Hope this doesn't offend anyone--sometimes I have an offbeat sense of humor... With torture methods being discussed on the news constantly these days (waterboarding and the like) it occurred to me tonight that perhaps our gov't should look at the features of dementia caregiving as a new form of psychological torture. I don't know what the Geneva Convention, etc. would have to say about it, but after being in the trenches for close to 5 years now, I think it would work! Some of the highlights could be shadowing, repetitive questioning, etc. Just a thought.
Absolutely! An adult "time out". Judges could sentence minor offenses to a new type of "community service"...that of being a caregiver. Children of Alzheimer's Patients would need to show "x hours" of family service before they could renew their driver's license, hunting license, or other State License. (This is toooooo much fun!)..
At the same time, Caregivers will earn "frequent 'service' miles/points", for time spent in the service of caregiving. We could redeem the miles for travel, beauty services, massages, etc.
Marilyn, your humor is contagious. I could go on and on. Great idea. Before the people who vote on amendments to the Geneva Convention could vote, they'd have to have Continuing Education Classes in Alzheimer's Care.
How about all of the above before anyone could be elected or re-elected? Make them do 100 hours minimum in the real world. It may change a few voting habits.
and lets add a 20hr community service min to each elected official to serve their local AD daycare WITH DAILY showers and incontinence issues included for each patient..:)divvi
How about hours earned for spoon feeding and laundry. Even our elected president and vice president should have to do community service in this area to even qualify for their job since they want to force it on our kids. How about all the above for the Gitmo detainees to earn their freedom, say 5,000 hrs?
That's absolutely a fabulous idea....Anyone who votes on Alzheimer's issues must have practical experience in the field,...as if they do with other items on the voting schedule.."-(
How can they know what is needed by AD families if they've never walked in their 'moccasins'. Maybe a moccasin should be part of our "logo"...
I don't want to be strong. I don't want to be such a good wife. I don't want to be admired for all I'm doing I don't want to have another star in my heavenly crown.
Doneit....I have taken the "you are so strong" compliment as just that...a compliment. I am stronger for all the years of caregiving that I did. I learned that I could watch the man I love go from a stong, productive and loving husband and father into an invalid who spent his last five years in bed in a fetal position. I became strong in that I learned to take care of myself....make decisions, travel alone, laugh and let people know that even though things were tough I was okay and I could smile and still live my life. I am strong.....I am proud, I am a survivor.......
The next time someone tells you that you are strong....say "thanks"!
On the "you are so strong" issue--there are two ways I interpret it. If it also comes with an offer to help, then I take it as a compliment. If it doesn't come with an offer of help, I look at it as "You are so strong that you can handle this all by yourself." Obviously. the second is irritating.
Marilyn, you understood what I am saying. I've been told, "Thank God! it's your husband. Your little sister could never have handled this much stress." (Thank God it is ME????) "At least, you're strong enough to handle all of this". (Yeah right!!!) "Better you than me!" .....
I'm really not inclined to say "Thank you!". I DO present a strong front, I can laugh and make it seem easy. I believe we sow what we reap, in that if I wallow in misery, I'll be miserable. Like with all of you, I try every day to make the very best of everything. I have pretended to be a ballerina in front of my husband, with piroettes, arabesques and pliés. I've danced the Charleston...anything to get him to smile just a little bit. If anyone saw us, they'd swear I was the demented one.
Torture?? Maybe so. It just goes to show the extreme measures we all take, that no one would ever imagine. I believe with all of my heart that if "THEY" really truly understood (and experienced) what goes on in our homes behind closed doors as we care for and nurse our husbands/wives through this disease, there WOULD be insurance coverage for their care, allowances for respite care and we'd all benefit. What tortures me is knowing that very few people out there "get it".
Dazed, I stay also because I would miss y'all. You were so much a part of my life for the last year or so. I really wish I had found this board sooner. Putting up a "strong front" would have been so much easier.
