the time to insure that your life does not get sucked into the vortex of AD, and that you will become a survivor. In your case, I believe the legal advice you received is probably the best alternative at the moment. Keep yourself calm and happy, and wait for things to happen. You cannot work yourself into a frenzy, because this is what feeds the disease, and causes all the confusion, drama, and heartbreak. Go look at the horses....see how they behave right before a big thunderstorm...observe how the panic influences them...At that point, they become very dangerous to themselves and others, and unless they calm down, they will do things that could hurt them...They are much better when they are calm and collected and loved... Hang in there....
Phranque, the horse example is perfect. That is SOOOOOOOOOO true. JEN, CLEAR YOUR MIND AND THINK ABOUT WHAT PHRANQUE SAID. Can you understand that analogy? Surely that should clarify your choices and help you move in the right direction.
You've mentioned his irrational outbursts at times. Have you inquired at acute care hospitals to see if they have a gero-psych unit? Maybe he has been admitted to one for medication adjustments?
Please don't be mad at me for saying this ...........but in most "Missing Persons" situations you have to check recent death announcements (not necessarily the obits, but the "Public" notices) to rule that out.
I FOUND JOHN! I FOUND MY HUSBAND! His sister called me last night and told me where he is! He went to another nursing home for some reason....no one knows w hy. I'll find out later. Must be a reason. WOW!
Glad to hear that your DH has been located, Stuntgirl. I hope, HOPE that you will be able to concentrate now on some of the very very WISE encouragements that have been offered. I've seen your work on your website. Its very impressive! Now that you have been assured that DH is safe, maybe you can refocus on some of those things again.