I haven't posted for a long time as I found I was getting completely wrapped up in AD. I am posting now, hoping somebody can give me some ideas or coping skills. My husband frequently doesn't know me. I can tell by words he uses and the look in his eyes. Those times are usually OK if anythign can be OK in this life. There have been times though, when he decides that I shouldn't be here. It didn't happen for a year after he started Ebixa but apparently, the magic has worn off. Of course, my idea is to tell him that we are married, have been for 44 years etc. You all know how well that works. Luckily, our friends live in the building and he has gone down to them to get me verified. Any ideas on how to handle this myself?
i agree, sounds like hes becoming delusionnal again,they become tolerant of meds after a while - a yr is along time with AD without changes. maybe you could set out a wedding foto where he can see it during the day? divvi
Oh jang, how awful! I agree with doneit and divvi. Sounds like he needs his med adjusted. Thank God you have neighbors that care. Hang in, and keep posting! ~Di
I've mentioned this before. My sweet husband knows without a doubt that I am his wife. He just forgets "which one", and calls me by his first wife's name sometime. I just laugh and say "Wrrrrooong wife....try again!!!".... I often call my boys by the other's name, because they look so much alike from the back. They know if they are within range of my voice, I mean them!
Jang, while changing his meds might help, eventually he is not going to know who you are. It is difficult to accept when the time does come, but you have to realize that HE can't help it - it's not him but Alzheimer's that is causing this. Do not take it personally. Hopefully changing the medication will help him remember you longer, but understand that though his mind might not remember, his heart will.
My husband does not know my name, does not remember that we are married. He DOES know that I'm the person who takes care of him, who kisses and hugs him. My husband is in stage 7. He counts on me to be there for him. And I will.
Hi Mary, Gord frequently doesn't know me. I can tell by certain things he says. I know this is what will be and I am trying hard to accept it. I understand now the talk about disengaging. This is different though. He says my face is different and while he is not afraid of me, I clearly upset him by being here. I think that perhaps it is because I try to convince him that I am Jan and his wife. Next time it happens, I will try to just follow his lead and not argue or convince.
i frequently talk to DH like a third person if hes talking about his 'wife'.:) and i see hes not associating my presence- just saying '(name) will be here in a bit and you can see her soon" soothes it over most of the time- hes usually calling me by name but in his mind he has a picture of his wife. i have gained alot of lbs. so maybe thats it..haha. disengaging and just waiting for another moment is the best recourse for these moments. the first times are the most difficult, unfortunately like everything else associated with AD you may eventually like some of us veterans get used to it and it wont be so bothersome. divvi
Thanks divvi. I will try that rather than trying to convince him that I am me. Sometimes I feel as if I am at the Madhatter's tea party. My son frequently told me that I argued with my mother-in-law who I am now thinking had Alzheimer's and my mother who had vascular dementia. I guess in my stubborn mind, I am determined that if I tell him often enough, he will listen to reason. We knew something was wrong with my husband about 3 years before my mom died so I have been dealing with this illness with one person or another or several people for about 14 years.
Amen.....it is sad but true....As long as his face lights up when I walk in the door after a day of work, I feel good. I long since stopped asking him who I am.... And since he only knows those 5 words, he doesn't ask me. He does look at our photo albums and scrapbooks every day, like he's trying to remember the trips and our childrens' faces....
awww hugs to you both..((( mary and jang!)) and everyone else who relates to this topic:) its a sad trip we are on together but knowing someone else knows the pain makes it easier to tolerate. divvi
I have only had kathryn not know me one time and that was bad enough. I can't imagine what it will be like to have it happen on a regular basis. Do you think it might help if you can to have a new family photo made and hang it in different areas where your loved one will see it a lot. You could even put the names of the family members under their pictures. Another idea that may work better with men than with women because most men have either been in the military or worked in areas that require I.D. Cards would be to make yourself an I.D.Card on your computer and go down to an OfficeMax or somewhere and have it laminated to look professional. Even if they can't understand everything on it, it may not matter. Just the fact that it is an I.D.card may get them to trust you. Men tend to like physical evidence. (On your I.D. Card put your married name such as Mrs. John Doe)
The first time he didn't know me, I took out my driver's license. He would not believe that it was me. When he doesn't recognize me, he doesn't believe pictures of me either. He has taken our family portrait and introduced me to his family.
about a year ago my dh would always tell me i want to interduce you to my children, i want to marry you, what a sad thing i would just about want to die and try to make him understand that we are married and they are my children was no reasoning with him, thank god he got over that once we returned home to Mi. once in awhile he forgets who i am but it seems since he has been in the nh he calls me by my name but i know he will forget again.
Because our LO's are prone to hallucinations, we have no idea what they actually see. We know their 'reason buttons' are broken, and it occurs to me that they see differently than they did before. As when we did when we had fever, were waking up from anesthesia..does anyone remember the visions and crazy things we thought we were seeing. I wonder if AD patients have the same kind of visions. I've had deep anesthesia several times, and I do remember the process of coming out of it and the stories my children would tell me later about what I said and the people I thought were in the room.
If they aren't able to see us looking the way we look, doesn't it stand reason - they wouldn't know who we are? ... I have not heard that theory from the doctors, but anesthesia puts the brain to sleep... just as AD does in its own way.
the forgetting who you are is one of those things you think you can't handle until it happens, just like incontinence or hallucinations. If there's no real fallout from it - no violence, or dangerous behavior - you get used to it. Sad, but not a deal-breaker in my book.
I agree with you totally, Ms. Briegull. It is sad, but if we work at it, these little things won't be so bad. It usually comes on slowly... I always remind everyone to just say their names when they meet up with him. "Hi, Remember me? John??, how are you.." Hubby will say, "OF COURSE I remember you..", whether he did or not. Takes the struggle away. OR, I will always say, "Honey, Susie's here...say Hello!"..
Until we can't do this. He speaks very little, but always trys to stand as he greets people who come in, including the housekeeper.