Joan, just read your blog today. I do believe the Reagan family story. To begin with, they had a love too few people share. It was incredibly deep and true. I have talked to a number of people who have shared similar stories about the last few minutes of their Loved One's lives. I have often written in my posts here that I will always believe that somewhere deep inside, the person is still there. Not the same as, but similar to the stories we read about people who recover from comas, and who can recant events that happened when they were supposedly in a vegetative comatose state. Scientists still say they cannot understand some mysteries of the brain. For that reason, I will never speak ill of my husband or his condition in his presence, even when he is sleeping or worse. I will believe that deep inside, HE is still there, a prisoner inside his own brain.
I also must say that by the time Reagan died, there was no reason for that family to dream up a story just for publicity. If they had wanted publicity, they could have had all they wanted throughout his illness. Instead, they guarded his dignity and memory by silence. We all wish we could have shared the love they had. Have you read his love letters to Nancy ...written throughout their marriage. I doubt many of us have a chest full of love letters written in our LO's hand. If only..........
Joan, I believe that the person is still in there. There are times when I look into my husband's eyes and I can see the person in there. He can't tell me anything anymore but he is still there. This is also true of many of the people in the facility that he is in. There have been so many times when I have met one of the resident's eyes and realized that the person was there. My husband does not really speak and make sense anymore but sometimes it is the look in his eyes that keeps me going.
Over & over I have heard such stories, not only w/AD, but I believe the Reagan's, absolutely, always did. DH was at the end, one afternoon he suddenly woke up, smiled at me & clearly said "You're beautiful." I understood he knew exactly who I was, it was something he always said to me, another way of saying 'I love you.' He never spoke again.
not only do i feel for sure they are 'in there' somewhere but often can interact with us at variable moments when least expected. those off moments when you feel something memorable reappear or something said that is out of the ordinary. like Bettyhere says she got the ultimate demonstration in the end. also know that the brain is capable of surviving for six minutes after the heart stops. all visuals, smells, and tactual feelings could be intact for those six minutes after 'death'. the brain really isnt dead until the stem of the brain dies as well, something to remember when our loves pass on ... remember to embrace and send them lovingly on their way home.. they may hear and feel your love one last time-divvi
Thanks for that, divvi, I did not kow about the six miute after "death". What a lovely thing to be able to be there for them during that time and send them, as you say, "lovingly on their way home".
This is why I maintain that we CAN win this war. No, the dementia will take them, BUT we can see them through the tunnel and into the light. My Dh and all of yours' will make it through and they will NOT be alone. The Dementias wreck the wiring and the part that is "them" has a harder and harder time functioning and maintaining contact with us. I am thankful that some of their comprehension gets erased, because I think the worst thing would be to be entrapped so thoroughly and KNOW it. The man I care for is not the man I married, but he houses that man, and down this road we are on, my Dh will once again be himself, and eventually we'll be together again. WE WILL WIN!!!
I haven't shared this with anyone else but now I have to. Ten days ago my husband was staring out the hospital window with his back to me. Everytime a car came into the parking lot he would say" here you come". He did this repeatedly for about ten minutes. He turned toward me, looked directly into my eyes and said, "I'm 65 years old, I never thought I'd make it. I want to thank you baby for sticking by me." He turned back to the window and didn't say another word. Enough said. cs
My husband doesn't speak much and often when he does it makes no sense. The other day he looked at me and said "you're still here". I looked at him and told him that I had promised to stick by him until the end and of course I was still there. He is starting to show signs of having trouble with drinking and eating so this was a very special moment. Yes, he is still in there somewhere.
joan, I just read your blog( are they in there), i cryed so hard while I read it i was remembering a few times i saw my dh in there, we would sit and talk for a long time, hold each other and cuddle and then i would see that devil come back, i have been missing him so much, he fell 2 times yesterday so they are trying to figure out what to do with him, can`t put restrants on him it`s not alowed by state law. i know he is still in there and someday i will see him come to the service again and hope we can sit and talk for awhile before that alzhemiers devil rears his ugly head .
They ARE still in there.....in a dark cave with very poor vision, and they are filled with wires that are disconnected threads of reality and memory and perception. Occasionally one of those "live" wires will connect, and they will hurry to the surface and see what they can before the wires disconnect again...... I live for those moments of connection...
When my MIL died my FIL somehow knew to run to neighbors for help. He couldn't say anything that could be understood but his panic was enough. At the funeral, he just kind of stood in the back in his own world until we took him up to the casket. He looked in, took her hand and with tears in his eyes kissed her. Then he went back into his world.
Got sidetracked yesterday in my closet playing and cleaning jewerly, (ladies you know:))and i put on a diamond disc around my neck that DH had given me some time back. its lovely and it was gorgeous after i cleaned and shined it. i was putting DH into bed last nite and i got a glimpse of it in the mirror, the lamp next to the bed made it shine like mad, and DH pointed to it as i was right above him, and i said 'isnt it beautiful?" 'someone loves me very much, huh?" he smiled and said , 'yes, alot' and tapped his chest..." another memory for the archives-sigh.....divvi