Kathy,
It would appear that since he is refusing to eat he has entered the final stages, that being said, could you ask for hospice care, they would make sure he is comfortable.
You say you could not care for him with the care that requires an electrical lift. I am wondering about that for myself, can this not be done at home? Tell me what you know about the lifts and why they cannot be used in the home.

Kathy,
Lots of hugs to you and your family. This is such a hard and lonely time for you. But know that when you placed your LO there, it was for all the right reasons and above all, because you had to. Now may God give you strength in this AD journey and comfort you in all decisions. Yes, we had to experience hospice w/ three family member and they are so awesome in their care for our LO'S.
PAT

Dearest Kathy: I know. My DH was tied into a wheelchair in a locked down mental facility. And he had enough awareness to whisper 'take me home.' God, how many times can you take this, how many times can they? Kathy, feel bad, cry and rage, but hold back the guilt, none of this is your fault. I used to wish that it was my fault, then I could undo it, but all we can do is love them and hug ourselves. I have tears in my eyes as I write--you are not alone in this--compassion and understanding are being sent your way.

Hi Jane,

I know alot about the Hoyer Lifts, as they have to use one now to transfer my husband to and from his wheelchair.

Yes, these lifts can be purchased from Medical Supply businesses. They also can be used at home. My husband's room at the NH is not that large, but, they still wheel the lift in there and pick him up. The only thing that we have to be careful of is that my husband is 6'1" tall and he tends to put his legs on the base of the lift and when he does that causes the swing chair on the lift to fall forward. We are afraid that he will fall out, so, there has to be 2 people there at all times when he is transferred. One holds his legs up and swings the chair around, while the other one operates the lift. Some people can do the transfer with only one Care Giver. It is just according to the person you are transferring. At first, my DH did not like the lifts. He tried to hold onto the side of the chair and get out while he was being transferred. It was kind of scary for me, but, the CNA's are all professionals and they know how to get through this. Now, he does not mind it all that much.

There are electrical and manual lifts. Look them up on the internet under "Hoyer Lifts" and you will see many different kinds and different prices. These lifts are really good as you can get them in and out of their wheelchair and out of bed a lot easier without the fear of them falling and breaking something, or the caregiver hurting themselves in the transfer. My husband is taken in and out of his wheelchair and his bed about 4 or 5 times a day as they do not like to leave them sitting in a wheelchair or laying in bed too long at a time. Their skin tends to break down and the NH I have my DH in, is very cautious of this, which is very good.

Hope this information helps you out. Kay Kay

Jane,
Concerning your husband sitting for long periods of time in a chair. Yes, it is the same situation that I have, so, I will try and give you some suggestions that nurses, etc. have given me over the last year.

When my husband broke his hip in Sept. of last year, he had to lay flat on his back when he was in the bed for six weeks, as they did not want him to try and cross his legs if he was to turn on his side. Since his heals were always on the bed, they put some soft, overstuffed looking house shoes on him. This way his heals did not get sore. They also propped him up with pillows on different parts of his body, so, that he did not lay constantly in one position. Every two hours they would go in and do this. He can move himself around in bed now, so, this is no longer a problem. His nurse in the hospital, that took care of him while he was there for 5 days with his broken hip, told me that if he is confined to a wheelchair, please watch his skin very closely and make sure it was not breaking down. She suggested if he was confined to a wheelchair, get him one of those chair pads that people use when they have trouble with hemmoriods. Usually it is made of foam rubber and it has a hole in the middle. This way they do not sit directly on the chair constantly. She said that re-positioning is also something that needs to be done. Jane, at least getting him up and making him walk some also helps, but, I know how hard that is, because I went through the same thing with my husband.

Alot of people use the lifts by themselves. It is just that my husband is tall and has long legs, so, when he straightens his legs out and lodges them against the Hoyer Lift bar, it makes the lift chair go forward and he starts to slip out. This is why they have a note over his bed "2 person transfer". Another thing also, most NH do not want the liability if someone falls out of the lift, etc. so, they take extra precautions to make sure this does not happen. There are alot of the residents that only need one person to do this transfer with the lift. At first, I believe my husband was afraid of being lifted with the Hoyer and the higher he got, the more he wanted out. But, it is now much better and he does not fight it as much now. Jane, if you get a chance, I would go to a medical supply store and let them show you the different lifts and give you an idea of how they work. You will feel much more comfortable that way. You should be just fine doing the transfer yourself, once you see the lifts and can see how they operate, you will feel much better and you will see that they are not that hard to operate. I believe I would look into the electrical lifts if I was doing it by myself.

If there is anything else that you have questions on, please let me know. I get so much help and support from this web-site and all the wonderful people on it, that I also want to try and give something back. Take Care

Kay Kay