Sandi, Mary, Fran, New Realm and others who are now alone, I second that we hope you will all stay and post. I wrote a e-mail to Joan a few months ago and suggested I thought it would be a good idea if she could somehow identify those of you who are now alone, by maybe inserting a * or something by you're posting name. New ones posting and those of us with poor memories have trouble remembering sometimes and may inadvertently ask an inappropriate question. She thought it was a good idea but didn't think she was able to do that. Someone else may have a suggestion.
lmohr., Why don't we all agree, that if we are a widow or widower of an AD spouse, we put an asterick * (which looks like the Star of David) or cross + by our 'sign in names.
Everyone would then know. Go to our profiles and change our "sign in name" to include a symbol.
This is THE BEST DISCUSSION I READ IN THE LAST 3 SECONDS!!!!! Really, you guys are a hoot. Divvi, you are soooooooo hung up on poop!!!! but rightfully so. I almost had to compete with you for the title but I no longer have poop problems!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Such a refreshing(!!!) feeling!! Comunity service and political requirement before runnung for office-THE BEST IDEA I EVER HEARD!!! Isn't there anyone we can get to run for office from this group specifically for the (secret) reason of sponsoring a bill like this once placed in office. No one would have to know the true reason for your running for office till after you win. It seems like that is what happens anyway and therefore, we would finally have someone in charge that TRULY UNDERSTANDS AD and WILL HELP US!!!! YEAH!!!! YEAH!!! Anyone want to run? Sounds like alot of you are from Fla so you probably have greater voter support there. Anyone??????
ok, i am the poop queen so what else to i have to barter with?? but for logistics this time, i was going more for the DAILY BATHS... i do think they give poo duty a serious run for the money in hardships..:) think about it giving everyone at daycare a shower every day..would love to have a hidden camera on that one... divvi
ok, no more poo talk from me .. i am done and doner on this subject over and out, squawk box is off! divvi i nominate JOAN for congresswoman!
doneit - I totally agree with the 'you're so strong' sentence of 40 hours of shit shoveling upwind! I feel like that comment is just like 'have a nice day'. Very in-sincere in most cases in my experience.
Sandi, Mary and the rest of you I am so glad that those of you on the other side have stayed.
And frankly, never having had anyone wish my situation on me, I've always said thank you when they tell me I'm strong. I get Nancy's issue and someone ought to swat the person who told her that, but most of the time, they mean well.
I've also discovered that if I say "I need help" with a specific chore in mind that I can't do myself, help comes. I needed all of the batteries replaced in my smoke alarms, and my neighbor told me her husband would be over on Friday afternoon, and he was. At this point I don't ask for help as much as I should, but I've found that the key seems to be having a particular job in mind.
I agree. If you just say "I need help" someone is going to make a joke of it. BUT, if you say "I need help taking some wallpaper off of the bathroom" someone will offer to help.
To prove this theory, "I need help remoning some wallpaper boarder off of the bedroom wallsl." I'll wait for a response. ::)) XOXO
ps--and don't anyone tell me how strong I am. Pleeeeeeze.
I'm in the puget sound area in Washington State. Where are you? We can talk about this. Perhaps you need a ride??
You know what is really neat. That with all we have to do and handle, we can still make jokes and get to be good friends with people we will probably never meet.
But, Vickie, that doesn't let you off the hook. I'm still looking for you. I'll fix you a pizza for lunch. Howzat?
Tell you what Mawzy, I'll help with the wall paper then you can come and help me cut back the butterfly bushes. They grow like weeds and are crowding out other littler plants. :) I'm on Long Island in NY.
Mawzy - my SIL lives in Tacoma right on the Puget sound. She lived for years in Gig Harbor. Next time I go up to visit, (which, I admit, is seldom), I'll help with the wall paper, and maybe we can share lunch?
See how easy that was. Look at all these wonderful people that have offered to help me with a specific project. Give it a try and let us know how is works for you. :::)))))